wilsonx Posted August 22, 2011 Share Posted August 22, 2011 So I wanted to get some opinions on this topic. Is it possible to change the type of person that you are truly attracted to. I have been reflecting on my past relationships, the one's i ended, I became bored with. I just wasn't into the relationship that much. Except for the bitch that slapped me one night, I was into her but I left, I do not tolerate being hit. I had a debate with a coworker tonight on this topic. She says you can't change who you are attracted to. If you have to be that knight in shining armor, there's nothing wrong with it as long as your defend yourself in the process. The story goes like this. For the past couple weeks, I have been talking to this girl. I noticed something in her and in her behavior when I first started talking to her. It actually drew me in to her. I could see that she was hurting internally. I watched myself the past couple weeks becoming more closer and closer to her, at the same time, I watched her come in to me too. She just ended a 5 year relationship with her boyfriend because of a bunch of reasons. I almost bought the reasons she said until she said key words, she wanted to go out and go dancing and party more. She also said she picked her ex because she thought he was "safe." He actually cheated on her. This is something my ex said to me at the end of our relationship, that I was safe and she was comfortable with me. She openly admitted to me yesterday that she has baggage from 10 years ago, shes 24 and she told me that her sister jumps from relationship to relationship. I actually know what the baggage is without even asking her and its really bad but at the same time, apparently it's actually an attraction for me. I see myself getting drawn in to go in and rescue her and at the same time and she sees attracted to me and my personality type. I invited her to come hang out with me Wed night and she agreed to without hesitation. She even asked if there was a cover charge. She's not the only one that's her type that has openly said they were attracted to me and wanted to date me within these past couple weeks. N told me she was interested in dating me. The only thing that stops me dating/hanging out with N is #1 shes my boss at work #2 she has a kid #3 she's currently in a relationship I almost want to play this on the fact that it being genetic and how I was raised. My dad has the same type of personality I do. He went through a beat down drag out emotionally draining relationship like I just got out of. Then he met my mom who came from a broken family. She was an orphan and on her own at 17. They are still married to this day but like all couples they have had their problems, cheating being one of them and worked through them and grew together. Logically, I want to say its impossible to change they type of person you are truly and deeply attracted to internally. Its like gay guys pretending their straight. You know they get married, have a family and one day they just have enough and end everything and go to be who they truly are. Feel free to discuss and post your opinions. Link to post Share on other sites
Feelin Frisky Posted August 22, 2011 Share Posted August 22, 2011 If I could get it on (in a manner of speaking) with a republican chick, anything is possible. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted August 22, 2011 Share Posted August 22, 2011 Doidges "The Brain That Changes Itself" has an excellent, excellent chapter on this. Yes it is possible to change your sex/love attractors. In fact the brain does this with oxytocin. Furthermore oxytocin actually dulls the sting of old attachments and makes way for new one (hard to believe that sting after breakup is actually "dulled" eh? ) Apparently it would be much much worse if not for some of the hormone cocktail released. Types can be created and destroyed through re-mapping. Sexual addicts have to rewire their brain's to extinguish mist early-set patterns. In cases of trauma a therapy that stimulates the right side of the brain (like EMDR) helps tremendously. Link to post Share on other sites
ScienceGal Posted August 22, 2011 Share Posted August 22, 2011 (edited) I believe that whether we are attracted to men, women, or both is genetically determined. Whether gay, straight or bisexual, once someone knows who they are attracted to, their partner choices from that point are very strongly influenced by how they were raised (IMO), and this part has nothing to do with genetics (think of if you had the same biological parents, but different people had raised you). This can be a positive or negative influence. Personally, I don't intend for it to happen, but I develop a more intense attraction to men that have issues, mainly emotional issues. With the last guy, he told me that he'd never had a relationship longer than 11 months (I can remember the little twinkle in my eye as I saw how much better it was going to be with me!). He had communication issues.. even better, because I planned to be so patient with him. I think this line of thinking, for me, is for two reasons: 1) this dynamic leads to disagreements and constant struggles, which perfectly reflects my parents. I grew up seeing that fighting and staying in the relationship is how it's done. Struggle and love went together. Also, despite begging and praying that my parents would get divorced and vowing to never be like them, I am like them. I fight and sacrifice in order to show my partner how much I care. I put myself through misery and never lose hope that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I seek to help and heal them, I see "us" getting through it all together and being happy, in a way my parents (though still married) never did. My fear of abandonment also keeps me in these situations, as I never knew the words "I love you" growing up. When I feel love for someone, and hear those words from them, I grab it and don't let go. 2) If my partner has issues and stays with me and works through them, then they must really love me. It's validation that what they feel for me is stronger than what they've felt for other women. It eliminates my relationship anxiety to know that he will deal with his own problems in order to become a better person and be with me. And, this is all an ego boost to me. I have gotten bored in the two "good" relationships I've been in. I am hoping being older now will help me change. I have only recently begun thinking about my past choices and actions. If it is possible to change, knowing there is a pattern is one of the first steps. I suppose I will have to wait to meet the next guy and use this new knowledge. We shall see... Edited August 22, 2011 by ScienceGal Link to post Share on other sites
Shaun-Dro Posted August 22, 2011 Share Posted August 22, 2011 Yes, it is possible to change attraction types. A lot of reflection, realizing how I always managed to pick the wrong girl - and when I had a "good" girl I'd get bored after 3-6 months. Old patterns which needed breaking. For me it happened over the past few months and it was almost like convincing myself of some lie. After awhile the lie takes root and becomes a truth. I am no longer attracted to girls who have daddy complexes and expect to be treated like outright princesses. I'm no longer physically attracted to barbie types, after repeatedly lying to myself I now am attracted to many different types (physically speaking) of females. The girl I'm pursuing now is a 180 degree change in looks, personality, motivation, independence from my ex. I find that exciting. The nature vs nurture debate on this is interesting. I think its a healthy mix of both. Also, sometimes instead of mirroring what we see our parents do - we go the exact opposite direction. Seeing my dad cheat on my step-mom, hearing from my mom (since age 5) all the stuff he pulled on her while they were married - it had a big impact on me. I've never been able to cheat, two-time or anything like that. Its a part of me, genetically speaking, but I despise it. Makes me feel uncomfortable/sleazy to even think about it. Yet, at times, I realize its a part of me and I'll have to deal with it the rest of my life. Why do females come on so much stronger when I'm happily involved with another woman? It's a competition thing, not that they really give a **** about you. This same thing has happened to me back when I was dating my ex last month and other women saw us together. They would stare and such. If I went into the store where my ex worked, I would get little attempts at flirting, which I ignored. Women do this because they kind of know you're off limits and that likely you won't pursue them, though some guys still would. They also want to test you. Women are constantly testing men. Don't ever let her tell you otherwise. She's testing you even when she doesn't realize it. My father and uncle taught me this and over the years I've seen nothing but truth in what they claimed. As for for the OP. You can filter out some of your previous attractions and work on tweaking it more definitively where you can avoid certain types that you used to be into because of possible drama, etc. You can also try to expand your attraction so that you're not so narrowed in what you're seeking. This would open more doors for you in finding your best match. Link to post Share on other sites
malibustacydoll Posted August 22, 2011 Share Posted August 22, 2011 I dated a non-republican and I'm still alive..:-p Link to post Share on other sites
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