Mental Health Question...

[Nohbody]

If you are so physically active and still unable to sleep you might want to consider seeing a psychiatrist to prescribe you an anti-anxiety med. I was having real problems with sleep for a long time in spite of having an incredibly physically taxing profession (Marine Corps Infantry), and by no means was medication a cure-all (you also need to find what works for you - they work differently for different people, and no one knows why). Talk therapy might also be a good solution, and you can talk to a psychologist or a social worker who has been trained in psychotherapy or some similar approach... watch out for quackery. Mental health field attracts many quacks.

[wilsonx]

Man I wish i found this site and this post 4 months ago, it would have saved me at least 1000 dollars just on medical bills alone.

 

I agree with the rest of your advice, I do have a gym membership, hospital said it may be acid reflux, i take time to myself and watch movies, tv shows, i play in 2 kick ball leagues. I stoped taking the pills because they dont work. I dont drink anymore since the breakup well twice and I have never smoked.

 

This was just the most mentally challenging relationship I have ever been in and in the end I felt trapped and hopeless until I finally got NC down. I do not think you guys understand how bad this relationship was and Im glad its over. I know heart does and better deal does but I tried many times just to end it. Manipulative BPD bitches... Next time if i cant im just going to pack my bags and just ****ing leave

Edited July 24, 2011 by wilsonx

[mmiller5373]

What's going on in your head that makes you panicy?

 

I have a hunch that a portion of your problem is the fact that you knew all the signs, all the tricks, all the games, all the wrong that was going on and yet you still had a fast one pulled on you. Is that what keeps you from being solid mentally?

 

That's what happened to me. I knew all of this stuff, yet I was powerless to do anything about it. Even though EVERYONE around me was telling me to do something about it (ie. end it), I didn't have the inner strength to do it. That's what keep me up at night and caused me so much internal turmoil. I was disappointed in myself, because I was weak. I avoided the obvious confrontation that needed to happen, but I was too scared to go through with it.

 

Looking back, it really had nothing to do with her. It was my own action (or rather, inaction) that caused me the most grief.

 

You have to accept it for what it was and make a mental note be more self-aware the next time you get in a relationship.

 

This is a really good post. The same exact thing happened to me after my breakup, except, I did all the begging and pleading after she left, so it made matters worse. I had all the signs that my ex wanted out, that she was probably seeing somebody else, that she was probably cheating, but still, I kept believing her because I thought, well, we've been together for 2.5 years so I should trust her.

 

To this day, my self esteem is still broken from what I let her to do to me. She strung me along for months and I was helpless and weak... and when she left, I broke down even more and did/said so many things that I regret. She'd say, "I love you" then "I don't know anymore" then "I love you" then "I'm confused..." That lasted for months.

 

At some point (it's been 11 months for me since the b/u), you have to accept things for what they are and get on with your life.

[wilsonx]

This is a really good post. The same exact thing happened to me after my breakup, except, I did all the begging and pleading after she left, so it made matters worse. I had all the signs that my ex wanted out, that she was probably seeing somebody else, that she was probably cheating, but still, I kept believing her because I thought, well, we've been together for 2.5 years so I should trust her.

 

To this day, my self esteem is still broken from what I let her to do to me. She strung me along for months and I was helpless and weak... and when she left, I broke down even more and did/said so many things that I regret. She'd say, "I love you" then "I don't know anymore" then "I love you" then "I'm confused..." That lasted for months.

 

At some point (it's been 11 months for me since the b/u), you have to accept things for what they are and get on with your life.

 

Ive accepted things are over about 2 weeks into NC, I got played. I knew it internally. I don't ever want to see my ex again. Shes a rotten piece of **** that doesnt deserve the air I breathe. What goes around comes around.

 

One thing I learned from my parents this past week is that hurt people hurt people. While I'll heal from the wounds she's caused me and be a better person, she will still be the little girl for the rest of her life wondering why she can never be happy

[sun_moon]

You are right, I have no idea what you are going through, not at all. I just stumble upon this site and decided to stay for no good reason whatsoever. :-/

 

But all that aside, really, you are right, I dont know your EXACT situation, because it was you who went through it not me, just like my situation is unique to me.

 

Good luck to you, you did dodge a bullet, and long term wise you are much better off.

 

Funny, I heard that two months ago and still hear that now.

 

A long long time ago, my first heart ache, my first love, I went through many of the same things you talk about post break up, its amazing what your body does and how it changes in a negative way physically.

 

I had the sleepless nights, it felt like it would NEVER end, months of not sleeping well, the chest pains, the random panic attacks followed with more tightness in chest, the nausea, the lack of appetite, the headaches (well duh because I couldnt sleep), it was like despair upon despair, and one night I really hit rock bottom (will leave out the details) followed by almost loosing my job the next morning. I decided with all hopelessness I was feeling to quit my job, luckily my boss wouldn't allow it and told me to take some time off instead.

 

Shortly after that I decided to seek help, went to my doctor, and got an anti depressant.

 

After that I was functional, and things just started to look up from there, and after a small while, I didnt need the med any more, I could just be me.

 

You are right, I have no idea just like many others on here, what you were put through and the dynamic of your relationship, pre and post b/u. But I promise you this, most all of us understand, feel, and know what you are going through NOW.

 

Its PURE HELL.

 

It wont be like this forever.

[wilsonx]

Thank you sunmoon i found your last 2 posts here very helpful and thoughtful =)

 

This isnt my first breakup by any means, this is the one I got screwed in and I just couldnt defend myself. I'm thinking about finishing the story and posting my facebook messages to her from a month out where I knew what was going on but continued to get played. It was just ridiculous. Can you imagine having the love of your life breaking up with you 2 times within a month time and then come back 3 days later like nothing happened to string you along while she found a plan B. There was nothing left mentally.

 

It wont ever happen again, I can assure you of that. No more second chances ever. If its over its over and I walk no matter what side im on

Edited July 24, 2011 by wilsonx

[sun_moon]

Well lets hope you can get rid of your physical ailments.

 

Ick, I'm feeling vulnerable today, and I can choose to answer your question, or I can just answer no I cant imagine. lol. Lets just say kind of ,for fairness sake.

 

The deception and the lack of respect for the other half disgusts me to no end, and to add salt to injury she does it twice, what a eff ing b$@#

[betterdeal]

This isnt my first breakup by any means, this is the one I got screwed in and I just couldnt defend myself. I'm thinking about finishing the story and posting my facebook messages to her from a month out where I knew what was going on but continued to get played. It was just ridiculous. Can you imagine having the love of your life breaking up with you 2 times within a month time and then come back 3 days later like nothing happened to string you along while she found a plan B. There was nothing left mentally.

 

We can all recount tales of the cat and mouse, push me pull you routines. It's emotionally draining dealing with someone whose limits are so way beyond yours and has perfected selective amnesia so well that what was in fact an horrific experience for you, appears to be small change to them. I feel your pain.

 

At about 3 months after cutting her off completely, I started getting real deep emotions rising to the surface. It was as though I had suppressed them to deal with her and, finally, after having taking control of my own well-being, I felt secure enough to be that fragile, open and vulnerable. I did a lot of that on my own, at home, on here in a thread entitled "The Hate" and then did some offloading onto a psychotherapist.

 

I've read about a dozen self-help books, spent a lot of time soul-seaching, learning about boundaries, assertiveness, BPD, self-care, emotional abuse. Now I am ready to move on.

 

Last week I went to a rock festival in Spain. Lots of sun, booze, decent bands, scantily clad 18-21 year olds, a couple of old pals. It was great! Not the best of festivals I've been to, but great to have a holiday and have fun. Came home, thought, well, it's time I got a new job, checked out the job listings and found the ideal job for me - doing what I do, but in Barcelona, where I've always wanted to live sometime. Got an interview with the UK CEO tomorrow and will have a Skype interview the Spain CTO later in the week. Fingers crossed...

 

So, take your time. You're in a safe place now. Post whatever you need to here, and we'll be here for you. Also do things that you enjoy and that are more gentle (I keep goldfish, do yoga, garden). It's going to be rocky, and you'll feel nervous, but as you offload and let the inner child in you come back out again, you'll start to feel much better again.

 

You're a survivor. You took a dollop of her pain, and you're going to safely dispose of it. Your internal sense of right and wrong has stopped you from passing it on to someone else. You have decided to make the world a better place. You're a great guy, a honest to goodness champion. Real men take one for the team. Real men cry. Real men become bigger and better from this kind of trauma. You're up there, man. You're unstoppable.

 

*fistbump*

[KathyM]

I know what I need to do to move forward and Im doing everything possible to so. But I'm pretty ****ed up mentally. I was beat down and broken up with 3 times in 4 months and took 2 gaslightings and all my friends and my 2 bosses at work have suggested I get help. Even my roommate said you really need it. Its almost been 2 months since weve been broken up and over a month NC. I need serious help. I did not tell them the extent but in April I was trying to break up with my ex and I did not have the mental strength to end it. I tried and tried and tried and tried and tried and I just could not do it. When she broke up with me when i caught her cheating on me, I mustered up the strength to kick her ass out of the apartment but it took every ounce of strength I had. I am such a trainwreck that my body is starting to have acne on my back, my neck and my head. Ive never had acne problems my entire life. I've had this persistant cough that I have been to the DR office 4 times and the ER once and they still cant figure it out. I'm pretty sure its from the mental stress that I have endured.

 

I haven't been able to get a good night's sleep since the beginning of April. I sleep 3-4 hours on ambien and then wake up panicky. If I take a nap it usually lasts less then an hour.

 

Who should i see... Psychologist?

See a psychologist. He will help you deal with your feelings and help you to move forward. The stress you are feeling right now is taking its toll on your physical health, and you can't manage with little to no sleep. See the psychologist. I'm sure it will help.

[PelicanPete]

Your symptoms are probably from mental stress, so in order to relieve your mental stress you need to listen to your body and listen to your self. That's the only for sure way you'll cure your physical ailments and find inner peace again.

 

Regarding your cough, I know If I run a lot I sometimes get a bit of a cough afterwards which helps my lungs clear out. If you run consistently this could seem a lot more frequent. It also could be a form of neurosis regarding your break up, with your mind communicating through your body that you need to "get this out of your system". Your brain may be ready to move on but your ego isn't. Judging from the language used in your posts it sounds like you still have a victim mentality, and victims never grow.

 

Acne can be developed from excessive stress, and in that case the only way it will go away is if you leave it alone and start confronting your problems. Depending on where you develop acne or pimples, there is a chinese philosophy that explains it is your body trying to tell you something is wrong in another part of your body. I use to get pimples between my eyes in high school and I never understood why. I soon learned that between your eyes represents the health of your liver, and it turns out I was a bit lactose intolerant and that dairy was hard on my liver. Once I stopped consuming dairy, the pimples stopped coming back.

 

Your lack of sleep or insomnia is also a symptom of not facing your demons. If you have a lot on your mind you can't calm down enough to sleep, so instead of using little pills to fight your battles, why don't you step in and take on a few sleepless nights for the sake of acceptance. You may feel sleep deprived and crappy, but at least you'll progress from it.

 

Ultimately, listen to your body. It wants to help you, and by doing so you'll be able to move on faster. Let it show you the way, its telling you what to do as always. When your body tells you your hungry, you eat. When its thirsty, you drink. When your tired, you sleep. We don't take pills to ignore those functions, so how is this any different? Whatever you do please don't medicate to "deal" with this. A psychologist can help with the process, but in the end you'll do all the heavy lifting not them.

 

I'm not much for self help books. I don't think you should purchase a library to help you get over a depressing event in your life, because no author is going to completely understand your situation. The book that really helped me was "Man's Search for Meaning" by Viktor Frankl. One of the best books I ever read. It definitely demoralized my break up and made it easier to move on from after reading about what this guy had been through and learned from his experience. I went from thinking "This is the worst thing that could have ever happened." to thinking "This is nothing."

 

Ultimately, if you don't suffer you're not going to grow.

[betterdeal]

Interesting piece on acne:

 

http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/spot-the-culprit-how-milk-can-trigger-acne-447979.html

[Graceful]

Hiya Sweetness (yeah, I love pet names, and even though I could be calling any one of you this right now, I'm directing this to Wilsonx),

 

Is it okay if I'm that familiar with you, even though I've never posted to you? Because you've got a boat load of information in this thread, and it's all great, so what am I doing here anyhow?

 

Couple things that may not have been covered yet, that's all.

 

For your skin condition: No matter what is causing the flare up in your skin, you should see a dermatologist. They specialize in skin conditions, no matter what the cause. And you could be tested for allergies or told any foods to possibly omit by a skin specialist who would know what's best. Please hold off using over the counter products, as they can cause more harm, and can be very abrasive and drying.

 

If you're planning to see your PCP, then perhaps part of the evaluation would be to ask if you can get a referral to a dermatological specialist, you know? Anyhow, think about it.

 

My only other suggestion is: ACUPUNCTURE.

 

If you find it is covered by your health plan, GO. Go for the insomnia. Go for gastro-intestinal issues. Just go. You can't even begin to imagine what this might do for you until you try it. I've known people who have nothing short of extraordinary results (and this includes my former supervisor who tried to get pregnant for over a year -- finally tried acupuncture, went for two sessions, and was pregnant a month later -- not that you want to get pregnant, but you get the idea )

 

Better Deal, my friend, do you have any words of wisdom regarding acupuncture?

 

And lastly, Wilsonx, just look straight ahead right now. See what's there? You have all of this support on LS with people who really care and want you to feel better. You seem to have the support of your family and friends. You're trying to make sense of what happened.

 

So take heart, darling. Don't get discouraged. The best things in life sometimes take blood, sweat and tears. Learning life's lessons the hard way kinda sux, but it's often the best way. I mean, you wouldn't even have met any of us on LS if you've breezed through your breakup. See what you would have been missing? I wish the very best for you - so very much.

 

P.S.

I'm not much for self help books. I don't think you should purchase a library to help you get over a depressing event in your life, because no author is going to completely understand your situation. The book that really helped me was "Man's Search for Meaning" by Viktor Frankl. One of the best books I ever read.

I have this book as well. It's recommended on lots of support boards for the very reason P-Pete mentioned, it's an inspiration to the strength of the human spirit. It's a different take on looking at life and shows you another way of looking at your troubles, and helps you see that we are all part of the human condition. I haven't seen this book mentioned much on LS, so it really stood out -- and worth a look, IMHO.

[giuliano-3]

Manipulative BPD bitches... Next time if i cant im just going to pack my bags and just ****ing leave

 

Yeah, they're pretty adept at making sure you don't leave - mostly because they're so manipulative and have (throughout their entire lives) figured out how to play people so very well.

 

Important to note how most people (of which most are female) with BPD had some form of severe childhood trauma. This doesn't excuse the behavior later in life, merely worth looking at and maybe it can help you forgive her some.

 

In my case I've had to look at why I ended up with girls having such pyschological difficulities. All roads lead to mom, and in my case I have a mom with BPD. Only child, divorced home, mom with BPD. It all adds up in my case, years and years of looking for the wrong girl because thats what my brain was programmed to do.

 

Sorry to hear you're having such problems, Wilson. You always seem like a rock with the comments you write. Best of luck, mate - hang in there...it does get better. Eventually.

[betterdeal]

Better Deal, my friend, do you have any words of wisdom regarding acupuncture?

 

I've not tried it yet, but I know it is available on the NHS here, and several people I know recommend it. I do know that the idea of meridian lines which you find in acupuncture correlates with some of my own experience with massage.

 

For instance, the gallbladder meridian runs down the side of the thigh (along the vastus lateralus). When effleurage strokes were applied to my outer thigh, I'd spasm. Sure enough, I had gallbladder issues.

 

Give it a go. Just like talk therapy, chemical medicine, touch therapy and, in fact, most anything suggested, if you take an open minded approach and give it a go, you might like it or you might think "meh" and leave it.

 

A significant the benefit of alternative medicine is being cared for by someone you can trust who will take a non-judgmental approach to you and your problems. And being able to trust someone and be open / vulnerable with them is great for recovery from a difficult relationship.