jolbell Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 I went out on a first date with a new guy Sunday night. I thought it went great but now I'm confused. We had dinner and he asked to extend the date and grab some coffee and walk around. We also sat and just talked for a few hours. Our dinner date ended up lasting 4hr+ and conversation flowed smoothly and we laughed a lot. We said both said we had a great time, I thanked him, he asked if I wanted to do it again 'sometime' (I said yes) and he said he'd call me. We hugged and then drove home separately. He texted me to make sure I got home OK and told me he had a good time. I replied that I had an awesome time. He replied he was glad I had a good time because "its no fun when only one person has the good time ;-)" and that I looked great. He hasn't called and now its Tuesday afternoon. Men, WHYYY???? Is this a bad sign?? Prior to our first date, we texted daily since we met and exchanged numbers. I really thought it went well and now I'm just wondering if he lied about wanting to call me and was just trying to be nice. But then I'm confused about why he wanted to extend our date by so long. Does the after-date text 'count' as interest? Or was that common courtesy? I've been out of the dating world for awhile...
Imajerk17 Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 How did you guys meet? Sunday night, Tuesday afternoon... It hasn't been 48 hours yet. Wait until Wednesday night at least...
oaks Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 He hasn't called and now its Tuesday afternoon. Men, WHYYY???? Is this a bad sign?? Prior to our first date, we texted daily since we met and exchanged numbers. So when was the last time you called or texted him? You've got his number...
Imajerk17 Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 (edited) So when was the last time you called or texted him? You've got his number... Yeah, he texted you last, so technically the ball is in your court. I'm not saying this to imply you're doing anything wrong by not texting him (he did say he will call), BUT he might be thinking that and so he hasn't texted you. Guys are as afraid of "blowing it" or "coming on too strong" as you women are. Wait until Thursday. If you don't hear from him by then, you can send him a text, asking him how his week is going. Edited September 6, 2011 by Imajerk17
Author jolbell Posted September 6, 2011 Author Posted September 6, 2011 So when was the last time you called or texted him? You've got his number... He told me he would call and I said I'd like that. So I know I need to give him sufficient time. I just don't know what 'sufficient' time means for him, because I thought I'd get the call yesterday. (Again, out of the dating world too long.) I'm wondering what the male mind is thinking when he decides *when* or *if* to call. Yeah, he texted you last, so technically the ball is in your court. Wait until Thursday. If you don't hear from him by then, you can send him a tex. Is it really in my court? I heard guys sometimes say they'll call just to be nice. So if that was his 'out' then I don't want to make it awkward by calling.
ScienceGal Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 I'd just relax if I were you. Give him until the end of the week. I went on a first date on a Thursday, and he didn't call until Wednesday (6 days later). We had a second date this past Saturday and he said he had a great time and wants to go out again. I haven't heard from him since his text on Sunday. But, then again, I have been posting in another thread about this... and it might be that I personally am not ready to date and just don't care enough. I remember what it was like to care, and waiting was the hardest part. Just try to be patient .
oaks Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 Is it really in my court? Communication is a two-way thing... it shouldn't have to be anyone's "turn", so if you want to have contact with him then why not initiate it?
DirtyDancing Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 I agree, it's only been two days. He doesn't want to come on too strong because he did tell you he wants to see you again and from my experience people don't ever say that unless they mean it. I'm with the others. Wait until the end of the week and if he doesn't call you first, it's not needy or desperate to drop a line saying hello. I should really take my own advice here...haha. I know, I'm in the same boat with you on this one on the whole who's gonna call who first thing.. it's maddening.
alphamale Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 Is this a bad sign?? no its not a bad sign. if he doesn't contact you by the weekend then its a bad sign
Author jolbell Posted September 6, 2011 Author Posted September 6, 2011 Oh gosh, yes, it is so maddening. Now I know! I did meet him online. I did not know what to expect, really. I've also been told I'm not the best at judging people/situations at face-value. In my OP I tried to be as objective as possible. Can someone please break it down for me? - He extended the date twice (coffee, then sit and talk). Do men you find on dating sites do this if they are not *very* interested? Maybe they do, if it is a particularly boring Sunday night for them?? - He asked me lots of questions about myself. He asked a few questions about my past relationships, which I tried to dodge. I answered them but not very explicitly. (Ex. Q: How long has it been since I left my last relationship? Answer: Long enough. Smile.) He complimented lots on my brains and looks and how surprised he was I don't get asked out left and right. - During our goodbyes, he asked if maybe we could do this again sometime and said he'd call. We had joked earlier about a guy not calling the girl after a first date. In reference to that joke, I sarcastically asked "will ya? <smirk>" and he grinned and nodded. But I can see now how it could've just been a courtesy to say that. - The 2 after-date texts. Was that a sign of interest or done for courtesy? Do men you find on dating sites do these things if they are not *very* interested? I will try my best to be a bit more patient. I'm just not sure how to judge how the date went anymore.
oaks Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 - He extended the date twice (coffee, then sit and talk). Do men you find on dating sites do this if they are not *very* interested? Maybe they do, if it is a particularly boring Sunday night for them?? Extending the date sounds like he was enjoying things at that moment, which is a good sign. It's hard to read much more in to it. - He asked me lots of questions about myself. He asked a few questions about my past relationships, which I tried to dodge. I answered them but not very explicitly. (Ex. Q: How long has it been since I left my last relationship? Answer: Long enough. Smile.) He complimented lots on my brains and looks and how surprised he was I don't get asked out left and right. It sounds like he's interested and likes how you look. Did you ask him anything? Or show interest in him, or compliment him in any way? - During our goodbyes, he asked if maybe we could do this again sometime and said he'd call. We had joked earlier about a guy not calling the girl after a first date. In reference to that joke, I sarcastically asked "will ya? <smirk>" and he grinned and nodded. But I can see now how it could've just been a courtesy to say that. It's true that it can be hard to say "no thanks" face to face at the end of a date, but if he specifically asked if you could do this again then he sounds interested at that moment. - The 2 after-date texts. Was that a sign of interest or done for courtesy? Could be either. Do men you find on dating sites do these things if they are not *very* interested? I will try my best to be a bit more patient. I'm just not sure how to judge how the date went anymore. It's possible that he went home and 'slept on it' and, on reflection, decided that he wasn't really very interested... but I can't tell if that's any more likely than several other possibilities, including that he's still interested but is "waiting a few days to call so as not to appear too keen" (which is commonly-given advice, although I think it's daft). I don't think anyone can interpret things for you with certainty - dating carries risk of failure. You either have to wait or contact him yourself.
iJester Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 Could be anything. Stay active on the dating site, so you're not so occupied with him.
Imajerk17 Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 So far there isn't really a reason to believe that he wouldn't. I mean, why would he be texting you if he said he was going to call? So that you haven't gotten a text from him since Sunday night isn't indicative. All the signs you wrote, jolbell, are pretty good. But all the above said, dating is a lot like interviewing. We focus on making a good impression on the interview (which is what this guy did--being interesting and interested through the first date and then the two "interested" post-date texts), and THEN we decide after whether we really want the job. Anyway, if you don't end up going out with him again, it's probably more what is happening on his end than anything you might have or might not have done.
Cypress25 Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 People are so impatient these days. It hasn't even been 48 hours, calm down and wait for him to call. You don't have to be in constant communication between dates. Endless back-and-forth texting is not something you should be doing before you've even had a second date.
rafeal Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 I agree with most of what was said above. Give it more time...
veggirl Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 I disagree with the masses. OP said he was in daily contact pre-date. Post-date he hasn't contacted her. I think that is telling. He is either waiting for you to contact him, or he is not interested anymore.
Author jolbell Posted September 7, 2011 Author Posted September 7, 2011 I disagree with the masses. OP said he was in daily contact pre-date. Post-date he hasn't contacted her. I think that is telling. He is either waiting for you to contact him, or he is not interested anymore. As much as I don't want to, I kinda agree with you. However, at the same time, I am still a tiny bit hopeful that I'm not *that* bad at reading people and that someone would feign interest in me if they clearly were not. But if you are right, then I REALLY don't understand what happened and its a huge bruise to my small ego.
ScienceGal Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 (edited) As much as I don't want to, I kinda agree with you. However, at the same time, I am still a tiny bit hopeful that I'm not *that* bad at reading people and that someone would feign interest in me if they clearly were not. But if you are right, then I REALLY don't understand what happened and its a huge bruise to my small ego. No need to worry. As he has your attention, why would he risk smothering you with constant contact? You're caring and looking too much into it. Busy yourself with your own life, and if he calls then fantastic. And you should read up on the true meaning of the ego... it is something to be overcome, not something to validate. Edited September 7, 2011 by ScienceGal
Imajerk17 Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 As much as I don't want to, I kinda agree with you. However, at the same time, I am still a tiny bit hopeful that I'm not *that* bad at reading people and that someone would feign interest in me if they clearly were not. But if you are right, then I REALLY don't understand what happened and its a huge bruise to my small ego. What ScienceGal said. But if you still haven't heard from him, get back to him on Thursday.
ja123 Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 I'd wait for him to call or text you. I think you'll look classier that way.
Author jolbell Posted September 9, 2011 Author Posted September 9, 2011 Update: He contacted. We're back in daily texting mode I think and there will be another date this weekend. I'm in charge of planning it.
Imajerk17 Posted September 9, 2011 Posted September 9, 2011 Update: He contacted. We're back in daily texting mode I think and there will be another date this weekend. I'm in charge of planning it. Great! Keep us posted jolbell.
Author jolbell Posted September 9, 2011 Author Posted September 9, 2011 Great! Keep us posted jolbell. Thanks! How did yours turn out?
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