No motivation to do anything other than to check phone for text message or missed cal

[LoveSickGuy911]

calls

 

For the past few nights I don't really want to do anything other than hope my ex contacts me with news she wants to try again.

[Zaphod B]

I know that feeling man. It's not nice. Even now after a year and a half I still find myself hoping my ex will ring or turn up on my doorstep. Sometimes I even look out the window and imagine her car driving up. But I know it ain't gonna happen.

 

I guess the only thing you can really do is force yourself to go out and do something to get your mind off her, even if just temporarily. It's gonna take time I think (but hopefully not a year and a half!)

 

I'm sure others here will have some good advice.

Edited August 31, 2011 by Zaphod B

[Nohbody]

Been there. It's bad.

 

All I can say is, you will be better in time - but you have to want to be.

 

Eventually, you will get to a place beyond pain - somewhere that might be close to acceptance. I know that I DIDN'T want to get to where I am now. I still don't want to be here. But here I am. It would have been easier if I just accepted it.

 

Wish you the best.

[Zaphod B]

Been there. It's bad.

 

All I can say is, you will be better in time - but you have to want to be.

 

Eventually, you will get to a place beyond pain - somewhere that might be close to acceptance. I know that I DIDN'T want to get to where I am now. I still don't want to be here. But here I am. It would have been easier if I just accepted it.

 

Wish you the best.

'

Yeah, that is true. You want to hold on to hope that the person might return and to move on means you have to let her go completely and give up all hope. But you really really really want to hold onto that hope. You really want a miracle to occur. Unfortunately there's no such thing as miracles.

 

How do you really let someone go? That I'm still stumped about. It seems just making a decision to let her go doesn't do it. Maybe if she could be erased from your mind! LOL. But then you don't necessarily want to forget everything because there were some really wonderful memories.

[D-Lish]

I know that feeling man. It's not nice. Even now after a year and a half I still find myself hoping my ex will ring or turn up on my doorstep. Sometimes I even look out the window and imagine her car driving up. But I know it ain't gonna happen.

 

I guess the only thing you can really do is force yourself to go out and do something to get your mind off her, even if just temporarily. It's gonna take time I think (but hopefully not a year and a half!)

 

I'm sure others here will have some good advice.

 

I truly thought I was the only one that did that, lol. I do that too.

 

I've had my nights where I sat outside having a cigarette before bed with tears streaming down my face just looking up into the sky and trying to negotiate with the universe to bring back my ex.

[Zaphod B]

I consider myself an agnostic now, but was a committed Christian till about 5 years ago. I'll admit there were times in the last year and a half where I'd say "God if you're real, please perform a miracle here and bring her back to me." But of course when you pray to God, all you get is the crickets chirping in reply. LOL. Sadly that's all you're gonna get when non-existant beings are involved.

Edited August 31, 2011 by Zaphod B

[monkeyshaman]

Yeah its rough, every car I hear pull in the driveway or every phone call or text I get a little moment of hope that it is her. But am really beginning to realize it probably wont ever be. Of course this is at night when a whole day of life helps me accept more, in the mornings I am like a crying mess ha.

[D-Lish]

I consider myself an agnostic now, but was a committed Christian till about 5 years ago. I'll admit there were times in the last year and a half where I'd say "God if you're real, please perform a miracle here and bring her back to me." But of course when you pray to God, all you get is the crickets chirping in reply. LOL. Sadly that's all you're gonna get when non-existant beings are involved.

 

I consider myself an Atheist and I've done the exact same thing. It's like a challenge- "okay, prove me wrong- if you're out there, do this one thing for me and I'll start going to church":laugh:

 

Break ups can honestly drive people crazy. All you're doing is trying to come up with ways to make the pain go away. Little moments like the above serve to give a fleeting moment of hope, and sometimes you find a little solace in that moment of hope, maybe feel better for a second or two.

 

Glad I'm not the only one that does all these things. Like the OP said, I still check my phone a whole lot wishing for a message 4 1/2 months later.

[sun_moon]

Guilty as charged. Thank god I'm out of that frame of mind.

 

You know what helped me get through it and break that nasty mental habit?

Being out of pocket, literally.

 

Get that damn phone away from you. When you dont need it, put it away. Give yourself challenges every day and see if you can beat your previous day's time.

Put it in a separate room.

Keep it in your car.

Surf the net instead.

 

Putting away my phone really really worked for me to start new habits, its possible.

[D-Lish]

Guilty as charged. Thank god I'm out of that frame of mind.

 

You know what helped me get through it and break that nasty mental habit?

Being out of pocket, literally.

 

Get that damn phone away from you. When you dont need it, put it away. Give yourself challenges every day and see if you can beat your previous day's time.

Put it in a separate room.

Keep it in your car.

Surf the net instead.

 

Putting away my phone really really worked for me to start new habits, its possible.

 

You're right, when I was first broken up with I left my cell turned off in my roomate's room so I wouldn't be tempted.

[dreamingoftigers]

I truly thought I was the only one that did that, lol. I do that too.

 

I've had my nights where I sat outside having a cigarette before bed with tears streaming down my face just looking up into the sky and trying to negotiate with the universe to bring back my ex.

 

Holy cow, yes I've had that.

 

Or where on the nights my h would take off, every footfall of car driving by would raise my heartrate. Or I would see the back of him in a crowd, or look at my phone every two minutes.

 

Or just pray.

 

You just feel that piece of yourself that you gave them, tethered out there, lost somewhere.

[dreamingoftigers]

You're right, when I was first broken up with I left my cell turned off in my roomate's room so I wouldn't be tempted.

 

I've had to clip my phone off so many nights. So horrible when you turn in on to no calls or texts.

[Rockyb87]

I do that alot thinkin by some miracle she will b there. Heh it may sound dorky but sometimes I look up at the sky n tell her goodnight. It's funny I used to tell her how pretty the moon is, it still is.

[D-Lish]

Holy cow, yes I've had that.

 

Or where on the nights my h would take off, every footfall of car driving by would raise my heartrate. Or I would see the back of him in a crowd, or look at my phone every two minutes.

 

Or just pray.

 

You just feel that piece of yourself that you gave them, tethered out there, lost somewhere.

 

Hell, Im an Atheist and I've tried to negotiate with a god! I'm very good with recognizing my weakness before it manifests, and those were the nights I asked my room mate to hold my phone.

 

I've had to clip my phone off so many nights. So horrible when you turn in on to no calls or texts.

 

It hurts, it gets us excited and then lets us down. No way to live... We all know that, but we live the life regardless...Waiting. I personally am done waiting.

[radiodarcy]

Guilty as charged. Thank god I'm out of that frame of mind.

 

You know what helped me get through it and break that nasty mental habit?

Being out of pocket, literally.

 

Get that damn phone away from you. When you dont need it, put it away. Give yourself challenges every day and see if you can beat your previous day's time.

Put it in a separate room.

Keep it in your car.

Surf the net instead.

 

Putting away my phone really really worked for me to start new habits, its possible.

 

^^^this

 

i have been doing the same thing. i either turn the ringer off or set it to vibrate and make it as inaccessible or inconvenient to reach as possible; like in the zippered compartment of my bag or in a heavy coat way back in the closet.

 

i do still check it case family or friends are trying to reach me. but i only allow myself to do so like once every few hours. it's done wonders to the point where i hate having to leave it out in order to charge it.

 

not because i'm worried that i'll snap and send him a text but because even now after close to 6 months of NC i still keep looking at the phone - - almost willing it to light up with a message from him. i guess old habits die hard *sigh*

 

hope is a normal thing to have. i guess eventually it dies off but not completely. there's always going to be some residue lingering around.

[sun_moon]

You stated in your original post that NC works because you got a call and you talked.

 

You are going to learn, the hard way, like most of us have, what NC is really about.

 

NC is not a form of manipulation to get the ex to miss you or contact you, while in the short term that works, the long term affects are just another breadcrumb. NC is meant for healing, so you can forget and move on slowly but surely.

 

All I can say is tread carefully and good luck.

 

Go through the forums and read all about NC, the failures, the successes, and how it works.

 

Hope you are feeling better.