Is your job your life?

[cerridwen]

^Couldn't load the interview. Will try again later.

 

Identity is definitely tied to my job.

Reaching certain goals for financial security is as well.

Yet, the Dalai Lama has a good point...

"The Dalai Lama, when asked what surprised him most about humanity, answered, 'Man. Because he sacrifices his health in order to make money. Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health.

 

And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present; the result being that he does not live in the the present or the future; he lives as if he is never going to die, and then dies having never really lived.'"

Edited October 30, 2011 by cerridwen

[betterdeal]

You're young, determined, skilled and conscientious; have you considered working for yourself / being a consultant? In times like these, there's actually a lot of work out there as more buyers become canny with their money and are happy to skip the middleman to get the same result.

[cerridwen]

You're young, determined, skilled and conscientious; have you considered working for yourself / being a consultant? In times like these, there's actually a lot of work out there as more buyers become canny with their money and are happy to skip the middleman to get the same result.

 

I've considered it.

Until recently, it was my goal to go free agent again once I hit my mid-30's.

But the trajectory of my current position is alluring (yet costly).

Will have to throw consulting back into the mix of possibilities.

Thanks, bd.

 

(BTW, the interview loaded once I moved from Mac to PC.)

[Els]

I have my own company and work from home. I work a 20 hour week, and my colleagues (we telecommute) are all very pleasant. 4 hours a day is enough for me. There's so much to do in the day time, like amble around the town and parks on my bike, go for a stroll, or have a nap, and so many people not doing office jobs to meet. Plus I get to get all the discounts on things like haircuts (Tuesdays), groceries (Mondays), yoga (off peak membership). Have applied for work at an animal shelter and visiting deaf people - each a couple of hours a week. Next week I'll be nipping down to London on the train midweek to catch up with a friend, discuss a wee freelance job she wants doing, probably do some shopping and visit the Victoria & Albert.

 

It's marvellous.

 

Sounds like my dream job. I'd always wanted to freelance, but two things hold me back:

 

1) Fear of not being able to get it off the ground, or maintain a steady flow of clients. No clients = zero income.

 

2) Worry that I would be missing out on a lot of social life by working at home. Lots of people get friends and acquaintances via school/work.

 

How did you overcome those?

[betterdeal]

I made very few plans. I needed to leave my job. It was costing my health, I wasn't going anywhere, and I hadn't learnt anything in over a year. I tried a career change to becoming a massage therapist for a couple of months. That didn't work. I borrowed lots of money, moved into a shared house to cut costs and spent a LOT of time on my CV, getting everyone to review it until it was top drawer.

 

I looked for telecommute work and suggested I work as a contractor to them and they liked it - lower taxes and less risk for them. Higher income and higher risk for me. I'm only two months into this, with one long term client, but this weekend someone I know via networking has put me forward for a month long role, part-time, that will pay a lot, which will give me a buffer zone - I can put some of that cash aside to cover downtime and some to pay off some of the money I borrowed.

 

You do carry the risk of no income, which is what appeals to lots of employers. But if push comes to shove there's bar work, shelves need stacking, streets need sweeping. I can live on very little if I have to. That's how I deal with the fear of no income.

 

Because I choose my hours (most of the time) I can pop out a lot more and do things like yoga and volunteering, or having lunch in a pub, and I meet people doing that sort of thing. Outside of the rush hour crowd, people are pretty friendly and interesting. I definitely feel there are much more opportunities to socialise outside of a permanent role in an office, if you wish to.

 

And if it doesn't work out, I can look for a permanent role and go back to doing that again. But, for now, because my work is much much much less stressful, I don't comfort eat or comfort spend anything like I used to. That's cut my costs, made my life much more enjoyable and, as it happens, my take home income right now is the same as it was when I was full-time permanent. I have my clients and colleagues, house-mates, friends, family with which to socialise and because I am happier and have more free time, I enjoy my time with them more.

 

I have thought of hiring desk space in an office, but that's very low priority.

 

It is risky, and I spent years pondering about the idea. Now I've done it, I am enjoying it loads. Next year I fancy spending a month in Sri Lanka or India and being freelance makes that much more likely. It feels like leaving the parental home all over. Freedom.

[pureinheart]

I believe that I haven't remarried, because I've put my job at the top of my hierarchy of needs. After my first marriage, I vowed I would never be financially dependent on a man again. And I haven't been. Instead, I have become very successful and feel extremely fortunate. But I realized that my baby bearing years are coming to an end (I'm a realist) and I'm kicking myself.

 

When things don't go well at work, I obsess. I work even when I don't have to. My job is fairly stressful, with high expectations and very few boundaries. I feel like I'm on lockdown, or like I have to ask permission to keep plans on my off time. I have only not canceled my plans 2ce in a decade. The first time, I was moved from the department.

 

Yet, I haven't left. And I thrive on the pressure, part of the time. I have tried to re prioritize and dated a lot in the last year, but nothing worked out. I feel like i'm missing out on a lot of things that life has to offer.

 

Am I the only person who does this? And is there anyone who has learned how to balance and set boundaries at work to let them know that you have a right to a personal life?

 

LOL, you sound like me before I retired early. Things started to change though towards the end of my stent and I had an attitude. I was tired of feeling guilty for having my own life. Back when my kids were young I'd feel guilty for taking VACATION time to take the kids to the doctor..I hated feeling uncomfortable like that.

 

Most companies have scaled down to the point that those who remained are expected to do the work of three or more, and then you have those with good attendance that have never worked a day in their life in which the slack is being picked up for also.

 

I loved my actual job, although when my classification changed and I had to do another job, the luster soon left. Also, concerning relationships, I asked God if given a choice, I'd take the job/money:D

[pureinheart]

You do carry the risk of no income, which is what appeals to lots of employers. But if push comes to shove there's bar work, shelves need stacking, streets need sweeping. I can live on very little if I have to. That's how I deal with the fear of no income.

 

 

This is the key right here...most don't understand nor can stay within this concept...excellent BD

[Els]

Very inspirational post, BD.

 

I can live on very little as well, but when it comes down to it I don't know what I would do if I had no clientele, as well as was sick and couldn't afford treatment. Where would I live, how would I eat, I could probably not work stacking shelves if I was sick.

 

That's why I guess I would not freelance unless I have a comfortable savings backing, or a partner so we can each support each other if one of us falls into such a problem.

[betterdeal]

It's definitely a consideration, the downtime issue. Since we have universal healthcare in Europe, it's a different issue here than in America.

[Negative Nancy]

I have always worked to live. I don't ever want a job I have to give what should be free time to. I am grateful I put in my 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, and am free as a bird once I'm off the clock. I am grateful I have scheduled breaks during my day that are guaranteed, that my break time isn't merely 'when I have time for one'. My job doesn't dominate my life. I can't understand people who are essentially married to their jobs, who sacrifice their health, overall well-being, and personal lives to their work. I could never live like that.

 

Same here! I strictly see work as a means to an end, nothing more. I'm glad I have flexible work hours and guaranteed breaks. I work 38.5 hours a week, with 30 mins lunch break, Mon - Thurs from 7.30 am to 4.30 pm and Fri 7.30 to 12. So I have 2 1/2 days weekend, every week, 29 days paid vacation, 6 weeks of paid sick leave, full health care and dental and vision...yep, I love the social security in my country (in case you hadn't guessed it by my posts yet, English isn't my first language). When I compare this to my friend living in CA where she had to pay $ 500 just for an aircast for her strained ankle...unreal. No vacation, no sick leave.

 

So no, work isn't my life. I work in order to have a life after work. Sometimes even 8 hours of work is too much for me, it leaves you with only a couple of hours of leisure time. I'd love to have a part-time job that pays well, or not having to work at all. Sometimes I wish I would have been born as a trust fund baby. If I were a millionaire, I would never work a day in my life again. Being a gold-digger trophy wife isn't gonna cut it either since I don't want to be dependent on a man. So I'm gonna continue to work until I win the lottery or something unrealisitic like that. But I won't let that job take over my life. At the end of the day, everyone is replaceable, so there's no sense in working until you've burned out.

[123321]

I have always worked to live. I don't ever want a job I have to give what should be free time to. I am grateful I put in my 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, and am free as a bird once I'm off the clock. I am grateful I have scheduled breaks during my day that are guaranteed, that my break time isn't merely 'when I have time for one'. My job doesn't dominate my life. I can't understand people who are essentially married to their jobs, who sacrifice their health, overall well-being, and personal lives to their work. I could never live like that.

 

In all fairness this is one of several reasons some people earn more than others.

[binny]

I think I'm in a similar position with my job. I feel it has taken over my life. In my current assignment, I rarely get home before 7pm. After arriving at home tired from work, I still have to cook dinner, do chores etc.. And occasionally I bring work home with me. In one of my previous assignments with the same company, I have worked over 24 hours straight without any sleep.

 

I've had this non stop working lifestyle now for 3 years, which isn't very long but I have forgottan what it is like to have a life and when I do have free time, I have no idea what to do!

[daphne]

It is hard in the current climate! Yeah, you have to be careful. Think hard about the resignation thing.

 

Personally, I don't take any notice of the dysfunctional types at work - waste of time. I take time away to ensure I never become like them.. twats. There aren't many thankfully, but it only takes one or two to make things horrid.

 

Daphne, you do sound like you need a bit of a break.

 

Where I work we can disappear for up to a year and they have to save our job. It's being able to fund oneself with very long breaks that is the challenge. How long can you take off without having to reapply?

 

What would you do once you are able to take some time off? I would love to know!

 

Take care,

Eve x

 

P.s. *HUGS*

 

Value yourself. Don't wait for them to value you. Take that line back. Bosses typically are idiots, with a few nice ones dotted around.

 

Thanks for the encouragement Eve. I asked my boss about taking a sabbatical. I was told I'm not guaranteed a job when I come back and would have to interview again. I think that's the standard response, to sway me from leaving during a critical time when they really need me. Or perhaps they don't value me. I know they would get along without me, but I also know that they'd have a really difficult time getting one person to do the things I've learned to do in 11 years of niche training.

 

The dysfunctional chick is gone. So my life has gotten a lot lighter. Being taken for granted isn't much easier, but at least I don't have to document for HR anymore.

 

why, yes, yes it is.

 

your opening post was very relatable and a pleasure to come across because, oddly, i was just wondering if my job has absorbed all that is my life. and, it seems, it essentially has.

 

i started working at my present job earlier this year. it was supposed to be only a temporary position, but through a combination effect of my dedication and their need for employees with that very trait, i ended up staying. in the few months that i have been there, i have already been ascended to a supervisory position within my department.

 

naturally, this rise to fame at work has come with a price tag that--in essence--has cost me my social life. sometimes i wonder if it is worth it, but quickly refocus myself and realize that it is absolutely worth it.

 

my reasoning is quite simple: i will never be dependent on anyone ever again. now that i am older, i think back to the years shortly after my family fell apart and how awfully i struggled. remembering the days when i would have to scrap for meals and sleep in my car is more than enough reason to make work my absolute number one priority.

 

recently, i broke up with my BF because he was too much of a distraction. as sad as it is, i don't really miss him and actually feel relieved to have more free time. my friends think i am heading down the wrong path, but i don't think so. unlike most of them, i don't care for getting married and having babies. the more i go without loving anyone, aside from my mother and sister, the more i realize i don't think about "love." if anything, reading my old posts and reliving my heartbroken and "woe is me" days is kind of embarrassing; i can't believe i wasted so much time being ridiculous.

 

we all are different, and this is the path i am choosing to walk on. my destination is very clear: stability. once i achieve that, i will be free to take random mini journeys, but for now, who cares?

 

I think if you don't miss the guy, it's because he wasn't what you needed. I would hope that you wouldn't give up on a meaningful relationship for a job. Like you, I don't want to be dependent on someone. My ex husband was abusive, and that was enough to motivate me to learn to take care of myself. But I don't want to go to the extreme of never needing someone special in my life. I don't think you have to forgo having a good relationship to have security.

 

My life is my job.

 

My profession is fun. Once I recover from the losses from my divorce and retire, hopefully I'll be able to do it for free.

 

You're a lucky man, Car. If someone would pay me to play tennis, I'd do that for a living.

 

Love your ability to recognize the futility of some situations, and act.

If retaining health and happiness means quitting, so be it.

 

Yes, my job takes up my life, but by design.

It's high-pressure but it's challenging creatively, fun, and pays well.

Yet, that pressure take a toll.

Consistent excellence is expected.

Nothing less is tolerated.

Walk through and you'll see rolls of Tums, bottles of Maalox on everyone's desk.

 

Having a plan helps.

Will I change industries?

Are skills needed for cross-over?

What can be done to avoid burning bridges?

Those are the kinds of things I plan for and contemplate.

Psychologically, it makes things tolerable when I feel burn-out coming on.

 

Good luck, daphne.

I know you'll be just fine.

 

ETA: Tonight is a Halloween party but I'm too tired to go, thanks to working a 12 hour Friday.

Looking at my wasted costume, thinking of my stress-related illness earlier this year, this thread has me thinking.

Thanks for that.

 

Tums and maalox. lol. And the jokes about burn out and stress, and that your company culture isn't for the weak. There's a certain fraternity among those that are over achievers and strungout. We resent those that come in and just get by. Because we're giving up our social life to allow them to have fun. Grasshoppers vs the ants, if you will.

 

No-one so far has said on their death bed that they wish they spent more time at the office.

 

I'm trying to recognize this before I get that far. Cross your fingers. Btw, we all hate you and your easy going work life and lots of spare time to do the things you love, plus give back to the community.

 

My job used to be my life.. back in my teens, 20's and 30's.

I put in the 120hr work weeks during those times and then finally called an end to it..

I think I achieved what I was trying to do during that time and that was secure my future..

 

Today, I work about 50-60 or so hrs per week.

 

My job however is tied to my identity.. at times they have been hard to keep separate.

Since my job is working for a company I helped build and my name is truly on the door I have always had a tough time leaving work at work and not taking it home.

I'm more than just Art Critic even when I'm at home I still own and run a company and many times that requires even being at work while I'm at home...

If that makes any sense...

 

Ok, 120 hours is just crazy. But 50-60 is fair. I'm trying to detach my identity from my job. I'm not getting any more money, recognition, or respect as a result of my freely giving up my time and health. So not sure why I do it anymore. I have done it for a while because I saw it, like you, as a way to cement my position and industry knowledge for the future. I have gained some pretty good skills as a result and for that, I'm grateful.

[daphne]

LOL, you sound like me before I retired early. Things started to change though towards the end of my stent and I had an attitude. I was tired of feeling guilty for having my own life. Back when my kids were young I'd feel guilty for taking VACATION time to take the kids to the doctor..I hated feeling uncomfortable like that.

 

Most companies have scaled down to the point that those who remained are expected to do the work of three or more, and then you have those with good attendance that have never worked a day in their life in which the slack is being picked up for also.

 

I loved my actual job, although when my classification changed and I had to do another job, the luster soon left. Also, concerning relationships, I asked God if given a choice, I'd take the job/money:D

 

I wish I could retire early. My problem is, my anesthetic of choice for my job stress is shopping. Makes this a viscious cycle. lol.

 

I have definitely felt massive guilt over vacations. I've allowed them to dictate when and how long I take my vacation. When I stopped, certain individuals got resentful and they promoted someone over me. I guess it's his turn to not take vacations for the next 5 years when he chooses.

 

I actually do love the job and the industry I work in. But there's got to be more to life than that.

 

I think I'm in a similar position with my job. I feel it has taken over my life. In my current assignment, I rarely get home before 7pm. After arriving at home tired from work, I still have to cook dinner, do chores etc.. And occasionally I bring work home with me. In one of my previous assignments with the same company, I have worked over 24 hours straight without any sleep.

 

I've had this non stop working lifestyle now for 3 years, which isn't very long but I have forgottan what it is like to have a life and when I do have free time, I have no idea what to do!

 

I'm working on balance. I am not performing at the ridiculous pace I'm used to. I think others have noticed. But I'm looking at it as me time to pursue other interests.

 

I still bring work home with me. I just don't force myself to do it anymore if I'm not feeling it. I should be working now, as a matter of fact.

[daphne]

Since my post, there have been a couple of major changes. I got a new "boss." My real boss had to tell me about it, knowing the conflict it could cause. From the q & a session we had about it, there wasn't anything specific I wasn't doing to get the promotion. If I understand his subtleties, it wasn't his decision. But he didn't fight for me. I got a boss who's a good guy, and I've worked with him before. But he is not as good at I am in almost every domain for the role, and he'd probably admit it reluctantly. It basically makes no sense, and it's becoming more obvious. The interesting thing is the new "boss" acts guilty. He's said as much that he's not going to get in my way and understands that I know more about the project than he does. So we're going to live and let live and try to work cooperatively. I can't begrudge him for taking the opportunity. Even if he's benefitting from a well run project that took me several years to institute and organize.

 

I realized that if I can be taken for granted to this level, I gotta stop taking the responsibility. Part of me thinks it was a god send. I have someone else to do the fighting, organizing, taking responsibility, playing babysitter.

 

I'm in a weird spot. I met a guy around teh same time as getting the new "boss." He has more potential than any guy I've dated in the past decade. But it's early goings. He definitely has me thinking that I may need to re prioritize. He may not want someone who's jumping to get back to work when I'm at home. He may want to move away from where I live (I live down the street from work so I can get there quickly.) I have to be open to these things, if I want a good relationship, and just not an accessory to my lifestyle.

 

So I'm trying to figure out if I need to let go of trying to prove myself constantly at work and ease up. It's not easy. I have worked really hard to gain the respect of my peers and higher ups. But I think I'm going to have to make the hard decision that is in the interest of my health, personal relationships and self respect. What a conundrum.

 

One thing I wanted to add, I suspect the new guy is potentially getting a divorce (he blurted it out at a bad moment) because of his work hours...

Edited November 17, 2011 by daphne