Nexus One Posted October 1, 2011 Share Posted October 1, 2011 I think she's referring to SD doing both of those things, rather than including you in it, Nexus. That's how I read it, anyway. Yeah, you're right. I might have misinterpreted that. Link to post Share on other sites
AHardDaysNight Posted October 1, 2011 Share Posted October 1, 2011 Ugg...really, this is your response? Sheesh. I don't think there is anything wrong with being interested in women in their 20s. I think there is something wrong with the idea that settling for women in your own generation is somehow..just that "settling" and something you have to "suck-up" and do. No woman wants to be the woman you settled for while you spend your days pining for 20 year old women and looking at internet porn of them. That's my only point. And since being in a relationship is about two people, I would think you would at least care to know how women think and feel about things. Every straight man likes young women. Even if they tell you they don't, they do. They'll just lie about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Nexus One Posted October 1, 2011 Share Posted October 1, 2011 Somedude, do you have a male friend who can and is willing to act as your wingman when hitting on girls/women? Link to post Share on other sites
Ross MwcFan Posted October 1, 2011 Share Posted October 1, 2011 Usually seems to be early 20's. Link to post Share on other sites
eatNrM Posted October 1, 2011 Share Posted October 1, 2011 Change is hard and takes time, if one even knows what they have to change. Results aren't guaranteed. It's also different how much each person needs to change till women finally start to pay notice. Art Williams once said: "I never said it would be easy. I said it would be worth it." Single and alone, or relationships/sex with beautiful women. I think I know which one I'd choose, and is the one I work for. Link to post Share on other sites
AHardDaysNight Posted October 1, 2011 Share Posted October 1, 2011 I think shy people never get over being shy completely. They just learn to cope. You need to learn how to cope to the world. Either that, or have the world against you. Your choice. I need to take my own advice! Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted October 1, 2011 Share Posted October 1, 2011 What do you want? Link to post Share on other sites
xoxoDaniellexoxo Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 [quote=eatNrM;3655212 I don't think any partner is going to be 100% perfect, but settling is not the way. You sound just like my mom! And then she says, look your dad still has the maturity of a 7 yr old when it comes to potty jokes and body parts lol, then she says the word penis just to get my dad to start cracking up! Link to post Share on other sites
ScienceGal Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 I don't know what you look like, Somedude, but here are some factors that you can improve: A.) Physical appearance B.) Social skills C.) Social Status D.) Money situation If you have all four going for you, you won't have any problems dating. And some women forget one or two of the factors, if you have everything else going for you. E) know how to give a massage! My next boyfriend will have to know how to give a decent massage! Link to post Share on other sites
Disenchantedly Yours Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 Cracker Jack, thank you for explaing to Nexus who I was talking to. Nexus, why do you think all my posts that don't even qoute you are about you? Every straight man likes young women. Even if they tell you they don't, they do. They'll just lie about it. First, if you want to reduce "every straight man" to a cliche, you're not doing men any favors. Learn to see men as much more multifaceded than reduced to a lame stereotype found in beer commericals. Men are better than that. Second, you can't expect to be respected as a man if you don't respect women. And when I hear comments about how much men like young women, I'm just reminded how little respect these kind of men have for both young women and older ones alike. Because his like of the young woman is only dependent on something that changes everyday of her life. It's not very promising for her either if her interest in her is only because of her age. Young woman grow older. God Bless them. Third, younger people of both genders can be quite attractive.Women appreicate good looking young men just as men appreciate good looking young women. Once a year in New Jersey there is a life guard competition that gets together all the different life guards from beaches in NJ for an athlectic competition. It's awesomely fun to watch the hot young guys compete. You think women would be there watching if it was 40 year old stock brokers? HOWEVER, this is NOT the only quality about a man that is important. Neither is it the only quality of woman that is important. Also, there are many women out there that are beautiful and sexy without having to fit in 20 year old, big boobs, 100 pound waifs that immature men uphold as the only way a woman can be beautiful. Fourth, there is one thing about objectively noticing attractive members of the other sex and lusting after something that forever changes and should change, Age, while proclaiming how much you have to "settle" for someone in your OWN decade. I find that when a woman is with a man and her man notices another woman in an objective fashion, it's much more well received then a man lusting and oggling or doing darty eye things that he *thinks* is not picked-up on. The first is an honest assesment of a person's looks. The second is lusting after and "wishing" for some kind of something from that person. Finally, I will restate my position since you decided to ignore infavor of some lame lesson about what "every straight man" likes. No woman, no matter her age, from 20 to 90, will want to be the woman you settled for while you indulge in every woman under the sun while making ridiculous justifications about what it means to be a straight man. We clear yet? Link to post Share on other sites
hppr Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 OP, the TL;DR answer is that if you work on improving yourself they will come. Physically work out, get that testosterone flowing and you'll feel better about yourself. Try to meet women more often, take more risks and you'll have more chance at a reward. A decent job doesn't hurt either. Also, it could be that you have depression or something of that nature. Maybe see a counselor? Might help. Just be glad you're not halfway autistic like me, relationships are absolute hell sometimes. Link to post Share on other sites
Dust Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 Around 30 is when an awkward man becomes super desirable. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
El Brujo Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 Oh... it's the MEN we're talking about. I still say after age 65... but the men who drank, smoked, and did drugs start having their first heart attacks around age 45. Hopefully after the popular guys start dying off, women will start approaching the awkward guys (we may just forgive you for snubbing us). Link to post Share on other sites
Author somedude81 Posted October 2, 2011 Author Share Posted October 2, 2011 I don't know what you look like, Somedude, but here are some factors that you can improve: A.) Physical appearance My body type is average/athletic/thin. But I'm only 5'6. I keep getting told I'm good looking but it feels like people are giving me a line. B.) Social skills Not bad, but could be better. I make acquaintances easily but getting friends is more difficult. Nobody invites me to do anything so I don't think I leave a lasting impression on anybody. Women have no interest in me beyond casual friendship. C.) Social Status I have none. Never did. I was never part of the "in crowd" now I'm mostly a loner. Every now and then I try to join a new group but for some reason I'm never fully accepted. That probably ties into me lacking something about my social skills but I can't figure out what it is just yet. D.) Money situation I have enough to get buy and have my own apartment. But I have to be conservative with my cash. I won't be wowing anybody. Money won't become a plus for me till I get my career going which is probably 2-3 years away. E) know how to give a massage! My next boyfriend will have to know how to give a decent massage! I would love to learn. Though all the classes I've seen have been couples massage. And I don't know any girls who are willing to let me touch them Ugg...really, this is your response? Sheesh. I don't think there is anything wrong with being interested in women in their 20s. I think there is something wrong with the idea that settling for women in your own generation is somehow..just that "settling" and something you have to "suck-up" and do. No woman wants to be the woman you settled for while you spend your days pining for 20 year old women and looking at internet porn of them. That's my only point. And since being in a relationship is about two people, I would think you would at least care to know how women think and feel about things. I'm just not ready to go for women 25+ and I can't see why they would even be interested in me. So in the end, we'd both be settling, which doesn't sound like a good basis for any relationship. Somedude, do you have a male friend who can and is willing to act as your wingman when hitting on girls/women? It's been a very long time since I knew a guy who was single that I could go out with. Even then, I'm not the type of guy who goes out to bars or clubs late at night. Art Williams once said: "I never said it would be easy. I said it would be worth it." Single and alone, or relationships/sex with beautiful women. I think I know which one I'd choose, and is the one I work for. I've been working for it. I just don't know how far I've gone and how much further I have to go. I just wish somebody could tell me, SD81, in 3 years if you keep doing what you are doing, you will meet a woman who will love you. That may be enough to keep me going. But for all I know, she could be 15 years away, and I just can't wait that long. I think shy people never get over being shy completely. They just learn to cope. You need to learn how to cope to the world. Either that, or have the world against you. Your choice. I need to take my own advice! Cope? I don't exactly get what you mean by saying I have to cope with the world. What do you want? Right now I want an early 20's girlfriend who is cute, fun, intelligent and goofy. Somebody who has several interests in common with me. And so I'm not just describing the girl I'm currently obsessed with, she has to like me as more than a friend. Link to post Share on other sites
verhrzn Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 Wait a second, you're 30 and you want an "early 20's" girlfriend?? Why in the world is a 25+ woman off limits? They're the ones that are more likely to see your good qualities, and not judge you on superficial ones (like height and income, since you seem fixated on those.) Frankly, after following several of your posts, it seems over and over like you set yourself up in situations where you're doomed to fail... As if you seek out confirmation that you're undesirable. You stick around far too long without shwoign obvious interest until it's too lateYou continue to pursue girls despite them friend-zoning you.... You persue based on this idea that she is going to "settle" for you (because you seem to seek out, first and primarily, physical attractiveness, choosing to ignore where she's someone YOU like beyond her apperance) and now you're shooing away the age braket that is more likely to accept you for the way you are. Link to post Share on other sites
AHardDaysNight Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 Wait a second, you're 30 and you want an "early 20's" girlfriend?? Why in the world is a 25+ woman off limits? They're the ones that are more likely to see your good qualities, and not judge you on superficial ones (like height and income, since you seem fixated on those.) Frankly, after following several of your posts, it seems over and over like you set yourself up in situations where you're doomed to fail... As if you seek out confirmation that you're undesirable. You stick around far too long without shwoign obvious interest until it's too lateYou continue to pursue girls despite them friend-zoning you.... You persue based on this idea that she is going to "settle" for you (because you seem to seek out, first and primarily, physical attractiveness, choosing to ignore where she's someone YOU like beyond her apperance) and now you're shooing away the age braket that is more likely to accept you for the way you are. I agree. 25 is when women start to wake up. Before then, they're all about poor choices in life. Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 Right now I want an early 20's girlfriend who is cute, fun, intelligent and goofy. Somebody who has several interests in common with me. And so I'm not just describing the girl I'm currently obsessed with, she has to like me as more than a friend. And what do they want and what are your interests that you'd like to share with them? Link to post Share on other sites
Disenchantedly Yours Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 Wait a second, you're 30 and you want an "early 20's" girlfriend?? Why in the world is a 25+ woman off limits? They're the ones that are more likely to see your good qualities, and not judge you on superficial ones (like height and income, since you seem fixated on those.) Frankly, after following several of your posts, it seems over and over like you set yourself up in situations where you're doomed to fail... As if you seek out confirmation that you're undesirable. You stick around far too long without shwoign obvious interest until it's too lateYou continue to pursue girls despite them friend-zoning you.... You persue based on this idea that she is going to "settle" for you (because you seem to seek out, first and primarily, physical attractiveness, choosing to ignore where she's someone YOU like beyond her apperance) and now you're shooing away the age braket that is more likely to accept you for the way you are. Well said Verhrzn. Although I get the impression that it's not going to help. Link to post Share on other sites
fortyninethousand322 Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 Wait a second, you're 30 and you want an "early 20's" girlfriend?? Why in the world is a 25+ woman off limits? They're the ones that are more likely to see your good qualities, and not judge you on superficial ones (like height and income, since you seem fixated on those.) Frankly, after following several of your posts, it seems over and over like you set yourself up in situations where you're doomed to fail... As if you seek out confirmation that you're undesirable. You stick around far too long without shwoign obvious interest until it's too lateYou continue to pursue girls despite them friend-zoning you.... You persue based on this idea that she is going to "settle" for you (because you seem to seek out, first and primarily, physical attractiveness, choosing to ignore where she's someone YOU like beyond her apperance) and now you're shooing away the age braket that is more likely to accept you for the way you are. Somedude81 can correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure the age thing is about where he is relationship/dating wise not about looks, youth, etc. When you're inexperienced, you tend to get intimidated by women who are, like they would judge you for not being inexperienced, and you couldn't learn and grow together etc. You're not inexperienced so you wouldn't understand verhrzn. Experienced women can be scary for us inexperienced guys. Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 Most experienced women that I've known don't want to hand hold someone (their words, or to that effect). I think meeting someone who has also faced similar challenges to you is probably going to be a better choice. There are fewer as you get older, but you only need one, right? Link to post Share on other sites
fortyninethousand322 Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 Most experienced women that I've known don't want to hand hold someone (their words, or to that effect). I think meeting someone who has also faced similar challenges to you is probably going to be a better choice. There are fewer as you get older, but you only need one, right? I don't know. There's no way to tell if a girl "has also faced similar challenges" until you're actually dating her. Granted SD81's strategy of befriending women before trying to date them might circumvent this problem but still it's hard to tell. And I know they're not your words, but why is meant by "hand hold someone" (in that context, I know what the general analogy means)? Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 It means taking the lead on matters such as insecurity, jealousy, direction, space, timing - that sort of thing. As for finding out if someone has reached a similar point in life as you have, just keep looking. You can present it in your dating profile. If you take a non-judgemental and blameless attitude, it comes out in your writing and you can easily say in your profile, "have faced a lot of challenges in life; not the most experienced of guys and unlike most people here, I'm not that easygoing. I am sensitive, genuine and looking to find someone to love, live, learn, laugh, heal, grow and share the journey with." Party girls who've followed a different path and want something else will not respond to your profile, but it may strike a chord with someone more like you, more ready to do those things with someone as ordinary and unique as yourself. That's what self-confidence is about. Being happy with who, what and where you are. Watch "In Search of a Midnight Kiss" - brilliant film. Link to post Share on other sites
fortyninethousand322 Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 It means taking the lead on matters such as insecurity, jealousy, direction, space, timing - that sort of thing. As for finding out if someone has reached a similar point in life as you have, just keep looking. You can present it in your dating profile. If you take a non-judgemental and blameless attitude, it comes out in your writing and you can easily say in your profile, "have faced a lot of challenges in life; not the most experienced of guys and unlike most people here, I'm not that easygoing. I am sensitive, genuine and looking to find someone to love, live, learn, laugh, heal, grow and share the journey with." Party girls who've followed a different path and want something else will not respond to your profile, but it may strike a chord with someone more like you, more ready to do those things with someone as ordinary and unique as yourself. This isn't my thread so I'll do my best not to hog the space here. But, as much as I identify with a lot of SD81 says he goes through, there's also a lot on which he and I differ. I'm 7 years younger than him, I also have quite a few friends, I play sports, and I'm not into the video game stuff that he is. I guess I could write some of what's bolded here, but really I'm not all that sensitive, and I am easygoing. Another poster in another thread suggested shy, awkward guys watch Clint Eastwood movies to learn how to be more like a "real man". Thing is, I already watch Clint Eastwood movies (and enjoy them). I really don't think it's too late for me to go after "normal girls", I guess is what I'm trying to say. For SD81 maybe that's not the case, I really don't know. Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 You're 23! You're a spring lamb! I lost my virginity at 23 to a very experienced woman who just wanted to have me. I wasn't complaining But, for sure. Write about you. "Am easygoing, sometimes a bit clumsy, love playing baseball, not particularly sensitive and sometimes need things spelling out but I do listen and have a good heart." Whatever suits you. You cannot please all of the people all of the time, so just go with what you know and you'll be fine. And yes, there are chest-hair counters out there who'll tell you what to do to be a real man. My take is they're talking to themselves half the time. Be you. Whether you're Dirty Harry or more like Homer Simpson, just be you. You meet a girl you like (and it often is the case you just have to be in the mood at the time you first clap eyes on each other) and mind your manners and make it know you find her attractive (and you can do that non-verbally). Link to post Share on other sites
Nexus One Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 It's been a very long time since I knew a guy who was single that I could go out with. Even then, I'm not the type of guy who goes out to bars or clubs late at night. Forget bars and clubs. In the streets is where it's at, cold approaches. However it's best to do that with women who are waiting somewhere or of who you can see they have some time to interact and if they don't you pass them your contact information on a post-it or card. Frankly, after following several of your posts, it seems over and over like you set yourself up in situations where you're doomed to fail... As if you seek out confirmation that you're undesirable. Not to bust your bubble verhrzn, but I got the very same idea that you sought confirmation that you're undesirable in some of your threads. Link to post Share on other sites
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