zasw Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 Long story. My ex fiance talked me into getting one about years ago, i was 26 at the time(im 33 today). I aready had it reversed but i dont know if the reversal has worked. Now im engaged to a wonderful woman and she does want kids. The doctor said the vetro would be a possibility if the reversal didnt work or they can redo the reversal. Now i found every woman i told early in the relationship walked away. thats why I got the reversal. but should I tell about the vasectomy, the reasons i got it and the reversal. Also she is very close to my family and friends and getting the V is one of the worst things ive ever done and am humiliated by it. Do i run the risk of everyone finding out about it. My family doesnt know.
TBH Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 Long story. My ex fiance talked me into getting one about years ago, i was 26 at the time(im 33 today). I aready had it reversed but i dont know if the reversal has worked. Now im engaged to a wonderful woman and she does want kids. The doctor said the vetro would be a possibility if the reversal didnt work or they can redo the reversal. Now i found every woman i told early in the relationship walked away. thats why I got the reversal. but should I tell about the vasectomy, the reasons i got it and the reversal. Also she is very close to my family and friends and getting the V is one of the worst things ive ever done and am humiliated by it. Do i run the risk of everyone finding out about it. My family doesnt know. if she is a nice person and cares for you she wont tell anyone as long as you make sure you tell her you want it kept as a secret, otherwise she may not know they dont know and it may slip out! you really should tell her, she has a right to know that conceiving may prove problematic. even if the reversal doesnt work you can still do IVF or whatever so its not the end of the world. the thing is you love each other enough to get engaged. she wants a family with you. tell her and make sure you explain why you have left it so long to tell her. an understanding person will get where you're coming from.
sunshinegirl Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 Long story. My ex fiance talked me into getting one about years ago, i was 26 at the time(im 33 today). I aready had it reversed but i dont know if the reversal has worked. Now im engaged to a wonderful woman and she does want kids. The doctor said the vetro would be a possibility if the reversal didnt work or they can redo the reversal. Now i found every woman i told early in the relationship walked away. thats why I got the reversal. but should I tell about the vasectomy, the reasons i got it and the reversal. Also she is very close to my family and friends and getting the V is one of the worst things ive ever done and am humiliated by it. Do i run the risk of everyone finding out about it. My family doesnt know. I'm not terribly familiar with vasectomies but I do know that men can get checked afterwards to be sure they're shooting blanks. I would assume that now that you've had a reversal, you could also go in and get checked to make sure you're shooting with a loaded gun again. If you check out OK, I suppose you wouldn't technically have to tell her; but if it turns out you're still shooting blanks (ie the reversal didn't work), then you owe your fiancee the truth. If she's expecting you to have kids and you walk into the marriage knowing you can't (and you don't tell her so), well, good luck to you. I wouldn't expect the marriage to survive. As to whether she would tell her family/friends/whoever, well, do you trust her? If you can't trust her to hold this confidence, then you have a whole other set of problems to address.
Casablanca Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 Of course you should tell her! Relationships are about being open...I understand being worried about telling her, but she loves you and I'd say that now a days most of them are pretty successful (the reversal that is)
KathyM Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 Long story. My ex fiance talked me into getting one about years ago, i was 26 at the time(im 33 today). I aready had it reversed but i dont know if the reversal has worked. Now im engaged to a wonderful woman and she does want kids. The doctor said the vetro would be a possibility if the reversal didnt work or they can redo the reversal. Now i found every woman i told early in the relationship walked away. thats why I got the reversal. but should I tell about the vasectomy, the reasons i got it and the reversal. Also she is very close to my family and friends and getting the V is one of the worst things ive ever done and am humiliated by it. Do i run the risk of everyone finding out about it. My family doesnt know. Having a vasectomy is not something to be ashamed of. You had your reasons for doing it when you were engaged to the previous woman. I definately suggest you be honest with your new fiance about it, and let her know that you had the reversal. I would also suggest you go to get a sperm analysis done to get a sperm count and report so that you know where you are at with this. That is something she will take into consideration, I'm sure. If you are shown to be fertile, she and you will be releaved and it won't be a deal breaker. But if you have fertility issues now and it may not be possible to reverse them, it would be extremely unfair to your fiance to go ahead and marry her without telling her the truth. That is very dishonest, and it affects her life completely. You have no right to keep that information from her, even if it means you might lose her. Get the sperm test done ASAP, and then talk to her with the full knowledge of what the situation is. If you marry her without telling her the truth, and then she finds out later that you had it done and it caused fertility problems, there will be hell to pay because of your dishonesty, and she may leave you then just because you were dishonest about it.
GorillaTheater Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 I'm not terribly familiar with vasectomies but I do know that men can get checked afterwards to be sure they're shooting blanks. I would assume that now that you've had a reversal, you could also go in and get checked to make sure you're shooting with a loaded gun again. This. I went through the same thing, and had a sperm count done a month or so later. Worked like a charm. And man, the reversal was a hell of alot worse than the vasectomy ...
sm1tten Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 Get yourself checked, then be honest with her. If you're going to share a life with this person, they deserve to know what they're dealing with. And if you are marrying her, she should be a person you can trust with your secrets.
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