Lucky_One Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 Personally, I am an advocate of looking at a young teen's phone. I also had Net Nanny installed on the family computer. I didn't tell my son that I was reading his texts, but I did it anyway. I don't believe that young teens typically make the best decisions all the time. One of my son's friends is in deep trouble right now, and we are not sure how this is going to play out. He is 17, and has a 15 year old GF. His GF sent him some pictures that were of various nude parts of her body, and her father found this out. Her dad has contacted a lawyer, and has threatened to call the cops and have the boy arrested for possession of child pornography. Part of the problem is that the boy showed these pictures to other guys at school. The school has suspended both children for two weeks (although they can keep up with schoolwork at home), and the father is livid that his daughter was suspended (he sees her as totally innocent and feels that she was manipulated into taking/sending the pics - senior boy preying on sophmore girl thing). Anyway, even good kids get into trouble. Had the girl known that her phone would be monitored, then perhaps she would not have sent the pics. Had the boy known that he was doing something illegal (possession of underage nudies), he possibly would have deleted them ASAP and sent an email to his GF telling her that her behavior was inappropriate and that he would not accept that from her AND he wouldn't have passed them around. Good kids, stupid decisions. My son is on his dad's plan and likely locked into some long contract but I'll see if he can look into the parental controls. The one thing I DO see an issue with is that this is not "your" phone. My son's father has actually taken his phone away from him as punishment, and it made me furious. I paid for the phone, I pay for the plan, and I expect my son to carry it with him so that I can contact him if I need him and so that he can have access to emergency services. In my eyes, if XH feels that son needs punishing, then he can do it with something that HE provides. OR if XH feels that the punishable offense is that severe, then he can contact me and discuss appropriate measures, before he takes away MY phone. (This has only happened once, and it will not happen again.) Just a thought. If your XH finds out, he may use this against you. Link to post Share on other sites
Eddie Edirol Posted October 8, 2011 Share Posted October 8, 2011 WHy would anyone want to make children when all this crap is in their future? Just reading it is nerve wracking. Link to post Share on other sites
Eve Posted October 8, 2011 Share Posted October 8, 2011 WHy would anyone want to make children when all this crap is in their future? Just reading it is nerve wracking. There are very serious risks out there but it's not all the time! Just a lot of the time, lol. Mainly it is about teaching them how to identify risks and them thinking they know it all. Dunno, it is good to see them doing well and when they are happy, theres nothing like it. Problems are problems, good times are good times. Take care, Eve x Link to post Share on other sites
Feelin Frisky Posted October 8, 2011 Share Posted October 8, 2011 If he hasn't earned suspicion, don't treat him with distrust. You might however opt to remind him once in a great while that you are trusting him and have consciously decided not to be a hard ass because he is such a good guy (if the shoe fits). Link to post Share on other sites
TwinkletOes26 Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 The first thing I did when I got me a new job outnof college was to get my own plan with MY own phone. So my mother can never "look through" my phone. She prolly would like what she saw any way ;).... Honestly OP and other parents please listen. Yes you can look through your kid's phone,computer,etc etc etc BUT all this does is teaches them to hide things better. No matter how tough a program or technology is their is always a way around it. I knew kids when I was younger who could crack their parents parental control lock so they could see HBO and the ADULT stations. I knoew another friend who put a program on her cell phone where she could have files that were hidden from her mother who monitored her phone. It was such a sophisticated program that if her mom took her phone to the cell phone company to get it unlocked it would wipe all the hidden files instantly. Just something to chew on. Its scary out there thats why TALKING to your children works well too. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 Yes you can look through your kid's phone,computer,etc etc etc BUT all this does is teaches them to hide things better. I completely disagree. Kids hide things because of the relationship they have with their parents. I raised my DD21 to know that my job while she was 18 and under was to supervise, mentor, and step in if she did anything that was harmful to her or anyone else. At the same time, I afforded her respect - as long as she didn't abuse it, privacy - as long as she didn't abuse it, and complete lack of judgment. I told her I may disagree with something she DID - and give her appropriate punishment for it, but I would never love HER less for it. She tested me a couple times and I proved it. She willingly gives me her passwords to get into things if I need to retrieve a phone number or something, even now, because she knows I will not abuse my position of power. Link to post Share on other sites
Josephina Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 I also have a 12 yr old with a cell phone - she has to use public transit and at times take her younger sibling with her, so I feel that warrants the safety needs of a cell phone. The bill is paid by either myself or her father, in exchange for watching her sibling as needed. That said, she knows that I have the right to look through her phone, but I don't. We have an open, honest communication stream, and I don't feel the need to creep on her privacy. She does know that if she stops talking to me, and telling me what is going on in her life, that the cell phone will go. I won't spy through it, but rather I will shut it off. The only time I'd ever look through her phone is if it was an emergency, as in she was missing or something similar. Trust goes both ways. Link to post Share on other sites
DaisyLeigh Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 Your son is 12. You are his parent, not his buddy. Your job is to protect him and teach him the right way to go. My son is 14. He has an email account and a Facebook page. He has these ONLY because I monitor them. He knows I do. There are way too many nutjobs out there who prey on young people. Do I watch it every single day? No. But he knows I can do so at any time. He is fine with it. I don't give a **** about privacy and rights and all of that. Sorry. Not when it comes to protecting my kid. Link to post Share on other sites
BangTidy Posted October 27, 2011 Share Posted October 27, 2011 Unless you have a specific concern i would say dont do it focus more on talking to your child, and discussing possible issues etc Link to post Share on other sites
RiverRunning Posted November 15, 2011 Share Posted November 15, 2011 What I think would be more appropriate is sitting down with him and talking to him - about sexting, about what's appropriate and inappropriate to send as a text/voicemail (i.e., he shouldn't be making references to blowing things up or killing people, even if he's just saying it in jest. That can seriously backfire. That goes for exchanges on-line, too). If you check his phone after the fact, it's not going to prevent him from sending the message. My understanding is he'll just hide it better or find a new avenue to share that information. So teach him about what could happen if he misuses the phone. And of course, set limits on usage too. If he's consistently going over on minutes/texts, it's overdone. I grew up with an overly invasive mother who stripped me of my privacy whenever possible. She would always tear my room apart to read my diaries, rather than simply asking me how I was feeling (I was being teased at school, so her mature response, rather than TALKING to me, was to invade my privacy by reading journals when I was 12 - 13). If I walked away from the computer, she would get on-line and start reading my messages...and this was when I was 16 or 17. I quickly learned to delete ALL of my computer history and to close the browser. When I was still living at home at 22, I had forgotten to log out of Facebook and went for a walk (I thought I had closed the browser). To my horror, when I returned, I found good ol' mom going through every part of my profile, then confronting me about what she found while she continued to scroll through. I grabbed the mouse out of her hand and closed down the window. I was livid. She later started telling people everything I had on my page and even went as far as to claim that she 'thought' she was on her own Facebook, despite scrolling over several unfamiliar faces. She knew exactly what she was doing the entire time. To this day I am shocked she tried to cover it as anything but. I say this because I understand a parent's desire to guide a preteen in the right direction. But I think that the only thing you can do is try to teach him right from wrong. Show him stories about other kids who DIDN'T handle technology the proper way. Being random surveillance over his shoulder probably won't help. I'm even inclined to say that if you feel he can't be trusted with the phone, maybe he shouldn't have one. But you do say he's a good kid...so maybe give him the benefit of the doubt until he screws up. Link to post Share on other sites
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