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After being broken up for 3 months and after 1 month of no contact..I broke it

shanemike88

By shanemike88
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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shanemike88 Member

shanemike88

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I broke up with my now ex girlfriend 3 months ago and everything was going fine. This past week she's been on my mind it seemed no matter what I did go to the gym,go out with friends, the thoughts of her won't go away. I can't sleep and I've even got emotional. I texted her today even though it pained me to do it because of how stubborn I am. I told her that even though we've had our differences that she will always have a special place in my heart. I basically apologized for my part in the relationship failing and I told her when I broke up with her it wasn't easy. At one point I even said I missed her. She hasn't responded and if she doesn't I understand. I talked to my friend and he said that I should be over her by now. Its been 3 months since the breakup and we were together off and on for about 3 years. His he right? Should this not happen?

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0hpenelope Established Member

0hpenelope

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No he's wrong. Everyone heals at a different pace and you wouldn't be abnormal if you find yourself missing your ex even a year after a break up. Don't put a timetable, schedule, etc. on how "soon" you'll stop missing her.

 

Just because you still think of or miss your ex doesn't mean you're not moving on.

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shanemike88 Member

shanemike88

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Thats what I said. The only thing that I don't get is up until this past week if I thought about her I thought about how bad the relationship was and as quick as the thoughts of her came in the quicker it left. I just can't seem to do it today.

 

I wasn't the best communicator with her and I see that now. I always felt when I tried to tell her how I felt it just never registered with her. Almost like how I felt never really mattered so after a while I just stopped saying how I felt. I feel so confused

PDPullmn612 Established Member

PDPullmn612

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I broke up with one of my exs 3 years ago and she still crosses my mind from time to time. Do I miss her? Sure. She and I had a great relationship. Am I over her? Absolutely. Just because you miss someone doesn't mean you aren't getting over them. In fact, she and I talk from time to time now. But, I sure as hell did NC until my feelings for her subsided.

PDPullmn612 Established Member

PDPullmn612

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I wasn't the best communicator with her and I see that now. I always felt when I tried to tell her how I felt it just never registered with her. Almost like how I felt never really mattered so after a while I just stopped saying how I felt. I feel so confused

 

Well, you learned something from this relationship. It was an experience. Use what you've learned to make your next relationship even better. I always try and take away something from a relationship.

CaliBabe Established Member

CaliBabe

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i think its normal. it typically takes 2-3 months to see things in a clear perspective. maybe you are seeing that you had made a mistake and want to reconcile. if you've worked out your issues and shes the one, id go after her. and fast!

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shanemike88 Member

shanemike88

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i think its normal. it typically takes 2-3 months to see things in a clear perspective. maybe you are seeing that you had made a mistake and want to reconcile. if you've worked out your issues and shes the one, id go after her. and fast!

 

If she hasn't responded to my texts how can I try to reconcile? Just because I see things in a different perspective doesn't mean she's changed.

Chi townD Established Member

Chi townD

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There might not be a chance for conciliation. You broke it off with her, she may very well be done with you. So, you have to look at NC as a way to heal from this. But, now it's knocked you back a few pegs. Let me guess, you've constantly been looking at your phone for a response to your text? ......it's time to move on dude. Go back to NC and if it get really bad, post here instead. People will talk you through it.

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shanemike88 Member

shanemike88

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I should've never broken NC but can't change it if she doesn't respond she doesn't respond. I haven't been doing the whole phone check thing. It was just something I wanted to say and as for being knocked down a few pegs I don't feel that way either. Maybe it was just a closure thing who knows.

CaliBabe Established Member

CaliBabe

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If she hasn't responded to my texts how can I try to reconcile? Just because I see things in a different perspective doesn't mean she's changed.

 

So after you left her and probably crushed her heart a text most likely isnt enough to get a response from her. My guess is she is maybe wanting more from you, kinda like a grand gesture if you will. Something to show that you really want her back.

 

I'm not saying that since you see things in a different perspective that she has changed. She may have not. But over time people have time to think things over and take a look at their actions in hindsight. Maybe she has realized her mistakes and would be willing to try but is heartbroken at the moment.

Chi townD Established Member

Chi townD

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okay...well, if your looking at it as some sort of closure, then that's that. But, I would expect too much more. What's done is done....lessons learned...time to heal.

0hpenelope Established Member

0hpenelope

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Thats what I said. The only thing that I don't get is up until this past week if I thought about her I thought about how bad the relationship was and as quick as the thoughts of her came in the quicker it left. I just can't seem to do it today.

 

I wasn't the best communicator with her and I see that now. I always felt when I tried to tell her how I felt it just never registered with her. Almost like how I felt never really mattered so after a while I just stopped saying how I felt. I feel so confused

Yeah, all of this is part of healing and you're absolutely right. :) Your friend means well, but he's coming from a different perspective as in if the break up were three months ago, he would be over it. But he's not you, so that's that. There's no standard to how you'll feel: you'll miss her one day, you'll be turned off from her when you remember the past, you'll feel resentful about things she did back then, etc.

 

If you're looking for closure, you have to find that on your own. Don't feed her these text messages about missing her, how it wasn't easy when you broke it off, how great you guys were back then, how good of a girl she is and how sorry you are things didn't work out, etc. any messages similar in that nature. See how all of this just means you're concerned about your ego and making yourself feel better? What about her? You can tell her all of these good things about her and that you were feeling pain too, but she doesn't care about all of that. When you carried out the break up, you were decided; you knew what that meant. Show more resolve in your decision and leave her alone.

 

Don't even think about reconciliation for now and let the negative feelings die. In your situation, it sounds like it's too soon but if you decide to pursue that, then that's another topic for a different time.

 

I broke up with one of my exs 3 years ago and she still crosses my mind from time to time. Do I miss her? Sure. She and I had a great relationship. Am I over her? Absolutely. Just because you miss someone doesn't mean you aren't getting over them. In fact, she and I talk from time to time now. But, I sure as hell did NC until my feelings for her subsided.

 

PD, is this her? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t240316/

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PDPullmn612 Established Member

PDPullmn612

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Yep, that's her. About a year ago I really did start to miss her and thought about reconciliation. I gave it a shot, but it was a no go. So, I moved on. No harm done and it certainly didn't stop me from dating other girls.

 

She was great. Had the best personality of anyone I've ever dated. Now I just appreciate the fact that I was able to have her for the year we dated...

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shanemike88 Member

shanemike88

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Well I never got a response. So its just made me feel that I have to man up and deal with the decision. I've always said that you truly don't care when you don't respond. Thanks for all the advice

without Established Member

without

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So after you left her and probably crushed her heart a text most likely isnt enough to get a response from her. My guess is she is maybe wanting more from you, kinda like a grand gesture if you will. Something to show that you really want her back.

 

I'm not saying that since you see things in a different perspective that she has changed. She may have not. But over time people have time to think things over and take a look at their actions in hindsight. Maybe she has realized her mistakes and would be willing to try but is heartbroken at the moment.

 

 

Agreed!seriously of course she won't answer!if you want her,you should do more.

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shanemike88 Member

shanemike88

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What should I do? She could've lost all interest. She could be dating somebody for all I know.

without Established Member

without

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What should I do? She could've lost all interest. She could be dating somebody for all I know.

 

 

If you really want to know if she's interested or not.Call,See her,Go to a place you'll know she's there.Cuz you were the one who broke up with her.She may still be hurt and a message from you isn't enough for her to break the NC.

 

But if you're not sure and you're more concerned about your healing..Don't do anything.NC.

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