How do so many people get into relationships so easily? Anyone else notice this?

[bubcake]

It's just an observation. I'm 25, and to be honest, I usually get into a relationship once every 2-3 years after one ends. It's not that I don't try, but when I talk to women it just seems very casual. I never get any openings or vibes, and consider myself an average looking guy who seems pretty normal.

 

However, everywhere you look, people are in relationships. Friends of mine get dumped and are in a long term relationship days later. It's just ....very odd.

 

am I missing something here? Why is it so easy for most people?

[USMCHokie]

Low standards.

[carhill]

IMO, it's a combination of superficial attractiveness and salesmanship. Also, practice makes perfect. The more practice, the more human nature, signals, and psychology is understood. It becomes 'easier' to move from one person to another.

 

Scan your group for commonalities.

 

IME with women, those who move most easily have an instinctive way of letting men see them as vulnerable and available, regardless of their real circumstances, and 'let' it happen. It really doesn't take any more than that if you think about it.

[Eve]

Yes, I have noticed this, not just here but in real life too. I think it is to do with a mindset that sees sexual relationships and dating as one and the same thing. Meaning there is no distinction between the two.

 

Well, that is the only thing I can think off.

 

I do not see this as a gender thing, rather many now see this as the done thing.

 

I do not see it as something to aspire to personally.

 

Take care,

Eve x

[oldguy]

It's a matter of comfort. Many people are in relationships simply because that is where they are comfortable. They feel like a fish out of water if there not in a relationship.

 

It is common for some people, (particularly women), who have never really been on their own their entire life. I know a few who are very successful in the working world even, who have never been unattached for much more than 3, maybe 4 months.

[oldguy]

With the exception of 4 years in the Air Force & then for about a year after my first marriage failed, I'm one of those people:D

[BklynGuy]

I used to get into relationships very easily, but have stopped after a few bad experiences. I've consistently picked the wrong females, and it has been mostly based on physical attraction. Then I find out the person is horrible, or a hot mess and get the hell outta dodge.

[january2011]

They let people in and are open to opportunities rather than getting defensive and thinking the worst of themselves and the other person.

[Duckduckgoose]

Low standards.

 

 

This.

 

I'm gonna add that getting into a new relationship quickly after a breakup means you're afraid of being alone, so take the first thing that comes along.

[othersideofthepillow]

This.

 

I'm gonna add that getting into a new relationship quickly after a breakup means you're afraid of being alone, so take the first thing that comes along.

 

i agree.

 

when my ex dumped me 3 months ago she said she just wanted to be single, focus on living on her own & focus most of her time on work.....only to have her tell me 2 days ago that she just started seeing someone.

 

some people can just forget and move on. others take a lot more time. i fall in to the latter.

Edited October 8, 2011 by othersideofthepillow

[AHardDaysNight]

I think it's confidence.

[pandagirl]

Everyone is different. A lot of my friends maybe go 2-3 months in between relationship and are really never single. They readily admit that they can't be alone, and that it's not really a good thing, but so it goes.

 

Other, like myself, go a long time (at least 1+ year) before getting into another relationship. I think it's all about your psychological makeup.

 

What boggles my mind is just how people consistently FIND someone they're interested in enough to have a relationship! I'm hardly ever bowled over by anyone, which is why I go so long between relationships.

[Shaun-Dro]

Everyone is different. A lot of my friends maybe go 2-3 months in between relationship and are really never single. They readily admit that they can't be alone, and that it's not really a good thing, but so it goes.

 

Other, like myself, go a long time (at least 1+ year) before getting into another relationship. I think it's all about your psychological makeup.

 

What boggles my mind is just how people consistently FIND someone they're interested in enough to have a relationship! I'm hardly ever bowled over by anyone, which is why I go so long between relationships.

 

Hey, before my ex, I wasn't in a relationship in a long ass time! I think the people who so easily get into relationships all the time with people they're attracted to is some of the things the posters said above, and the places that they hang out at, mixed with their inner circle.

 

By keeping a particular circle of friends and staying true to certain hang out spots where people always meet and mingle, they'll never go single for a long time. Loners, like myself and others, will never get that opportunity.

[LynnieBear]

Low standards.

 

^^^This

 

that and, people are desperate

[Indira1987]

i understand how they get in the relationships easily, but not how they stay for longer time in these relationships.

I either love someone and want to be with him or I get to know someone, have a "relationship" find out I'm not in love..but that happens already after max. 2 month.

I always wonder if these people are really in love with their partners...

[WhiteChocolate]

I always wonder if these people are really in love with their partners...

I wonder this as well. Some couples get extremelyy lovey-dovey and say "I love you! XOXO <3 <3 <3" so quickly, it makes me wonder if there is really any feeling behind it...

[AHardDaysNight]

So, either to get into a relationship, I have to lower my standards to date someone who I find unattractive? Or she has to lower her standards to date me, who SHE finds unattractive?

 

How romantic and lovely. That would be a great Hallmark card!

[BklynGuy]

If I loved a person, it takes me a long time to get into another relationship. I gave up on love & started bed-hopping a couple years back. DID NOT WORK OUT! The 3rd girl I jumped went crazy & was basically a drama queen/liar....but was beautiful physically.

 

As I've gotten older, my luck with females has gotten worse. I get prettier girls but they seem to be nasty, or have a lot of problems. I always get these girls who are attached to someone else but fool around w/me on the side. Then I have fallen for them or like them a lot only to end up the loser. Been single forever.

[D-Lish]

So me people just CAN"T be alone- it's insecurity. I've posted before about a younger family friend I've know for years. She was in a 5 year relationsbhip (engaged), he dumped her- she met someone within a week. They dated for almost 2 years, he dumped her, then she met someone within a week and is now dating him. She hasn't been alone since she was 17.

 

There is nothing special about the girl- she's a plain Jane, incredibly needy, a bit of an energy sucker... But she ends up with these really nice and often incredibly cute guys.

 

Then there's me, It's often 2-3 years in between relationships for me.

[somedude81]

They have game.

Exactly. Either they are a woman or have really good game.

 

A woman can basically date whomever she wants, whenever she wants (within reason) and players can almost do the same. And often "date" more than one woman at once.

 

Average guys can go long periods of time between relationships and it's not because they don't try.

[D-Lish]

Exactly. Either they are a woman or have really good game.

 

A woman can basically date whomever she wants, whenever she wants (within reason) and players can almost do the same. And often "date" more than one woman at once.

 

Average guys can go long periods of time between relationships and it's not because they don't try.

 

I wouldn't touch a player type with a ten foot poll. I can spot a douche-bag from a mile away and they won't get so much as eye contact from me.

[somedude81]

I wouldn't touch a player type with a ten foot poll. I can spot a douche-bag from a mile away and they won't get so much as eye contact from me.

And I respect you for that.

 

But many women have touched them, that's why they are players.

[D-Lish]

And I respect you for that.

 

But many women have touched them, that's why they are players.

 

Well, the kind of woman that is attracted to that facade is not someone you'd want to date anyway. No woman with any amount of self respect would fall for a douche-bag.

 

Ergo- any woman/girl fawning all over these kinds of guys shouldn't be a woman any decent guy should be attracted to anyway.

[willowthewisp]

A woman can basically date whomever she wants, whenever she wants (within reason) and players can almost do the same. And often "date" more than one woman at once.

 

.

 

 

I'd love to know why you think this? I have been single two and half years and cannot meet anyone. I am told I do not look my age (36) rather about 28 and that I am attractive, not beautiful but attractive. A guy told me in a bar a few weeks ago I was fit, so I honestly don't understand why you think a women can date whoever she likes. I can't get any dates except with time wasters and nutters, needless to say I would rather be single than date just any old nutter!

[WhiteChocolate]

I'd love to know why you think this? I have been single two and half years and cannot meet anyone. I am told I do not look my age (36) rather about 28 and that I am attractive, not beautiful but attractive. A guy told me in a bar a few weeks ago I was fit, so I honestly don't understand why you think a women can date whoever she likes. I can't get any dates except with time wasters and nutters, needless to say I would rather be single than date just any old nutter!

Do you sit and wait for men to approach you/ask you out? Or have you tried approaching/asking men out and gotten rejected multiple times?