ms.love Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 Hi, Seen some good advice on here so I thought someone could share light on my situation as I am very confused. Sorry if it's long About 4 weeks ago I meet a guy at a festival through a friend (we're both early 20's). We really hit it off and even held hands like a couple and spent the whole time together (nothing sexual though) So after the festival we got in contact and talked. We decided to met up, so we went and I seriously had the best first date ever. We were so comfortable together and it was romantic (feeding ducks in a park) The date lasted for hours and after we met up with some of his friends at the local pub. He then invited me to his friends party the next night and to bring my friends. So dateish two happened. We were couply and amazing, hanging out with all our mates etc. So next day we went to a bbq together, I even walked him hand in hand to work as it was just down the road. Now I know that was a lot of seeing each other but it was on him, he keep asking and I guess we couldn't get enough of each other. So we set an official second date, just the two of us. It was amazing, anyone looking at us would have thought we were going out. We spent the whole day together and just couldn't stop smiling. Later that night he sent a text saying, "It was amazing being with you today. I had a truly awesome time :)" etc etc Then this is were it gets weird. We talked a good bit after but it ended up being a week with not seeing each other but still talking nearly everyday.Some days texting till maybe 4am (initiated equally) So, we set up another date, this one initiated by me. The day came and he never contacted me, so I just thought maybe he is busy with work. I had contacted him the night before about times and that but he never replied which I thought was because he was working till 1am so I didn't want to ring or text again and seem too keen. Next day I text him asking how he was, seeing as we didn't see each other the day before like planned. He replied saying he was sorry and that he had alot to do. He also guessed he wasn't looking to get into a relationship at the moment and asked if it was cool to stay friends. I said I was saddened by this as I do really like you and thought the feeling was mutual. I got no reply. Next day he replies saying he was sorry for not getting in contact and that he didn't want me to think he was ignoring me or anything. I just said, I guess you want to just stay friends?. He said "I think friends would be the best" I just don't understand, what happened? It was not as if I was coming on to strong as we were both smitten with each other and both initiated contact equally. I would love some outside views on the situation? I can't ask friends because they also were very shocked by this behaviour as they had seen us together and really thought he liked me a lot! Also I just don't know what to do, I haven't talked to him since and don't plan to unless he does first as I assume the friends thing is just an easy way to give the blow. Any help would be appreciated. Thanks in advance
justme37 Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 It sounds to me like he is in a relationship of some sort with someone else. Be thankful he cut it off early and didn't string you along more
Author ms.love Posted August 13, 2011 Author Posted August 13, 2011 That's the thing, all his friends said it's about time he got a women in his life one of the nights we were all hanging out. I was thinking that maybe there was someone else but from what his friends have said and mutual friends it seems like he has no one else...? Or just none that his best friends knew of.
justme37 Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 Yea, something isn't passing the smell test there....he's hiding something, and yes I think "lets be friends" comment was meant to soften the blow. Chalk it up to experience and move on
Lil1 Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 It sounds like he got cold feet. What is his dating history like do you know? Maybe he is getting over a recent breakup and he thought he was ready but then changed his mind once things started feeling too much like a relationship. It's good that you were upfront with him about your feeling of disappointment at the thought of being friends. This will save you some heartbreak I think. Letting him make the first move is also a good thing but if you don't want to be friendzoned - which I imagine would be difficult to avoid because he doesnt want a relationship and pretending to just be friends would eventually just deteriorate into a friends with benefits given the fact that there is sexual attraction between you both - then stay NC. My best advice is to continue to put your needs first and don't let him talk you into being 'friends' if that's not really what your heart desires. Best of luck to you ms.love!
Author ms.love Posted August 13, 2011 Author Posted August 13, 2011 I know he hasn't really been in a serious relationship and his last one was about 2 years ago, so couldn't be getting over a recent one. I do know he is still good friends with the ex girlfriend though. I don't plan on going into the whole friends with benefits with him and won't allow it if that ever occurs. Thing that gets me is, he was so into me and then how it just changed in a matter of literally two days?? I am seriously baffled, is there anything I could have done or shouldn't do in future so this doesn't happen again?
Recommended Posts