mavlast Posted July 31, 2011 Posted July 31, 2011 So I met this awesome girl online and we'd planned to go out this week. The problem is, the car that I shared with my brother is now wrecked (not at my hands), and I don't know if the insurance will pay for a rental. Do you have any ideas on what I might do to make up for this situation? I'd hate to ask her to drive up to see me. I miiight be purchasing a car for myself soon, so maybe I can just postpone? I don't know, what do you think?
Pasttense Posted July 31, 2011 Posted July 31, 2011 If she is an awesome girl pay for the rental out of your own pocket (assuming you don't have a friend/family you can borrow a car from).
KathyM Posted July 31, 2011 Posted July 31, 2011 So I met this awesome girl online and we'd planned to go out this week. The problem is, the car that I shared with my brother is now wrecked (not at my hands), and I don't know if the insurance will pay for a rental. Do you have any ideas on what I might do to make up for this situation? I'd hate to ask her to drive up to see me. I miiight be purchasing a car for myself soon, so maybe I can just postpone? I don't know, what do you think? I'd suggest you rent a car, just for the date night. First impressions are important, so you gotta have a car to pick her up for the date.
Author mavlast Posted July 31, 2011 Author Posted July 31, 2011 Eugh ... I can't rent, I'm only twenty. Next?
sm1tten Posted July 31, 2011 Posted July 31, 2011 Postpone. If she was awesome, she'd understand. Hell, if she was normal, she'd understand. She might even offer to come to you, or meet you partway instead.
Rinas Posted July 31, 2011 Posted July 31, 2011 Use the bus and metro to see her. You can meet her half way. If she's easy going, don't think she'd complain.
Lilmisus Posted July 31, 2011 Posted July 31, 2011 What's wrong with asking her to meet you someplace? Each guy I've gone out with, the first few dates were always meet ups at some restaurant or someplace near where both of us know about. The last guy I went out with, he didn't have a car and had his friend drop him off and even made jokes about it. My ex, I always picked him up for dates because his car wasn't able to be ridden in (he said). Point is..there's nothing wrong with not being able to pick someone up. If she's worth your time she'll understand. Don't expect her to pick you up (if she offers, that's a different thing though), but do try to find a way to get to a spot to meet her at. Or, rent a limo and really impress her
Author mavlast Posted July 31, 2011 Author Posted July 31, 2011 Unfortunately, I live in a car-addicted metro area with no bus/metro lines nearby, and the places I would take a date to are all too far away to walk. I suppose I could give her directions to my house, but she might not be comfortable with that.
KathyM Posted July 31, 2011 Posted July 31, 2011 Eugh ... I can't rent, I'm only twenty. Next? Then try to borrow one from somebody, or maybe have a parent or older brother rent it for you and you pay them for it. But you gotta have a car, buddy. Other alternative--take a cab or a limo and explain that your car is being serviced.
thehead Posted July 31, 2011 Posted July 31, 2011 Postpone. If she was awesome, she'd understand. Hell, if she was normal, she'd understand. She might even offer to come to you, or meet you partway instead. ^This. Just tell her the truth and reschedule.
green_tea Posted July 31, 2011 Posted July 31, 2011 You don't get into cars with people you just met online - so it shouldn't matter that you don't have a car. You both get to the destination separately (and leave separately too I hope).
musemaj11 Posted July 31, 2011 Posted July 31, 2011 The older folks advise you to get yourself a car at all cost while the younger folks say that its no biggie if you don't have a car. So if she is like 18, my guess is she might not mind. It seems to me the latest generation of women are a lot less demanding. As long they think u r hot, they will date u even if u r penniless. I wish I were a 18 again ...
KathyM Posted July 31, 2011 Posted July 31, 2011 If that guy is seen getting off the bus for a date, or riding his bicycle to the date, girls are going to think he's kind of a loser. Doesn't take much money to buy an old car. If he has no car at all, it kind of reeks of being a loser. Kind of like that 40 year old virgin movie. The guy had a bicycle. When I was dating my husband and he was a poor college student, he still had an old car he drove. My sons are struggling college students with part-time jobs. One has an old car to pick up his girlfriend with. The other has a new car that he's paying on from his part-time job. Gotta have a car in this day and age. If the guy gets off the bus or is dropped off by someone, chances are the girl will think he's a loser. Even if it's just a temporary situation. She may not believe him if he says his car is in the shop. That's just the way it is. At least in the U.S.
musemaj11 Posted July 31, 2011 Posted July 31, 2011 If that guy is seen getting off the bus for a date, or riding his bicycle to the date, girls are going to think he's kind of a loser. Doesn't take much money to buy an old car. If he has no car at all, it kind of reeks of being a loser. Kind of like that 40 year old virgin movie. The guy had a bicycle. When I was dating my husband and he was a poor college student, he still had an old car he drove. My sons are struggling college students with part-time jobs. One has an old car to pick up his girlfriend with. The other has a new car that he's paying on from his part-time job. Gotta have a car in this day and age. If the guy gets off the bus or is dropped off by someone, chances are the girl will think he's a loser. Even if it's just a temporary situation. She may not believe him if he says his car is in the shop. That's just the way it is. At least in the U.S. My mother says the same and older women like you and my mother are the ones who ensure that this kind of of outdated thinking persists by passing on their belief to their kids. But I see things are changing slowly. I'm 25 and women my age still expect the 70s dating ritual. On the other hand I see that its no longer so among the later generation because a 19 year old friend of mine doesn't drive and his gf drives him around and people their age don't seem to pass any judgment.
sm1tten Posted July 31, 2011 Posted July 31, 2011 I think it depends on where you live. In Chicago, having a car means pretty much nothing - almost everyone takes the transit. My best friend lives in Western NY and he's about 25... and having no car is a death-knell he says. But it's more because there's no public transit where he lives, than any real judgment. I'm repeating my advice to reschedule, unless you can take a cab; I wouldn't borrow a car but this is just my personal aversion to borrowing a car for various reasons. Don't get someone to rent you a car. Don't take a limo (seriously?). Don't ask her to meet at your house.
KathyM Posted July 31, 2011 Posted July 31, 2011 My mother says the same and older women like you and my mother are the ones who ensure that this kind of of outdated thinking persists by passing on their belief to their kids. But I see things are changing slowly. I'm 25 and women my age still expect the 70s dating ritual. On the other hand I see that its no longer so among the later generation because a 19 year old friend of mine doesn't drive and his gf drives him around and people their age don't seem to pass any judgment. I don't think things are changing at all. High school girls and older girls expect a guy to have a car, once they are 16. Or at least have access to a car. Gosh, all my kids' friends had their own car as soon as they turned 16. If you didn't have a car in high school, you were considered a loser. That was true when I was in high school, and it's still just as true today.
Lilmisus Posted July 31, 2011 Posted July 31, 2011 Unfortunately, I live in a car-addicted metro area with no bus/metro lines nearby, and the places I would take a date to are all too far away to walk. I suppose I could give her directions to my house, but she might not be comfortable with that. Since you only know her from online and I assume this is the first date, I definitely don't think you should rely on her to give you a ride, use that as your very last solution. I think your best ideas are: wait till you have your own transportation, and hope she understands (I'd prefer a guy say he's not in a place to go on a date yet then rely on me to take him to our first date). Ask a friend to lend you their car, or possibly give you a ride. Take a taxi. Call up a friend and see if they can help you out and go from there.
musemaj11 Posted July 31, 2011 Posted July 31, 2011 (edited) I don't think things are changing at all. High school girls and older girls expect a guy to have a car, once they are 16. Or at least have access to a car. Gosh, all my kids' friends had their own car as soon as they turned 16. If you didn't have a car in high school, you were considered a loser. That was true when I was in high school, and it's still just as true today. Perhaps you live in an upscale community. Back in my high school, very few had a car and most of them were the seniors. Anyway threads like these are what make me feel cynical toward the idea of love. I see no reason why I should unconditionally love someone the way she is if her own love toward me itself is determined by whether I have a car, whether I have a good job, or whether I pay for this and that. Edited July 31, 2011 by musemaj11
KathyM Posted July 31, 2011 Posted July 31, 2011 Perhaps you live in an upscale community. Back in my high school, very few had a car and most of them were the seniors. Anyway threads like these are what make me feel cynical toward the idea of love. I see no reason why I should unconditionally love someone the way she is if her own love toward me itself is determined by whether I have a car, whether I have a good job, or whether I pay for this and that. Well, I grew up in a blue collar community, and most of the juniors and seniors in high school had a car--albeit an old one. My kids went to high schools that had both rich and poor students, but most of them had cars. The rich ones got a brand new high end car for their 16th birthday. The poor students worked a part time job after school to afford an old used car--but almost all had cars. If a guy didn't have a car, or at least frequent access to his parent's car, when he was 16, he was considered lame. Whether we like to admit it or not, dating is like a shopping experience. We are all looking for a good quality product. Girls judge your quality and potential as a partner based on many things: your accomplishments, your job, your character, your personality, your interests, your appearance/attractiveness, your social standing, your intelligence, etc., etc. (not necessarily in that order). The more you have going for you, the greater your dating success will be.
Almond_Joy Posted July 31, 2011 Posted July 31, 2011 Anyway threads like these are what make me feel cynical toward the idea of love. I see no reason why I should unconditionally love someone the way she is if her own love toward me itself is determined by whether I have a car, whether I have a good job, or whether I pay for this and that. Who said anything about love ? This is a first date, right? I understand what you're saying, but before love comes the ability to be self-directing. Having a car, to me, is kind of a symbol that a guy's taking initiative to do things on his terms - it's an unconscious way of displaying assertiveness. Maybe I over-think it, but that's the way I see it. And I've yet to meet a woman who isn't more attracted to an assertive man than she is to an unassertive one . In today's culture, a car most certainly does not dictate whether or not a guy's a "loser," at least not in my community. But my mom was born in the 50's and she definitely frowns upon a guy who doesn't have a car......or come pick girls up by coming to the door.....or pay for dinner and all expenses on dates lol.....very "traditional" views on the men's role and the women's role IMO.
sm1tten Posted July 31, 2011 Posted July 31, 2011 Having a car, to me, is kind of a symbol that a guy's taking initiative to do things on his terms - it's an unconscious way of displaying assertiveness. Maybe I over-think it, but that's the way I see it. It really makes me a bit sad that people think this way - that ownership of a material thing like a car or a house somehow translates into the owner having attractive personality characteristics such as assertiveness and initiative, while implying that people who don't have these things lack those traits. Or maybe I'm over-thinking it But I can see musemaj11's point - take out "love" and insert "attractedness" and you can imagine why there are so many threads calling out women for being gold-diggers and such. I grew up in a large midwestern city and went to a high school that ran the gamut from low-income/poverty to lower-middle-class, and most of us didn't have cars. Didn't stop us from dating, either.
zengirl Posted July 31, 2011 Posted July 31, 2011 Unfortunately, I live in a car-addicted metro area with no bus/metro lines nearby, and the places I would take a date to are all too far away to walk. I suppose I could give her directions to my house, but she might not be comfortable with that. Postpone then. If you could meet her somewhere, it'd be fine, but this does sound weird. Just tell her what happened. I don't think it's an issue of status, but I'd never go to some guy's house to pick him up if I didn't know him (nor invite him to mine, frankly).
carhill Posted July 31, 2011 Posted July 31, 2011 I rent cars a fair amount and typically they're 15-20 bucks a day, all-in. My exW crashed her car a few times and needed an insurance replacement rental while getting it fixed and it was the same, or less. Figure it into the dating budget, perhaps selecting a less costly venue, and act like life is normal, since it is. People deal with this stuff all the time. Think of it it this way. The rental is clean, generally won't break down and usually smells new and it comes with a full tank of gas. Alternatively, walk or use public transport. If a car is a sticking point for a woman finding you attractive, that's good information.
Ross MwcFan Posted July 31, 2011 Posted July 31, 2011 Just tell her the truth, your car got wrecked so you don't have one at the moment. She'll probably offer to pick you up in her car, nothing wrong with that.
musemaj11 Posted July 31, 2011 Posted July 31, 2011 (edited) I understand what you're saying, but before love comes the ability to be self-directing. Having a car, to me, is kind of a symbol that a guy's taking initiative to do things on his terms - it's an unconscious way of displaying assertiveness. Maybe I over-think it, but that's the way I see it. And I've yet to meet a woman who isn't more attracted to an assertive man than she is to an unassertive one . I have zero clue how having a car has anything to do with assertiveness. I understand however that a guy who has a car is more attractive than a guy who doesnt just like a woman who dresses in a fancy dress is more attractive than a woman who doesnt. But my point is that you can't claim to be looking for love if your criteria in filtering potential mates are based on material things like these. Edited July 31, 2011 by musemaj11
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