Why do some people think having one child is a bad thing?

[anne1707]

Hence, I would consider that the parent is damaged in some way by their own childhood experiences if they did not have another child to avoid something such as sibling rivalry. I don't mean pyscho damaged. Just skewed.

 

Therefore, I cannot relate to your very generalised statements that people think that siblings are supposed to love each other etc.. this is not the case. Often closeness comes later in life for some siblings, sometimes not at all. That is usually something to do with family dynamics, or clash of personalities. Sometimes there is no casue for concern and they get on fine. But it still comes back to the parents living out their vision of what they feel is right for them.

 

So, yeah, have a single child if you want but it is not a superior decision based on the reasons outlined if it is simply an avoidance strategy. The power of bias is a very strong thing. As such I can only conclude that those who were single children will be more likely to continue with such a pattern as it is part of their world view. The reverse is more than likely true also.

 

Wow! Eve!

 

You accuse someone of making generalised statements yet you have just said that those who choose to have one child are damaged and are making an inferior decision as an avoidance strategy.

[Eve]

Wow! Eve!

 

You accuse someone of making generalised statements yet you have just said that those who choose to have one child are damaged and are making an inferior decision as an avoidance strategy.

 

 

Deciding not to have a further child based on avoiding potential sibling rivalry is a rather strange idea. Looking at what that is based on is valid.

 

Therefore I was looking at what I see as mixing up two different experiences.. and garnishing one as somehow superior without looking at bias. The bias is sufficient explanation.

 

Anyhow, I have no need for accusations. Please stop being so alarmist to my posts.

 

Take care,

Eve x

[anne1707]

Deciding not to have a further child based on avoiding potential sibling rivalry is a rather strange idea. Looking at what that is based on is valid.

 

The OP has not stated that their decision to have only one child is because of concerns over sibling rivalry. The bulk of discussion has focussed on whether a child is more selfish/less sociable if an only child and there being examples of children who have siblings who are selfish etc. That is not about rivalry, that is about the child's personality and upbringing by the parent.

 

 

Therefore I was looking at what I see as mixing up two different experiences.. and garnishing one as somehow superior without looking at bias. The bias is sufficient explanation.

 

There has been no mention of superior/inferior decisions until you said the OP's decision making was not superior. Are you perhaps letting your own bias for having a larger family influence your negative reactions to the OP.

 

 

Anyhow, I have no need for accusations. Please stop being so alarmist to my posts.

 

You were the one making accusations saying people were damaged or skewed in their thinking. Do you not see how that could be interpreted as offensive or insulting?

 

And yes, I am alarmed when someone makes such a blanket statement against those whose views/attitudes differ to their own.

[Eve]

The OP has not stated that their decision to have only one child is because of concerns over sibling rivalry. The bulk of discussion has focussed on whether a child is more selfish/less sociable if an only child and there being examples of children who have siblings who are selfish etc. That is not about rivalry, that is about the child's personality and upbringing by the parent.

 

 

 

 

There has been no mention of superior/inferior decisions until you said the OP's decision making was not superior. Are you perhaps letting your own bias for having a larger family influence your negative reactions to the OP

 

 

 

 

You were the one making accusations saying people were damaged or skewed in their thinking. Do you not see how that could be interpreted as offensive or insulting?

 

And yes, I am alarmed when someone makes such a blanket statement against those whose views/attitudes differ to their own.

 

Yes, personality and temperment are also factors. Sibling rivalry could be said to be the outcome of much discord in families - which children with siblings are heavily linked to in just about every post here. This is undeniable. So, in re-reading the posts I would disagree with your statemtent that the OP has not raised a tone that what he is stating is superior. In essence just as you want to make sure that there is balance within posts, I do too. There can be a tone of smugness here on LS, like posters know something 'better' than others, which is the root of my bias in posting, not because I have a bunch of children, with more to come.

 

Anyhow, I have made my points, which were not rocket science. Clearly the OP wants to follow the way he was raised as opposed to following the usual route of wanting to provide an opposite sexed sibling, as is the usual hope of many who are first time parents. That's it! Each to his own. Things do become difficult only when either side tries to be superior.

 

On examining reasons why each side is different there can be views which do outline negatives as well as positives. I suppose I see it as unrealistic to try to capture one side as being defintively better. I suppose I have not lost my fascination that oppressive language and gesticualtions are so acceptable when encased in basically judging other families. This to me is not a good characteristic to hold and negates the positives often provided to why a person holds a bias in the first place.

 

Finally, I would find your posts more helpful if you put your views into view rather than critique my views. In essence, as we are completely different people, as such there is little to no comparison between our posts. So I would be grateful for your view to be reflected in future posts more openly. This is the third occasion where I am your topic rather than the topic at hand and I would like it to be the last.

 

Take care,

Eve x

[Micki]

So, in re-reading the posts I would disagree with your statemtent that the OP has not raised a tone that what he is stating is superior. In essence just as you want to make sure that there is balance within posts, I do too. There can be a tone of smugness here on LS, like posters know something 'better' than others, which is the root of my bias in posting, not because I have a bunch of children, with more to come.

 

I wasn't being smug or saying that having one child is superior. I was asking why people feel having one child is a bad thing. I don't care how many kids others choose to have. I was pointing out that people with siblings can also be lonely or spoiled since people seem to stereotype the only child as being lonely or spoiled. I was just being fair.

Edited November 14, 2011 by Micki

[Eve]

I wasn't being smug or saying that having one child is superior. I was asking why people feel having one child is a bad thing. I don't care how many kids others choose to have. I was pointing out that people with siblings can also be lonely or spoiled since people seem to stereotype the only child as being lonely or spoiled. I was just being fair.

 

Where I live people call such questioning, 'making out', as under the surface there is an attitude which enjoys a freedom to detest. I would say that a huge part of human psychology is based on finding out whether a person perpetuates this trait or not. This is why I made sure to point out the opposite end. Even thought I am sure there are some who genuinely are happy with one child, I have seen situation where people take opportunity to look down on others who have different situations.

 

So, in real life terms if someone asks in the future if you intend on having more children, the likelihood is that it will be someone who cares about you. They may have had had further children and gone through something perfectly natural in wanting to have an opposite sexed sibling and may find it hard to understand your decision not to have any further children. For most this will be the basis of their questioning.

 

If a person responds that they don't want to have any further children because they did not get on with their own siblings, or because they don't want to be like .. whoever .. who has more than one child. Yes, the person will more than likely be thought to be of impunitive character.

 

All in all as comments will more than likely be coming from close friends and relatives I have learned that often there is some truth to their reckonings ... but overall, medical and financial issues are usually why people do not continue to have further children. As for a single child being spoilt, yes, I have seen many, many, many who are and some who are not. The 'apple not falling far from the tree' is probably the most common saying to describe this effect.

 

Take care,

Eve x