Author Surfer203 Posted June 25, 2012 Author Share Posted June 25, 2012 UPDATE: Life is going pretty well, feeling positive most of the time. I still have some dark moments but they are getting more rare. The divorce should be complete on July 30th. A few annoying things have popped up. Getting my stbxw's name off of the mortgage is a pain in the butt and I have to refinance but my home is under water. Very challenging and stressful. The other problem our joint credit card debt will remain on my credit card until it is payed off. She will have to pay her share but it will remain with me until it is payed off. Been dating a bit and actually went on a nice hiking date yesterday, nice gal. Feeling very optimistic and positive about my future. That's pretty much it, just wanted to type a bit here in case any of my old friends are still posting on LS. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jaymz Posted June 25, 2012 Share Posted June 25, 2012 UPDATE:The other problem our joint credit card debt will remain on my credit card until it is payed off. She will have to pay her share but it will remain with me until it is payed off. Can she not get a loan out and pay half the outstanding balance off? Good to hear your doing well buddy! Link to post Share on other sites
2.50 a gallon Posted June 25, 2012 Share Posted June 25, 2012 My Friend Surfer Glad to hear the great update. So the OLDS worked. Way to go As for finding the right gal, just let it happen. Be positive, be friendly with new women you meet, if there is an instant attraction, go with the flow, but most times if they are good looking, they already have male companionhip, be patient, talk to them, encourage them, and it don't hurt to once in awhile throw in personal ad about yourself. And every once in awhile you will be out and about and accidently run in to one of them while she is out and about. It's happened to me several times. I met my current GF 19 years ago, she was the new clerk at a convience store. I was awestruck immediately, but she had been living with a guy for several years. I was always nice, positive, and able to make her laugh. Then she quit her job and disappeared for over a year, and by luck one day I was driving down her street just as she went out to get her mail. Whipped a youie and came back to say hi. She had just broken up temporarily with the guy she was living with due to his drug problem. And while he was off cleaning up his act, she was going to try the dating scene. We exchanged number and I tried to get a date, but she wasn't ready, but two weeks later she called me and that was 17 years ago. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Surfer203 Posted August 10, 2012 Author Share Posted August 10, 2012 I am........ DIVORCED! It's official, went to court - took 5 minutes literally. Uncontested, didn't have to see my ex. I am happy that this is all over. In retrospect it was not such a huge deal... but when you are swimming in the misery of the situation it feels so terrible. Once you can step back and think rationally it's not so bad! I am happy to say, I have been seeing many women, sleeping with one regularly and have no intention of being in a relationship for a long time. I do not need to be tied down again for a very long time. Life is going okay, still struggling financially but I will make it through some how, my father has offered to help me a bit but I am reluctant to take any money, I want to try and do it by myself still. Anyway, I haven't been talking to the ex for quite some time and she sent a text yesterday after I told her we were divorced stating that she was having a hard time dealing with it. Not my problem anymore, so so so sorry! People, don't give up hope that you will feel better because you will. It's a process, sometimes a long one unfortunately there is no short cut. Please be strong and know that the bad times will inevitably pass and you will come out the other fine, stronger and wiser actually! My life has improved a lot but I won't say that I don't still love her or miss her because I really do. Keep moving forward, thanks again all that have supported me here. My journey is over.... for now! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
andyg99 Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 I am........ DIVORCED! It's official, went to court - took 5 minutes literally. Uncontested, didn't have to see my ex. I am happy that this is all over. In retrospect it was not such a huge deal... but when you are swimming in the misery of the situation it feels so terrible. Once you can step back and think rationally it's not so bad! see, if you only listened to us from day one you could have avoided a bunch of garbage!! just kidding! congrats on your new and BETTER life!!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Surfer203 Posted August 10, 2012 Author Share Posted August 10, 2012 andy: You know like me... when you are in the midst of the problem it is devastating and you begin to think and act irrationally. I really wish I could have woken up sooner. Link to post Share on other sites
reboot Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 It's all good Surfer. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted August 13, 2012 Share Posted August 13, 2012 Glad to hear that things are good, Surfer! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Surfer203 Posted August 13, 2012 Author Share Posted August 13, 2012 Thanks all! If any of you want to stay in touch, I will give you my email or Facebook info. Just send me a message. I don't log in here much and would like to keep in touch with many of you! -Matt Link to post Share on other sites
2.50 a gallon Posted August 13, 2012 Share Posted August 13, 2012 Congrats Surfer! As far as your Ex, yes you will move on, leave her behind and someday love again. But you also have to understand, that a little bit of her will always be in your heart. What I mean by that, I know in my heart that to seperate from my Ex was the right thing to do for me. There has been and will always be just a sliver of my heart that wishes it had never happened. And sometimes I wonder how our lives would have turned out had she never cheated, or that I had found a way to forgive and forget. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted August 13, 2012 Share Posted August 13, 2012 Good luck Surfer. Link to post Share on other sites
Steadfast Posted August 13, 2012 Share Posted August 13, 2012 As far as your Ex, yes you will move on, leave her behind and someday love again. But you also have to understand, that a little bit of her will always be in your heart. That's key. That realization. That is, if you truly loved them. If I can add one thing to this, it's to always be honest with yourself. It's the best way to keep from making the same mistakes over and over. Onward! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Surfer203 Posted August 14, 2012 Author Share Posted August 14, 2012 Thanks all - I couldn't agree more. Still a couple of things to handle but I am hoping to stay strong and get through the rest of this. Will always love her that's for sure. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Surfer203 Posted August 17, 2012 Author Share Posted August 17, 2012 coopster: Thanks buddy! Hope you are doing well too! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Surfer203 Posted November 28, 2012 Author Share Posted November 28, 2012 UPDATE: Lots of interesting things going on, figured some of you (if you still come to LS) might be interested in hearing. 1. I just started dating a really great woman, been seeing her for a couple of months and we made it "official". I finally met a great woman and am in a good place mentally, it took a long time but I am very happy. 2. My ex-wife is moving back to Canada before Xmas. So, that's good... she realized how bad she messed up and how horrible her life turned out due to her horrific choices. She is going home to be with her family which is for the best, what I always thought she should do. She wants to remain friendly. Two problems, she still needs to take some stuff from my house and wants to come over and pick it up with her father who will drive down from Canada to help. She wants to say a "proper" good bye. I don't want to do this. I feel it will set me back. I don't want to see her or hear her voice again to be honest. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
worldgonewrong Posted November 28, 2012 Share Posted November 28, 2012 Two problems, she still needs to take some stuff from my house and wants to come over and pick it up with her father who will drive down from Canada to help. She wants to say a "proper" good bye. I don't want to do this. I feel it will set me back. I don't want to see her or hear her voice again to be honest. Then don't do it. Put the stuff out or put it in a 'neutral zone'. She doesn't deserve your attention whatsoever, nor a 'proper goodbye'. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted November 28, 2012 Share Posted November 28, 2012 Then don't do it. Put the stuff out or put it in a 'neutral zone'. She doesn't deserve your attention whatsoever, nor a 'proper goodbye'. I suggest renting a storage unit for a month, and sending her the key and directions. It will be time and money well spent. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
2.50 a gallon Posted November 28, 2012 Share Posted November 28, 2012 There is no way that I could remain friendly with someone that I had deeply loved. Just too many unwanted emotions. My Ex tried that, as she also hoped to reconcile. I used to get Christmas, B-day and V-day cards from her for years. After the first one I recognized the rest, and into the trash they went unopened. Listen to GT and WGW. She might use the excuse I need to come inside just in case there is something of mine that you missed. If push comes to shove, have your new lady with you when you meet 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Steadfast Posted November 28, 2012 Share Posted November 28, 2012 Agree. I avoided my ex. It was the right thing to do. Now when I see her, it means nothing. Frankly, I'm amazed to say that. Didn't seem possible. Pass. Set the stuff out or take it somewhere else. Her memory of you will be, "He got fed up with my $hit" and that's exactly what you want. Good luck on the rest. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted November 28, 2012 Share Posted November 28, 2012 Or give her stuff to a mutual friend to meet her and have her take what's hers. There's no reason to see her if you don't want to - or if it may cause you any pain. So glad you're doing well! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Surfer203 Posted November 29, 2012 Author Share Posted November 29, 2012 Thanks all!! Good ideas regarding the storage facility. But yeah, I certainly don't want to see her I think it would be too painful and maybe open up the wounds again. I am trying to be nice and hoping that it will help her to keep making her debt payments to me. I have a feeling once she leaves for Canada those payments will probably cease. Link to post Share on other sites
2.50 a gallon Posted November 30, 2012 Share Posted November 30, 2012 Surfer I understand your wanting to avoid her and the accompanying hurt. I should warn you that you will never be able to totally purge her from your soul. You can move on in life and not think about her in years, when out of the blue, something will trigger you and you will be right back to last year My Ex and I met and lived for a couple of years in an apartment on the other side of town. It just so happens that it is close to my favorite hobby shop, so over the years I have driven past it maybe a hundred times, with no ill affect. That is until a couple of Christmas's back. It was a combination of things, gray overcast, light rain, and the damn radio played a song that reminded me of her, and I looked over at the window that used to be ours. In a flash, I was back to our first Christmas, I was a young 35 year old, instead of in my 60's, and she was a well built 20 year decorating our first Christmas tree, in black see through lingere and high heals. That was followed by the memory of us breaking up, and I was transported back to the darkness that immediately followed our break up. It totally caught me off guard. It did not matter that over 25 years had passed, and that I was happily in love and living with my current lady, who is so much better than what I lost with the Ex. The dreaded darkness was so bad that I had to get off the road and ride it out. It took a good 15 minutes of reminding myself that my life was so much better before the feeling went away. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Surfer203 Posted December 18, 2012 Author Share Posted December 18, 2012 2.50 - I agree completely, although I think about her less and less I know there will always be pain and love associated with the memories. I am okay with that, as long as they are at a minimum! SO....Update... Ex came yesterday and took the remainder of her belongings and she has moved back to Canada (currently en route) - so, that's huge. It was a bit sad and surreal but I'm glad everything is gone finally. Now I can REALLY move on. I also found a renter for my house, so in 2 weeks I am moving out. That should help as well with further separating from our past as a married couple. Things are going well other than that, new girlfriend is spectacular and I am very happy! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
2.50 a gallon Posted December 18, 2012 Share Posted December 18, 2012 Fantastic news my friend. You have had a great year 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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