How do so many people get into relationships so easily? Anyone else notice this?

[LynnieBear]

Low standards.

 

Ugly people tend to be drawn to each other.

[willowthewisp]

Do you sit and wait for men to approach you/ask you out? Or have you tried approaching/asking men out and gotten rejected multiple times?

 

I've approached and sometimes get the cold shoulder, sometimes get a date BUT there seems to be a lack of men that I find attractive my age, many of my dates are with much younger men. I think maybe this is because men my age are married or at home with their children if divorced?

 

Or if it is a man my age there is often a very good reason they are single. I realise this is a huge generalisation but honestly, if you heard some of the nut jobs I have been out with. Men who have beat up their ex's, serious mental health problems (not his fault but totally unworkable) or a guy into hardcore BDSM (not my cup of tea) to name but a few. I've had rebounders as well and total time wasters who have text for weeks, intiating the texts after a first date and then just disappeared.

 

I'm pretty fed up with being single, not so much that I would go out with just anyone, I'm not desperate, I am OK on my own but I do miss affection, it's been a long time.

 

To go back to the title of this thread, I do think it's because people will put up with anything rather than be on their own, low standards!

[somedude81]

I'd love to know why you think this? I have been single two and half years and cannot meet anyone. I am told I do not look my age (36) rather about 28 and that I am attractive, not beautiful but attractive. A guy told me in a bar a few weeks ago I was fit, so I honestly don't understand why you think a women can date whoever she likes. I can't get any dates except with time wasters and nutters, needless to say I would rather be single than date just any old nutter!

Sorry, most of my posts in which I talk about women are not directed at those above ~30.

 

Past a certain age the dating market is dramatically different.

 

As you said in a fallowing post, most men your age are married or very flawed. Also you may be in a location where there are substantially more women then men.

[notsoleet]

A lot of people cherish the idea of being in a relationship and actively seek one, whether or not they truly like the other person for their individual attributes. I think some people delude themselves into thinking that they are really into their partner, when in reality, they just want to feel loved. I'm at the age (mid to late 20s) where it seems like all of my friends are either in a long-term relationship or actively seeking one. Many of my single friends use online dating as a way to meet a lot of people.

 

In contrast, I recently got out of a long-term relationship and am taking a break for a while. I can't handle the drama of being in a serious relationship. It's much, much easier being single and living alone.

Edited October 17, 2011 by notsoleet

[debtman]

Not sure if it's so much that some people cherish the idea of being in a relationship as much as it is that some people can't stand the idea of being "alone."

 

And, must disagree with the observation that men my "age" are married or very flawed. I've been told by many, many female friends (mostly married) that I'm an amazing catch, my stbx made a huge mistake and that their husbands could "learn a thing or two" from me.

 

My stbx recently broke up with the guy she left me for (although she still claims it had nothing to do with him), and she immediately started hinting to me about reconciling, telling me all about how much she's learned about relationships, how much she misses "our family", how much better it would be for the kids, etc.

 

Took her about 2 weeks to find another guy to start dating and, I'm sure it's only a matter of time before I start hearing about him from my kids. They stopped talking about 1st OM about a month ago, after he stopped coming over every day, spending every night, etc.

 

Makes me crazy sometimes because I've avoided getting into a relationship for the past year. Partly because I'm still technically married and I won't stoop to her level and cheat, partly because I don't want to get into another relationship until I feel that I've really dealt with my emotional issues from the loss of my family, but, mostly I just don't want to subject my kids to having someone new coming in and out of their lives.

 

Sometimes I want to confront my stbx and tell her that I think she would really benefit from being alone for a while and figuring out what SHE really wants and what SHE really needs in order to be happy, but, it's no longer my business and, it's not like she would listen anyway.

 

So, I just keep my mouth shut, take as much time with my kids as I can (which is almost 50%) and continue to pay child support and struggle along financially to keep up while she goes out and goes on dates, buys the kids new toys and takes them out for dinner and entertainment.

[TrueColors]

I tend to agree that most people just want to be loved - by someone attractive to them.

 

It is so hard for some people to face their inner demons head on and alone. I think the majority of people still want the fairytale relationship: meet; fall in love; get married; start a family. They will just go through life "relationship hopping" until they meet someone who makes the "best fit" for the above lifestyle.

[Mrlonelyone]

my $0.02

 

It's a combination of low standards, and the right circumstances.

 

i.e. If you are of traditional college age living on or near campus then dating is like falling off a log. Everyone is single and even the "committments" are only fleeting. If you have low standards then college can be a time of constant sex. The same goes for anyone who is younger than say 35 living in a place with lots of other single young people.

 

On the other hand I'll bet many of us are stuck in a rut where everyone around is unavailable or unattractive ( physically or mentally). In that case it can be hard to find a real relationship.