In love with my best friend...GOING INSANE!

[CHl2iS]

PLEASE BEAR WITH ME, THIS IS SORT OF LENGTHY AND I RAMBLE QUITE A BIT...BUT THIS IS HOW MUCH I AM CONSUMED BY THE THOUGHT OF THIS WOMAN!

 

I'm completely losing my mind. I cannot function. I find myself zoning out thinking about this girl whenever I do...anything.

 

Let me start off with how we met. We met over the phone. It was the weekend of my high school re-union and I was hanging out with my friend. This girl, Holly, ended up calling him. He was drunk and decided he didn't want to talk to her...so he handed me the phone. It was probably midnight. We stayed up until 8 in the morning talking. We have stayed in touch almost every day since and have been best friends for over a year now. We eventually developed feelings for each other...strong ones...a couple weeks into talking to each other. We started telling each other we love each other.

 

...tried to actually have an intimate long distance relationship...but it never really worked out...so we promised to remain friends. We talked every day...sometimes ten hours a day. Whenever we were upset, we would call each other no matter what hour of the day. Throughout our friendship she has been with 4 guys in serious relationships, all have which have had a falling out. Around that last relationship, I ended up moving out on my own and had a room mate and was attending college at the time. I ended up becoming less available to this girl, thus causing us to slightly grow apart..but we still talked at least 3 times a week.

 

By the time I ended up moving out...I have also had a falling out with every single person I was friends with...until I was literally left with no one but this girl. Now, needing a friend more than ever...she is now wrapped up in a relationship with someone and living with this person. I have also told her that I am still in love with her and always will be. I can't get close to anyone, I can't do anything I like to do...I feel completely lifeless because I only get to talk to this girl once a week now for about an hour...and I am worried in the back of my mind that she will be with this guy forever...although she doesn't talk about him nearly as much as she used to talk about other guys to me. She also tells me she still loves me, and for some reason I feel she is keeping me around for more than just mere friendship...like...if things go sour between her and the man...or something?

 

i just feel like she is still keeping me around for some reason. She still tells me I'm her best friend, and things haven't changed between us. She also said when I go visit her, we will be able to have alone time together. If it was any other girl, she would have stopped talking to me a looooong time ago the moment she entered a relationship. This girl has shown a level of dedication to me no one in my entire life has ever showed me...and it has been impossible for me to find another girl as perfect as this one. I truly believe this girl is the only girl for me...and I have completely given up on other women...although I still try...but everyone I talk to and date always ends up letting me down in some way...or they just can't measure up to this girl.

 

If I could describe perfection in every way possible...this woman would be the physical form of it. I love her so much and I know I always will. I'm just hoping she will give me another chance. The only thing that has kept us apart is distance...and now that I'm ready to commit and get on a plane and go see her...she has a serious boyfriend. WHAT DO I DO!!!!

Edited September 15, 2011 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Courtesy paragraphs

[WordvAction]

What do you do? You run for the hills and never turn back. Stay away from this girl. I was in your shoes. You are as deep in the friendzone as one can get, and this girl will never see you as anything more than a bestfriend unless you fall off the face of the earth. Do you really think she would talk about other guys to you if she really loved you?

 

I've been in this position as I'm sure many guys have growing up. You become insanely close to a girl, never make a move, listen to all her problems, and answer the phone at her every call; all the while thinking she's developing feelings for you. This is going to be the hardest part for you to hear, and I am 95% sure you won't listen to me anyway, as I didn't listen to others when I was in your shoes. She's Just Not That Into You.

 

You need to cut off all contact from her, which will be one of the hardest things you'll ever have to do. In the end, you will become a better person for it, even if you don't feel that way right now.

[jeremy711]

I'm in somewhat of a similar situation where my "best girlfriend" is also someone i love, admire, and infatuated with. I know what you mean where you zone out, and thoughts of her are never far away. But "WordvAction" is right...you got to head for the hills in a crazy way. Its bad having someone dictate your feelings that much that isn't your partner. not healthy. but I wish for you all the best....I know how hard this is. I'm still working on mine......

[CHl2iS]

well...i'm still gonna be her friend. i just can't abandon a relationship i have put so much into...and she has done the same amount...if not more. i've probably talked to her more in a year than people i have known for my entire life. that means something to me. plus she has done for me what no other person has. she's been too good to me. and if she's not that into me...or doesn't care about me...i don't see why she has done what she has done...i dunno. i could be wrong. i'm a dummy. main thing i care about is just having her as a friend right now. i'm so used to being that it really doesn't phase me all that much...or maybe i'm in denial...just...not hearing from her for a few days makes me feel bad. it went from talking every day for 8 hours nonstop to once a week like...a month or two ago...all cuz of this other guy. and plus as far as talking about other guys...i talked about other girls with her. so it's not like i was overly obsessed. plus i know she has feelings for me...she has had them for me before...it's just distance...DISTANCE...i dunno...I DUNNO...at least i'm convinced of it. if i'm wrong...i need divine intervention to make me lose hope.

[CHl2iS]

First i want to say best of luck to you . And you have to dictate your feelings with cool mind.

 

by Gifteveryone

and what do you mean by dictate my own feelings? control them? or express them less intensely? or both?

[WordvAction]

It's funny and sad at the same time, you remind me of myself 8 months ago. I said the same exact things as you are now. That girl left my heart shattered in peices, and I still haven't recovered from it. I hope and pray that you don't have to go through what I did, but you need to understand you have no chance of getting this girl any time soon. I was in denial for a while as well, but you sound like an emotional tampon for her. Another word of advice; what girls say and how they act are two completely different things.

 

Just exactly is your plan? Talk to her for the rest of your life in the hopes of her one day falling in love with you? Look how much you are investing your own happiness into this girl. You said you feel lifeless and can't do anything you want to do because you only get to talk to her once a week. Is that the type of person you think this girl deserves? Is that what you think true love is? You need to really think about these things, and RE-READ THE TITLE OF YOUR THREAD! You're losing yourself to someone who is kissing and enjoying themselves with SOMEONE ELSE. You have to understand if its meant to be it will happen in time, but as for now, you have to completely remove this girl from your life in order to enjoy it.

 

I know how hard it is to let someone go that has become a central role in your life. I know how much your mind does not want to let go of the idea of being with her. Life is about timing; she's not the One for you, and she MAY NEVER BE THE ONE FOR YOU. I know you're going to tell yourself the pain of keeping her in your life as a friend is worth it. But you and I both know that's not true. She may have been there for you, but that's not true anymore. Look how much you two have faded. WHat you are longing for is the feelings you two had when you had those LONG conversations on the phone. You'll never get that same intimacy back with her any time soon. I hate being the one to tell you all this and I hope (I hate that word) it all works out for you, but you are heading down a DARK PATH.

 

Please, for your own sanity, let her go