Eternal Sunshine Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 I know this is going to sound horrible but bear with me... I have worked with this girl for years. We share an office so we spend a lot of time together. We even have lunches together most days. I have been to her place and she has been to mine. She is a nice and kind person. She is just soooo bland. Her topics of conversation are always generic and safe and she never has any opinions of her own. She is shy/introverted(which is OK) but it's like she completely lacks passion for life. There is no spark in her at all. She also doesn't seem to get sarcasm. She is just...no fun. But again, she is very kind - just her "deadness" annoys me. My brother's current girlfriend (they have been together for a year but he has a pattern of being with someone for 2-3 years then breaking it off then meeting someone new within a month, being with that girl for 2-3 years etc etc). Anyway, she is exactly the same in personality as my co-worker. She is just so bland and boring. I cringe when I am with her alone, as making conversation is like pulling teeth. Even my parents have made comments that it's like she doesn't even have a pulse. I am just curious if men like dating those types of women.
Pyro Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 based on that information alone she sounds too boring for me but she may be completely different when outside of work, with friends, or dating.
torn_curtain Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 It totally depends on the guy. Some men just want a woman who will provide sweetness, good looks and sex. The guy I'm seeing or whatever--not sure what to call him because we haven't met in person--is repelled by boring women. He won't even date somebody who is gorgeous but "empty". Then I've known some smart guys who basically look for arm candy.
ptp Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 ES, a question for you would a woman like to date a guy who has the same personality as your co-worker?
AD1980 Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 I can be quiet and "bland" at times it depends who iam around..Theres people i feel i can open up to and we have the same humor and theres other people ive known for years and i still dont feel comfortable opening up to on some level.. Iam also better in small settings with a few friends..if its a big party with allot of people im laid back and can get lost in the crowd so to speak.. It seems as if women pick up on this the most..maybe because most women are such social creatures they think you have to be weird or hiding something if your laid back and not overly talkative all the time..
utterer of lies Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 I am just curious if men like dating those types of women. No. That is, some do. Not me though.
carhill Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 If a lady is so closed down I can't get to know her, dating likely won't work out. OTOH, some people are quiet and reserved in public and more outgoing/animated/expressive in one-on-one/intimate/safe (for them) situations. If the latter were the case, and there was synergy, then dating would be more likely to proceed. Even though I'm normally friendly and open with people, when I get around loud men and women who talk a mile a minute and don't engage others, then I get quiet too. I'm looking for a clean exit Everyone has their own style and perspective. You said the co-worker was kind. I'd go with that. She provides kindness. Others can provide stimulation. It's a big world. Good luck
Feelin Frisky Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 I would have to find out for myself on an individual basis. I love those romantic stories where a librarian gets turned on by a guy from a different league and she surprises everyone with her "flowering". I insist on some sparks pretty soon though.
westrock Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 She is a nice and kind person. She is just soooo bland. Her topics of conversation are always generic and safe and she never has any opinions of her own. She is shy/introverted(which is OK) but it's like she completely lacks passion for life. There is no spark in her at all. She also doesn't seem to get sarcasm. She is just...no fun. But again, she is very kind - just her "deadness" annoys me. Interesting choice of words. Why do you describe her way of living as deadness that annoys you? Others might read your description of this woman, think the same as you, but deep down they secretly wish they could lead a more simplied life just like this woman, free of the the unnecessary stresses of modern society. It's all about perspective but the main thing holding them back is their own interpretation of the situation as "deadness" and "annoying" and fear of others judging them the same way (look how your parents described her). After all, no one wants to be thought of as bland, boring, and no fun. I wonder if this woman would describe herself that way. This also goes both ways in that for all you know she may associate your way of living as annoying and too dramatic. In my experience I have noticed that when I observe a quality in another person that annoys me or triggers an emotional reaction, it is likely because deep down I am afraid to exhibit that same quality for fear of others judging me negatively. As a result, I overcompensate by expressing the opposite quality. Instead, what one should do is take notice of those qualities that "annoy" us and see if maybe we should adopt some of those qualities to balance out our own way of living.
Woggle Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 What some consider as boring most men consider to be sane. It sure beats crazy drama queens.
Professor X Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 what some consider as boring most men consider to be sane. It sure beats crazy drama queens. i c wat u dit der
Woggle Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 i c wat u dit der It's not directed towards anybody. I speak from experience when I say that crazy and drama filled is vastly overrated.
GoodOnPaper Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 My brother's current girlfriend (they have been together for a year but he has a pattern of being with someone for 2-3 years then breaking it off then meeting someone new within a month, being with that girl for 2-3 years etc etc). Anyway, she is exactly the same in personality as my co-worker. She is just so bland and boring. I cringe when I am with her alone, as making conversation is like pulling teeth. Even my parents have made comments that it's like she doesn't even have a pulse. I am just curious if men like dating those types of women. There must be some way that he connects with her that digs deeper than the bland-and-boring exterior that most people perceive. It could be sense of humor style, similar points-of-view about a certain life philosophy, or something else that acts as a rather specific "key" that allows him to see something of her inner person that few get to see. I've actually experienced something similar with a female co-worker of mine.
Jono85 Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 i c wat u dit der lolz but + 1 to both woggle's and your post
lino Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 What some consider as boring most men consider to be sane. It sure beats crazy drama queens. I completely agree!
iris219 Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 There must be some way that he connects with her that digs deeper than the bland-and-boring exterior that most people perceive. It could be sense of humor style, similar points-of-view about a certain life philosophy, or something else that acts as a rather specific "key" that allows him to see something of her inner person that few get to see. I've actually experienced something similar with a female co-worker of mine. I agree. I have a feeling your brother and his girlfriend connect on a deeper level than you're aware of. Some people are just shy around everyone except those they are closest to, or they choose to only emotionally engage with those they consider most important in their lives. To everyone else they would seem bland, but could be really deep and interesting people. These people often "listen loudly" and are very perceptive and intuitive. I’m bothered by loud attention seekers, not reserved people. I think some men wouldn’t notice women like you describe, but the ones who count will. Now, if the person really is completely insipid, that's almost as bad as loud and obnoxious.
threebyfate Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 Is it possible your brother's g/f provides him with security and a form of safety net? In being unassuming, she might be the one who ends up long-term with your brother since she doesn't demand anything from him.
ilikesunita Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 I know this is going to sound horrible but bear with me... I have worked with this girl for years. We share an office so we spend a lot of time together. We even have lunches together most days. I have been to her place and she has been to mine. She is a nice and kind person. She is just soooo bland. Her topics of conversation are always generic and safe and she never has any opinions of her own. She is shy/introverted(which is OK) but it's like she completely lacks passion for life. There is no spark in her at all. She also doesn't seem to get sarcasm. She is just...no fun. But again, she is very kind - just her "deadness" annoys me. My brother's current girlfriend (they have been together for a year but he has a pattern of being with someone for 2-3 years then breaking it off then meeting someone new within a month, being with that girl for 2-3 years etc etc). Anyway, she is exactly the same in personality as my co-worker. She is just so bland and boring. I cringe when I am with her alone, as making conversation is like pulling teeth. Even my parents have made comments that it's like she doesn't even have a pulse. I am just curious if men like dating those types of women. Boring is subjective. Not everybody has a pop-culture obsessed personality. Perhaps you should learn to get on with others better, and don't assume that others will be on your wavelength.
Star Gazer Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 I'm going to assume that like your brother's GF, your coworker also is in a happy relationship, and you're wondering why these two are able to be happy and you're not. True?
Anela Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 If a lady is so closed down I can't get to know her, dating likely won't work out. OTOH, some people are quiet and reserved in public and more outgoing/animated/expressive in one-on-one/intimate/safe (for them) situations. If the latter were the case, and there was synergy, then dating would be more likely to proceed. Right, this would be me... I was very shy, for a long time, but once you get to know me, I'm not that way at all, unless I'm needing some time to myself.
utterer of lies Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 I'm going to assume that like your brother's GF, your coworker also is in a happy relationship, and you're wondering why these two are able to be happy and you're not. True? You might be on to something.
zengirl Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 I agree. I have a feeling your brother and his girlfriend connect on a deeper level than you're aware of. Right. My question was going to be, "Why do you assume your experience and dynamics with a person are the same as their relationship experience and dynamics?" One of my good friends is dating a guy I went on a blind date with once --- he told her thought I was a nervous person, and I could TOTALLY see why he thought that because HE was all anxious when I met him, and it totally made me nervous. My BF heard this today, and said, "I can't see that at all." I'm very different around different people. I'd never consider myself a bland person, but, heck, I might even be "bland" at work because it's work . . . picking "safe" topics at work seems like a good idea. That's the kind of place you don't want to screw things up and get too personal. Human dynamics are complex, and rarely does one person make a conversation awesome or boring on their own. Maybe you and work girl just don't mesh beyond a superficial level and maybe your brother's GF just doesn't feel close to you, etc. I'm going to assume that like your brother's GF, your coworker also is in a happy relationship, and you're wondering why these two are able to be happy and you're not. True? Is this the real question, ES? Always ask the real question, if you can.
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