People Make No Sence Here

[LovelyDaze]

I totally agree!

 

She was just my mother and died or cancer when I was 14. She meant nothing to me and I should not have thought of her a minute after she was gone. I mean seriously, she was so dumb do get cancer at 36 and have to fight it for five years. The fact that she died a slow and miserable death, had both her breast removed, lost her hair and countless other things before dying... was her loss, not mine.

 

From the ages of 9 to 14... I should have been more like you Lurch. I should have been strong and just paid no attention to what was going on with her and my family.

 

People come and people go... and we just forget about them the day they walk out on us.

 

Thanks Lurch for setting me straight!

 

In the future, when a girl I date asks about my mother and when did it happen (which is the only reason I know it's been 25 years, this year)... I will tell them I don't know, she died and means nothing to me... If she really cared she wouldn't have gotten cancer and died... So it's her loss and not mine.

 

BTW - You are a total a-hole!

 

 

I'm so sorry homebrew that you lost your mom at such a young age. We all forget that every single one of us have other tragic hurts other than what we have been on LS for.

 

Since my big breakup in October 2009, my ex has come back in and out of my life and I finally stopped accepting his promises and crumbs to make it better "THIS" time. Rest assured that this coming October, I will most likely think "it's been 2 years..." For me, it is a milestone. It shows how far I have come.

 

When my ex left me for another girl, I was beyond devastated. I couldn't eat, sleep, or even concentrate on the simplest of tasks. My ex made it worse by drifting in and out of my life and like a fool, I would listen AND sometimes believe him only to be hurt 10X worse.He recently has filed divorce with the girl he left me for and they are battling over assets and such. He asked for YET another chance and I refused with fire and gasoline a big firm "NO." I am in a great place this year as I am pretty damn indifferent to my ex's advances.

 

It was mentioned that what we dumpees go through is like AA...it is. Dumpees are trying to get rid of the demons that haunt their life by self improvement, one day at a time. Hence why it is more than okay to count every minute, every hour, and every day if it helps the soul recover.

 

Counting the days, months, years is not harmful. It doesn't create a situation for an ex to hurt us anymore. It helps to see that there is light at the end of the long, dark tunnel of heartbreak.

Edited August 15, 2011 by LovelyDaze

[radiodarcy]

eh - - to each their own. my ex is also my first love. i don't want to completely forget about him. i just want to be able to get past my feelings for him to the point where i can feel indifferent towards him and not carry around so many of the negative feelings that go along with being dumped. because it only hurts me in the end.

 

people can be as much of an addiction as drugs and alcohol (pretty much anything can be an addiction though). i've often likened this board to one big AA online meeting.

 

i try to take breaks from it because sometimes it does sort of enable to to dwell too much on the negative feelings. but it can also help me when i find myself having a twinge. or admittedly, when it's slow at work and i'm bored . so in that respect, you're right, it isn't really helping me get over him.

 

at the same time, getting over an addiction to a person is much more difficult that getting over a more material addiction like drugs or food or gambling. i mean - - those are accessible. you can still reach for them.

 

if you're ex isn't there, she or he isn't there. so you can't even get your "fix". but in all fairness, quitting smoking and getting past a break up are two different things. after ten years of bad eating habits, i changed up my life and lost over 60 pounds. that's proved to be easier than losing my addiction to him.

[giuliano-3]

Confucius he say:

 

"When person try to mind-phukk you, useless it is to try understand mind of a person trying to mind-phukk you. probably out of mind, and not worth mattering."

 

Lurk went on the offensive and wasn't making a lot of SCENTS to me... So I was sticking up for my fellow LSers!

 

That Confucius was certainly a wise fellow. So many things he said have made it into our lexicon.

 

I just thought it was funny that I noticed myself feeling guilty, which was totally ridiculous. As a kid if I threw away part of a sandwich in my lunch bag I'd feel guilty for days. That is some weird, wild stuff.

 

I guess one potential huge silver lining of this whole terrible breakup fiasco could be my realizing things I can do moving forward to better myself and truly look for the right kind of person to be with. Like the girl I'm going out with this weekend, in the past I would have found little faults in the way she looks and made an excuse to not follow through. So she isn't a barbie doll. Good. I guess that means she's not plastic with fake hair/boobs/smile. Nothing phony about this one, she's got a smile that lights up any room and a personality to die for. A couple extra pounds around the midsection, meh - that really doesn't bother me right now. Was I really like Shallow Hal this whole time? Thinking I was looking for a real, non-phony girl but in reality fooling myself into making them into something they weren't. I thought my ex was super genuine, compassionate etc. I was wrong. Wayyyyyyy wrong.

[just_scott]

oh homebrew homebrew i never ripped anyone for their tracking of progress or daily sucess i said it doesn't make sence to ME cause it just shows their not out of someones life like they may want them to be cause knowing how many days of no contact with an ex obviously their still thinking of them

 

you're right i was a bad dumpee at the begining i never went through a dumpping before like i recently did never thought i'd meet a woman i'd actually like to settle down with but i did and she left me it suxed i'm over it now life happens

 

i said you'd probably need to seek therapy IF you kept a calendar from the day your mom passed to know exactly how many days it's been since

 

might be 47 BUT new to getting dumpped so i did what people are suposed to do i learned from it accepted it and moved on BUT i couldn't say MYSELF oh we haven't had contact in 365 days cause i have no clue how long we haven't had contact for nor do i care she's contacted me [prob a little over a week ago] no biggie i took it as a joke and gave her some vague replies to her questions AND being i took it as a joke i never went back to a square one of missing her or even thinking about her feelings towards her are zero she's kind of like a store cashier to me now a little chat ,i leave the store don't give the chat a second thought

 

we all understand baby talk cause we were all babies at one tme

say what ya feel / want i'm a big boy i can handle it OBVIOUSLY you mis interpeted the whole post IF something don't make sence to me doesn't mean everyones wrong or i'm putting them down for doing something i don't get no biggie hope i answerd your questions though

[antinko]

Hm, it seems clear to me that Lurch craves attention.

 

Anyway, I find LS useful because it makes me remember I'm not on my own; there's nothing unique about my situation and I will get over it.

 

I was actually thinking about the idea that perhaps frequenting this website was, in some way, prolonging my grief because it 'made me think about my ex', but that is untrue. The website doesn't make you think about your ex because you're already thinking about them when you come here. Well, that's true in my case anyway.

 

Furthermore, those of us experiencing rejection often want to give something back because we know how much it hurts to be rejected. There are a lot of internet forums out there, but this one is particularly charged with underlying emotions. Interestingly, though, it's a forum where I see very little flaming or trolling! Probably because we all have a common goal: getting better and improving our lives.

 

As for the original post, the comparison between tracking NC with dead relatives and past loves is somewhat redundant: the deceased are gone and there's obviously no chance to contact them - we hold them in our memories and hearts, and discuss them with our nearest and dearest to remember them.

 

Former lovers are still walking around living their lives and we used to be part of those lives. If you were close to your ex like everyone on this forum must have been, then you still have an emotional attachment to that person and, since we weren't usually the ones who wanted the relationship to end, we still think about them a lot. It obviously requires an awful lot of control and mental effort to not contact them. Therefore, it is perfectly understandable to reach out to folks on LS when you're pleased with yourself for not contacting your ex or if you're genuinely struggling to not break NC, but fear you might do.

 

The point of it is that you feel proud of yourself if you remained disciplined and it encourages other people and, if you are struggling to maintain NC, then the point of it is that others will reach out to you and give moral support.

[giuliano-3]

Lurch's take on how it feels to get dumped :

 

[just_scott]

poor lurch looks like he ate some bad fish or something i hope the bathroom isn't too far away lol

[LovelyDaze]

Furthermore, those of us experiencing rejection often want to give something back because we know how much it hurts to be rejected. There are a lot of internet forums out there, but this one is particularly charged with underlying emotions. Interestingly, though, it's a forum where I see very little flaming or trolling! Probably because we all have a common goal: getting better and improving our lives.

 

As for the original post, the comparison between tracking NC with dead relatives and past loves is somewhat redundant: the deceased are gone and there's obviously no chance to contact them - we hold them in our memories and hearts, and discuss them with our nearest and dearest to remember them.

 

Former lovers are still walking around living their lives and we used to be part of those lives. If you were close to your ex like everyone on this forum must have been, then you still have an emotional attachment to that person and, since we weren't usually the ones who wanted the relationship to end, we still think about them a lot. It obviously requires an awful lot of control and mental effort to not contact them. Therefore, it is perfectly understandable to reach out to folks on LS when you're pleased with yourself for not contacting your ex or if you're genuinely struggling to not break NC, but fear you might do.

 

The point of it is that you feel proud of yourself if you remained disciplined and it encourages other people and, if you are struggling to maintain NC, then the point of it is that others will reach out to you and give moral support.

 

 

Agreed.

 

LS has been a saving grace for me. When I talked my friends and families' ears off, I knew that I could come here for comfort, advice and at times, tough love. On my two year mark, I am certain to remember it as the milestone has helped me get over my ex. I took it one step at a time. Falling down on my a$$ some of those times, but getting right back up again.

 

LS is like bad relationship rehab! You acknowledge that there IS a problem, work on it day by day until you are sober from the disease that is your ex's bull****!

[sun_moon]

sense sense sense sense sense sense sense sense

 

 

THANK YOU!!!!! LOL, it was killing me reading all the mis-spellings!

[just_scott]

hey only every other word or 2 were miss spelled geesh lol

so much fer makin cents heh heh