alexlakeman Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 Well, I have been seeing one woman exclusively for about 6-7 weeks now. When I first met her she looked as good as she did in the pics, great face, body, 5 years younger than eye......we got along great, as we had on the phone... Right before we slept together after the 2nd or 3rd date she seemed to have the qualities I was looking for , for the most part: Low mileageYounger than IPretty / nice bodydresses sexyLikes to partyLikes same musicHas a kid, as I doSame activities...Work and live very close by Fast forward the night of first sex: Sex was great.. Oh the bad part? F-ck her body was like full of cellulite and kinda saggy here and there .. I casually asked her the next day or a few days later if she had lost a lot of weight or something and she brushed it off and said it was just the stretch marks from the pregnancy...hmm, it seemed a little more than just those stretch marks... I probed further a couple weeks later and she said she had lost a lot of weight which she had gained during her marriage..something like 30 lbs.. and she should've gotten all that sh)t stretched out, etc.. but she is going to do it eventually, she claims.. She's size 4 now, to give you an idea.. My dilema, although we all say physical is not the main thing and it's not, but it is still an issue. Should I just tell her that's the deal breaker or stick around is my issue? What would you do (in the case of ladies, obviously the tables are turned)? I just told her today we need to back down a bit as I have a lot of things going on (actually, as I figure out what to do, as I do NOT want to hurt her of course). tks
Author alexlakeman Posted August 3, 2011 Author Posted August 3, 2011 This is what I had posted on my online dating thread (sig) in July when I met her; looking back I did mention it before: Well, I started seeing someone I met online on the 16th of June..We've been on multiple dates since, and looks like she has all the qualities I wanted , except the major stretch marks or sag(?), which she claims were from when she was pregnant , but I have a feeling she was overweight b4 and lost a shi)t load of weight... That's the only negative, oh well.. dressed she looks very hot, jogs also, likes the same activities, partying, music, etc as I do ... Long term? Hmm, the sagging skin will likely be the deal breaker, but for now, I took myself off of online dating and so did she... wish me luck
D-Lish Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 I really don't know what to say to you- you seem like such an awful person.
Hot Chick Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 What do you mean by getting it stretched out? I think you should break up with her. Women are very intuitive and she has figured out why you wanted the break, trust me, particularly since you already asked her about her stretch marks and skin.
youngskywalker Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 Hmmmmm... you know, man to man, that's a tough one. I know the right thing to do is look past her body and admire her personality instead. But we all know physical attraction is something... well, it just is. You need to be honest to yourself and know if it is something you can look past. For me personally, I think I could get past it if she looked good with her clothes on when I take her around all my friends. I really think this situation is all up to you. There is no perfect girl out there (figuratively speaking). I hope you look past the physical and look into her heart. But if you can't, I'm with you as a man and I understand.
OliveOyl Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 I say, dump her and let her find someone who will be proud she's lost the weight and tries to keep in shape, and sees past a few stretch marks and sag... which happens to everyone past a certain age.... Sheesh... can't win for losing with some guys....
Tybalt Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 What would be wonderful for her is if she was with someone who thought she was beautiful... Even if she had stretch marks and the like. It doesn't sound like the issue is that she doesn't take care of herself. What if you ended up together long term and she got pregnant? She might gain weight, at least for the course of the pregnancy... Would she be offensive to you then? I don't know, it seems to me that whatever the repulsion... You might want to consider letting her go so she can find someone who is not ambivalent toward her?
Mme. Chaucer Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 Even if you stay with her, she'll certainly break up with you soon enough. I can't imagine any woman liking a guy like you. Wake up! YOU ARE OLD! Many of your age peers have stuff like stretch marks, flab, etc. The few who don't ... probably are going out with super wonderful, cool guys.
Sanman Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 The question becomes 'what are the odds you can do better?' By that I don't mean the ego inflated odds guys use in their heads, but real odds. How many prospects have you slept with that were hotter than her and willing to date you? You're in your 40's right? Good luck finding a woman around your age who has had children and doesn't have these issues.
Eternal Sunshine Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 The question becomes 'what are the odds you can do better?' By that I don't mean the ego inflated odds guys use in their heads, but real odds. How many prospects have you slept with that were hotter than her and willing to date you? You're in your 40's right? Good luck finding a woman around your age who has had children and doesn't have these issues. This. I think everyone needs to look in the mirror first. I cringe when I see old, out of shape, balding guys chasing after hot girls. Guys generally tend to have an over-inflated view of themselves. You really need to look at the hotness of girls that you were able to get to date you (for more than a few dates) and determine your market value from there.
Fondue Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 The question becomes 'what are the odds you can do better?' By that I don't mean the ego inflated odds guys use in their heads, but real odds. How many prospects have you slept with that were hotter than her and willing to date you? You're in your 40's right? Good luck finding a woman around your age who has had children and doesn't have these issues. I'm not within that age group, but I am say with confidence that if he is a man in his 40s whom is at least decent looking but has a good career and charm, he can land so many women in the upper 20s, lower 30s bracket. There for yes, he can do better. If physical attraction is hurting, that sucks. You can't just "deal with it." These women wouldn't be giving you grief if you were a woman and discussing a man's body. They'd just say "move on honey, you can do better." Same exact thing as I am telling you now. 1
temporaryvisa Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 ^why do you come off as so bitter and mean? I find older men attractive all the time, but they have to be hot in the first place.
temporaryvisa Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 Btw, wackatron with the angle photo, it's *therefore. And this isn't a Harrison ford movie. Most hot girls in their 20s arent going to date an old fart, unless he is seriously loaded. He wants a mom, a mature lady, he wants someone with similar interests oh and perfect skin? Sorry OP but I bet you don't have a sexy body either. I think OP is a troll.
zengirl Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 Sadly I'm pretty sure OP is not actually a troll, but as D Lish says: I really don't know what to say to you- you seem like such an awful person. So true. I'm all for physical attraction being a necessary component of a relationship, but when you break it down into people's little individual flaws, that's just shallow. Especially if you go around "probing" them as to how their flaws happened. . . that's just gross. The question becomes 'what are the odds you can do better?' By that I don't mean the ego inflated odds guys use in their heads, but real odds. How many prospects have you slept with that were hotter than her and willing to date you? You're in your 40's right? Good luck finding a woman around your age who has had children and doesn't have these issues. Also true, though I really do hope SHE can do better and agree more with OliveOyl. I say, dump her and let her find someone who will be proud she's lost the weight and tries to keep in shape, and sees past a few stretch marks and sag... which happens to everyone past a certain age.... Sheesh... can't win for losing with some guys.... The OP isn't going to be happy with probably anyone because he's got his own issues re: materialism and silly shallow crap like this.
LoveandSuch Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 Hi, it seems likely this is something you might not be able to overlook. Cellulite is cottage cheese, and unfortunately happens to woman in their early 20s into advanced years. I am fortunate in not having saddle bags, stretch marks, or cellulite, but feel for those who do. Cellulite is untreatable, there are treatments for extra skin, it has its limitations too, but cellulite, cannot be suctioned away, smoothed out, absolutely no cure. It's formation is too deep to be treated. It can be tightened a small bit. Stretch marks are highly resistant to any treatment, as well. We all have are imperfections, and should learn to love ourselves regardless. If this issue is already causing you these feelings you described, then I would not continue the relationship. There will be a man that will like her enough to overlook her imperfections.
OpenBook Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 IMO when a guy is really into a girl any physical "imperfections" she might have doesn't even register on his radar. He's just... INTO her. (Same goes for girls who are into a guy, for that matter.) So my vote for the OP is to date others and back off from getting into anything serious with your GF. She's not the one for you. Attraction is attraction, there's no getting around it.
carhill Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 Sex was great and she is honest. I'd reconsider your balance point. Good luck.
Eternal Sunshine Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 How can sex be great with someone you are not attracted to?
carhill Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 OP was evidently attracted enough to describe the sex as great. Part of that was the titillation of the unknown. Now he appears to have buyer's remorse. Product not entirely as advertised (to him). It is what it is. His style is pretty well-advertised so no surprises here. Hope it works out.
Star Gazer Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 IMO when a guy is really into a girl any physical "imperfections" she might have doesn't even register on his radar. He's just... INTO her. (Same goes for girls who are into a guy, for that matter.) So my vote for the OP is to date others and back off from getting into anything serious with your GF. She's not the one for you. Attraction is attraction, there's no getting around it. I agree with this.
Els Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 OP was evidently attracted enough to describe the sex as great. Part of that was the titillation of the unknown. Now he appears to have buyer's remorse. Product not entirely as advertised (to him). It is what it is. His style is pretty well-advertised so no surprises here. Hope it works out. Agreed completely. It really saddens me that guys like the OP don't seem to have any trouble getting some women, at least, while I see genuinely good and intelligent guys going for long spells without. C'mon, fellow girls, wake up!
carhill Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 IMO, women and men can't help who they are attracted to. This particular divorcee apparently went on a self-improvement program and found the OP to be an attractive man for her. As he opined in his first post on LS a couple years ago, he's broken up with a lot of women and a lot of women have broken up with him. Perhaps this is one more for the list. It is what it is. I hope he is equally honest with her. 1
Author alexlakeman Posted August 3, 2011 Author Posted August 3, 2011 Thanks for the responses. I'll address some of them individually later vs while posting on the cell. You are right that i would want it all in ONE package; I've had it before more than once, but I might get bored or for whatever reason it ends ; usually my fault; I'm very clear on that. So i do know I can attain all the qualities AND I know what I bring to the table. This would be a tough one to let go of since we get along 150% on all issues (so far!) Except the freakin stretch marks. She is physically fit, if that makes sense and excercises on a regular basis and when we excercise or jog together she keeps on pace for the most part, so she is "in shape" if that makes sense. At the end of the day she does very much look like a Long Term potential, so we'll see
Nexus One Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 (edited) Except the freakin stretch marks. If it bothers you that much, yet you're so into her that you want to build a life with her, then just shell out $2000 USD and have her stretch marks lasered away at a good clinic. I've heard it can be as low as $200 USD per treatment and generally at least 6 treatments are needed at one month intervals to completely remove them. The clinics with the latest technology don't only have lasers that fade the marks, but also technology to completely remove any remaining tint blemishes and even the embossing of the skin due to the stretch marks can be treated away these days. However as you are the one who seems to have a problem with it, I think it would be fair for you to pay that bill. That being said, don't push your girlfriend into doing it if she doesn't want it. You could suggest it, but that's about as far as you should go in my opinion, as it's not your body. Edited August 3, 2011 by Nexus One
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