Author sid3 Posted June 9, 2004 Author Share Posted June 9, 2004 THE EX'S BDAY IS COMING UP HERE IN A FEW WEEKS. PROBABLY NOT A GOOD IDEA TO BREAK THE NO CONTACT AND SEND A CARD HUH? SOME ADVICE PLEASE! IF I DON'T SEND A CARD SHE'LL THINK I STOPPED CARING? UNSURE WHAT TO DO. Link to post Share on other sites
leonespatodos Posted June 9, 2004 Share Posted June 9, 2004 Thanks for the advice. Even a friend has told me to cut complete contact for a while. However, I know it's going to be difficult for me to follow it. I know what you mean about friendship and letting her be herself. I just don't want her to feel as if I'm ignoring her and then she's going to completely forget about me. What I'm going to do is judge her mood and reaction over the next few conversations and then decide whether to tell her about not contacting each other. At first it was shock, then emptiness followed by depression. Now I feel much better. I know what I need to do with my life and career. I hope this is a recovery. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sid3 Posted June 9, 2004 Author Share Posted June 9, 2004 BDAY? Post: 51 | Quote: THE EX'S BDAY IS COMING UP HERE IN A FEW WEEKS. PROBABLY NOT A GOOD IDEA TO BREAK THE NO CONTACT AND SEND A CARD HUH? SOME ADVICE PLEASE! IF I DON'T SEND A CARD SHE'LL THINK I STOPPED CARING? UNSURE WHAT TO DO. HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
lost_in_chgo Posted June 9, 2004 Share Posted June 9, 2004 No card is the general recommendation. It makes 'em think. I told mine many months ago that if she wanted flowers all she had to do was tell me it would be nice to get some flowers. If she doesn't she doesn't. But if she does she does. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sid3 Posted June 9, 2004 Author Share Posted June 9, 2004 I think your right, probably will make her think. Definately won't send a card. I was told by a mutual friend that things could be worse, I am thinking she may be missing me. Or I am delusional, it's either one or the other. Link to post Share on other sites
rukallstar Posted June 9, 2004 Share Posted June 9, 2004 hey sid-- do not send the card. has she contacted you at all in the last 3 months? i think she knows that you love her and how you feel. don't beat yourself up about all the things you could have done right, or should have done. you can't take it back, but you learn for the next relationship. well in a way your learn, honestly i think you just have to be in the right phase in your life for things to work out. both of you. sid i would reinvest in your friends, focus on work, join a gym, build yourself up. there are other women. the more desperate we feel about ourselves the more likely we are to turn to thoughts of our most recent lover. it' natural. but the simple truth if we feel like losers, then the world is going to percieve us as such. no woman wants a loser, least of all your ex. you have to be able to say goodbye. lost_in_chicago--i too am in chicago. i would hope that you stop contacting your ex, i think it only sends you back and reconfirms why she left you in the first place. you make yourself totaly available to her, while she is only selectively available to you. is that any way to behave...no. that's not an equal partnership. stop feeling down in the dumps, you will start meeting better people. when you feel like ****, you will attract ****ty girls. whenever i have felt confident, and that my life was in order, i have attracted the right type of girl. when i didn't feel that confidence, well i naturally attracted b-listers. that's the way life goes. why does a rich guy get a girl? not just because of money (although that helps, but usually not to the extent we think it does), but because of confidence. it comes down to the fact that if you're going to act like a beta male, then you're going to go out with beta females. if you're not downn with that, then act like an alpha and stop being weak and tell the bitch to **** off. i mean it's tortured your soul, she's not going to take pity on you and take you back. get on with your life, rock out in your career. maybe move to a different city. there are other women. you've been putting your life on hold for long enough, has she done the same. doubt it. leo, don't wait a few conversations. have an honest talk. say that you're not a beta male, you're not going to be her emotional tampon. i made that mistake once, only once. i have said this to women, who have tried to put me into the friendship zone. i'm honest, i have plenty of friends, if i'm sexually attracted to you and you're not then well i guess i'll move on. and no i don't want to hear about your problems. i'll listen to my next girlfriend's problems. it may sound insensitive, but it is the damn truth. women will agree as well. i had a rough patch in my life over the winter, now i'm building myself back up. and once that happens, i'll naturally attract the right type of girl. you honestly think that there is only one girl for you? it's like saying there is one job for you? we all make compromises. and honestly if you keep talking to her are you settling fundamental issues. is she all of sudden going to go, yep i've explored my sexual power over the last 2 weeks, i want you back. she isn't. she may in a year, she may not. go explore your sexual power, and see if she really is the right girl for you, because if you don't you will make yourself miserable on two fronts. one is that you will be moping around wondering why doesn't she want me back, two she will think you're a loser and not want you back. she'll be much more willing to talk if you take a good amount of time off and then talk again after both of you have truly explored whether the grass is greener on the other side. i know it sucks, and women always find someone else much sooner than men. that's the way of the world, but i think we're old enough to figure out it's no use thinking of what she's doing. who cares? she's not your girlfriend. if it's meant to be, it will happen. if it's not then you'll be happier it didn't. best of luck to all of you! Link to post Share on other sites
cutie_cat Posted June 9, 2004 Share Posted June 9, 2004 Hi, I'm new to this website - It's nice to know that I am not alone in what I am going thru and that people care enough to actually reply! I have no idea how long the no contact thing should go on for - mine's started today following a relationship lasting more than 7 years which I did not end... I saw him for the last time this morning and it hurts. I don't know if he will regret and return and I don't don't know how to move on in the mean time - I think it's great if people can reconcile... I hope this will be the case for me - I would forgive him just like that! This just hurts too much... how do you try and fall out of love with someone? Link to post Share on other sites
Author sid3 Posted June 9, 2004 Author Share Posted June 9, 2004 I have gotten a lot of advice from this post. I haven't moved on because I can't. It is that simple. The time hasn't come yet. I haven't heard from her in five months. I have been told by a mutual friend that I am doing a good job of giving her space. Yes she knows I love her. I have absolutely no interest in other women. probably seems desperate, but I am hopeful still. Although it is fading. I have let go in my mind, as much as I can anyhow. Hurts like hell, wouldn't wish this on anyone. Link to post Share on other sites
cutie_cat Posted June 9, 2004 Share Posted June 9, 2004 My thought on this is that whilst you love someone you sill always have hope. It's the falling out of love that is the hard part. I have been dumped because he claims he no longer loves me - I don't know if it is really true or whether it is what he has convinced himself of because he wants to make things easier for himself .. maybe in a sick way he thinks it'll help me get over him. One day I hope I hate him... he's not worth much more. or alternatively I hope I get the chance to turn him down.. !! I'm hoping absence makes the heart grow fonder and he'll realise he's a fool. Day one of no contact for me and already I'm struggling. Link to post Share on other sites
princessjulieanne Posted June 9, 2004 Share Posted June 9, 2004 I know its hard for no contact when all you want to do is hold the person one more time or hear their voice. But I can tell you it is much easier on you if you don't contact them. It has been just over a week, believe me its been a day by day hour by hour process and it hurts like hell. But each day its just a little easier to resist the temptation. This site is a life-line and anytime you have the urge to contact come to this site, you'll get a lot more support and feedback here. Take care of yourself and be true to yourself! Link to post Share on other sites
estakado Posted June 9, 2004 Share Posted June 9, 2004 Originally posted by sid3 I have gotten a lot of advice from this post. I haven't moved on because I can't. It is that simple. The time hasn't come yet. I haven't heard from her in five months. I have been told by a mutual friend that I am doing a good job of giving her space. Yes she knows I love her. I have absolutely no interest in other women. probably seems desperate, but I am hopeful still. Although it is fading. I have let go in my mind, as much as I can anyhow. Hurts like hell, wouldn't wish this on anyone. Whoo 5 months, and you know what? next month will be 6 and the month after that 7....bro you have to get yourself together and start thinking of yourself now. For reals bro, she is being selfish and not even thinking of you, so learn to lookout for yourself because she is not caring at all. I'm in the same boat, and I cant even think of other women and even enjoy some of the things that I'm used to. But you know what you have to try and start over and start realising that she aint gonna come to the door today. Thats what I tell myself every morning and it works. It makes me wanna live and try new things. Get all of your grief out and box up all her things and memories, then tell yourself she aint gonna knock on your door then clean your house and call family and friends to hang out. You dont have to let her go, but you gotta start living your life bro, if you feel depressed all the time then you will show it and other people will pick up on that...no one wants to hang around a killjoy. Keep posting bro and please try and be positive. I love my ex girl too but she dont love me. I wont stop loving my ex but I know that I gotta live somehow. So dont stop living and forget about giving her a card. She already knows that you love her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sid3 Posted June 9, 2004 Author Share Posted June 9, 2004 I'm trying to do what is best for me, right now it seems to be hard to even think about the things I enjoy. I will survive, just a whole lot of hurt. Doesn't seem to want to go away. I'm not finding comfort in it, they claim some people do. I can't move very far, but I am trying for inches. Have read quite a bit, have learned much. Time hasn't helped with the healing, trying to let it. The day may come when I will let myself move on, she has every right to choose who she loves.So I do not agree that she is being selfish. I think I am at the point where I need to be, even though it sucks. Things will get better, I'm going to try and see to it. Life teaches some really hard lessons. It's easier to push someone away than it is to pull them back. No card is what I know is the right thing, just needed to hear it from others as well. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
sara1974 Posted June 9, 2004 Share Posted June 9, 2004 lost_in_chgo Thank you for the advice! Estakads, I completely understand where your coming from. It's hard to leave. Especially when you get too comfortable with the person. I wish you luck Link to post Share on other sites
Author sid3 Posted June 9, 2004 Author Share Posted June 9, 2004 I've made it three weeks without sending an email, I had sent an email about once a month, so I can only say that there has been no contact for three weeks. There really isn't any need to send anymore. She knows how I feel about her. I wonder what it must be like to have someone who still loves you and is willing to give you space, mean while that person has no idea what the other is thinking. Guess it is better to be the dumper than the dumpee. But as always, I will admit I pushed to much. Now that I'm not making contact, there will be someone else wondering, maybe anyhow. Link to post Share on other sites
sara1974 Posted June 9, 2004 Share Posted June 9, 2004 I barely made it 1 day without wanting to pull my hair out!! I give you props for goin 3 weeks Sid3. It's hard to have no contact with and ex especially when there are still feelings involved. In my case we communicated with each other almost every day (text message, e-mail, phone whatever) yes it was refresher to hear his voice BUT and it only made it harder to leave him. I say "made" because we have just resently gottin back together (hopefully for the better). In all I do think it's best to have no contact to allow yourself time to heal and think with a clear head. Hopefully I made the right decision. Link to post Share on other sites
estakado Posted June 10, 2004 Share Posted June 10, 2004 YAY SID! Yeah man you can do it! Dont worry I'm pretty sure that she wonders about you everyday...she is just too weak to do something about it. Try to find some things that you used to do before you met her and you hang out with old friends..or better yet, find a new spot to make new friends. Its your time now bro. And Sara, nice that you got your love back, now that you do, you better concentrate on what makes you happy and if that dude is not with it then make sure that you have options. The more confident that you are then the more that your bf will try and understand you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sid3 Posted June 10, 2004 Author Share Posted June 10, 2004 thanks for the reply, it is encouraging. I try not to think about whether or not she is missing me or thinking about me. But I am happy about not contacting anymore, not taking away my love, just not going to be reminding her of it. She's mad, least I'm not, rather be hurt than pissed off i guess. Link to post Share on other sites
BrotherD Posted June 10, 2004 Share Posted June 10, 2004 Way to go SID!!!!! Soon you'll get your bearings back. And you'll start to heal. You will have good days and bad, but remember, she's probably AMAZED that you've "gotten over her.." and wonder (stew?) about what you're doin'... Most important, this is about YOU. Use this time to figure out what you can learn about yourself and why this one meant so much to you. What unfinished business from your past did this relationship resurrect? Link to post Share on other sites
Author sid3 Posted June 10, 2004 Author Share Posted June 10, 2004 Got really hit hard by grief today, sucks. Have been spending too much time thinking, I think. Came out of no where, hit me like a ton of bricks.Life seems to have stopped, feels like my soul left when she did. Nothing is enjoyable anymore. Although I am looking forward to maintaining no contact. I will do it! Guess that's something to be happy about.... Hope=Denial? More to think about. Link to post Share on other sites
asianpartyboy Posted June 11, 2004 Share Posted June 11, 2004 Way to go, sid3! Wow, three weeks. That's something to be proud of. I just finished my third day a few hours ago. It's tough, especially when she tried to contact me again but then hung up right away yesterday. I think she paniced when I told her that "I wish not to receive any further contact for [her], hope [she] understands". That's really a bad sign, it means that she is still not thinking right. I wish people wouldn't make rush decisions based on their feelings all the time. We all feel bad sometimes.... I will keep no contact as long as it takes for me to get over the break-up, or until she is not confused anymore. I pray that she will be able to see things clearer after NC for a while. Maybe then she will be able to sort out her feelings, for better or for worse. Either way it's going to help us. I know I am doing the right thing, but why I feel so painful all the time? I hope the pain will go away soon. A line from Sleepless In Seattle: "People who truly loved once are far more likely to love again". Hang in there, sid3. -asianpartyboy Link to post Share on other sites
Author sid3 Posted June 11, 2004 Author Share Posted June 11, 2004 Felt like making contact today, know it is not the right thing to do, so I won't. If nothing else I am not pushing, and putting my needs first. Tough day. Link to post Share on other sites
princessjulieanne Posted June 11, 2004 Share Posted June 11, 2004 Keep up the good work, its hard I know. Last night I had a moment of weakness, called him but luckily he wasn't home and he doesn't have call display. Didn't make me feel any better thought I was going to throw up I was so scare. Guess my brain is trying to tell me something...just hang on minute by minute day by day its not easy but you'll get through. Link to post Share on other sites
sara1974 Posted June 11, 2004 Share Posted June 11, 2004 I know it's hard Sid3 and Im glad your putting your needs first. You should come first! I wish I had as much strength as you when me and my BF broke up. I almost died after one day of no contact. Good Job! Hey todays my B-day everybody! Happy birthday to me!! Link to post Share on other sites
lost_in_chgo Posted June 12, 2004 Share Posted June 12, 2004 Happy b-day gorgeous! Let's make it the first day of another great year. Link to post Share on other sites
estakado Posted June 12, 2004 Share Posted June 12, 2004 Keep your head up Sid, theres lots of stuff to do on the weekend so take the time to walk around the park, visit some friends and relatives and/or take in a movie and a dinner. Its your life bro....if you do have the urge to talk to her, do yourself a favor and type her a letter on your PC instead. Dont mail the letter, but at least you will have your feelings on paper. Yay Sara Happy B-Day! Dont forget to post up B-day pics! Link to post Share on other sites
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