Delicate situation

[Tech_E]

The choice is yours, but the MC won't likely want to be part of anything that he/she deems as implicitly confrontational. In fact I am willing to bet that the MC won't even want to discuss it.

 

During my first bout of MC my wife was still actively involved in her affair and all the signs were 100% classic. I didn't see them at the time because I didn't know what to look for. The therapy didn't last long with this particular MC anyway for a variety of reasons. During our second bout of MC with a new councilor well after D-day I brought up this fact about the first councilor and I was surprised at the answer.

 

Good luck no matter how things go.

[DraytonSawyer]

I talked to the therapist, and she agreed that I could bring it up in therapy. I will be firm but calm and not confrontational and hope for the best. Can't wait to just get it over with.

[analystfromhell]

I'd also suggest that you should be prepared for an emotional backlash, if that makes sense. After a few sessions with the MC I'm starting to evaluate my own happiness and commitment with the relationship as the discussions and reflection will tend to cause you to think about not just your own role in the marital discontent (not the affair, that's on her 100%) but just how happy you are with the way you are treated, etc.

 

At least in my case it's got me to thinking about the viability of the marriage from my point of view. In my case I'm glad of this perspective as otherwise I'd probably be grovelling and trying to take some of the blame on my own shoulders none of which would be helpful. Instead I'm asking myself if I want to put the work into rebuilding a relationship where the other partner is willing to go outside the relationship rather than facing the issues internally. If it's happening to me I'm pretty sure it's a typical reaction so figured it might be worth a heads up.

[linwood]

I don`t understand all these wishy washy men.

 

If my wife were cheating she`d know I was aware of it the moment she was served the divorce papers and not a minute sooner.

 

I may or may not actually file them but she`d most definitely know immediately that I wasn`t f*#king around.

 

This is not the time to be timid.

[Steadfast]

Keep in mind that my ultimate goal is to get her to go to therapy with me and save our marriage. Some may think I'm being naive but I don't think it has escalated to the physical level yet, so I am still hopeful that we can work things out.

 

It doesn't matter what your goal is...in the sense of what she wants anyway. You can't love her enough for the both of you. Marriage...more specifically, happy marriage, consists of two people who want to be together. That is both the magic, and the tragedy of love. It's choice.

 

I don't think you're being naive, I think you're scared and somewhat in denial. There's a very good chance your marriage is over and yet; you're afraid to speak up. She's hiding her actions and they involve another man. Worse yet, she's not just being tempted, she's doing the pursuing.

 

That's a double red flag, shot across the bow announcement. She's done.

 

I'm not a big fan of MC...judging by the feedback I have heard. Just the same, yours might be fantastic so it does no harm to check it out. If however, she's got her mind on someone else she'd lie to Jesus Christ or anyone else about what she's doing, with who, and where. Perhaps some IC would do you some good because IMO, you've got separation ahead.

 

A strong approach will surprise her and keep her interested in you. Confront her directly.

 

You might change her attitude, but a strong approach is no guarantee she'll regain attraction for you. That said, there comes a time when you must fill your lungs, re-attach your testicles and confront her. Calmly. Confidently. If she asks how you know, tell her. If she expresses anger about you invading her privacy, tell her you're more worried about who your wife is seeing (and why) than her being angry about you snooping.

 

Do not be ashamed. You have EVERY right to know if she's doing something wrong behind your back. She is in the wrong; not you.

 

Lead, follow or get out of the way. It's time she worry about what you're doing. Go down fighting. Dropping a cheater is addition by subtraction.

[Dionysus]

I don`t understand all these wishy washy men.

 

If my wife were cheating she`d know I was aware of it the moment she was served the divorce papers and not a minute sooner.

 

I may or may not actually file them but she`d most definitely know immediately that I wasn`t f*#king around.

 

This is not the time to be timid.

 

It really depends on what these wishy washy men want.

 

But I would be inclined to agree with you. A lot of the complications surrounding affairs, and life in general, are caused by lack of confrontation on an issue, or poorely handling an issue.

 

Why would people rather just gracefully side-step a problem and sneak around to the back? It's generally easier. Not always smarter though.

 

But hey, what can ya do?

[Tech_E]

How did the MC go?

[Chi townD]

The choice is yours, but the MC won't likely want to be part of anything that he/she deems as implicitly confrontational. In fact I am willing to bet that the MC won't even want to discuss it.

 

During my first bout of MC my wife was still actively involved in her affair and all the signs were 100% classic. I didn't see them at the time because I didn't know what to look for. The therapy didn't last long with this particular MC anyway for a variety of reasons. During our second bout of MC with a new councilor well after D-day I brought up this fact about the first councilor and I was surprised at the answer.

 

Good luck no matter how things go.

 

I tend to agree and disagree with what you're saying. If the PO withholds information that he knows that is vital to the recovery of the marriage, then they're not going to get the correct treatment plan. If the conselor knows that a lot of the problems this couple has is stemming from an affair, it changes up everything.

 

Now, I have heard of MC's that will stop therapy IMMEDIATELY when they discover that there's an ongoing affair going on. They say that if they are active in an affair, any amount of MC they receive is worthless; therefore, you're just wasting your time and money. They tell them that once the affair is truely over and you both want to reconcile, then come back. Cruel but very true.