nanana Posted July 31, 2011 Posted July 31, 2011 For the past (almost) 3 months, a friend and I have been hooking up every weekend. We're part of a really close circle of friends, yet have always been sort of distant from one another apart from recently, when a mutual attraction started. Every weekend when we all go out, we end up acting like a couple. We've even agreed to be exclusive and not date/hook up with other people, and he even has referred to me as his girlfriend a couple of times. But here's the problem... he's never actually asked me out on a date. At last, last week was meant to be our first date, and he ended up texting me 5 minutes before to cancel. I was really disappointed. Last night was another weekend when all of our friends hung out, and sure enough we were acting like a couple again, but he was totally unapologetic about standing me up and just said that I 'can't understand because you don't know the real reason'. Now he hasn't rearranged or made any plans with me this week. I don't understand how someone can want to be exclusive, but not care that we haven't even had a first date. Therefore I decided to text him today to ask if he will be free at all to meet up and chat about things. He hasn't replied yet. Was this wrong and mega clingy? I'm just feeling confused by the whole thing, but also worried I've driven him away now.
GG3 Posted July 31, 2011 Posted July 31, 2011 Sounds like he is avoiding me emotionally intimate. Going out is fine with a group but being one on one on a date is scary....
Author nanana Posted July 31, 2011 Author Posted July 31, 2011 You think he's just scared of being one on one? Because I'm just thinking he isn't interested...
Author nanana Posted July 31, 2011 Author Posted July 31, 2011 Still no reply...feeling pretty down about the whole thing Worrying that I'm coming across as clingy, even though he's the one who initiates being cuddly and affectionate every time we're together...
iJester Posted July 31, 2011 Posted July 31, 2011 Tell him that you think you two became exclusive too early on. Tell him you want to date around some more while still seeing him, until he's ready get more serious.
GG3 Posted July 31, 2011 Posted July 31, 2011 I think you shouldn't see him or cuddle with him until he goes on a date with you. Going out with friends together isn't really a date. My guess as to why you haven't heard back from him...because once again he is avoiding being emotionally intimate. He doesn't want to get together and "chat about things." Not enough to go on to say if he is interested or not.
Author nanana Posted July 31, 2011 Author Posted July 31, 2011 You're right. I'm so confused, he was so affectionate last night, but after 3 months of this, I really need an actual date. It hurts that he hasn't replied to my request to chat, but maybe he will later. What do I do if he doesn't?
FitChick Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 I think it's for the same reason many people don't date co-workers. Everyone else will know your business and, if things end badly, it becomes awkward for the whole group.
Finch Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 It depends on what you mean by "hooking up". If you mean you've been having sex for three months without going on even one date you've already set the precedence for a casual relationship. You may find it hard to get this to change. You may want to go out on actual dates now, but you've already shown that you're willing to sleep with this guy without him having to do any of the "work" that comes with setting up or keeping dates. If you mean you've been getting together and acting couple-y for three months (not having sex), but not doing anything just the two of you, that could still be difficult to change. If you want to go out on dates then tell him. You are clearly not satisfied with the situation, so tell him what you want. If, after three months, he can't be bothered to find the time and energy to go on a real date with you then why continue? It shows he's really not that interested.
Star Gazer Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 ...he was totally unapologetic about standing me up and just said that I 'can't understand because you don't know the real reason'. What does that mean... that you don't know the "real reason"? What is the real reason he stood you up?
Recommended Posts