crazyinthehead Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 Hi (first poster) - been reading for a while I've been seeing this girl for almost a couple of months now. We were friends for about 5 months before hand, during which she was in a long term relationship. We waited an appropriate period of time and starting seeing each other. She is 21 I am 27. I am crazy about this girl. When we see each other its fireworks. She texts me all day every day, she calls at least once a day. She has even told me that she loves me. The thing is she is just not crazy about me. She has even said it. She doesn't make time to see me. When I approached her about it she said I was being "too emotional" for wanting to see her more. Although I only see her about once a fortnight. On questioning her intentions she became enraged, stating her constant calling and messaging as proof of interest and adding that she does not get gaga in relationships and that if she wants to see me she will, and if she doesn't feel like seeing me for 2 weeks then she won't. I knew her when she was in her past relationship, and I honestly thought it had run its course because she never spent anytime with him. Now I am feeling like him. I have told her that I don't like getting knocked down everytime I asked to meet, and I want to be with a girl that makes time to see me and wants to see me. She said I should stop thinking about things so much, that she is very happy with me, looking forward to our future and that I should be happy too. That was two weeks ago, I have seen her once since. Adding to all this is her non-gay, not in a relationship, male best friend who she has known for about 4 years. Now I'm not insecure or an overly jealous person but her relationship with him bothers me. They text constantly, write on each others Facebook walls constantly, call each other every day, and meet each other regularly (about 2 or 3 times a week) I've seen their conversations on Facebook and they are harmless. He seems like a decent guy. He likes every status as soon as she makes one, comments on every picture. He calls her after every exam at university. I feel like saying "Get a room". Now, i must say I knew of their close friendship before we started going out. I questioned that there might be something there and she was offended that i even asked that there might be something between them. I had to check. It doesn't bother me that she has a male best friend, it just bothers me that she makes him the priority. That I ask her to meet a week ahead on her one totally free day and she says she will have to get back to me. He asks a few days later and she says yes. I ask soon after if she is free and she says she is busy with him and his friends. He is her go to guy for advice, they pick out each others clothes and perfumes, he does things that i would love to do with her. Things that guys like to do with their girlfriends. Things they can't do with their guy friends. I should note that we also go to the same university, we may get to see each other an hour there a week though. But guess what, she is going to be changing universities next year to one on the other side of the city. Guess who goes there!! We could have arranged to go to university on the same days but she actually scheduled her classes around his days off. She has 3 days a week where she could see me. She either meets up with him or another friend. And no I have not met the guy yet. When you see a girl for 8 hours a fortnight you don't really have time to meet her friends. I have never mention my viewpoint on her relationship with her friend and know that it wouldn't go down well at all. Although, yes our relationship is still somewhat in the early stages, i feel like I am glimpsing into the future. I can see myself being married to this girl with kids and having to explain that your mother is out with her best guy friend every day.... or having our life descisions get his go ahead. All I want is to be a priority to this girl. She calls a lot but I feel too angry to talk and am starting to think whats the point if another guy fills her emotional needs. I actually feel like she has 2 boyfriends and although I get all the physical good stuff, and hear about her day, I see her less. I know if I bring this issue up with her she will label me insecure. Suggestions?
Ginger Beer Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 She has even told me that she loves me. The thing is she is just not crazy about me. She has even said it. How does this work?
Author crazyinthehead Posted August 3, 2011 Author Posted August 3, 2011 I should rephrase, she didn't literally say "I'm not crazy about you". I said to her when two people start seeing each other they usually are crazy about each other and want to see each other all the time. I said "Although I like my free time too, I'm crazy about you and I want to see you more" her reply was "I don't get all crazy about boyfriends". I would also like to mention. There is 100% trust in our relationship. The issue is about priorities and communicating that across (perhaps in an indirect way over time) - as she seems to get freaked out if I mention anything about it.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 Well clearly the other guy wants to bang her at the very least. (he wouldn't be there if he didn't see himself as being "in line" for her affections) Moooooooooooost likely he tried once, got rejected, and was "friend-zoned" from then on. She surely (imagines) that he is nothing more than noble in his "friend" role. The truth is, he wants to bang her and then some. Beyond that, you may be coming on too strong. If you eliminate all insecurity from your actions, and eliminate all smothering from your actions, whatever is left will dictate your best course of action from this point forward.
Zaphod B Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 Bugger that. It would be a different thing perhaps if it was a female friend, but a male? If you are going to be in a relationship you should come first, not some other guy! In fact I'd say that even if he was a female you should still be her top priority. I'd be out of there. Seems like she wants a relationship of convenience and is not willing to commit to you. Don't waste your time with the inconsiderate cow. Tell her she can keep her best male buddy and that you want a woman who'll treat you with respect.
Eddie Edirol Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 Stop contacting her, let her contact you. Dont be so needy, let her seek you out from now on. Dont ask her about more time, let her do her thing - let her miss you. Right now she knows you will badger her about spending time if she doesnt keep you in the loop. You dont need the loop, you have your own life. Its also too early in the relationship to go demanding her time. If she winds up spending less and less time with you, then you know she really wasnt crazy about you. She cant possibly become crazy about you, when you need HER so badly. You need to NOT need her. She cant become crazy about you if she knows she has all of your heart already. Show some confidence and know that she needs you, without needing to know that she needs you. You two arent on the same page. You have to back off until she is on the same page as you. Hopefully you arent a rebound from her last relationship. Step back, and let her look for you from now on. It could take a while for her to fall for you, or she wants to slip away, but you cant badger her into falling for you.
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