Author redblack66 Posted October 1, 2011 Author Share Posted October 1, 2011 OK. I met her at 7:00. I listened and listened. She has established connection with last boyfriend, and they have been talking on the phone. Good I did not phone her during that time. We kissed on the mouth for a long time, and many times. I asked her if she has seen cases of second chances working, she says no. I say, well it may work that time with your previous bf. I kept watching my watch and said I must leave at 8:25. She kept asking where I was going. Finally, I said a date (which is the truth) and the third date since Sunday, when I was dumped. We kissed, and she cried, and I said how much I love you, and she sais she loves me so much. Interesting. She wanted to have dinner with me, etc. I needed to go. I did not like my date, so we finished by 10:00. Then I sent girlfriend a message "Love you to pieces. Will leave life to resolve the future". I received from her "Love you too. Thank you". I know this is gone for me. However, any insights would be valuable. I have the interesting feeling that she will come back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author redblack66 Posted October 1, 2011 Author Share Posted October 1, 2011 (edited) OK. I met her at 7:00. I listened and listened. She has established connection with last boyfriend, and they have been talking on the phone. Good I did not phone her during that time. We kissed on the mouth for a long time, and many times. I asked her if she has seen cases of second chances working, she says no. I say, well it may work that time with your previous bf. I kept watching my watch and said I must leave at 8:25. She kept asking where I was going. Finally, I said a date (which is the truth) and the third date since Sunday, when I was dumped. We kissed, and she cried, and I said how much I love you, and she said she loved me so much. Interesting. She wanted to have dinner with me, etc. I needed to go. I did not like my date, so we finished by 10:00. Then I sent girlfriend a message "Love you to pieces. Will leave life to resolve the future". I received from her "Love you too. Thank you". She said she wanted to talk to me on the phone. I told her, "You are welcome to call, but I am not in the friendship zone." I know this is gone for me. However, any insights would be valuable. I have the interesting feeling that she will come back. Did I do well, or did I screw up? Edited October 1, 2011 by redblack66 Link to post Share on other sites
Author redblack66 Posted October 6, 2011 Author Share Posted October 6, 2011 I guess I am talking to myself, any comments friends? Well, I get a text saying that her heart is broken because she broke my heart. After reading a bit on this site, I understand I was 100% rebound. She says she needs some time. Unfortunately, I replied saying I will step back. Honestly, she can have all the time in the world. Well, I am going back to NC. Any other way she could turn around, in addition to NC??? I know great deal about it, and I know it is about me. Link to post Share on other sites
M2155 Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 Which part do you want guidance on? There doesn't seem to be anything you need to do... I'm confused with all the kissing and the I love yous- if you're both still willing to make it work- or sounds like never really let go in the first place- then just take it slow and date. If you do go down the road of getting back together make sure you don't get too serious too quickly because you probably haven't taken enough time to deal with whatever caused your issues in the first place. Link to post Share on other sites
Author redblack66 Posted October 6, 2011 Author Share Posted October 6, 2011 Which part do you want guidance on? There doesn't seem to be anything you need to do... I'm confused with all the kissing and the I love yous- if you're both still willing to make it work- or sounds like never really let go in the first place- then just take it slow and date. If you do go down the road of getting back together make sure you don't get too serious too quickly because you probably haven't taken enough time to deal with whatever caused your issues in the first place. This is a really good insight. I think she is talking to ex boyfriend. I made it clear I want it to work, and restart from the beginning, slow. Problem is her only issue is some form of guilt or attraction to previous guy. She is also very depressed right now, and has been for awhile. The rest is fine. Link to post Share on other sites
M2155 Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 She's not ready. You don't want to be with someone confused or with leftover feelings, trust me! I was the girl that my ex was with for the 1.5 years he decided to take a break (or whatever) from the one he ultimately wanted to be with. I think you should be making it clear you are not willing to do anything relationship-related until she is fully emotionally available to you and has her own issues sorted out. Your relationship together will be very flawed if her relationship with herself is not healed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author redblack66 Posted October 6, 2011 Author Share Posted October 6, 2011 I think you should be making it clear you are not willing to do anything relationship-related until she is fully emotionally available to you and has her own issues sorted out. Your relationship together will be very flawed if her relationship with herself is not healed. Thanks, exactly. It will take her years to get back on track. I know about depression, and where she is, I was there four years ago. I worked hard and did the right things to get better. Link to post Share on other sites
mike588 Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 She's not ready. You don't want to be with someone confused or with leftover feelings, trust me! I was the girl that my ex was with for the 1.5 years he decided to take a break (or whatever) from the one he ultimately wanted to be with. I think you should be making it clear you are not willing to do anything relationship-related until she is fully emotionally available to you and has her own issues sorted out. Your relationship together will be very flawed if her relationship with herself is not healed. M2125 is so right! I too got involved with someone who's heart was elsewhere,we lasted 10 months then she dumped me to go back to him, her ex. Hurt like hell! Link to post Share on other sites
Author redblack66 Posted October 6, 2011 Author Share Posted October 6, 2011 M2125 is so right! I too got involved with someone who's heart was elsewhere,we lasted 10 months then she dumped me to go back to him, her ex. Hurt like hell! Tell me about it, second week I am total zombie and 14lbs down. My work is suffering too. This happens a week after I receive text saying how she feels optimistic about our relationship, and how she sees her future with me. She even wished me happy anniversary, 8 month mark, and thanked me for being in her life. Around the same time I stayed with her mom and her daughter and their house and made pancakes for breakfast. Her mom likes me big time. She and I discussed literature, etc. There is nothing I can do, I have said and done everything. I am pretty sure it will not work with the other guy, as for these things to work, one needs solid foundation, and I do not see how she understands this, let alone build it. Link to post Share on other sites
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Author redblack66 Posted October 9, 2011 Author Share Posted October 9, 2011 (edited) Ignoring all the smelly spam I too am going through a similar situation. My gf, who split up with me on friday, doesn't exactly want to go back to her ex but she still has unresolved anger over how her previous relationship ended, I was with her 9 months and her relationship ended 6 months prior to us meeting. The way her ex left her feeling left her very vulnerable and has led to all manner of ****ed up situations, none of which involved me and has ultimately ruined a good relationship. She says she wants to be with me but can't because it's not fair on me or her at the moment, I agree with her really. I've done pretty much what you did, she knows how I feel and I haven't contacted her since, this is stuff that no one can sort out but herself. I'm due to meet her this week but i'm not going to get my hopes up because what's happened in the last few months is so absurd I could probably write a book about it. This has been the best and worst year of my life and I have learnt a lot from it. Mainly that if there's even a hint of issues with their ex in the future, I'm running and if they have any sign of being friends with someone who is, frankly, psychotic and shouldn't be on the streets then i'm running far, far away! Good luck, let's see what happens for the pair of us eh? Simiilar situation. She has unresolved issues the way she broke up with previous guy. I was supportive and patient when she was in her depressive moods, and the moment she felt better, she decided to go back. Actually, the only thing I know is that they are talking. I was the only man treating her with respect and understanding, as she says. I would talk to her only if she wants to give it another try. Otherwise, what is the point. BTW, I am in Canada and today is Thanksgiving. We were supposed to go to her mom's house. I am tempted to text "Happy Thanksgiving", but I don't think it is a good idea. What do you think? She has not said we are done. Her arguments were I was too demanding about sex, I pay too much child support, and this guy's daughter and her daughter played very well. Edited October 9, 2011 by redblack66 Link to post Share on other sites
Author redblack66 Posted October 9, 2011 Author Share Posted October 9, 2011 Wow our situations are almost identical! You still seem on good terms, like you both want to be with each other but it's a matter of poor timing. I say send her the text, it's my ex's birthday this week and i'm going to send her a simple happy birthday text. I'm sure others will disagree but I don't see the harm it can do. If it was a breakup where she didn't wanna be with you because she's fallen out of love with you or whatever i'd stick to no contact. They are textbook examples of rebound relationships. We have not had any issues. She cannot enjoy herslf, but this is how I was, I understood it and was patient. So friends, should I text and say "Happy Thanksgiving. Please send my regards to your daughter, parents and sister." Nothing else. Link to post Share on other sites
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M2155 Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 I told her to sort out her feelings and let me know. I am going full no contact. To text would not be "no contact." It depends on your objective in sending the text, it sounds like "hey I'm thinking about you." If that's what you want, then ok. If she is pursuing a relationship with her ex, I would definitely not. For Fats it sounds like she prefers him over the ex and was really open with him about needing some space. Link to post Share on other sites
Author redblack66 Posted October 9, 2011 Author Share Posted October 9, 2011 To text would not be "no contact." It depends on your objective in sending the text, it sounds like "hey I'm thinking about you." If that's what you want, then ok. If she is pursuing a relationship with her ex, I would definitely not. For Fats it sounds like she prefers him over the ex and was really open with him about needing some space. Thanks. I did sent "Happy Thanksgiiving! Say Hi to everrybody" I have no idea what she is pursuing, but I am assuming the worst. I think it was a mature thing to do. I got the "need some time" too a few days ago. Link to post Share on other sites
Desensitized Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 After almost nine months of dating and talking on the phone several times a day, she says she still has feelings for last boyfriend and not fair to me. What do I do? Apparently, he treated her like s**t, bad boy syndrome? A week ago we were talking marriage and living together for ever. I told her to sort out her feelings and let me know. I am going full no contact. It always surprises me how selfish some people can be and just jump into a relationship for the sake of rebounding. The false love they give to the new boyfriend/girlfriend is by far one of the meanest things they can do. I'd say remove this person from your life, this isn't fair to you at all. I would be incredibly upset if I were you, but cheers to you for holding your cool. Find yourself a quality woman. Link to post Share on other sites
Author redblack66 Posted October 9, 2011 Author Share Posted October 9, 2011 It always surprises me how selfish some people can be and just jump into a relationship for the sake of rebounding. The false love they give to the new boyfriend/girlfriend is by far one of the meanest things they can do. I'd say remove this person from your life, this isn't fair to you at all. I would be incredibly upset if I were you, but cheers to you for holding your cool. Find yourself a quality woman. False love, this is VERY well said. I am incredibly upset, I opened up my heart for her, I feel like s***, but keeping my cool. Essentially, I was cheated. Surely, she said she was in love with me, loved me very much, talked to everybody about me, especially at work, and so on. What goes around comes around. She will be dumped out of the blue, but not my problem anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Author redblack66 Posted October 10, 2011 Author Share Posted October 10, 2011 To text would not be "no contact." It depends on your objective in sending the text, it sounds like "hey I'm thinking about you." If that's what you want, then ok. If she is pursuing a relationship with her ex, I would definitely not. For Fats it sounds like she prefers him over the ex and was really open with him about needing some space. She texted me her parents asked about me and she took our pet with her. I think I "played" it well. Now I go dark, promise. She will be back. Link to post Share on other sites
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