Mme. Chaucer Posted October 11, 2011 Share Posted October 11, 2011 But I don't want to go to church to find that guy. That guy should be everywhere. That's the problem. No, that's not anyone's problem but YOURS. Many of the rest of the human family embrace all kinds of diversity, even if we don't want to get married to all the types represented. I've noticed in your posts an abiding theme that YOUR beliefs and values are the only valid ones that exist. You believe that your values are informed by a literal interpretation of the Bible. I would argue that your interpretation is just as subjective as anyone's, but … let's not argue that. It would be pointless. Bottom line is that you have very firm beliefs and "rules" for everything, and the only way you are going to find a fellow who is attuned to them is to "court" within the same sect of Christianity that you belong to. Yearning for people who believe differently from you to "change" and follow your rules so they might be potential boyfriends for you is really, really never going to get you anywhere. I'm curious too; what's wrong with dating within your own religious sect? Most active fundamentalist Christians are very strict about doing just that. It would really weed out the players. Link to post Share on other sites
TrueColors Posted October 11, 2011 Share Posted October 11, 2011 What's wrong with the guys at your church? Aren't they good enough? Whats wrong with the guys at church? Yearning for people who believe differently from you to "change" and follow your rules so they might be potential boyfriends for you is really, really never going to get you anywhere. I'm curious too; what's wrong with dating within your own religious sect? Most active fundamentalist Christians are very strict about doing just that. It would really weed out the players. This is what I don't get from those who believe one set of rules about how the world SHOULD be - but aren't even accepting of those that may share their values. I can think of one other poster on LS who used to profess that she didn't want the typical Christian guy - but she wanted him to have similar values as OP! Lynnie, perhaps look at yourself, instead of complaining that men are commitment-phobes. You might find that in doing so, you may reveal some hidden commitment issues in yourself... Link to post Share on other sites
Author LynnieBear Posted October 11, 2011 Author Share Posted October 11, 2011 Because they don't dress or look the way I want them to. I also believe that there should be at least some form of physical attraction and I am not attracted to anyone that I have met at church. Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 Because they don't dress or look the way I want them to. I also believe that there should be at least some form of physical attraction and I am not attracted to anyone that I have met at church. So … what is the problem with guys who feel the same way that you do? Probably the guys who you are accusing of being "commitment-phobes" are not physically attracted to you, in addition to not sharing the same extremely rigid code of ethics that you have. I'm not criticizing your values. I am criticizing your double standard, and your refusal to accept other values as having equal merit to your own, for those who hold them. Which would mean that a guy who wants to enjoy a sexual relationship with his girlfriend (and his wife, when that time comes) will necessarily have to "next" you. As will a guy who loves any gay people in his family or life, or who does not believe that a "woman's place is in the home," etc. etc. etc. Link to post Share on other sites
TrueColors Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 Because they don't dress or look the way I want them to. I also believe that there should be at least some form of physical attraction and I am not attracted to anyone that I have met at church. And in what way would you like them to look? What outfits would you want your partner to wear? Do you not believe that physical attraction can grow? Furthermore, is physical attraction not equal to sexual attraction? I would have at least thought that if you had met a man with similar values to your own, but who you did not find physically attractive, it would make refraining from any sort of physical contact (hand holding; kissing, etc) that much easier! Link to post Share on other sites
Author LynnieBear Posted October 12, 2011 Author Share Posted October 12, 2011 And in what way would you like them to look? What outfits would you want your partner to wear? I want someone to look like a liberal rocker, but have a conservative Christian personality. Do you not believe that physical attraction can grow? Physical attraction has never grown for me. If I don't find them attractive, I never do. Furthermore, is physical attraction not equal to sexual attraction? I would have at least thought that if you had met a man with similar values to your own, but who you did not find physically attractive, it would make refraining from any sort of physical contact (hand holding; kissing, etc) that much easier! We wouldn't be refraining FOREVER... just until I walk to the altar. Link to post Share on other sites
DusProore Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 Íåçíàþ, ÷òî òóò êîäû fallout new vegas ps3 ðåàëüíî íå òî, ÷òî íóæíî, íî ìîæåò åñòü àëüòåðíàòèâà, à òî òàì íå ïîëó÷àåòñÿ, äà è â öåëîì çàïàðèëñÿ èñêàòü. Link to post Share on other sites
Amokektizmimi Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 Íåóâåðåí, ÷òî òóò akella online êîäû àêòèâàöèè âñåòàêè íå òî, ÷òî íóæíî, íî ìîæåò èìååòñÿ àëüòåðíàòèâà, à òî òàì íå ïîëó÷àåòñÿ, äà è â öåëîì çàìàõàëñÿ èñêàòü. Link to post Share on other sites
denise_xo Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 LB, as Mme Chaucer said this is essentially your problem and not theirs. Since it's not in your power to change the way the majority of men think (and dress), what are you planning to do about the situation that is in your power? Link to post Share on other sites
Author LynnieBear Posted October 12, 2011 Author Share Posted October 12, 2011 Wait till I find a contemporary Christian. Meaning one who lives and looks like he is from this decade, but doesn't behave as so. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 Because they don't dress or look the way I want them to. I also believe that there should be at least some form of physical attraction and I am not attracted to anyone that I have met at church. There are more than one church in this world. There are churches that have huge congregations with tons of activities and and social events for their single members. Besides, you can always get a man to dress the way you want them to, get the haircut you want them to have. Lots of women do makeovers on their men, husbands. As a Christian woman wouldn't you say it is more important that they have a good heart and good values? How old are you? I Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 Wait till I find a contemporary Christian. Meaning one who lives and looks like he is from this decade, but doesn't behave as so. I've been to church and have seen plenty of goodlooking guys. I don't know where you live but I can't believe that no one looks good to you in the Christian community. I think you want a bad boy and can't get one. You need to get over it and yourself and stick with your sect. Link to post Share on other sites
WhiteChocolate Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 I've been to church and have seen plenty of goodlooking guys. I don't know where you live but I can't believe that no one looks good to you in the Christian community. I think you want a bad boy and can't get one. You need to get over it and yourself and stick with your sect. Same here. If you join a college ministry, hot guys are everywhere. They're a tad hard to get, because they also have (relatively) high standards. But if you can meet those, then for you! Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 Because they don't dress or look the way I want them to. I also believe that there should be at least some form of physical attraction and I am not attracted to anyone that I have met at church. People dress differently for church than they do when they're hanging out with their friends, and they behave differently when at church then they do when they're hanging out with their friends and girlfriends. You don't know anything about these people based on how they look in church. They are hardly going to show up looking like they're in a metal band, even though they might be. Plus, there are such things as Christian rock bands and the people who listen to them. Those guys come from somewhere...usually, can find them in church on Sunday. Keep looking! Link to post Share on other sites
Author LynnieBear Posted October 12, 2011 Author Share Posted October 12, 2011 People dress differently for church than they do when they're hanging out with their friends, and they behave differently when at church then they do when they're hanging out with their friends and girlfriends. You don't know anything about these people based on how they look in church. They are hardly going to show up looking like they're in a metal band, even though they might be. Plus, there are such things as Christian rock bands and the people who listen to them. Those guys come from somewhere...usually, can find them in church on Sunday. Keep looking! I don't like Christian music. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 I don't like Christian music. You don't have to like Christian rock music. That's just an example that all the guys in church aren't the same, and you may have to actually get to know them to know whether they listen to the kind of music you like or enjoy the things you enjoy. Appearances, especially in church, can be deceiving. You probably are a bit different at church than you are elsewhere, too. But hey, if you want to write off all the guys at church even though you don't know them outside of church, and want to write off all the guys not at church because they don't share your views on never kissing while dating, feel free. Link to post Share on other sites
TrueColors Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 (edited) We wouldn't be refraining FOREVER... just until I walk to the altar. I wasn't talking about FOREVER. Wait till I find a contemporary Christian. Meaning one who lives and looks like he is from this decade, but doesn't behave as so. Yet this doesn't explain why you're still so hung up on your "friend" of 2 years, since you have stated he definitely doesn't share your views OR morals. Edited October 12, 2011 by TrueColors Link to post Share on other sites
Author LynnieBear Posted October 12, 2011 Author Share Posted October 12, 2011 I wasn't talking about FOREVER. Yet this doesn't explain why you're still so hung up on your "friend" of 2 years, since you have stated he definitely doesn't share your views OR morals. Because he's there. When nobody else is. I am closer to him than any other guy I ever have been. If I hadn't pushed the situation so early, he may have fallen for me, who knows. I kind of jumped the gun... Link to post Share on other sites
Eddie Edirol Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 Because he's there. When nobody else is. I am closer to him than any other guy I ever have been. If I hadn't pushed the situation so early, he may have fallen for me, who knows. I kind of jumped the gun... No, that guy would have never fallen for you since you dont share the same beliefs. Its most likely your beliefs that are keeping him from liking you. BTW it sounds like youre looking for a bad boy that wants to wait for sex till marriage....not gonna happen. Link to post Share on other sites
TrueColors Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 Because he's there. When nobody else is. This. Is. It. Because he's consistantly been there. For you. Shared things. With you. Done things. With you. This is what you've fallen for. This is also what friends do, regardless of what gender they are. IT DOESN'T MEAN HE'S SECRETLY IN LOVE WITH YOU! Now all you have to do is find that with someone else who can reciprocate romantic feelings for you and shares your views. From what I've read of your previous history you've at least dated a few guys, but get turned off by them. The big red flag also lies in the friend you were crushing on of 6 years where you immediately got turned off after finally 1 date. How long do you date each guy for before ending things? I think there's something else holding you back. And I don't believe it's the "physical" thing either. That's just an excuse, IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LynnieBear Posted October 13, 2011 Author Share Posted October 13, 2011 This. Is. It. Because he's consistantly been there. For you. Shared things. With you. Done things. With you. This is what you've fallen for. This is also what friends do, regardless of what gender they are. IT DOESN'T MEAN HE'S SECRETLY IN LOVE WITH YOU! Now all you have to do is find that with someone else who can reciprocate romantic feelings for you and shares your views. From what I've read of your previous history you've at least dated a few guys, but get turned off by them. The big red flag also lies in the friend you were crushing on of 6 years where you immediately got turned off after finally 1 date. How long do you date each guy for before ending things? I think there's something else holding you back. And I don't believe it's the "physical" thing either. That's just an excuse, IMO. Why are you talking to me as if you know some back story? I DON'T KNOW WHO DREAMERGIRL IS, IAM NOT HER!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author LynnieBear Posted October 13, 2011 Author Share Posted October 13, 2011 No, that guy would have never fallen for you since you dont share the same beliefs. Its most likely your beliefs that are keeping him from liking you. BTW it sounds like youre looking for a bad boy that wants to wait for sex till marriage....not gonna happen. There is a girl that he works with actually.... who is a Christian conservative and is engaged to a liberal guy who says religion sucks. This is what I want. Well... at least the guy in question doesnt' really say religion sucks, he just doesn't partake in it. but he's open to the fact that there may be a God and everything and he gets into reading books on different religions... he just hasn't actually come to the realization of an actual set belief system. but we have many long conversations about our beliefs and they are not all that different at times, but he's a guy and I'm a girl and our beliefs will never be the same on sex. Guys and girls aren't wired the same way with that. Link to post Share on other sites
TrueColors Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 Why are you talking to me as if you know some back story? I DON'T KNOW WHO DREAMERGIRL IS, IAM NOT HER!!! Hmm, didn't remember me mentioning a "Dreamergirl". Do you know something about her I don't? :lmao: I knew a guy for 6 years and always hinted that I wanted to go out with him and he always turned me down. Until finally one day... he asked me out. Basically, he had dated girls and had "played the field" and all of a sudden he was single and finally took the hint and asked me out. Well, I went out with him and then ignored him after! lol I just didn't "feel" it. And this is the back story I was referring to. Careful what you say on LS, Lynnie. It will all start catching up with you soon enough... Link to post Share on other sites
Lucky_One Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 Why are you talking to me as if you know some back story? I DON'T KNOW WHO DREAMERGIRL IS, IAM NOT HER!!! Who in the heck called you Dreamergirl? Talk about outing yourself!!! Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 Thanks for the update. It makes more sense now. I don't see the history as any inhibition to working the issues in a general sense. IMO, the more narrowly focused one's parameters of a healthy partner are, the less diverse and voluminous their field of potentials will be. Acceptance of this reality is key to health. It's OK to be 'picky'; accept what that means, mainly that it's generally slim pickins. BTDT. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
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