Emotional (or maybe more) affair, my wife and friend

[mcaetano]

At this moment... rage is everything i have..... so my decision is now.. final... im packing up after i breathe a little and smoke 1 cigarrete.... im out.... if she wants me.... she will go after me.... it will hurt like hell... first of all i need to explain things softly to my older daughter , she is 10 y old.... she understands things and i need to tell her something the less harmfull way i can... my younger kid will think ill be out at work...i cant move her out of here.... she is the mother of my sons first of all and my son cant live without his mother.... we will suffer greatly.... but i cant stand this another minute...

 

Would like to hear some advices while im packing up.... the moment my wife arrives and i talk to my son and daughter i WILL MOVE OUT.... will cost me alot... might have an ansiety atack in the middle of the street or end in an hospital with a heart atack... but this has to end.... NOW

[2011aug]

Owl is right. Fear and uncertainty is your biggest enemy right now.

 

If you have a goal in mind, that will help you. Plan ahead and take one step at a time.

[mcaetano]

I cant take one step at a time.. i cant breathe.... it HAS to end now.... this will kill me in less time than i can plan this (and no i dont have a heart condition.... just a weak heart that cant handle suffering and has to act)

[Owl]

Fair enough.

 

Be as honest with your children as you can, while still treating them like the children they are.

 

My advice would be to pack up anything you possibly can to take with you...because (assuming you live in the United States at least) most of the times if you leave the marital home, you're basically going to end up giving up legal rights to it in the event of divorce.

 

Make sure you kids know you're not leaving THEM...and that you'll still be their dad, you still love them, and that you're always going to be in their lives.

 

It's up to you as far as how you want to communicate this move to your wife. My other suggestion would be to DOCUMENT EVERYTHING. Start a journal. Take pics on your phone of each room when you leave, so that she can't say you wrecked the place or took things you shouldn't have.

 

Make notes of every interaction of you and your wife going forward. Document everything, as it may come into play in court later.

 

Hopefully JMK will be tracking this thread further as well, as he has been through the seperation/divorce path, and has more experience with how that works than I do.

 

Regardless...stay strong. Remember...no fear.

[Memphis Raines]

ive told her that we could try a different approach, by trying at home and if it goes bad we split up for a time so we can see how things go... but now... that damn idiot (the friend ive gave shelter, damn backstabber) is using her friendship (they were really good friends back then) every day.... she invites him to our home (with me here) every day, i feel set asside in conversations, they even played in the water in the beach.... i thing that there is something there even with her swearing to me that if there was something she would say it from the start.

 

I love this women, probably its being bad for my health, but i just love her, we have 2 kids (1 with 4 1 with 10), a regular life, a marriage that is on a bad moment (there is my fault there, i know it, but not only mine im sure), and i feel im losing her.... and probably to a scumbag liar that uses every moment to make ker smile laugh and feel understanded. she is falling for it

 

its understandable that you attribute all these names to this guy, but your wife is the same. And she is letting this happen.

 

So if he is a scumbag, so is your wife, no offense. But as long as you are so in love up to your eyeballs that you put this all on the OM, and not on your wife, then this will keep happening to you.

 

this all happens because your wife lets it happens, and more accurately, WANTS it to happen.

 

and I'd bet good money she has cheated physically.

 

you caught your wife on this before, and she is doing it again, and right in front of you. talk about a woman with cahones!!

 

Looks like your wife is what is known as an attention wh0re, and she'll even openly disrespect you to get this attention. She can't be trusted, and if you don't leave her, then you'll simply have to accept being a cuckold. Because her character isn't about to change.

[Memphis Raines]

I cant take one step at a time.. i cant breathe.... it HAS to end now.

 

even if it ends, you are still the husband to a cheating wife. she could end it and not actively cheat, but she will still desire to do so.

 

you willing to settle for that?

[jnj express]

I don't know what country you are in---but if you are in the states----YOU DO NOT PACK UP AND LEAVE YOUR CHILDREN---any good atty., she gets will nail you for ABANDONMENT, you stay in the house---pack her things, and send her on her way----and no matter what, her lover is NEVER to come into your home AGAIN

 

Tell her plain and simple, without rage, without emotion, cold and icy----You know that you cannot control what she does, you know she is being inappropriate with another man---tell her mge., those vows she took with you---they speak of only TWO people---so tell her, either she ends it now, cuz she wants the mge., and her family, or you are moving on w/out her, and D. goes on the table immediately.

 

As long as he is in the picture, you have no possibility of R., tell her she makes her decision immediately, there is ZERO TOLERANCE to her fence sitting---she either ends the A., or you end the Mge.

 

This is gonna force things one way or the other--If she decides to stay--tell her YOU will send the NC, E-mail, set up strict boundaries, and see where it all goes.----BUT ALSO BE PREPARED FOR HER TO GO DEEPLY UNDERGROUND, AND CONTINUE ON, WITH HER LOVER.