jaymz Posted March 12, 2012 Posted March 12, 2012 Best of luck surfer, hope it all works out. Dont forget to come back and update us once in a while.
Author Surfer203 Posted March 13, 2012 Author Posted March 13, 2012 Honestly... thank you people. I don't think I am smug or thankless, that's horse sh**. I am extremely appreciative however, I have always followed my own path. I came for comfort in my tough times and I received that. Thank you. For any one who gives a crap... PM me if you want to stay in touch, I will give you my personal email. Take care all.
2sunny Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 The crux of the problem has always been that you handed all your power to the wife. Now you hand power over to this new gal. Your happiness is based on her. Hmmm When you learn to be happy all on your own - that is when you will feel balanced. That is when you will have something substantial to offer going into ANY relationship.
LifesontheUp Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 When you learn to be happy all on your own - that is when you will feel balanced. That is when you will have something substantial to offer going into ANY relationship. Bingo. Surfer always asks for advice, and decides to ignore those that don't pat him on the back and agree. There are patterns in his life. Its easier to follow those patterns than look at himself, and to learn and grow from his failed marriage. He is now seeking his confidence boosts from another woman. There are many other ways to get confidence boosted at such a time, but it is very telling that this is your agenda Surfer.
Author Surfer203 Posted March 15, 2012 Author Posted March 15, 2012 Untrue... you guys could not be more wrong. Not posting here anymore under my own thread, so you guys might as well stop too. Thanks again for those who cheered me up and gave advice, I appreciate it all whether or not I took it. I am done with this thread.
debtman Posted March 19, 2012 Posted March 19, 2012 Surfer, Sorry to hear that. As life goes on and continues to get better and better, after what was the lowest point of my life, I always appreciated all the input and advice I got on LS and learned to ignore or laugh at the input I knew wasn't helpful. Everyone is different, everyone has different paths and different perspectives...no one knows the "complete" story other than the people who are in it and, even then, not always...as we've all learned. Grains of salt... The point is, I would have had much more difficulty in the months after "learning" of my divorce if it weren't for LS, and I'll always come back here from time to time, post what I can that might help, and read other people's stories to remind me of how it felt to have life turn upside down. Every different perspective helps... Anyway, all that matters is that you're happy. Life is about learning, growing and discovery. It's an adventure that should be enjoyed. It's too short to spend unhappy, bitter or wondering "what if". Have fun, enjoy, and, every so often...throw an update. Thanks!
Author Surfer203 Posted March 19, 2012 Author Posted March 19, 2012 debtman: I will update but only because you asked nicely. Thanks my friend. You have been an inspiration, I was dying to feel like you felt. Move on and be happy again, I dreamed of it. It's here and I understand a lot of things I didn't now. My life is completely different and improved now. I hope anyone here that may be suffering as we have will soon realize happiness is going to come back to them, it's just a matter of time. Hard road but there is an end to it luckily! Cheers.
Author Surfer203 Posted April 27, 2012 Author Posted April 27, 2012 So... Update for all of yall. Finally have a divorce date from my lawyer... July 30th. Seems like a long way off, but the months fly by so that should be fine. Update on me... I have been dating, met 6 women since my wife moved out. One was going somewhere and then she got scared and bailed. The others are casual, friendly - just having fun. So for the time being I am having fun, doing great actually! Playing in a band again, doing my art and being very active. I am happy most of the time and life has really turned around. Update on the stbxw... she is depressed, lost her job, lives in a crappy ghetto area of NYC, has no friends nearby, her family does not agree with her choices, does not support her. She is upset that she lost her best friend and marriage. But it has ALL been her choice. She really did me a favor. She told me the other day that she loved me... sad sad sad. I want to tell everyone here struggling, don't give up hope. You WILL get through the trying times and in most cases, your life will improve. You learn a lot from this, you rebuild friendships and relationships with family, it's wonderful. My life has greatly improved and now that things are in perspective, my marriage WASN'T as amazing as I made it out to me, it just wasn't. Don't stop moving forward... I struggled to take advice here that I should have, advice that would have pushed me towards peace quicker. I fought the advice and caused myself more heartache and drawn out pain. Could have ended sooner but everyone moves at their own pace. Don't give up hope for a more positive and happy future, it WILL come. Thanks all. 2
2sunny Posted April 27, 2012 Posted April 27, 2012 Ahhhhh, Surfer- that's is SO good to hear that you're happy and moving forward!!!! Woot for you!
Owl Posted April 27, 2012 Posted April 27, 2012 Glad to hear you're still a success story, Surfer!!! =-)
Author Surfer203 Posted April 27, 2012 Author Posted April 27, 2012 Thanks! It was so hard, would never wish this on anyone but looking back.. this was for the best. Still young enough to have a bit of fun too, so that is my current plan.
Author Surfer203 Posted April 27, 2012 Author Posted April 27, 2012 coopster, my friend... haha I agree with you fully. I don't agree on the dating thing. Although, I do see the negatives in it, hahaha woman drama already and I'm not even divorced yet. But regardless, having fun!
2.50 a gallon Posted April 27, 2012 Posted April 27, 2012 Way to go Surfer It is sad to say, but Divorce was the best thing that ever happened to me! As for the dating, don't listen to the naysayers, she broke her vows and the marriage was over the second she moved in with her boyfriend. Now all you are waiting for is the paper work from the government, for their record keeping. As for getting serious, it might happen, but I wouldn't get in a hurry, as who knows who might be coming around the corner tomorrow, or a year or two from now.
Author Surfer203 Posted April 27, 2012 Author Posted April 27, 2012 Thanks 2.50 - I agree! Just paperwork at this point. No rush at all, plenty of time and I think now is the time to be picky as ever. Never settling for some one again.
andyg99 Posted April 27, 2012 Posted April 27, 2012 hahaha woman drama already and I'm not even divorced yet. laugh now, cry later... I'd wait until all was final but that's just me... have a great life!
Ms. Red Posted April 28, 2012 Posted April 28, 2012 So glad to hear some good news and see you with a positive attitude Surfer. Boy you sure did it at your own pace. There were times I wanted to smack you upside your head. LoL But I knew it had to be the right timing for you and no matter what any of us said you couldn't be rushed. I'm glad you're through the worst part of it and heading near the end of the road. I wish you well!
findingnemo Posted April 28, 2012 Posted April 28, 2012 I'm so happy for you, Surfer. You are a testament that one can move on, become stronger and begin to feel peace again. Good luck!
Steen719 Posted April 28, 2012 Posted April 28, 2012 laugh now, cry later... I'd wait until all was final but that's just me... have a great life! Good quote....and true. Best to you, Surfer. You sure have been through it and I bet you thought you would never get on the other side.
robf1971 Posted April 29, 2012 Posted April 29, 2012 Surfer, Good for you. You deserve all the fun you can get after what you've been through. Keep posting!!!
Steadfast Posted April 29, 2012 Posted April 29, 2012 She told me the other day that she loved me... sad sad sad. My ex has told me that many times since our break up. I believe her, inasmuch as knowing what her capacity, understanding or expectations of love are. But she isn't in love with me, and that makes all the difference. Yours isn't either surfer. my marriage WASN'T as amazing as I made it out to me, it just wasn't. A glimmer of hope here and a true sign that you are -in fact- moving on. When I first joined and began posting, I was already divorced but absolutely not over her. Like most, my head was reasonable (and reasoning well) but my heart...well, the heart feels what it feels. A poster here suggested I stop regarding my ex as a wife and start looking at her like I would any other person. A cold, hard, honest look. And that, in the end, is how the heart is healed. Reasoning is not a healer. Reality is the healer.
Author Surfer203 Posted April 30, 2012 Author Posted April 30, 2012 Thanks all! To echo what many of you are saying.. it is so difficult to say any other reality than your current situation. It's nice to finally be able to step out of that mindset and put things in perspective. Hardest thing I have ever dealt with and hopefully it will be the hardest I ever have to. This has certainly taught me many lessons and changed my life drastically. Again, thank you for all of your help along the way - sorry to be so stubborn at times. I will keep updating a little here and there until the divorce is final.
Author Surfer203 Posted April 30, 2012 Author Posted April 30, 2012 Yeah, I will... but will start going to the "dating" section for advice, different advice. haha
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