i miss her...maybe?

[PDPullmn612]

Hey guys,

 

So as of recently I started thinking about my ex a lot and I am starting to think that I really miss her. Stupidly I sent her a text on Saturday night telling her that I miss her (I was slightly intoxicated, not bad though). She then sent me a message back saying that she misses me too and that she was sorry about how it all ended.

 

She and I had a wonderful 9 month relationship that ended for reasons that she was never fully able to explain to me because things got so heated when we split.

 

So now I am on the fence, do I really miss her? (I know no one on here can answer that except myself) Is this just a temporary thing? I'm pretty confused. Does anyone have any suggestions on how I may be able to find out for sure?

 

Her and I talked about what happened between us for a while the other day and she must have apologized about 10+ times about how she handled the end of our relationship. I'm just debating if it's even worth trying to fix things and possibly have a second shot.

[EthanH]

Thing is, all you can do is make it clear that you still like her. Since she broke up with you, if you do any more than state how you feel, she will just see you as needy, which isn't attractive and that won't lead to good things. Think back to how you were when you first hooked up, or just before, you were confident, you need to be that person again. I don't mean put an act on, pretend you don't still like her, but just be aware that you should protect yourself, don't expect anything from her, she was the one who broke up with you, so let her do the running, if she wants you back, she will come to you, if she doesn't have the urge to do that, she can't want you enough, and that there is your answer, leave her until she does, and if she never does, move on and meet someone who will run through a brick wall to be with you.

[Phateless]

This is good advice. She ended it, let her be the one to suggest a meeting.

[PDPullmn612]

meet someone who will run through a brick wall to be with you.

 

i had to laugh at that.

 

The problem is that I want to figure out for myself whether I really miss her or if this is just some temporary thing because of me thinking about it.

 

We broke up a little over 2 years ago and for the first 6 months we didn't talk at all. After those 6 months we would talk every once in a while and we had even hung out a few times within this past year. A few of those times we'd end up kissing and she would sleep over. Not that it really says anything, but I just thought I should include that part. Even after we broke up, like a month or two later a mutual friend would tell me that she would say how she misses me and what not.

[EthanH]

I just think...

 

what is the point of the current situation?

 

Either you like each other or not. If you want to see other people, do that wholeheartedly or not at all. If you like each other, go for it wholeheartedly, or not at all. I don't really see the point in the middle ground, you are clearly just waiting around for some kind of inspiration. Thing is, it's going to take one of you to make the running.

 

I still think it is up to her to come to you. If she does, you should ask her what she wants. If not, you shouldn't allow yourself to be in this situation... I mean, I don't want to jump to conclusions, but have you had anything serious with anyone else since her? I get the impression you haven't, and if this is the case, is it not understandable why you still like her, because you haven't allowed yourself to move on. The problem with situations such as this, where you are just kinda skating along half-heartedly, is that eventually one of you will meet someone, and the other person will be devastated when they realise how much they have lost and will wish they had faced up to things. Leave it up to her, but make it clear to her you still like her.

[PDPullmn612]

have you had anything serious with anyone else since her? I get the impression you haven't, and if this is the case, is it not understandable why you still like her, because you haven't allowed yourself to move on.

 

I have had dated 3 girls since we broke up and the latest one, which ended back in October, lasted 9 months, so I have definitely gotten myself out there to try and move on.

 

Leave it up to her, but make it clear to her you still like her.

 

If I so choose to let her know, should I just flat out tell her that I am still interested?

[Rifareal]

She had said sorry for ten times? Your lucky if she had done that. A lot of girls won't do a thing like that. If you still love her and she also feels the same why not try for the second time?

[PDPullmn612]

She had said sorry for ten times? Your lucky if she had done that. A lot of girls won't do a thing like that. If you still love her and she also feels the same why not try for the second time?

 

It was 10+ times in the last few days that we talked. Throughout the year when we would talk sometimes she would apologize. She's apologized numerous times.

 

She has also admitted that she knows that she was immature and a b**** for handling it the way she did. She feels horrible about the way she treated me towards the end and that if she could do it again she would have done things differently.

 

When we would talk about it she would send me text messages that say stuff like, "i am so sorry for how i treated you i feel horrible" or "i was such a b**** for the way i handled it"

[EthanH]

I think you are thinking too much about this, it's simple, just make your decision, tell her you like her, but explain you want her to want you back, and if she can't do that, then you will move on. Be straight with her. Forget all the BS of the past. If you concentrate on that, you won't see what is important, the future. None of that stuff matters now, not if you want to give things a chance. You can tell her you still like her, make that clear to her, and yet still retain your respect and your independence. It's not a one way decision, but I think you should just be straight with her.

[PDPullmn612]

You're absolutely right. I am thinking about it too much. I should just make my decision, let her know and then leave at that.

[EthanH]

I know it is tough, but the longer you leave things, in my experience, it just makes things worse, so many things can chance your view on things, speaking to one friend can give you a totally different outlook on things to another, but I have always been a big believer in the gut instinct. Like I can say 100% sure now that if my ex asked me back, I would say 'yes'... some of that makes no sense, I know it would be difficult, i know there is past issues etc etc but I just know I would say yes. Maybe that is a bad thing, I don't know. It's no unconditional, and I don't know if it would work, but the very act of her asking to get back with me would be enough initially for me. Are you the same?

[SLS002]

Well to be honest,there is nothing called "fixed" in the relationship,and if you want to start over with her,you and her should open up more to each other and accept each other more,let the past go,letting new things come into you guys life,hope this will help you,and good luck!!!