iris219 Posted August 7, 2011 Posted August 7, 2011 I read some responses to a post which talked about dating being fun. What? Dating is supposed to be fun? How is hanging out and talking to someone you barely know and will probably not like fun? How do I make dating fun? Does anyone esle feel like I do? What can I do to get excited about dating? I have a date mid week and I’m not looking forward to it. I’m not dreading it; I’m neutral about it. Help me get excited, please!
Eddie Edirol Posted August 7, 2011 Posted August 7, 2011 Um, if you took the number of a guy you didnt want to get to know, you shouldnt be going on the date just to go on a date. The whole idea of dating is you meet someone who seems interesting, and you look forward to going on a date to get to know them better, and its naturally fun. If you arent looking forward to this date, cancel and dont waste this guys time.
betterdeal Posted August 7, 2011 Posted August 7, 2011 What else is it if not fun, enjoyable, interesting?
Star Gazer Posted August 7, 2011 Posted August 7, 2011 I go back and forth on this. One day I think it's fun (usually right before the date), the next day I think it's such a freakin' pain in the arse (after the date) ! I need to motivate too!
thatone Posted August 7, 2011 Posted August 7, 2011 too pessimistic . yeah, conversation with people you just met is fun. that's about 90% of what first dates are, so they're supposed to be fun.
Author iris219 Posted August 7, 2011 Author Posted August 7, 2011 Um, if you took the number of a guy you didnt want to get to know, you shouldnt be going on the date just to go on a date. The whole idea of dating is you meet someone who seems interesting, and you look forward to going on a date to get to know them better, and its naturally fun. If you arent looking forward to this date, cancel and dont waste this guys time. I’ve been on one date with the guy and I don’t dislike him. It takes me awhile to get know someone, so I thought a second date was a good idea. I find him attractive, but I’m not sure there’s anything else there beyond the physical, so I figured I’d go and see if anything develops. What else is it if not fun, enjoyable, interesting? Awkward, weird, depressing, waste of time.... I go back and forth on this. One day I think it's fun (usually right before the date), the next day I think it's such a freakin' pain in the arse (after the date) ! I need to motivate too! We should give each other pep talks before dates . Sometimes it feels like such a chore. I want to meet someone and have a relationship, so I'm required to go on dates, but it's really not fun. I feel relieved after the date, like I feel when I've completed everything on my to-do list.
Author iris219 Posted August 7, 2011 Author Posted August 7, 2011 too pessimistic . yeah, conversation with people you just met is fun. that's about 90% of what first dates are, so they're supposed to be fun. I know. Sometimes I feel sorry for anyone who goes on a date with me.
betterdeal Posted August 7, 2011 Posted August 7, 2011 Awkward, weird, depressing, waste of time.... Then don't do it, ffs. Look, the secret of life is this: you find things that make you happy and you do them. The end.
ptp Posted August 7, 2011 Posted August 7, 2011 I don't understand why dating wouldn't be fun? Why are you going out on dates with people you aren't excited to meet? Furthermore as a female if the date isn't good you at least get a free meal or movie. for guys if a date isn't great, not only don't we get some but, we are out some $ too. If anything dating is way worse for guys and it can get very expensive.
cerridwen Posted August 7, 2011 Posted August 7, 2011 (edited) I know. Sometimes I feel sorry for anyone who goes on a date with me. Awww, Iris! Bring the fun! And really only go on dates with guys who will hold up their end of the entertainment as well. Don't you get a sense if they're a good time or not before you accept a date? I say screen heavily for fun factor. Edited August 7, 2011 by cerridwen
SillyS Posted August 7, 2011 Posted August 7, 2011 I think its generally common to be nervous, to anticipate it, to worry about what to wear to over analyze everything before/during/after. But if you don't want to do it for whatever reason, then by all means don't do it. If you are afraid or have been disappointed to often during dates/first dates, then find it in your heart to give this person a chance irrelevant of your past. Might find that the person is interesting or gets along with you well, or end up making a friend. Be positive, be spontaneous, have fun!
Author iris219 Posted August 7, 2011 Author Posted August 7, 2011 Awww, Iris! Bring the fun! And really only go on dates with guys who will hold up their end of the entertainment as well. Don't you get a sense if they're fun or not before you accept a date? I say screen heavily for fun factor. I like this "fun factor." I will have to be more aware of this. Part of the problem is I don’t meet anyone I'm excited about (and I don’t have a lot of options), but I often hope I’m wrong. Therefore, I like to give people a chance instead of immediately discounting them. To be fair, I’ve had some fun, but it’s more like, “That was fun. I never want to do it again.”
somedude81 Posted August 7, 2011 Posted August 7, 2011 I believe that dating is supposed to be fun. Though my ideal version of dating is going out with a girl I've know for a little bit already and having a good time with her. Also since we both know each other, there is a certain level of respect between us and no game playing. Unfortunately that doesn't seem to be the way dating is. Dating is asking out random strangers and hoping they don't turn out to be axe murders. That's because my way of dating leads to the land of sorrow and misery, the friendzone.
Author iris219 Posted August 7, 2011 Author Posted August 7, 2011 Then don't do it, ffs. Look, the secret of life is this: you find things that make you happy and you do them. The end. I want a relationship, so I go on dates. Would it be better to wait for someone I’m excited about? This could mean I go on one date every other year. Furthermore as a female if the date isn't good you at least get a free meal or movie. for guys if a date isn't great, not only don't we get some but, we are out some $ too. I feel uncomfortable and guilty when a guy I'm not into pays for me, so that’s not a benefit. Most guys won't let you split the bill on a first date either.
Yookie Posted August 7, 2011 Posted August 7, 2011 Dates are more fun if there is an activity involved. Don't do boring dinner dates. Check your local city guide to find fun places to go.
EasyHeart Posted August 7, 2011 Posted August 7, 2011 I want a relationship, so I go on dates. Would it be better to wait for someone I’m excited about? This could mean I go on one date every other year.I think that's your problem. Why do you "want a relationship"?
grkBoy Posted August 7, 2011 Posted August 7, 2011 I read some responses to a post which talked about dating being fun. What? Dating is supposed to be fun? How is hanging out and talking to someone you barely know and will probably not like fun? How do I make dating fun? Does anyone esle feel like I do? What can I do to get excited about dating? I have a date mid week and I’m not looking forward to it. I’m not dreading it; I’m neutral about it. Help me get excited, please! If you don't find spending social time with someone as "fun" then you need to not do it. Honest. When I got to the point that I stopped seeing dating as fun and enjoyable, I stopped and took a break. I did things that made me happy and were fun, despite that they had nothing to do with dating. When I met my GF, going out with her was fun. Spending time with her was fun. She was different. When that happens to you, then you date. Many men and women need to stop trying to "force" things because they feel like they're "supposed to have someone".
thatone Posted August 7, 2011 Posted August 7, 2011 Many men and women need to stop trying to "force" things because they feel like they're "supposed to have someone". from my experience as a man, the above (not trying to force things in one direction or another) describes about 1 in 15 single women.
Author iris219 Posted August 7, 2011 Author Posted August 7, 2011 I think that's your problem. Why do you "want a relationship"? I want a relationship for the same reasons everyone wants one. I want companionship; I want someone to share my life with. Why is it a problem to want to be in a relationship? Many men and women need to stop trying to "force" things because they feel like they're "supposed to have someone". So many men complain that women reject guys they don’t have immediate chemistry with, yet I feel like I'm being told to do just this. Should I immediately reject someone I’m not feeling it for or give them a chance? I never force anything. If I forced it, I'd be in a relationship right now.
grkBoy Posted August 7, 2011 Posted August 7, 2011 from my experience as a man, the above (not trying to force things in one direction or another) describes about 1 in 15 single women. I agree. Some men and women put their guards up high or set up these elaborate velvet ropes to make it harder. These are the ones I tell guys to stay away from. See how the world gets when they're 35, all their friends are married with kids, and they're alone...wondering why they haven't landed a husband.
grkBoy Posted August 7, 2011 Posted August 7, 2011 So many men complain that women reject guys they don’t have immediate chemistry with, yet I feel like I'm being told to do just this. Should I immediately reject someone I’m not feeling it for or give them a chance? I never force anything. If I forced it, I'd be in a relationship right now. I was saying that if you find dating in general to not be fun, then take a break. You're not finding it fun for various reasons, and thus it's why you're not having success. Go make yourself happy and then you'll find it more fun when you're not seeing the negative side of it. I know I hated dating when I was pushing to "have someone", but loved it when I took a break and focused on me for a while. It's like when you eat chocolate every day and get tired of it, but go a year or two without it. Suddenly the day you get a piece of chocolate it tastes better than any you ever had.
Author iris219 Posted August 7, 2011 Author Posted August 7, 2011 See how the world gets when they're 35, all their friends are married with kids, and they're alone...wondering why they haven't landed a husband. This is why I can't take a year or two off. I'm 32 and most of my friends are married while I'm alone. And I do wonder why I'm alone and others aren't. It will just get harder in the next year or two. FTR, I don't accept dates from anyone. I have to find something attractive about them. My ex's coworker asked me out a couple days ago and I said no quickly!
grkBoy Posted August 7, 2011 Posted August 7, 2011 This is why I can't take a year or two off. I'm 32 and most of my friends are married while I'm alone. And I do wonder why I'm alone and others aren't. It will just get harder in the next year or two. FTR, I don't accept dates from anyone. I have to find something attractive about them. My ex's coworker asked me out a couple days ago and I said no quickly! I understand. I know it sounds like I'm flip-flopping here, but I just think if you're seeking a man to "have a man" then you'll end up disappointed. You don't have to take a year off, but perhaps just look for fun things you want to do in life, be socially open, look nice when you go out and be approachable, and just sift through all the guys you're not into until you meet one you want. Just don't pressure yourself. I made that mistake in my past and it made my life hell.
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