utterly destroyed

[Spark1111]

OMG! Your heart is breaking in two and he wants to comment on the shape of your ass and why you never sent pics before?

 

RUN, RUN, RUN from this man. So if he butters you up, you will go back and have sex with him?

 

A compliment or two is all it takes with you for you to resume contact with this man?

 

WHAT are you doing to yourself here? He is calming down the wifey and is hoping to resume with you.

 

DO NOT TALK OR LOOK OR ENGAGE WITH THIS MAN or it will only be a matter of time before you are back in the thick of it.

 

PULLEAZE value yourself more.

[cupshalfempty]

I know. I'm just so confused right now. I do and don't want it to continue, I'm so inconsistant. I simply can't wait until I'm half way through the madness that is consuming me. I don't know why I feel the need to stay in contact. I do still love him and do still wish he was in my arms, but am also so angry and hurt. I can't wait until the angry and hurt surpasses the love crap. After the butt grab and calls about my behind, its making it a little easier though.

 

As for my job, I'm good @ it and it won't be compromised. Gossip happens and in my place of employment this will be gossip for a short time and then new gossip will come. I'm not concerned about that. I've never been overly concerned with what other people think, its what the ones I love think that matters. If people I don't socialize with beyong a working relationship "hey" think badly of me so be it. No one would tell me to my face and even if they did I'd take it and brush it off.

[wannabdone]

I know. I'm just so confused right now. I do and don't want it to continue, I'm so inconsistant. I simply can't wait until I'm half way through the madness that is consuming me. I don't know why I feel the need to stay in contact. I do still love him and do still wish he was in my arms, but am also so angry and hurt. I can't wait until the angry and hurt surpasses the love crap. After the butt grab and calls about my behind, its making it a little easier though.

 

As for my job, I'm good @ it and it won't be compromised. Gossip happens and in my place of employment this will be gossip for a short time and then new gossip will come. I'm not concerned about that. I've never been overly concerned with what other people think, its what the ones I love think that matters. If people I don't socialize with beyong a working relationship "hey" think badly of me so be it. No one would tell me to my face and even if they did I'd take it and brush it off.

 

 

Okay.... but stop and read what you just wrote. You said "you can't wait until you are half way through the maddness that is consuming you".... you will NEVER get half way there if you keep going back.

 

And your job is okay .....FOR NOW. But, that means this will blow over, you'll be fine, you did the right thing.....your boss means, that you move on with your life. S**t happens, we will work through this. However, your boss will not be so tolerable if you continue to go through this cycle and the office gossip never dies down. Because you keep this up, you will have days you feel good and work and then the next day....nothing. Office gossip will never stop as long as you are getting pinched on the ass and doing this.

 

Confusion in your head is one thing, confusion in your actions is another. You can and will be confused. You love him, you hate him, its NORMAL!!! I live through that daily. But do not allow your actions to follow what your head and heart are going through.

 

Plain and simple, you will never work through anything if you don't stop. Your job will be affected if you don't stop.

 

I know its hard. I get it!!! I want so badly to call my xMM just to hear his voice. My emotions are the VERY SAME as yours. But how can I ever get better if I continue. That doesn't mean we don't slip every once in a while....that happens.....and again is normal. But if your talking last night, today, texting, pinching on the ass, etc. Girl... I hate to tell you. You didn't slip and fall....you are down right now. Your not on that horse at all. You are not heading back into the cycle..... your in it.

 

So, what do YOU want? What do you need? Honestly.

 

I'm not trying to be harsh. I'm concerned for you, that you are not seeing that your right back in the middle of the cycle you just said almost killed you. Does that make sense?

[whichwayisup]

You were a mess until you found out he doesn't hate you. Now he's paid attention to you, made you feel better, what now? To pinch your ass then to continue contacting you .. After everything?? Kind of makes the past bunch of days pointless, doesn't it. It also shows him he can walk all over you, disrespect you as well and you'll sit there and take it, getting any kind of attention and reaction from him.

 

Sorry if my words are harsh, I'm ANGRY for you by how he's treating you and manipulating you (being nicey nice so you don't call his wife or do something else that will intefer with his marriage/life). I don't believe him being this way is sincere nor is it flattering.

 

Please think ahead and about the bigger picture here.

[donnamaybe]

Well, I'm glad that the stress of the first day after at work has come and gone. Now try to concentrate on your life and every time you feel yourself getting weak remember how he has treated you. Too many times I see AP, especially women (because most of us are nurturers), make excuses for the MM/MW. That is such a disservice to the one doing the excusing because all that means is you put up with crap you shouldn't be putting up with.

[Jessica232]

He'll be back. I've been in your shoes before. I am currently on our third time of NC, the first time I had told the wife. He came back after almost a month. I initiated NC the 2nd time, and we are now on our 3rd time, as he is not talking to me because once again I had contact wife his wife (though she requested it). I know he'll be back, and I know your MM will too. I feel your pain, I'm right there with you. Hugs!!

[awkward]

She told me if I wanted to pursue a relationship with him to talk to him.

 

Is this why you are still interacting with him? Do you still want to pursue a relationship with him?

 

Also, cat calls and ass pinching should remain out of your workplace. It might feel good because he's paying attention to you, but it's very disrespectful. How old is MM?

[jj33]

So today I went into work thinking he wouldn't be there. It was hard walking in knowing people knew.

 

I made contact. I called him. I guess I was looking for him to reveal his wrath to me. Instead he said he's not angry with me @ all. He's hurt me so bad he understands why I retaliated..I know where he is if I want to reach him.

 

Ok so I had a huge sigh. I felt so muich better. @ least he didn't utterly hate me. I didn't want to call him again but I'm a masochist and I left him a note saying thank you for being so understanding, ill always love you.

 

I went to go for my lunch and god he passed by me in the hall, and pinches my ass!!! Wtf is that? Are you fing serious!

 

I sat outside for my lunch hour and went back in and he left me a note that he went by me and whistled. ....ok. I replied back (yes I'm back in highschool) I didn't hear it sorry. Blah blah blah.

 

He called me about 4 times today. "Nice ass...etc. Do you want me to stop calling you? Etc" I asked him what he wanted and he stumbled and sarcastically says "are you recording this?" I answered "of course I am" he said he didn't want me sending any more pictures (oh I forgot that part before I think, I texted him pictures before I revealed the whole truth..kind of like a vengeful see what I could send but I'm not..she had his phone..) I told him I did what I did and I was finished. He went on to say it wasn't fair he had asked for pics before and I didn't send them too him. Wtf does that mean???

 

Anyhow right now I'm confused and angry.

 

On a side note my boss pulled me aside and said she doesn't think I did anything wrong and he's completely @ fault. If I had any worries over my job to not worry. This could never affect my job. And that not many people know, much less than I probably assume and I'd be surprised to know noone holds me in a bad view over this. I told her I'm a big girl, I outted myself and can handle the heat if people think badly. He was there for me, he gave me what I needed and I don't regret it. She commended me for it.

 

Cups Im glad you are feeling better but now is the time to SNAP OUT OF IT.

 

Ive been in your shoes and 4 years later I can tell you it doesnt change unless you make it change.

 

I also "told" (not his W she didnt care but people I thought would care who actually didnt care enough) but long after it was over when he wouldnt stop annoying me (to get my attention). I also thought he would hate me, actually I hoped he would so he would never speak to me again.

 

You are in the cat bird seat now if you want to be.

 

Your boss told you it wasnt your fault because he ASSUMES that its over. If you keep on with the games your boss will change his perspective so fast it will make your head spin.

 

This guy has signalled you that he doesnt care that you told and the game is still on and he is waiting for you to say oh yay!!! you still want me and my fine azz lets zip over to my place during lunch so I can show you how grateful I am.

 

If you WANT to continue being the OW go for it. The signs are clear that you have not lost his attentions.

 

If you dont want to continue the A, then tell him not to call you again. He asked do you want me to stop contacting you. Its easy if you are done to say yes. Dont ever contact me again.

 

Its your ego that is keeping you in there. You want to know that after all the hurt he caused that he still wants you. But why? Why is his approval so important to you? He is a jerk.

 

Unless you really are up for the A, then if you dont stop now you will end up getting hurt again and again. Even the little games hurt your self esteem because they are just little games feeding his ego.

 

The back and forth doesnt help you at all. Not in any way. It just allows you to believe in some part of your mind that its not really over and one day things will be different.

 

They might be if he were a different guy but after everythign that has happened, nice ass and wolf whistles arent the hallmarks of a guy who is struggling with whether to end his marriage. They are the hallmarks of a guy who is wondering if he can still get you back in the sack.

 

And believe me I know all the rationalizations you can make to say no this is different you dont understand. Its not different. A guy who communicates that way is not serious about a relationship. Hes serious about feeling bad that he hurt you and hoping you will suck it up and keep on seeing him when he has the time.

 

Im sorry you went through this but with your boss on your side you have an opportunity here to escape without consequences in the workplace. Grab it with both hands and dont look back at that guy.

[cupshalfempty]

Of course I want it to work out. I love him. So I'm conflicted and confused hurt and angry.

 

No I'm not pleased with his advances toward me yesterday. I feel completely disrespected. I know it should make it easier for me to wipe my hands of him. Honestly it made yesterday a little better. I wasn't shaking like I had been for the past while, I actually slept a little. But again shaking this morning. No I don't want the A to continue. That's part of the reason I told. I will get better, but right now I'm destroyed, my actions and emotions are completely out of wack.

[jthorne]

If gossip happens so frequently in your office, has it occurred to you that the ass grab and request for pictures was him showing off in front of his guy friends? Kind of a "hey guys, look what I bagged" kind of thing?

 

From my perspective, it looks like he's toying with you.

[1956peace]

being the other woman takes away all your rights and choices, you have to put some boundaries in place for YOU.

he will do this until you say no more, make him chose one of the lives he is living........

do you want to be someone's seconds for the rest of your life, you deserve more than that, the way he is treating both you and his wife is wrong and selfish.......this is the type of man YOU need and want........

I would look into yourself for a while and figure out why you are okay with this.....something in you says you don't respect yourself enough to stand up for YOU........

I would simply say unless he is willing to have a relationship only with you that you cannot continue like it is...........you will see you will lose out..........

That can't be all there is to your life......wake up and find someone who wouldn't treat you this way...........this is not love even if you convince yourself of that...........

I fear for you and what your life will be..............everyone deserves better than that, even OW...............

I am a BS and I can tell you first hand what pain I have gone through as the wife of a man that had a OW he worked with, it ripped my whole family apart...............and my husband didn't end up with the OW, he threw her out like garbage when the truth came out...........

He didn't want to have the gossip every time people saw them together or his children were around............you are fine behind the scene but not up front where everyone else has to see you...................

Get out now and have a life you deserve with a man that loves only you, it won't happen if you stay where you are, it will destroy you.........in the end you won't have anything......

[xxoo]

Cup, there is a thread on the marriage forum right now, but it could be on any relationship forum.

 

The topic is people who believe it is better that your partner loves you more than you love them. People who actually seek out relationships where they are more loved than they love.

 

It seems that this guy has TWO women who love him more than he loves either of them: you and his wife.

 

Think about it--you love him so much that a break up leaves you utterly destroyed. He, on the other hand, is pinching rears and whining about photos!

 

HE DOESN'T LOVE YOU THE WAY YOU LOVE HIM.

 

Saying he loves you does not mean he loves you. Talk is cheap.

 

He doesn't deserve your precious love and care. Your pain is wasted on a man who is using you for an ego boost

[26pointblue]

Of course I want it to work out. I love him. So I'm conflicted and confused hurt and angry.

 

No I'm not pleased with his advances toward me yesterday. I feel completely disrespected. I know it should make it easier for me to wipe my hands of him. Honestly it made yesterday a little better. I wasn't shaking like I had been for the past while, I actually slept a little. But again shaking this morning. No I don't want the A to continue. That's part of the reason I told. I will get better, but right now I'm destroyed, my actions and emotions are completely out of wack.

 

Cup,

 

Why do you love someone who treats you so badly? Who disrespects you & destroys you? Why do you go back, signing yourself up for more misery? Do you think it means you don't love yourself enough?

 

Also, I don't mean to be harsh but from one career girl to another, stop messing up your job!!!! I completely ruined my life by being with xMM & you are doing the same thing . . . not only letting him have your heart when he so doesn't deserve it, but also risking your job for him!!!! Your boss is being understanding because she thinks it's over but if you willingly go back for more, I'm quite sure she won't be as tolerant or happy with you. She just wants a civil work place & you are disrupting it by allowing your personal life to get in the way of work. Please please stop this before it's too late. At least initiate & execute a policy of not engaging with him in the workplace at all.

 

He doesn't love you enough or he wouldn't disrespect you, destroy you, & stay married. Please love yourself enough to put an end to this. You deserve better but you are willingly going back to someone who lied to you, threw you under the bus, & instead of being loving & taking action when you are so hurt & at your rock bottom, he is immature & selfish, pinching your butt & making sexual comments about you. He only wants you for sex, please let him go for good so you can go find someone who loves & cherishes all of you & shows you that consistently.

 

If you wanted your power & control back, here's your chance. Tell him LEAVE ME ALONE & mean it, & I guarantee you you will feel stronger & things will start to get better.