MarlyStar Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 All right, I've been divorced a while and have my ducks in order in my life. I've taken about 6 months off from dating after coming across two men, one who turned out to be a 'feeder' in search of SSBBW (nothing wrong with that, just not my thing and he wasn't upfront about it), and another who was courting/grooming me (or whatever) when I stumbled over the fact he had a GF (he then went off the deepend, tried to convince me she was nothing and he wasn't going to marry her, then ran around making professional complaints against me until very high superiors jerked him back into line and the whole thing blew over). These two men have disappeared. Whew.... So I've hummed along with just my work, family and girlfriends but a few weeks ago I went to my eye dr. I've known him for years, always liked him and enjoyed the half hour or so I spent with him. Altho I'd see him once a year, he always remembered me. But I was married and he was single but dating a woman with young children. And it never went that way, always pleasant but professional. So I'm a few years divorced now, and have been on a dating hiatus and a few weeks ago go in for a series of appts and it's nice. And we talk about hobbies and personal things this time (nothing deep, just vacations and what we do in our free time and what we really think of parenting young adults, lol). We are laughing. He lingers, and when I go to pay, he calls me over to his office to show me his personal vacation photos on facebook. I admire them. The next two visits are the same. I do notice that he doesn't mention his girlfriend. And he talks abt his summer vacation, just him and one of his kids and the kid's friend. Then I have a question about insurance billing and walk in without an appt to speak to the insurance lady, not expecting to see him. The office is empty, but he walks in the front bringing his lunch. I look up just as he comes in and I see it: his face lights up; he's really glad to see me. I have an appt next week, a long one. I want somehow to let him know I'm available if he's interested in pursuing. But I'm not a forward type (my friend suggested when I read the eye chart I say: "I. M. A. vailable. N. U. My, I've never seen a chart like this!"--this funny, but I could NEVER in a million years do it. She said, if he looks uncomfortable or unreceptive, I just wink and say: "I'm just kidding, I've always wanted to do that".). Well, this weekend I've been laid up sick, and I looked at match again since my last experience with it (chronicalled disastrously here in March). And he was there. So he IS single and looking....and he's new on match within 2 weeks, and he hasn't been on since Thursday or Fri. I'm at the top of his age range (which is a 20 year span) but other than that I seem to be what he's looking for as much as anyone can tell these things from 200 words. So what to do? I was thinking of sending him a match message: "Hey, I know you! In fact I'm going to see you on Xday, when you are going to render me blind..." (actually I haven't a clue of what to say). I was also during the next meeting somehow bringing up an activity we both enjoy and have discussed recently at a place we'd discussed before and say, "If you are ever looking for someone to do XX with, give me a call. All my little friends live in YYY and can't come over to play very often." (actually I have no idea how to phrase this either). Any ideas? Or just let it go, he'll pursue if he's interested enough (altho I don't know that he knows I'm available, for all he knows I might already have a BF).
Star Gazer Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 I like the Match cutesy message. I did that once - saw an old friend on the site, and sent him a, "Funny running into you here! How's it going?" and that resulted in a few dates. BTW... why are you seeing an eye doctor so often?
Imajerk17 Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 Send a Match message, can't hurt. He might be wondering how to ask you out. Maybe there is a code of conduct for doctors that prohibits that sort of thing...
Imajerk17 Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 Or the next time you see him, you could say "I'd love to get to know you better outside of the office...." This is one time where it might do you good as a woman to make the first move. (That you go so much--I can see why he is hesitant to ask you out. He's probably concerned about losing such a good patient!)
zengirl Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 I wouldn't do the cutesy Match message myself if you also see him in person somewhat regularly. Instead, I'd mention that I'd seen him on Match in my matches/feed/whatever the next time I saw him (assuming you'll go in sometime soon), and something like, "I find it hard to believe you're still single. You seem like such a great guy." Unless he seems perpetually shy or something, a guy who is interested will take it from there. Or any in-person flirtation you like, really, but it seems chickening out to send a Match message when you could flirt in person. But go for it! I mean, don't come to the doctor's office in lingerie, but expressing some mild form of interest really is not that big a deal. Worst comes to worst, he'll be flattered and not interested but guys are almost always nice about it (and he seems like a nice guy anyway), and that worse case scenario is not a big deal in the long run----and well worth the potential reward.
Star Gazer Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 I wouldn't do the cutesy Match message myself if you also see him in person somewhat regularly. Instead, I'd mention that I'd seen him on Match in my matches/feed/whatever the next time I saw him (assuming you'll go in sometime soon), and something like, "I find it hard to believe you're still single. You seem like such a great guy." Unless he seems perpetually shy or something, a guy who is interested will take it from there. Or any in-person flirtation you like, really, but it seems chickening out to send a Match message when you could flirt in person. Yeah, I like this better!
Imajerk17 Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 I wouldn't do the cutesy Match message myself if you also see him in person somewhat regularly. Instead, I'd mention that I'd seen him on Match in my matches/feed/whatever the next time I saw him (assuming you'll go in sometime soon), and something like, "I find it hard to believe you're still single. You seem like such a great guy." Unless he seems perpetually shy or something, a guy who is interested will take it from there. You ladies may think it's (the bolded) an unmissable hint, but as a guy, I can tell you that it's not. Given the doctor/patient "wall", it comes across as "friendly". Next time you go in, MS, ask what (in a flirtatious tone) if he would ever consider going on a date with a patient. Or you could add to the bolded a "Hell I'd meet up with you, if you would consider going on a date with a patient..."
zengirl Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 You ladies may think it's (the bolded) an unmissable hint, but as a guy, I can tell you that it's not. Given the doctor/patient "wall", it comes across as "friendly". Next time you go in, MS, ask what (in a flirtatious tone) if he would ever consider going on a date with a patient. Or you could add to the bolded a "Hell I'd meet up with you, if you would consider going on a date with a patient..." Well, a lot of it is in the delivery. She could add your bit later if he seems to be missing it. I don't think a guy has missed my hints lately. You can tell if he's gotten it and is not interested too. But I approach guys a lot (when single) and got over the fear of approaching them ages ago, so you're probably right to assure the OP to really get her interest out there.
eerie_reverie Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 Why not just ask him if he wants to grab a drink/ coffee sometime?
Author MarlyStar Posted August 1, 2011 Author Posted August 1, 2011 Is there a doctor patient wall with an eye doctor? I have a lot of appts because one was for contacts, then a week later follow up. And then I went in for rx sunglasses, and then for reading glasses. And next week for routine dilation. Then I went in with one kid and then for another. Nothing serious. I don't think I'll do the Match contact because he hasn't been online in the last 3 days. So I'll probably see him before he goes online again. It appears that he joined about 2-3 weeks ago, then went on vacation for a week, then came back and apparently only looks at match sporadically. So it's going to be face to face. I guess I'll try to work in a reference to the place he recommended and say if he ever wants to do that activity we both enjoy (it's a 2 person activity), give me a call. What more can I do?
OliveOyl Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 So it's going to be face to face. I guess I'll try to work in a reference to the place he recommended and say if he ever wants to do that activity we both enjoy (it's a 2 person activity), give me a call. What more can I do? Nothing wrong with your plan, except it seems a bit passive to me. Suppose he responds, "Thanks, I will." And then that's it. Then what? Are you opposed to asking a guy out? If not, what about "Hey, I happened to see you were on Match, I am too! Hahah. What do you think of it? Would you like to grab a cup of coffee sometime?"
Author MarlyStar Posted August 2, 2011 Author Posted August 2, 2011 Nothing wrong with your plan, except it seems a bit passive to me. Suppose he responds, "Thanks, I will." And then that's it. Then what? Then I guess he's not really that interested, and I should move on. This is what I had in mind: I was going to ask about his vacation. Before going he'd told me about it and what he was going to spend his days doing. I had had a similar vacation in May, and I would tell him a funny story that ties in the vacation with that activity we both like. (It involves a fullsize picture of a naked Burt Reynolds and a strobe light--and it is funny, I've told it at work and people love it). And I'd finish the story with, "That why I like doing XYZ." That should segue into a regret that I don't get the opportunity to do XYZ, and I was interested in trying out that place he told me about. I assume he'll re-endorse the place he told me about and I'll say, it sounds great. I don't often have someone to do XYZ with, if he wanted to do it with me, give me a call. I should be able to tell how receptive he is to the suggestion by his reaction. But if he agrees but doesn't follow through and doesn't call within a week or two (and I figure I'd know within two weekends--after all he is on match thus is not attached and IS interested in finding someone, dating, meeting new people), so if he doesn't ask, I know he's just friendly but not interested in more.
Author MarlyStar Posted August 2, 2011 Author Posted August 2, 2011 I don't know why I'm being vague. The activity is billiards.
PinkInTheLimo Posted August 2, 2011 Posted August 2, 2011 Don't make it too complicated. Tell him you saw him on the datingsite and that you are interested in getting to know him and ask him out of a cup of coffee. If he is interested in you, he will accept. Seen the fact that you are his patient, he is not in a position to ask you out himself.
OliveOyl Posted August 2, 2011 Posted August 2, 2011 That should segue into a regret that I don't get the opportunity to do XYZ, and I was interested in trying out that place he told me about. I assume he'll re-endorse the place he told me about and I'll say, it sounds great. I don't often have someone to do XYZ with, if he wanted to do it with me, give me a call. I should be able to tell how receptive he is to the suggestion by his reaction. I still think it's a bit vague the way you're planning to mention it; he might confuse interest in him with interest in doing XYZ (billiards). Hopefully he would take the hint, though.
zengirl Posted August 2, 2011 Posted August 2, 2011 Oh, if he's just a normal eye doctor, I say you're fine putting it out there normally. I was worried it was like your doctor for a chronic issue or something, but you can always switch eye doctors if it gets too weird. I say tell him you'd like to go out sometime! Take the bull by the horns. He's cute, single, and looking, and seems to sometimes be looking at you. Worse he says is no.
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