I like my guy friend.. he used to like me.. now he has a gf :/

[funnyface]

We have somewhat of a past/connection. Lets call him M.

 

Back story - we met 4 years ago when I was 20 and we became friends, but he really liked me. I blew him off in a playful way because he was 2 years younger, and at the time, it seemed like a big difference, and I thought he was a little too crazy for me... but we still were friendly. We have a big group of mutual friends. I liked his friend a few months later, and told M about it, and he talked to him and set us up, and he became my boyfriend. He seemed very happy for me and my boyfriend, but when we started having problems, I would open up to M about it and he would comfort me. At one point, my boyfriend really upset me on my birthday, and I talked to M.. and he confesssed that he was in love with me, and only set me up with my boyfriend to see me happy, and his parents (who love me) told him he was such an idiot for doing that and he regretted it. Since then, we have always remained friends and what not, but when he went to college we talked a bit less because we didn't see eachother as often. However, we would always somehow talk or meet eachother at random events. He has joked all these years that I am the girl he is going to marry and one day I will "change" and we will date and fall in love, and I would basically just laugh it off and say he was crazy. His parents believe (to this day) 100% that he should marry me. (I'm not rushing things, obviously, or saying thats definitely what I want... but I'm just giving some background info).

 

There is always a weird connection between us that I could never really describe, even when we wouldn't talk for a few months. I wrote him a letter when he was in basic training camp last summer, and he wrote me back how happy he was to hear from me and how it was so strange because he thought of me the other day. Somehow, after all the boyfriends I have, I always go back to thinking about him and wondering what could be.

 

We BOTH have dated various other people throughout these past 4 years. He's had a girlfriend for the past year, his most serious relationship. He seems very happy with her.. but once again, I'm at a point where I am thinking about him. Its strange, because like he used to tell me, I feel like I've grown up and realized that I want to be with him. Just to be clear, I am NOT looking for advice on how to break them up.

 

Am I crazy? Should I just let fate take its course? I guess I'm just trying to figure out what to do with these feelings. Need advice

Edited October 11, 2011 by funnyface

[january2011]

Let those feelings die. You said that you don't want to break them up so put some distance between you and him. Go LC if you must.

 

I think that you've been whipped up into this right-person-wrong-time situation by the people around you, cheering you both on and the banter between the two of you hasn't helped. But you are still not together despite having opportunities.

 

In my opinion, excuses and jokes about getting together and marriage don't mean anything unless they are acted upon. He's either stringing you along like you're some cute younger sister type or doesn't feel that you are showing enough interest for him to really make a move. Either way, they are excuses. It's harsh but I think that you could potentially waste a lot of time by daydreaming about what could be when a more suitable and sincere candidate might be right in front of you.

 

You can either make an explicit move on your old friend (when he's single and not grieving a past relationship) or just accept that it's a joke and he's never going to get his act together. People who really want to be in a relationship with you don't usually set you up with their friends as some kind of smokescreen or pencil you in for a later date after they've played around a bit. I also think that the "change" issue is an odd thing to say. What is he hoping that you will change into?