Was called a mean bitch the other day just because I have high standards.

[FrustratedStandards]

In a relationship or what have you, you will see your woman dressed down/naked more than she's dolled up. Unless there's a date every single day. So again, that's fine with me.

 

You got me wrong again.If he asks you out he should pay, that's just common courtesy. But I would hope you bring more than your looks to the table.

 

Right. Well I agree with you on that.

 

The thing is, in my culture, men don't cook or clean. Hah! They would be considered gay is they did. Thats why we, women, do that for them.

 

Meanwhile, they support us. So basically, they support us so we can take care of them. That's the exchange.

 

And admit it, if you go out on a date, you want your woman to look hot. You don't want men looking at your girl and being like "meh, nothing special". You would want them to turn their head and say "damn! that man snatched a good one!"

[Woggle]

In America women can go out and earn their own living and many men can cook and clean as well. In my house we split the bills in half and split the chores because we practice equality. If you are willing to do your part of the traditional set up then fine because at least that isn't cafeteria feminism but it would not be a marriage I would want. I prefer an equal partnership. When did it become wrong for a man to actually want an equal relationship?

[eatNrM]

Yes!! Exactly!!

 

Maybe that's why it's such a turn off for me when a man can't take care of me like that. You're so right. I guess it's not culture then, it's mentality. Traditional versus modern.

 

Then again, certain cultures stick more to traditionalism then others.

 

This I can understand as well. I honestly think your OP could've been worded differently. It just sounds like you're strongly traditional, I can definitely understand that.

[eatNrM]

Right. Well I agree with you on that.

 

The thing is, in my culture, men don't cook or clean. Hah! They would be considered gay is they did. Thats why we, women, do that for them.

 

Meanwhile, they support us. So basically, they support us so we can take care of them. That's the exchange.

 

And admit it, if you go out on a date, you want your woman to look hot. You don't want men looking at your girl and being like "meh, nothing special". You would want them to turn their head and say "damn! that man snatched a good one!"

 

I can't help but laugh.:lmao: I actually met a russian woman, and I feel like I'm talking to her again. All of this I can understand. In America, women place a premium on guys who can cook, clean etc., but now I feel a bit less manly:laugh:

 

I totally get the exchange.

 

And yes, you are right about the hot girl part and showing her off. I would love guys saying "Damn! She has a nice ass" As much as I enjoy playing Devil's Advocate, I'm also very honest.

[KR10N]

Your screen name suits you well, FS.

I'm a little confused as to where you're meeting these men. Bars? lol. No offense, but what can you expect from bar-room trash? I know trash sounds bad. But really. C'mon.

 

On a side note: Do you drink vodka?

[FrustratedStandards]

When did it become wrong for a man to actually want an equal relationship?

 

It's not wrong, it's just not what I'm looking for. I constantly run into men with your mentality, and thats not what I want. That's why i'm so frustrated.

[FrustratedStandards]

Your screen name suits you well, FS.

I'm a little confused as to where you're meeting these men. Bars? lol. No offense, but what can you expect from bar-room trash? I know trash sounds bad. But really. C'mon.

 

On a side note: Do you drink vodka?

 

lol! this one in particular I met through friends

 

And no I dont like vodka! I used to drink it all the time as a kid, but now I can't stand it lol

 

As a kid I mean 16 years of age.

[Woggle]

It's not wrong, it's just not what I'm looking for. I constantly run into men with your mentality, and thats not what I want. That's why i'm so frustrated.

 

Maybe look for a Russian man?

[Ruby Slippers]

I'm progressive in many ways. I run my own business, am strong and independent, and am very open-minded sexually.

 

But somehow, the man paying gives me a huge girl boner, and us going 50/50 feels more like having dinner with a friend.

 

And yes, I am more than happy to fulfill certain expectations because I'm female. For instance, I love carefully selecting, buying, and wearing sexy lingerie for my guy that hits all his specific sensitive spots. I like it when he wears something a little sexier than usual now and then, but I am happy to do 95% of the work in the sexy get-up category. He can come to bed in a t-shirt and jeans, and I will gladly meet him there in black silk and lace. This is just one example.

[FrustratedStandards]

Maybe look for a Russian man?

 

I am lol! My main obstacle in that is I don't find Russian men attractive (physically)... at ALL.

[FrustratedStandards]

I'm progressive in many ways. I run my own business, am strong and independent, and am very open-minded sexually.

 

But somehow, the man paying gives me a huge girl boner, and us going 50/50 feels more like having dinner with a friend.

 

And yes, I am more than happy to fulfill certain expectations because I'm female. For instance, I love carefully selecting, buying, and wearing sexy lingerie for my guy that hits all his specific sensitive spots. I like it when he wears something a little sexier than usual now and then, but I am happy to do 95% of the work in the sexy get-up category. He can come to bed in a t-shirt and jeans, and I will gladly meet him there in black silk and lace. This is just one example.

 

Exactly yes! But if you're paying for half of everything, then you wouldn't have enough for sexy lingerie.

 

And I agree, 50/50 feels like dinner with a friend, not a date.

 

Wow girl. I must say I am so relieved someone here understands where i'm coming from. It's very nice to meet you RubySlippers

[eatNrM]

I am lol! My main obstacle in that is I don't find Russian men attractive (physically)... at ALL.

 

haha! You should probably come south. The sense of traditionalism is huge down here.

 

Ideally when I make enough money, my woman probably won't work anyway. Because chances are I'll spoil those women who bring richness (and very good sex) to my life anyway.

[Woggle]

Reading this thread makes me appreciate independent feminists who actually practice equality. For any man complaining about American woman just remember the grass is not always greener. I guess this is why the south and the more traditional parts of the country have the highest divorce rates.

[Abhuman]

Maybe it was the way you presented it. Something more like "I am looking for a man that is very independent, financially stable and has his life priorities straight, etc." Might have gone over better.

 

That dude seems to have a chip on his shoulder by the way he reacted. But to be fair, presenting it that way would probably piss off many men. Even ones who can meet or exceed those standards.

[D-Lish]

In my culture, that's how its SUPPOSED to be. But given that there aren't many men of my culture here, I date other guys, who never meet the criteria.

 

Maybe its just a cultural-clash rather then men all being so pathetic (pathetic in the sense that they don't do what I expect them to because I was raised a particular way).

 

Well if your culture has expectations that a man is supposed to take care of a woman- and you're living in America... It's no wonder you have trouble dating.

 

There are men out there in America (with money) that would be happy to take care of you in return for you being a housewife. Do you care what they look like? Because if you have a standard regarding "looks", you're going to be competing with a lot of hot young woman that are interested in "being taken care of".

 

You have to remember you're living in a culture where women make their own way in life. I make more money than 2 of my last ex's, and the same as another.

[Nexus One]

Never make yourself financially dependent on a guy. That's playing with fire in my opinion. If things turn sour, then you need exit options as a woman, an income will provide you a quick exit from the relationship if necessary.

 

I don't think it's responsible thinking to make yourself financially dependent on a guy, especially not if you as a woman already have a child. Your child is nr1, always.

[OliveOyl]

I'm American, and every guy I've ever dated paid for more than I did. Some of them paid significantly more or almost everything (and some would have paid 100% if I had let them). So this is what I'm used to.

 

I won't lie. I like it much better when the guy pays. I'm progressive on a rational level, but on an emotional level, my feelings are aroused more strongly when there's more of a traditional courtship going on. When the guy wants to "protect" and "take care" of me, I get meltier, girlier, and more excited about him being my man. I can't help it.

 

Maybe it's human nature, maybe it's socialization. But it feels pretty strong and ingrained.

 

The few limited times it's been more 50/50, I feel more bland toward him, no matter what else he is doing.

I have to agree with the bolded. I feel the same way and it has nothing to do with the fact that I'm "getting something for free" or anything like that. (In fact I do insist on paying quite frequently.) It's the energy dynamic underneath it.

 

I never had that in my marriage... we were like team-mates, equals, paid equally when we could, etc. The basis of our relationship was like a very strong "friendship." My relationship with my BF is so very different. The dynamics are not "equals" or a "team" but more like we are taking care of each other. I have this ongoing fantasy that I would love to nurture him... pamper, cook and clean for him... which I never felt in my marriage.

 

It's strange that it's taken me so long to figure out that this "protectiveness" etc. really floats my boat.

[Woggle]

Also for the people saying cooking is unmanly let me ask this question. Italian men are known for being macho yet I haven't met one who couldn't do his thing in the kitchen. How do you explain this?

[whichwayisup]

I was on a date last night with this guy. We began talking about relationships and what we look for in a mate. Since we were being open and honest, I told him I wanted a man without kids, and one who can support me financially.

He called me a mean bitch and said that I am shallow for not considering a man who perhaps isn't wealthy, but has "lots of love". He said I only want a man for money. His best argument was "Men with money don't know how to love women. They just buy them diamonds and expensive things and think that's enough". He said that men without money are the better kind, because they aren't shallow.

 

I'm beginning to think that the only reason I ever questioned my standards was because every man I have ever met didn't meet them.

 

Why does every guy think that if a woman wants a man with money, that she ONLY wants the money and nothing else?

 

See bolded. Can you not support yourself? You make it seem like you're not going to work and you want a man to pay for you all the time. If this is NOT the case, then change your wording. I want to date a man who is career driven, establishd and works hard. do you see a difference how that comes off?

[Nexus One]

Also for the people saying cooking is unmanly let me ask this question. Italian men are known for being macho yet I haven't met one who couldn't do his thing in the kitchen. How do you explain this?

 

I think most women women would love to have a man cook for them in his naked butt wearing only an apron.

 

Then you eat. Then you get it on. Rrrrr.

[Pierre]

I was on a date last night with this guy. We began talking about relationships and what we look for in a mate. Since we were being open and honest, I told him I wanted a man without kids, and one who can support me financially.

 

He called me a mean bitch and said that I am shallow for not considering a man who perhaps isn't wealthy, but has "lots of love". He said I only want a man for money. His best argument was "Men with money don't know how to love women. They just buy them diamonds and expensive things and think that's enough". He said that men without money are the better kind, because they aren't shallow.

 

I'm beginning to think that the only reason I ever questioned my standards was because every man I have ever met didn't meet them.

 

Why does every guy think that if a woman wants a man with money, that she ONLY wants the money and nothing else?

 

My ex wife did not work and I had no issues with that. However, I am a bit old fashion.

[Pierre]

So automatically if I appreciate that a man can afford to pick up the tab, and I don't offer to pitch in, im a golddigger?

 

This will sound very bitter, but i'm sick of dating poor men who can't afford to take me out on one decent date. I don't know what it feels like to be taken care of, where a man can say "You know what, you spent so much time getting pretty, you look great, let me take you out and show you a good time".

 

I want to date a man with money because I want to know what that feels like to be the woman, to have a man take charge, take control, have everything figured out. I don't think thats shallow.

 

You are not shallow.

 

Money, power, and brains are very attractive to most women. A good provider is high on the list of most women in the world and it has nothing to do with being a gold digger.

[D-Lish]

Also for the people saying cooking is unmanly let me ask this question. Italian men are known for being macho yet I haven't met one who couldn't do his thing in the kitchen. How do you explain this?

 

A Man that can/will cook? OMG, so sexy, so awesome.

 

I love to find that balance where I look after him sometimes, he looks after me sometimes. I have my moments where I want to be taken care of- but I get such great enjoyment out of pleasing my partner.

 

I walk by all these cool men's shops all the time and see these awesome shirts/shoes/whatever... And think to myself- I'd love to buy that for my partner because I think he'd appreciate a gift. Alas, I am single, lol. I have no one to spoil.

[Woggle]

A Man that can/will cook? OMG, so sexy, so awesome.

 

I love to find that balance where I look after him sometimes, he looks after me sometimes. I have my moments where I want to be taken care of- but I get such great enjoyment out of pleasing my partner.

 

I walk by all these cool men's shops all the time and see these awesome shirts/shoes/whatever... And think to myself- I'd love to buy that for my partner because I think he'd appreciate a gift. Alas, I am single, lol. I have no one to spoil.

 

Why not get a job in a men's clothes store?

[OnyxSnowfall]

You are not shallow.

 

Money, power, and brains are very attractive to most women. A good provider is high on the list of most women in the world and it has nothing to do with being a gold digger.

 

 

So... because most women desire a wealthy and powerful man, it means they're not shallow?

 

No, that just means that most women are then shallow.