Imajerk17 Posted September 16, 2011 Share Posted September 16, 2011 Tell him you met someone else. Or that you're overwhelmed with prospects. Yes it's a lie in that it is not the reason you're not interested in pursuing further, but it serves the purpose of letting him know that you will not be going forward with this, while sparing his feelings. That is all you are obligated to do at this point. Meanwhile, don't message with guys who don't have pictures! Link to post Share on other sites
Author red shoes Posted September 16, 2011 Author Share Posted September 16, 2011 Tell him you met someone else. Or that you're overwhelmed with prospects. Yes it's a lie in that it is not the reason you're not interested in pursuing further, but it serves the purpose of letting him know that you will not be going forward with this, while sparing his feelings. That is all you are obligated to do at this point. Meanwhile, don't message with guys who don't have pictures! This sounds like a good idea! Here's hoping he doesn't check up on whether I still log on. Link to post Share on other sites
Imajerk17 Posted September 16, 2011 Share Posted September 16, 2011 This sounds like a good idea! Here's hoping he doesn't check up on whether I still log on. Well, you're messaging several guys and you just can't move forward with all of them. Or at least, so the story goes... Link to post Share on other sites
Abhuman Posted September 16, 2011 Share Posted September 16, 2011 Tell him a white lie or simply stop talking to them. It's what I do. It's what women do to me. Doesn't bother me. But some of my friends say if they tell a dude they aren't interested it often acts as a challenge to them and they won't go away. So it's easier to just go silent. Link to post Share on other sites
Disenchantedly Yours Posted September 16, 2011 Share Posted September 16, 2011 I still say give the guy a chance. BUT if you can't do that then just tell him simply, "We've talked for a bit now and I just don't think we are compatible after all. But thank you for spending time to talk with me." This way you ARE being honest but you don't have to let him know it's about his looks AND you are acknowledging that HE did spend time to talk with you and you feel appreciative of that. Because each person we meet teaches us something different about ourselves. Link to post Share on other sites
LittleTiger Posted September 16, 2011 Share Posted September 16, 2011 How about: "It's been interesting talking to you, but I don't feel there's enough of a connection between us to take it further. I wish you all the best with your search." Link to post Share on other sites
Thornton Posted September 16, 2011 Share Posted September 16, 2011 I think it's usually worth meeting someone, unless their photo is truly hideous. You really can't rely on photos. I once met someone from a dating site whose photo looked ok, and he turned out to be extremely unattractive in person (much of that was due to the fact that he didn't walk straight, and had bad teeth and greasy hair, neither of which were obvious on the photo). In comparison, my last boyfriend wasn't someone I'd ever have chosen based on his photo, but I found him extremely attractive because he was bright and confident with good body language. Link to post Share on other sites
oaks Posted September 16, 2011 Share Posted September 16, 2011 I think it's usually worth meeting someone, unless their photo is truly hideous. You really can't rely on photos. I once met someone from a dating site whose photo looked ok, and he turned out to be extremely unattractive in person (much of that was due to the fact that he didn't walk straight, and had bad teeth and greasy hair, neither of which were obvious on the photo). In comparison, my last boyfriend wasn't someone I'd ever have chosen based on his photo, but I found him extremely attractive because he was bright and confident with good body language. I've tried this a few times lately - ie gone on dates with people where I would not have chosen them based on the photo but with the knowledge that often people turn out better in real life. I've been disappointed with the results, so I'm going back to the "must find the photo attractive" approach. Link to post Share on other sites
LittleTiger Posted September 16, 2011 Share Posted September 16, 2011 I've tried this a few times lately - ie gone on dates with people where I would not have chosen them based on the photo but with the knowledge that often people turn out better in real life. I've been disappointed with the results, so I'm going back to the "must find the photo attractive" approach. It's the 'good looking' people who look better in real life because they won't necessarily put up their 'best' photos. Mr or Ms Average will put up the most flattering photo they can find, which is why they may not come up to scratch in the flesh! That's my theory anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
oaks Posted September 16, 2011 Share Posted September 16, 2011 It's the 'good looking' people who look better in real life because they won't necessarily put up their 'best' photos. Mr or Ms Average will put up the most flattering photo they can find, which is why they may not come up to scratch in the flesh! That's my theory anyway. Yes, that matches my experience. Link to post Share on other sites
Author red shoes Posted September 16, 2011 Author Share Posted September 16, 2011 I still say give the guy a chance. BUT if you can't do that then just tell him simply, "We've talked for a bit now and I just don't think we are compatible after all. But thank you for spending time to talk with me." This way you ARE being honest but you don't have to let him know it's about his looks AND you are acknowledging that HE did spend time to talk with you and you feel appreciative of that. Because each person we meet teaches us something different about ourselves. How about: "It's been interesting talking to you, but I don't feel there's enough of a connection between us to take it further. I wish you all the best with your search." Thanks, DY and LT. This keeps the part about his looks away but it comes across as lame in the sense that I'm only saying we don't click after having seen his photo, no? I think it's usually worth meeting someone, unless their photo is truly hideous. You really can't rely on photos. I once met someone from a dating site whose photo looked ok, and he turned out to be extremely unattractive in person (much of that was due to the fact that he didn't walk straight, and had bad teeth and greasy hair, neither of which were obvious on the photo). In comparison, my last boyfriend wasn't someone I'd ever have chosen based on his photo, but I found him extremely attractive because he was bright and confident with good body language. He's far from hideous. What I haven't said is I'm just not attracted to guys of his race. This is going to sound really like racism but it's not. My best friend is of the same race but I just don't find guys of that race attractive. Link to post Share on other sites
oaks Posted September 16, 2011 Share Posted September 16, 2011 Thanks, DY and LT. This keeps the part about his looks away but it comes across as lame in the sense that I'm only saying we don't click after having seen his photo, no? Well, unless you're going to be deceptive by carrying on talking with him and then later reject him (which sounds like a worse option) then, yes, he'll spot the timing. So what? Link to post Share on other sites
Mr.Fantasy Posted September 16, 2011 Share Posted September 16, 2011 How do you tell a guy you finally saw a picture of after a few messages on online dating that he's not your type? I don't want to hurt his feelings though. Just try cooling it down and see if he knows how to take a hint. If presses then say "you're nice but not for me and you're looking for a certain other type". Link to post Share on other sites
Author red shoes Posted September 16, 2011 Author Share Posted September 16, 2011 Well, unless you're going to be deceptive by carrying on talking with him and then later reject him (which sounds like a worse option) then, yes, he'll spot the timing. So what? Not at all. I don't want to waste his time but just want a best of the worst ways of telling him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author red shoes Posted September 16, 2011 Author Share Posted September 16, 2011 Just try cooling it down and see if he knows how to take a hint. If presses then say "you're nice but not for me and you're looking for a certain other type". What certain other type? He's continued talking to me so I doubt I can say that about him looking for another type now. Link to post Share on other sites
LittleTiger Posted September 16, 2011 Share Posted September 16, 2011 Well, unless you're going to be deceptive by carrying on talking with him and then later reject him (which sounds like a worse option) then, yes, he'll spot the timing. So what? Exactly! Whatever you do, however you do it, he'll know it's because of his photograph. My suggestion was a just a better way of saying it than 'I don't fancy you'. The outcome is the same, whatever you say to him. You're rejecting him - c'est la vie! Unless you want to end up married to him you'll have to do it at some point. Better sooner than later, don't you think? Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted September 16, 2011 Share Posted September 16, 2011 Thanks, but I don't like the look of you. You look too fat / red / spotty / boring / short / white for my liking. Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted September 16, 2011 Share Posted September 16, 2011 This is going to sound really like racism but it's not. Strictly speaking, you are expressing a racial preference which is the nub of racism. I doubt you're an exponent of ethnic cleansing Indians from Uganda or anything like that, but it is a racial choice. If, however, there's something specific about his physiology that you don't like then that's not racial, is it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author red shoes Posted September 17, 2011 Author Share Posted September 17, 2011 I dreamed that he came to look for me with his family and wanted to carry this forward. I think I have my answer as what I should do. Snip it in the bud. I just still procrastinating and thinking of what best to say. Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 Tell him you have AIDS Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 I'd say nothing, I'd just cease communication and call it a day. Having said that, I'd never even consider having a first exchange with someone without having seen a picture. Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 There is a question where women are ask would date outside your race. The answer is NO! This is the issue online as well. That's why those who don't post their images might just get that date and have a good time. Since the person don't know what race your and what you look like. To them they now know who your by your IM and realtime phone calls. This is how it should be. But some how a photo is needed to have the online date craze started. So all these women prejudge you based on race and what you look like. If you don't look like them they don't contact you at all! Link to post Share on other sites
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