bluenightowl Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 Do you think its better to let a new relationship just emerge organically - or better to assert yourself and explain what you want before things get too heavy?
thatone Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 nothing emerges 'organically' except confusion and false assumptions, in most cases. if you can't talk honestly with the other person it's doomed to failure. which is funny considering all of the people who are terrified of being honest to the point that they lie perpetually. they apparently prefer pre-determined failure to the chance of failure.
Author bluenightowl Posted August 10, 2011 Author Posted August 10, 2011 nothing emerges 'organically' except confusion and false assumptions, in most cases. Can you give me an example. There seems to be lots of people on here who just go with the flow of things and it work out just fine. Never talk about it, and that doesn't mean they don't communicate in other ways.
thatone Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 Can you give me an example. There seems to be lots of people on here who just go with the flow of things and it work out just fine. Never talk about it, and that doesn't mean they don't communicate in other ways. give you an example of how trying to read someone's mind doesn't work? seems kinda backwards, why don't you give me an example of where it does work?
Professor X Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 Can you give me an example. There seems to be lots of people on here who just go with the flow of things and it work out just fine. Never talk about it, and that doesn't mean they don't communicate in other ways. For me it's always about going with the flow. I think asserting yourself to quickly might be seen as controlling. Going with the flow means when the opportunity presents itself, just go for it, that includes asserting your own boundaries. The right time to tell him what's nay and what's yay will come on its own. Well, at least it does for me every time
misskat Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 ok..so im wanting a guys opinion and this is close to the same topic... if a man and woman both know they have a mutual attraction to one another do you want to hear from a woman and know what she is wanting or should she wait to hear from you?
thatone Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 i will say what i'm thinking first. i'm not going to wait around for her to start those conversations first.
Professor X Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 ok..so im wanting a guys opinion and this is close to the same topic... if a man and woman both know they have a mutual attraction to one another do you want to hear from a woman and know what she is wanting or should she wait to hear from you? It's way to general.. I think it depends on the people involved. I personally just say what I feel so I won't be waiting around. Some men do the same, some don't, some women wait, some don't... all depends, just be yourself. If you are afraid of getting hurt than either: 1. Get used to yourself being like that and just wait and hope the other side says it first or 2. Life's a bitch and we all take risks so just go for it
Author bluenightowl Posted August 10, 2011 Author Posted August 10, 2011 i will say what i'm thinking first. i'm not going to wait around for her to start those conversations first. And how has that worked for you in the past?
Kamille Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 For me it's a balance. You can't have an easy-going relationship without clear communication. I communicate my boundaries and relationship goals as clearly as I can, but always when it is relevant. So, it's not a matter of showing on the first date and saying: "I want a relationship or nothing else", but a matter of establishing, within the first few dates that you're both looking for the same thing (preferably before any strong attachment forms for either party, which helps keep that conversation casual). I have found, also, that communicating my boundaries can actually help keep the relationship light and flirtatious, as there is no guess work to be done on either partner's part. I also like to know where my partner stands. Issues can be dealt with and then we can both move on to do what we both like most: enjoying each other's company and going with the flow.
thatone Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 And how has that worked for you in the past? just fine, because if it gets to that point the woman in question is honest and confident enough to have that conversation too. if i see signs of flakiness, insecurity, dishonesty (which always show up quickly) i'm gone pretty quick before it ever gets that far.
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