urge getting stronger and stronger to contact

[broken-and-lost]

Hi

 

Well the last week has been really hard i'm starting to really struggle not to contact my ex we haven't spoken in about 4 months. I've been off work was asked to take a break due to events over the last 8 months.

 

Anyway i've been keeping busy the usual stuff gym and so on making the most of my time off, but i've really started to want to contact my ex again i've seen her a few times we have driven past each other few times in the car she always looks across as do i, we kind of give it the sad i wish things had turned out differently look i sometimes think she still loves me deep down but no evidence of that at all, it's probably just wishful thinking.

 

I really want to contact her tomorrow would have been 4 years since out first date and i want to reach out to her. I have tried in the past to reach out only to receive a massive rejection which always hurts but i haven't stopped thinking about her even tho i've done all the things you are meant to do ie gym friends and so on.

 

I'm having really hard time of it she doesn't seem to be fading away, I've dated around 5 girls since the break up but this hasn't really helped at all. done the counselling thing to death, but deep down i have no closure.

 

Wondering what i should do now, i'm really not far off breaking and sending her an e-mail:sick:

[smudge21]

If you want to feel this way forever, then by all means, break NC and contact her. If you want to heal, don't do it.

 

I know how tough it can be but this place is full of people who have given in, only to end up getting even more hurt. I'm one of them.

 

It's a simple case of letting yourself heal, or stabbing at the wound to make it worse. Your choice.

[broken-and-lost]

Hey m8

 

Your advice is always appreciated, i've just been feeling like crap about the whole thing recently. I know that if i break contact with her i'll end up feeling even worse about the whole thing, despite her look it's always ended up worse when i have reached out to her.

 

I'm just tired of waking up pretending it's cool and i'm over her when i'm not. I know if she wanted to be in touch she would and i should try my best to stay clear it's just she lives 1/2 mile up the road from me and i randomly run into her on the road every time i see her i'm crushed, and then end up dreaming about her then this crap were i want to contact her and speak about things

 

I'm feeling a bit lost about the whole situation and just don't know what to do

[smudge21]

Same boat here mate, so many times tempted to contact her and after she made contact a month ago, it's clear she wants me to. Sadly, it's just to be friends, close friends, but only friends. I don't want that, well I do, but I still have strong feelings and can't be around her knowing she's engaged and that nothing will ever happen between us.

 

So I could contact, we'd chat and probably get along well. I could probably even meet for a coffee, go out for a drink or meal, accept her friends request and see all her updates about her forthcoming wedding too... Y' see, amongst all that good is the cold hard truth that it will hurt me more. I miss her friendship just as much as she does mine, but it's something I can't do.

 

You know too that any contact will only set you back and make you feel crap. It won't change anything, in fact, I bet the moment you text and she doesn't reply will be terrible for you. Just focus on trying to imagine you have broke NC and now she hasn't replied... picture that in your head. It's been a day and no contact. Do you contact again, or do you feel like an idiot knowing she's seen your text and just deleted it?

 

It truly sucks all this, but really there's nothing we can do other than move forward best we can.

[Beachgirl8]

Don't contact her. I just made a complete ass of myself last night by contacting and feel much worse. Keep your dignity and the progress you have made so far.

[visualbasicide]

I would suggest not dating anyone at all. It's pointless at this point anyway. I know the feeling very very well but I eventually realized it wasn't fair to me or anyone else when you try to compare your "old" life to your "new" one, which this early on is unavoidable. Wait till you have 6 months of NO desire to contact the ex and then start thinking about someone else in the picture.

 

take the long way home, and to work, and anywhere else you go if you can avoid seeing the ex. You are absolutely correct that if they wanted contact, they would initiate it. Worst idea ever, most all of us it seems have done this and nothing positive will come of it.

 

every time you think about contact, pinch yourself very hard and think about something else, or wear a rubber band and pop the underside of your wrist with it, your brain should pick up the connection eventually. pretty much do whatever you have to to get off that line of thought until the urge goes away.

 

best of luck.

[broken-and-lost]

Same boat here mate, so many times tempted to contact her and after she made contact a month ago, it's clear she wants me to. Sadly, it's just to be friends, close friends, but only friends. I don't want that, well I do, but I still have strong feelings and can't be around her knowing she's engaged and that nothing will ever happen between us.

 

So I could contact, we'd chat and probably get along well. I could probably even meet for a coffee, go out for a drink or meal, accept her friends request and see all her updates about her forthcoming wedding too... Y' see, amongst all that good is the cold hard truth that it will hurt me more. I miss her friendship just as much as she does mine, but it's something I can't do.

 

You know too that any contact will only set you back and make you feel crap. It won't change anything, in fact, I bet the moment you text and she doesn't reply will be terrible for you. Just focus on trying to imagine you have broke NC and now she hasn't replied... picture that in your head. It's been a day and no contact. Do you contact again, or do you feel like an idiot knowing she's seen your text and just deleted it?

 

It truly sucks all this, but really there's nothing we can do other than move forward best we can.

 

Cheers smudge21 I know everything your saying here makes sense and if i imagine what it's like to break NC well is pretty horrible if i think back, like you originally she asked me to be friends with her but i just couldn't handle that at all, seeing her with another guy would just be killer if i'm honest.

 

Hurts too much i just needed a good slap and told to get on with it, seeing her really doesn't help me all these feelings are tearing me up inside but your right nothing good will come from contacting her unless i want to add more fuel to this already raging fire:sick:

 

Sorry your going through the same m8 finding out she is getting married would well i'm guessing you already know what i'm going to say

[broken-and-lost]

I would suggest not dating anyone at all. It's pointless at this point anyway. I know the feeling very very well but I eventually realized it wasn't fair to me or anyone else when you try to compare your "old" life to your "new" one, which this early on is unavoidable. Wait till you have 6 months of NO desire to contact the ex and then start thinking about someone else in the picture.

 

take the long way home, and to work, and anywhere else you go if you can avoid seeing the ex. You are absolutely correct that if they wanted contact, they would initiate it. Worst idea ever, most all of us it seems have done this and nothing positive will come of it.

 

every time you think about contact, pinch yourself very hard and think about something else, or wear a rubber band and pop the underside of your wrist with it, your brain should pick up the connection eventually. pretty much do whatever you have to to get off that line of thought until the urge goes away.

 

best of luck.

 

Visual thanks for your input i know i should find some other route home even if it means putting myself out as i'm hurting myself by running into her some part of me obviously in a small part wants to catch a glimpse of her which is just self torture i'm sure she does the same thing in part otherwise she would choice another way home too either way thanks i'm just going to have to tough things out best i can until this just goes away

[broken-and-lost]

Don't contact her. I just made a complete ass of myself last night by contacting and feel much worse. Keep your dignity and the progress you have made so far.

 

really sorry to hear things didn't go well i appreciate your advice been a tough few days but i know your all right in regards to contacting her so i've got to just slap myself a few times to avoid contacting her and getting slapped instead