mortensorchid Posted August 5, 2011 Posted August 5, 2011 I was thinking about something recently that happened to a woman I know. She said she had this boyfriend many years ago, whatever went down went down and they broke up. He left her, he married someone else. Long story short, Facebook came along, they reconnected through it, and his marriage fell apart. She also married and divorced. By the time they had reconnected, her marriage was over and his was on the way out (as in he just had to sign the papers). She married him a few months ago. I didn't know about this until she told me through an IM chat through Facebook. She said she was going to drive cross country (he was on the West Coast, she on the East), pick him up, and then they were going to drive back to her home in the East. She told me "We are probably going to get married". I said "What!??!" She said "He told me he made a mistake." And, she married him a few months ago and I guess they are happy, as I haven't really talked to her since. Would you take someone back? I have no idea who did or didn't say or do what in this situation, but it made me think about how and why someone would do this. Don't think I don't wish her any ill will on this, because I am happy for her. And I think sometimes that I am just as lonely as the next guy, but ... I don't know if I would do something like this. What do others think?
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted August 5, 2011 Posted August 5, 2011 I hope it works out for them. For me it would depend on the circumstances of the original split, where I am in my life at the time, and how the other person acted. One of my friends girlfriends dumped him for a few months, he was very depressed and heartbroken by it. They ended up getting back together a few months later and now they are happily married. Stuff like this does happen and it is nice to hear about such events. I am a little weary on if it will be a lasting marriage/relationship or not but you don't know until you try.
D-Lish Posted August 5, 2011 Posted August 5, 2011 There isn't anyone from my past that I could ever see myself falling in love with all over again- not a single guy. I take a long time to get over someone, but once I do- I'm done. I have lots of ex's on my facebook- many of which have attempted to try the whole re-connection thing after divorces, break ups, etc. I feel nothing anymore. My most recent ex? I'm still not over him, so I'd probably consider it even though it would be a bad move. Give me a few more months of healing and he'll be by the wayside as well. I process my break ups to the point where I get to the point where I will become way too indifferent to consider rec-connecting.
proactivedreamer Posted August 5, 2011 Posted August 5, 2011 (edited) There isn't anyone from my past that I could ever see myself falling in love with all over again- not a single guy. I take a long time to get over someone, but once I do- I'm done. I have lots of ex's on my facebook- many of which have attempted to try the whole re-connection thing after divorces, break ups, etc. I feel nothing anymore. My most recent ex? I'm still not over him, so I'd probably consider it even though it would be a bad move. Give me a few more months of healing and he'll be by the wayside as well. I process my break ups to the point where I get to the point where I will become way too indifferent to consider rec-connecting. I am definitely in agreement with D-Lish. I take a long time to process break ups too, but if my most recent ex asked to be with me again, I would probably consider it. I still love him, miss him, want him, and our relationship ended on a good note, which is partly why I am still devastated. I think if you love someone, then anything is possible. Under the right circumstances, people can make it back to one another. So yes, I think second chances can happen and are worthwhile. Edited August 5, 2011 by proactivedreamer
smudge21 Posted August 5, 2011 Posted August 5, 2011 Yeah, second that with D-Lish. Once it's over, it's over. I know feelings can stay around for a long time after a break up, but once I'm fully over it, that's it. I've met up with ex's before and (usually when they've dumped me) they've occasionally shown interest but I've moved on, so nothings ever happened. Even with those I've left, I know I still care for them, maybe even have feelings, but would never go back. Eventually I'll feel that way for my current ex... That said, for those that do try again I wish them luck and do hope it works out, but feel that unless they deal with the past it can come up again and could lead to further problems.
FitChick Posted August 5, 2011 Posted August 5, 2011 I might go back with my ex-fiance because I haven't met anyone as good since.
thehead Posted August 5, 2011 Posted August 5, 2011 When Hell freezes over. Once that split happens, I don't entertain the idea of reconciliation at all now. It's not healthy for me, I've found. It kept me from moving on from one relationship. And in the end, it came to nothing and just tore me up all over again.
Author mortensorchid Posted August 5, 2011 Author Posted August 5, 2011 I guess what I can't get over in this story is the fact that he said "I made a mistake", and that was enough for her to go back to him. Of course, I don't know what else did/didn't go down in the past or recent past with them, but I couldn't see myself doing this. If there was/is someone in the past who has ever wanted to reconnect with me, I admit I was the one who did the reaching out (thanks to Facebook). We had had a few emails/chats, but that person is now in the past, established in whatever it is they are doing now (married, with someone or not, etc.), we're different people now. So ... I don't know. I have only had one person really REALLY try to get back with me in some way, but he was a complete and utter psycho. If I ever saw him again I would run away screaming. I would imagine that everyone else would think similar. Ah well, I hope this gal and her husband are happy.
Afishwithabike Posted August 5, 2011 Posted August 5, 2011 To quote Jane Austen as one must in these matters, "my good opinion once lost is lost forever."
FitChick Posted August 6, 2011 Posted August 6, 2011 I guess what I can't get over in this story is the fact that he said "I made a mistake", and that was enough for her to go back to him. I couldn't see myself doing this. If you could never forgive someone who admitted they'd made a mistake, you should forget about relationships. He humbly admitted he'd picked the wrong woman and was no doubt embarrassed and anxious to have to admit it, knowing the woman he loved might walk away. This woman knew a good thing when she saw it and grabbed that second chance at happiness. She was no fool. Sometimes pride can be very lonely. Hmmm, wasn't there a book about relationships called Pride and Prejudice...
WhyWontYouBe Posted August 6, 2011 Posted August 6, 2011 To quote Jane Austen as one must in these matters, "my good opinion once lost is lost forever." That's nice And I agree, some things just cannot be fixed.
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