oaks Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 Talk about...what, exactly? "I enjoyed that, thank you. When can we do it again?" Link to post Share on other sites
zengirl Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 Playing it cool to me means don't act like anything has changed. Act exactly the same way you did before you had sex. I'd assume that's what it meant. This is what the Bitches book says at least. FTR, while I don't get all needy and clingy, I'd find it weird not to acknowledge that the relationship has deepened (and most relationship-oriented men see sex as a deepening of the relationship too, especially if you appropriately rocked his world). I've never had a guy not be all over me after sex, but I don't sleep with players; I sleep with guys who sought a relationship with me. So, as some have said, if this is an issue for you, I think you're simply having sex too soon. If you don't go totally batty (which is always a no-no), there is no real issue or thing you can do to scare a guy away after sex. . . provided you've picked a guy who's into you as a person, wants a relationship, and dug having sex with you. Most guys I know feel a little more secure in the relationship after sex, but to me that's a good thing, and I feel more secure in the relationship after sex as well. If you're relying on an insecurity/security rubberband, that's when the girl starts to go a tad crazy, just because he's getting more secure. Lame. Link to post Share on other sites
ThsAmericanLife Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 Then why have sex? Sex should create intimacy and bring you closer together. I find it rather sad that a woman (girl?) would have to pretend she didn't care. I agree. This whole thread is sad. Having to parse out parts of one soul... in exchange for... what exactly??? All I can think of is how time consuming all the OP's obsessing is... It shouldn't be this difficult. Link to post Share on other sites
zengirl Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 how about expectations. Are you dating of people.. might be a place to start. I think half of the disasters on LS are because people see thing differently. This is all stuff you talk about BEFORE sex, IMO. Mileage may vary. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 how about expectations. Are you dating of people.. might be a place to start. I think half of the disasters on LS are because people see thing differently. I'd have that conversation BEFORE having sex. Link to post Share on other sites
oaks Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 how about expectations. Are you dating of people.. might be a place to start. I think half of the disasters on LS are because people see thing differently. That should be independent of having sex (and generally before, but not because there's a causal link). Link to post Share on other sites
zengirl Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 That should be independent of having sex (and generally before, but not because there's a causal link). I think there's a causal link, for health reasons, if nothing else. Anyone you plan to sleep with ought to be able to disclose their current sexual history---and even eager to---before sleeping with you, IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
oaks Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 I think there's a causal link, for health reasons, if nothing else. Anyone you plan to sleep with ought to be able to disclose their current sexual history---and even eager to---before sleeping with you, IMO. Yes that makes sense. Link to post Share on other sites
mo mo Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 A lot of very helpful people here have suggested that it was a good idea to "play it cool" with a guy after sex. Please help me with some specific examples because I'm not sure how to do it. My answer is: you don't. You act naturally. Quit playing games or you will never find a guy that loves you for you. Link to post Share on other sites
snug.bunny Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 Put on a black leather jacket, dark shades and if/when he calls you say "Heyyyyyyy, how you doinnnn"? Link to post Share on other sites
Author confusedgirl56 Posted August 11, 2011 Author Share Posted August 11, 2011 Thanks for all the helpful responses Link to post Share on other sites
CatNtheHat Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 A lot of very helpful people here have suggested that it was a good idea to "play it cool" with a guy after sex. Please help me with some specific examples because I'm not sure how to do it. You want to act like it wasn't a big deal? why? Not saying this situation is but I don't get the whole "casual sex" thing. There isn't anything casual about sex, for me. Link to post Share on other sites
bluenightowl Posted August 15, 2011 Share Posted August 15, 2011 You want to act like it wasn't a big deal? why? Not saying this situation is but I don't get the whole "casual sex" thing. There isn't anything casual about sex, for me. There isn't, I agree, but sometimes people regret their actions. They realize they moved too fast, got caught in the heat of the romantic moment. This is especially true of people on the rebound. If you follow up with getting really intense, it can really bring it home that this isn't what they intended. If you play it a bit more casual, then often they have time to breath and decide if this is what they want or not. Link to post Share on other sites
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