Mr. Savage Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 I consider myself to be an intelligent, witty, funny guy. I am also artistic. I love movies and writing screenplays, and appreciate good music. However the way I look does not convey this at all. I work out, am pretty ripped , I am tan, have tattoos, shave my hair very short. I am pretty sure when I attempt to talk to a nice girl I am immediately looked upon as a player/ bad boy type. And the girls I am attracted to are not skanks who go for those kind of d-bags. So alot of times I am type cast from the start and when I attempt to talk about my interests I feel as if I am talking to a blank wall. As if they suspect I am making stuff up to sound cool and get in their pants. I mean do I really have to start wearing horn rim glasses, grow my hair so it dangles over my face, wear cardigan sweaters and hang out at coffee shops to convey what kind of guy I am to women? I like the way I am but it's hard for others not to stereotype me and it's starting to piss me off.
ilikesunita Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 The media and popular culture distorts how people think/perceive life. I can understand why many people stereotype, but IMO it doesn't seem a very valid concept. People cannot be fit into labels or categories, we all are complex. If women stereotype you based on what the media tells them how people should be, then evidently they're not worth your time. Do your own thing, and find somebody who likes you for you.
Feelin Frisky Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 Those tatts are saying some things you can't control. A major reason I say never give yourself away in ways that leave too much up to other people. They shouldn't "see me coming". That's how I get in. Good luck.
SmileFace Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 If someone is going judge you based on a steroetype, how nice are they really? On to the next one.
AHardDaysNight Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 Yeah, people tend to put people into certain boxes. I get pegged as "the smart, bookish one" because I am unathletic, wear glasses, and have a nerdy looking face. People always assume that I know how to fix their computers (when I have no clue, and usually have to call the geek squad in to fix mine!) Yeah, I like scifi and horror, and read a lot, so I may be a nerd or geek. But I also like basketball...so does that mean I'm not? Why can't we just classify people as, well, people? Enough stereotyping.
Sanman Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 I understand how you feel. I am a huge nerd, but look like a football jock. It definitely got me all the wrong type of girls. While many here will tell you that a girl should like you for you (and rightfully so), playing more toward the stereo type definitely got me more of the interest of the type of women I wanted.
refurb Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 If someone is going judge you based on a steroetype, how nice are they really? On to the next one. Disagree. Everyone stereotypes. If you think you don't you're lying to yourself. It's human nature. I agree that people who stereotype are only hurting themselves. I love meeting people and it's always neat meeting people who don't fit their stereotype. RF
Pierre Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 Unfortunately stereotypes are often based on reality. We already had a discussion about women with tramp stamps that look like tramps, but are actually not tramps. Since you have tattoos and a non preppy look the women will assume you are not what they are looking for. If you date women with tattoos you will not have a problem.
todd Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 No offense but I just see this primarily as an excuse for not getting the women you want. Whether you are stereotyped as a jock or a nerd, someone with confidence who knows how to actually talk to a woman knows how to move right past these basic roadblocks. They are blank walls because you arent entertaining them by talking about yourself and how you love art and writing screenplays all day... What do you expect them to do, melt right infront of you and get all googly-eyed? One study showed that the average attractive girl gets approached over 1000 times by the time she turns 25. You are doing the same thing that every other chump is thats trying to close her and let me tell you she is an expert at throwing those kind of guys to the side in a New York minute. Re-evaluate your tactics by researching what the successful individuals do to close any woman they want. I am not going to get into it on here.
AHardDaysNight Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 So what is your suggestion, Todd, for those of us that aren't so confident and have to prove ourselves against the rest? I certainly don't want to compete with another guy, or even be compared to a different guy. That's what I hate about the concept of dating - the idea of competition.
dizy Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 Sometimes it's not about you, it's about the women that you are talking to. For instance, you are artistic: you paint, but the woman that you are trying to get is into music, then she has more chance to think that you are making stuff up since 1. she doesn't actually take the time to listen what you have to say because she is not interested. 2. she doesn't know much abt paintings. I have met a lot of different guys and yes I make assumptions based on their appereance but those assumptions are ONLY confirmed once the guys have opened their mouth. A guy who talks in a manner that is totally different from what I was expecting will make me more interested to know him more.
todd Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 You arent proving yourself against the rest. That is the wrong approach to take because you are then leaving yourself open to being judged compared to the 1000 chumps that approached her before you. Like I said I am not going to get into details on here but in short you have to take down her defenses by disarming yourself as a potential mate before she will let you have her attention long enough to start building a higher value then herself. I am not telling you to become a pickup artist but books on it do have their value on real world techniques that have been tested 1000s of times by many different individuals. If you are looking for a serious relationship they do they same thing of helping you get your foot in the door. Now if you look like Brad Pitt you don't need to go into all this because every girl already sees you as having high value, but for those who lack it you have to work it up correctly. In the end though, no matter how much you read on the subject, you have to actually get out there and test it until it becomes natural and instinctive or they will just see right through you.
AHardDaysNight Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 I look more like Bill Gates than Brad Pitt, lol. I suppose I am geeky in an endearing way, but I certainly don't feel like a sexual person.
Author Mr. Savage Posted August 11, 2011 Author Posted August 11, 2011 I hear all of your arguments and you all have valid points. I live in a western Wiscosnsin college town and there are not many artistic, intelligent women around so to speak. Not attractive ones anyway. I know they are out there. I need to get off my ass and stop looking in pubs for the right type of girl and maybe start going to local art shows or theater maybe, not really my interests but will probably have women I am attracted to in the mix there.
neowulf Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 I hear all of your arguments and you all have valid points. I live in a western Wiscosnsin college town and there are not many artistic, intelligent women around so to speak. Not attractive ones anyway. I know they are out there. I need to get off my ass and stop looking in pubs for the right type of girl and maybe start going to local art shows or theater maybe, not really my interests but will probably have women I am attracted to in the mix there. Have to go fish where the fish are.. no point waiting on the bank In fact, that could actually end up working in your favour, because suddenly you stand *out* from the usual crowd in those places. Going where you think you're likely to find the girls you're into is a great place to start.
Pierre Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 I hear all of your arguments and you all have valid points. I live in a western Wiscosnsin college town and there are not many artistic, intelligent women around so to speak. Not attractive ones anyway. I know they are out there. I need to get off my ass and stop looking in pubs for the right type of girl and maybe start going to local art shows or theater maybe, not really my interests but will probably have women I am attracted to in the mix there. Are your tattoos visible? How many? Any piercings? I suspect the tattoos are holding you back regarding the type of woman you want to date. You could easily fix the hair and dress more preppy, however, the tattoos could be a problem.
sally4sara Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 Stereotyping is what lazy people call thinking.
Disillusioned Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 If people don't like being stereotyped, they should stop acting out stereotypes. Is that so difficult to figure out???
SmileFace Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 Disagree. Everyone stereotypes. If you think you don't you're lying to yourself. It's human nature. I agree that people who stereotype are only hurting themselves. I love meeting people and it's always neat meeting people who don't fit their stereotype. RF I never stated that I didn't stereotype. However I will never discount someone based on a steroetype. Even one has first impressions and those impressions are based off of something.
Author Mr. Savage Posted August 11, 2011 Author Posted August 11, 2011 Are your tattoos visible? How many? Any piercings? I suspect the tattoos are holding you back regarding the type of woman you want to date. You could easily fix the hair and dress more preppy, however, the tattoos could be a problem. If people don't like being stereotyped, they should stop acting out stereotypes. Is that so difficult to figure out??? I'm not going to change anything about me. Why would I want to sell out like that. That goes against every fiber of my being. I like how you use the word "act" out stereotypes. You see the irony is I don't act in any way to what people stereotype me as. I look it therefore they assume. I think my plan is now to just write a bunch of successful screenplays and become famous and not have to go after women because they will be coming after me. lol
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