SweetOblivion Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 I am a 32 year old man and I have never been in a relationship. It is primarily due to mistakes or 'sins' I have made in the past that have prevented me from pursuing anyone. I know honesty is an important part of a relationship but I am terrified of sharing my past for fear of being rejeceted and judged harshly, rightly or wrongly. I have faced alot of rejection and abuse in my life for just being me, let alone any 'bad' i've done. I want to share everything with a potential mate but there's some things people can't handle. But I feel terrible for not sharing 'everything' because it feels as if I am deceiving them or not showing them the 'real' me, whatever the hell that means. As for my mistakes, I feel I cannont make amends, other than being a better person, for 2 reasons: 1 is bringing up the past to someone who was never aware of it to begin with would be selfish on my part (ignorance is bliss) and 2 reintroducing myself after such a long time has past, regardless if it were to apologize, I feel, would bring back painful memories for them and forcing them to reopen old wounds that they may have already moved on from. Suicide is not an option, at least not right now, because my mother will need my help as she gets older. My question is how can I resolve this issue? And please don't tell me about prayer, divine forgiveness is meaningless if you still have to remember your mistakes. All comments are appreciated.
thatone Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 spend your late teens/20s in prison or something similar? don't volunteer too much information when dating. past that, at some point you have to be honest, yeah. but you don't owe anyone transparency on the first few dates. omission isn't lying until you are obligated to tell them about whatever it is. and if they aren't obligated to tell you everything about them, you aren't either.
mortensorchid Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 What exactly are the things from your past that you are talking about? Prison record? Abuse? Alcohol/drugs? Need some more information before people can give the best advice.
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