Feelsgoodman Posted July 31, 2011 Posted July 31, 2011 I'd suggest you rent a car, just for the date night. First impressions are important, so you gotta have a car to pick her up for the date. Totally disagree with this. He's got a perfectly valid excuse for not being able to pick her up, and if she has her own car, there is no reason why she shouldn't pick him up in this instance. OP, stop worrying about impressing a girl. Either postpone the date or ask her to drive to your place. If she's interested in you, she won't have a problem with that.
zengirl Posted July 31, 2011 Posted July 31, 2011 Totally disagree with this. He's got a perfectly valid excuse for not being able to pick her up, and if she has her own car, there is no reason why she shouldn't pick him up in this instance. OP, stop worrying about impressing a girl. Either postpone the date or ask her to drive to your place. If she's interested in you, she won't have a problem with that. On a FIRST date, it's not appropriate to ask someone to come pick you up (male or female) in my view. It may be appropriate to offer to come pick someone up. . . but really meeting there is much more first-date appropriate. YMMV.
musemaj11 Posted July 31, 2011 Posted July 31, 2011 I have to say I agree that its inappropriate to ask someone out and ask that person to provide transportation. Asking to meet halfway is a lot more appropriate.
Almond_Joy Posted July 31, 2011 Posted July 31, 2011 It really makes me a bit sad that people think this way - that ownership of a material thing like a car or a house somehow translates into the owner having attractive personality characteristics such as assertiveness and initiative, while implying that people who don't have these things lack those traits. Or maybe I'm over-thinking it .....don't mind at all that you have a different opinion, but your response was kind of...snarky? And a little condescending. I love sarcasm, but it was unnecessary in order for you to make your point in this situation. What do you make of a person who has a car, vs. a person who doesn't? Do you not take it into consideration at all? I know this is leading a bit off tangent, but I do feel that the lifestyle a person creates for themselves can say something about their personality. A person having their own means of transportation is one of those lifestyle elements. I only started driving about a year ago, and not having a car never stopped me from going anywhere I want to go before then. But a lot of my time was spent waiting for buses, and I saw that that was time I could spend doing more of the things I wanted to do....if I had my own transportation at my disposal. Hence, a car was purchased so I could maximize effective use of my time. I didn't do it to show others I was independent or assertive, and I don't think that most people who do get a car do it to show anything to anyone either. But just because people don't do something with the purpose of showing anything to anybody.....doesn't mean that their actions don't say something about them to people. Furthermore, I don't see people without a car as unassertive. That was not an intended implication in what I said, sorry to see that you took it that way. The majority of my boyfriends never owned a car the whole time I was with them, and I certainly don't think that they are unassertive. They find ways to get where they need to go and do the things they want to do, and it does take an assertive nature to find ways to get around without a car. But how evident is assertiveness in the first moments of meeting a person? Appearances do make an impression on a first meeting. Now if you're someone who can dismiss first impressions, or are able not to create preconceptions or conclusions (consciously or unconsciously) based on what you observe of a person's presentation of themselves, then hats off to you - I sincerely mean that. First impressions make a powerful image of other people in the mind's eye, and whether that impression is the truth of things or not...for a lot of people that impression sticks.
Almond_Joy Posted July 31, 2011 Posted July 31, 2011 I have to say I agree that its inappropriate to ask someone out and ask that person to provide transportation. Asking to meet halfway is a lot more appropriate. ^^^co-sign on that.
Almond_Joy Posted July 31, 2011 Posted July 31, 2011 (edited) I have zero clue how having a car has anything to do with assertiveness. I understand however that a guy who has a car is more attractive than a guy who doesn't just like a woman who dresses in a fancy dress is more attractive than a woman who doesn't. But my point is that you can't claim to be looking for love if your criteria in filtering potential mates are based on material things like these. Well, this I think is where our views on the objectives of a first date differ. I'm not looking to fall in love or build love on a first date. I'm just getting to know someone. And I'm not going to turn down a date or not go on a second date with a guy just because I find out a guy doesn't have a car. If I like a guy we will keep seeing each other. Don't know how else to explain how I equate a car to an **unintentional** display of assertiveness, though (please see my response to Smitten's comment, I did elaborate on my thinking a bit more there).....if my reasoning doesn't make sense, feel free to present a different train of thought. I'd like to hear different perspectives. From your response above, though, I'm understanding that we have different views on the objective of a first date.....and if that's the case, we can just agree to disagree . Edited July 31, 2011 by Almond_Joy
musemaj11 Posted July 31, 2011 Posted July 31, 2011 But how evident is assertiveness in the first moments of meeting a person? Appearances do make an impression on a first meeting. Now if you're someone who can dismiss first impressions, or are able not to create preconceptions or conclusions (consciously or unconsciously) based on what you observe of a person's presentation of themselves, then hats off to you - I sincerely mean that. First impressions make a powerful image of other people in the mind's eye, and whether that impression is the truth of things or not...for a lot of people that impression sticks. Exactly, thats why people should learn not judge a book by its cover. For example, I have a car and one of my best friends doesnt. If both of us were interested in the same girl and the girl chose me over him simply because I have a car and he doesnt, then I have to honestly say she makes the wrong judgment. Why? Because the reason I have a car is because my parents bought it for me when I was in high school while the reason my friend doesnt have a car is because his parents live in another country and all his life he has had to work double jobs in order to feed himself and feed his family abroad, so he doesnt have money to spare to get himself a car. If I was asked which one of us is a better person, I would admit that my best friend has a much stronger character than I do and if I was a girl, I would choose him over myself.
Almond_Joy Posted July 31, 2011 Posted July 31, 2011 Who said anything about love ? This is a first date, right? I understand what you're saying, but before love comes the ability to be self-directing. Having a car, to me, is kind of a symbol that a guy's taking initiative to do things on his terms - it's an unconscious way of displaying assertiveness. Maybe I over-think it, but that's the way I see it. And I've yet to meet a woman who isn't more attracted to an assertive man than she is to an unassertive one . Ok, I see here where the implication that men without a car are unassertive can be drawn. That was a poor choice of words on my part - my apologies!
Almond_Joy Posted July 31, 2011 Posted July 31, 2011 For example, I have a car and one of my best friends doesnt. If both of us were interested in the same girl and the girl chose me over him simply because I have a car and he doesnt, then I have to honestly say she makes the wrong judgment. I totally agree with this. Nobody should "dismiss" someone based on their first impressions. If the girl chooses you because you have a car - definitely poor judgement. If the girl chooses you because she's honestly attracted to your personality more than his - good call on her part.
musemaj11 Posted July 31, 2011 Posted July 31, 2011 Well, this I think is where our views on the objectives of a first date differ. I'm not looking to fall in love or build love on a first date. I'm just getting to know someone. And I'm not going to turn down a date or not go on a second date with a guy just because I find out a guy doesn't have a car. If I like a guy we will keep seeing each other. I was simply arguing against people who seemed to suggest that a guy needs to have a car if he wants a chance at love. I believe such view is extremely outdated. Its like a guy ruling out a girl simply for not coming from a good family.
Almond_Joy Posted July 31, 2011 Posted July 31, 2011 I was simply arguing against people who seemed to suggest that a guy needs to have a car if he wants a chance at love. I believe such view is extremely outdated. Its like a guy ruling out a girl simply for not coming from a good family. Aaaaah I understand now. Thank you for clarifying your objective.
sm1tten Posted July 31, 2011 Posted July 31, 2011 .....don't mind at all that you have a different opinion, but your response was kind of...snarky? And a little condescending. I love sarcasm, but it was unnecessary in order for you to make your point in this situation. What do you make of a person who has a car, vs. a person who doesn't? Do you not take it into consideration at all? There wasn't any snark, condescension, or sarcasm intended by my comment. A person's possession of a car isn't an important "lifestyle element" for me, so no, I don't take it into consideration at all.
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