Author wnysingleguy Posted August 13, 2011 Author Share Posted August 13, 2011 Dude You said ILY because you have developed feelings for her. I am glad you were man enough to verbalize what you felt at that point. However, you messed up by saying "I am sorry to say ILY". Ouch, that probably hurt her. She may be offended; particularly because she is older. She is not a kid anymore looking for sex and having intercourse with you probably caused her to have feelings for you too. The shock of been told "I am sorry I said ILY" made her come up with that wishy-washy story. She wants to save face after giving herself to you. Tsk, tsk Im not going to lie i have developed feelings for her that r strong. I don't know if its love or not. I never said no I don't love u. I apologized for freaking her out but never retracted my statement. I told her ut is what I say to people I care about when I say goodbye which is true. I do care for her. I don't think she is making up the story about the ex. During our first date she told me she broke it off with a friend who she had been dating for a number of years but was never intimate with and they were more like friends than lovers. She said he was quite a bit older so I assume he is pushing 60 since she is in 40s. The ball is in her court. She has her own money so I would hope she isn't swayed by that. Plus I am middle class earner now but my potential is very good since im a lawyer so I don't think finances r in play here unless thus guy is loaded. May b he is. If that is deciding factor than I want out anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Pierre Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 (edited) Im not going to lie i have developed feelings for her that r strong. I don't know if its love or not. I never said no I don't love u. I apologized for freaking her out but never retracted my statement. I told her ut is what I say to people I care about when I say goodbye which is true. I do care for her. I don't think she is making up the story about the ex. During our first date she told me she broke it off with a friend who she had been dating for a number of years but was never intimate with and they were more like friends than lovers. She said he was quite a bit older so I assume he is pushing 60 since she is in 40s. The ball is in her court. She has her own money so I would hope she isn't swayed by that. Plus I am middle class earner now but my potential is very good since im a lawyer so I don't think finances r in play here unless thus guy is loaded. May b he is. If that is deciding factor than I want out anyway. Love is not an off and on switch. Love has a beginning and from there it progresses into several stages. Love is a change in brain chemistry to make humans preserve the species. Love is a trick nature plays on us to make us reproduce. Roughly there is attraction, chemistry, infatuation, and romantic enchantment that progresses into obsession and at this time you must have your partner. You are already into the obsession stage. IN the obsessive stage your brain is very similar to a cocaine addict and you need the to have your fix (your love interest). This has been shown to be true by researchers. If you are successful and able to have your mate available to you at all times the obsession gets better and you progress into a less intense relaxed form of love that is mostly centered on long term attachment. You said ILY because you are falling in love. Don't kid yourself. And there is nothing wrong with saying ILY. This is the dilemma: Assume she is telling the truth. She is close to menopause and an older man who could be impotent is not a deal breaker. You are much younger and represent the excitement of youth. However, she knows her biologic clock is ticking very fast and she may want to avoid been an old woman next to a young virile man. I suspect your feelings are reciprocated, but now that she has these feelings she is in turmoil. She has to make a decision and you represent a greater risk than the old guy (even though you can give her sex and she has feelings for you). The different stages of love can coexist within one person. It is not uncommon for a man to feel romantic attachment for his concubine and long term attachment to his wife. She may be in that situation. She is in romantic enchantment with you and she may have long term attachment to the older guy. It has been said that long term attachment has stronger bonds than recent romantic attachment. This is out of your hands. But I would recommend you go NC to cure your love status. You are in love and if you want to avoid being in love you need to go NC. Edited August 13, 2011 by Pierre Link to post Share on other sites
Lovelybird Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 She is in romantic enchantment with you and she may have long term attachment to the older guy. It has been said that long term attachment has stronger bonds than recent romantic attachment. That old man could be a long term torture. but some women are attracted to unavailable guy Link to post Share on other sites
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