Not sure what I should be thinking/doing

[LelouchIsZero]

The relationship I was in lasted for a year, which we've been broken up for around 4 months, NC for 3 & a half.

 

At the moment I don't particularly miss her & I guess in a way, I'm happy that we broke up. I get a bit upset about things from time to time, especially when I have dreams about her, but other then that I've progressed greatly.

 

I know that I should be attempting to work on my life, but in order to do the course that I want, I have to wait till next year. I've also been applying for jobs online, though I haven't been very successful. I just graduated from highschool & don't particularly have much experience + I don't want to do fast food related work.

 

I've been trying to keep myself preoccupied by reading books. I just recently finished "The perks of being a wallflower" & i'm about to start "The fountainhead".

 

Its been really hard to motivate myself recently, infinitely harder when money is non-existent. I'm just not too sure what I should be doing or if what I'm doing is right. I have no desire to contact my ex as I think it'd be best if we never talked again.

 

I don't want people to feel sorry for me or to tell me that everything is going to be alright, silly things like that are unnecessary. Any suggestions in regards to ways to motivate myself or what I should begin doing to get 'the ball rolling' would be nice though.

 

Note - This is a background on things, if anyone is interested in reading it

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=3582965#post3582965

Edited August 28, 2011 by LelouchIsZero

[Dblock10]

read your post man. sorry about your brother. my nan just passed away to.

 

i think you are doing all the right things. lets just say getting over a first love is difficult. it took me a long time to back when i was a bit younger.

 

i think a job should or would be my first priority. it forces you to meet new people, it gives you money and money opens more doors.

 

your better off without your ex. it sounds like you cared for her way more than she did for you. im sure you will find someone better eventually, just keep your head up

 

 

i know what you mean about returning to the slump though.

[LelouchIsZero]

Its alright, I'm sorry about your nan.

 

I think tomorrow I might print out my resume & start handing it out, instead of only applying online.

 

The whole idea of a relationship doesn't really appeal to me as much anymore, though not because I'm scared of being hurt again, but rather scared of hurting someone else. I just feel like my feelings for the next person aren't going to be as strong as they were for her & I'd never want to hurt someone like that.

[Dblock10]

good idea, apply for bar work maybe? it has a good social aspect to it.

 

yeah i know what you mean about that. thats true, you can only be true to yourself at the end of the day.

 

tbh you need to get it into your head that you are young. just have fun enjoy yourself with women. then save all your love for that special someone, you will know when you have found them

[LelouchIsZero]

Perhaps.

 

Its odd, yesterday I felt like I might be alright with the idea of meeting someone else, but now I've slipped back down into a slump.

 

I know that I'm young, but I don't really feel like I am. Most things that people my age do don't particularly interest me, though I guess I just need to find people who I can actually connect with. Getting a job would be nice in that case, as I guess I'd then have new friends/people to talk to, which I'd be able to start things fresh with.

[antinko]

Ok, so you've just finished high school.

 

Firstly, attitude. You're young, lack experience and are willing to work, but you're clearly under the delusion that it's a buyer's market. Whilst having ideas about where you would prefer to work is great, you really can't be picky about your first job or jobs because they're there to get you experience, some income and to teach you about how to be a good employee. In my view, what you do isn't particularly important unless you're trying to break into a specific industry.

 

I'm not sure what it's like in Australia work wise, but over here, kids are often expected to work unpaid internships in order to get into the more desirable job. It's criminal in my mind that a company would expect someone who clearly needs some income to work for free, but my point is that those are the lengths young people are willing to go to in order to break into their chosen industry and the people in charge will exploit them.

 

You need to apply to jobs directly, perhaps pick up application forms from businesses, phone up and get known. Applying online is just one way of finding work but it's impersonal and employers don't see you. You're just an application form to them like the other however many people who have applied in the same way.

 

You say you've got little motivation and no income, but income seems to be a priority for you, so really, in my view, your primary objective is to gain whatever employment you can find in order to get that income. Then you can start being more picky once you've got the fundamentals secured. Perhaps, if there is an industry you would like to enter for a specific profession, then you can work in a job which requires little-no 'take home' work (i.e. work your hours and leave) and then, in your spare time, focus on doing what you have to do in order to enter that industry.

 

Why am I saying this? Well, you're a young male and you work on the basis of instant gratification. No, it's not just you: it's pretty much all young men of your age, and you haven't learned that 'good things come to those who wait...and play the game well'. Most people of your generation seem to have that attitude and I know I did for a while. In short, you're not going to get your dream job over night and you're certainly not going to get it with zero experience not having climbed the ladder and jumped through all the other hoops the majority of successful people had to go through in order to get where they are.

 

And by successful, I don't mean big businessmen. I mean everyday people working respectable everyday jobs.

 

Even at my age of 25, there are jobs which I might well possibly be doing in ten years which currently don't exist. As a teacher, I'm trying to equip students with skills for jobs which presently do not exist.

 

So you have to be really adaptable and willing to take pretty much any opportunity as a young person, but always entertain your options and keep striving for 'better'.

 

So not only do you need to lower your expectations on what type of jobs you might start in, but you need to apply for a range of opportunities in various ways. It's largely a numbers game.

 

You will gain valuable experience applying for jobs and going to interviews. You will also find (I promise) that you'll pick up transferable skills in some jobs which you never even thought could ever be used in a totally different role.

 

The mistake a lot of young people make (and this is understandable given peer pressure etc.) is they discount a lot of jobs because of the way they're perceived, e.g. working in a fast food restaurant means you're a high school drop out. Well, in actual fact, two investment bankers and a university professor I know worked in MacDonalds when they left school.

 

Furthermore, simply having a job, these days is something to be proud of. If you're spending time providing a service in any industry, you're contributing towards your personal development and the economy which is a good thing.

 

Gaining experience through work will make you more attractive to future employees. They're not just looking at your skill set, but also what type of person you are and looking at how reliable you are.

 

So to summarise:

 

1. Don't write off jobs too quickly - these days, and increasingly in the future, jobs are becoming less permanent. In fact, here in the UK, the average person will work in seven different roles/types of job/professions throughout their lives.

 

2. Apply for as many jobs as possible and in different ways. The internet is over rated...

 

3. You'll gain life long transferable skills, self respect as well as cash in all jobs

 

4. Try and come up with a mid-term plan as a way of enabling you to get closer towards achieving your long term goals if you have them. If you don't have long term goals right now, don't worry, but perhaps consider them.

 

Finally, you're very young. I am very young at 25 and, despite my competence and ability in my job, am considered a tadpole. You'd probably be surprised at the path I took in order to end up doing what I am doing now and I know I won't always be in teaching. I have a long term plan but it's not specifically set out: it's more a case of setting out how much I want to be earning/status I'll have at certain points in my life and they're just guidelines. I have little idea exactly what I'll be doing but I don't mind providing it supports the lifestyle I want and is a role which is beneficial to the community I live within. That's just me, though.

 

Just keep on swimming mate; you'll get there. Just don't ever stop swimming.

[LelouchIsZero]

Haha, thanks for all that.

 

I disagree with your comment about 'instant gratification'. I only started applying for a job a few weeks ago, which I do have experience in the field that I've been applying for (retail). Its not that I don't want to work in fast food, its just that it was lower on the list of things i'd prefer to do.

 

I think the career path I'm going to pursue will be something psychology related, which I've put thought into some parts of it, but not a large amount .

 

This might sound odd, but if possible, would I be able to email you my resume & have you examine it and etc, to see if its alright?

[antinko]

Haha, thanks for all that.

 

I disagree with your comment about 'instant gratification'. I only started applying for a job a few weeks ago, which I do have experience in the field that I've been applying for (retail). Its not that I don't want to work in fast food, its just that it was lower on the list of things i'd prefer to do.

 

I think the career path I'm going to pursue will be something psychology related, which I've put thought into some parts of it, but not a large amount .

 

This might sound odd, but if possible, would I be able to email you my resume & have you examine it and etc, to see if its alright?

 

Lol, sorry I throw in the instant gratification comment a lot just to see how people react. It is common for young men especially to have that outlook, though.

 

Retail sounds good by the way; I did some of that while I was at university. It's great for developing interpersonal skills.

 

As for the psychology route, sounds good.

 

Yeh, you can send me your resume if you like. I'll PM you my e-mail address.

[antinko]

Ok, I can't PM you (no idea why PMs are a 'privelage' here since every free forum tends to let you do it...).

 

Send the resume to [email protected].

[LelouchIsZero]

Lol, sorry I throw in the instant gratification comment a lot just to see how people react. It is common for young men especially to have that outlook, though.

 

Retail sounds good by the way; I did some of that while I was at university. It's great for developing interpersonal skills.

 

As for the psychology route, sounds good.

 

Yeh, you can send me your resume if you like. I'll PM you my e-mail address.

 

Haha, oh ok then & sent it just then.

[antinko]

Ok cool, file received. I'll probably have time to look at it tonight.

[antinko]

Oh, would you mind resending it as a .rtf file please? I haven't got Office on this computer yet.