LoveSickGuy911 Posted August 31, 2011 Share Posted August 31, 2011 How do you deal with this emotion? When you love someone yet they choose another random guy over someone they have been with for years? Why would they do this? I feel like I'm being betrayed. Link to post Share on other sites
Nohbody Posted August 31, 2011 Share Posted August 31, 2011 The act of betrayal ultimately reflects on the betrayer, and not the betrayed. Eventually you will separate yourself from what she did. This will happen naturally as long as you continue to make progress. Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedT Posted August 31, 2011 Share Posted August 31, 2011 NOH- you are awesome btw. Love- From your posts, I can see that you are REALLY goin through some turmoil. Have you thought about seeing someone to talk about your issues to? I know I read your story, but I don't know if you discussed that. Im sorry you are hurting so much, just keep holding on!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoveSickGuy911 Posted September 1, 2011 Author Share Posted September 1, 2011 NOH- you are awesome btw. Love- From your posts, I can see that you are REALLY goin through some turmoil. Have you thought about seeing someone to talk about your issues to? I know I read your story, but I don't know if you discussed that. Im sorry you are hurting so much, just keep holding on!! No I don't plan on seeing a shrink. I think the whole industry is a scam. Link to post Share on other sites
Nohbody Posted September 1, 2011 Share Posted September 1, 2011 No I don't plan on seeing a shrink. I think the whole industry is a scam. And I'm done helping you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoveSickGuy911 Posted September 1, 2011 Author Share Posted September 1, 2011 And I'm done helping you. Why? Are you a shrink by profession? I'm not against getting help. Why do you think I continue to post on these forums? Yours and other people's replys do help me. I just don't believe in paying $150/hour for a shrink. Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedT Posted September 1, 2011 Share Posted September 1, 2011 im not against it. im just broke! well i hope you are feeling better. i had an epiphany today when i thought about all the **** he put me through and the fact that it almost emotionally destroyed me, i figured it was time to move on and woman up! Link to post Share on other sites
visualbasicide Posted September 1, 2011 Share Posted September 1, 2011 The real answer? Because they valued some "percieved" gain over your relationship. Perception is reality, doesn't make it true, but it makes it "real". The bottom line is always because the betrayer is more selfish than selfless. The problem from the betrayed perception is that it doesn't make sense. Fortunately this will pass eventually. You cannot rationalize an irrational situation or action(s). Go grab a nice thick folder and start writing down all the why's, as many times as you like, as often as you like. I know journals suck for alot of people, myself included but eventually the above will set in and you can fill in a lot of the gaps for yourself. I asked and asked my ex, before she was my ex and all I got was anything self serving that reduced her guilt and eventually, total silence. Don't waste your time asking the betrayer anything, it's all weak lies and false rationalizations designed to give them some validity for what they did. All it does is make you question who you are and serves no good purpose. general b.s. responses will include the following: "because", "I", "me", "my", "you: didn't, weren't, couldn't, wouldn't, should've, always, never, etc." or they will simply deflect your questions with ones of their own. I think too many people think of "love" as something someone else does to make them feel good when it's really about how they feel about making someone else feel good, but I digress. Hollar if ya need something. Link to post Share on other sites
visualbasicide Posted September 1, 2011 Share Posted September 1, 2011 p.s. if I had the money, I would go see a shrink. It's an investment, not an expense. Link to post Share on other sites
Bito Posted September 1, 2011 Share Posted September 1, 2011 p.s. if I had the money, I would go see a shrink. It's an investment, not an expense. Why? They don't hold any special key to making you feel better. I'm a firm beliver in that happiness comes from within. We might seek it elsewhere but ultimitly it is up to you to find it in you. Most people who go to therapy expect answers to be given to them. This is not the case. Besides if you can heal yourself you will be that much stronger of a person. Link to post Share on other sites
visualbasicide Posted September 1, 2011 Share Posted September 1, 2011 (edited) I know there's no magic words or wand, or program to put everything back together the way we would like it, but when you are "inside" the situation, it can be very hard to think "outside of the box". When it was all I could do just to lay down and hurt and breath, a little direction from someone trained to help you cope with thing's you weren't supposed to be facing could have been quite helpful. They, much like this forum, are a tool designed to help you channel in the good and filter out the bad. Some people feel great relief when going through a separation, I however felt like I had anvils on my chest, heart, limbs and head. Trying to not let the hooks of cynicism sink in, it would be helpful for me to have a positive coach on the visulbasicide team. just my point of view Edited September 1, 2011 by visualbasicide Link to post Share on other sites
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