26.2 Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 "Why Men Love Bitches" ... I am telling you right now, ladies, it just changed my life. I am sure someone else has posted about this book in the past, but I feel it is worth repeating. The title is tongue in cheek, the author is not referring to a mean, spiteful, rude, or arrogant type woman. She is referring to a woman with self-respect and who can see her self as separate and complete outside of any relationship. I do not post on this site often. I lurk all the time, and posted a few times about the guy who eventually broke my heart. I just recently repeated myself with another man and decided it was time to start analyzing what I was doing wrong. Someone happened to recommend this to me and the timing was uncanny. Please, please, PLEASE read this if you are a woman who feels taken for granted, if you ever feel lonely when not in a relationship, if you stress over whether a man will call, text, etc. This book is now my dating bible, though I believe it goes beyond that. You can get it on Ebay used for cheap.
Author 26.2 Posted July 22, 2011 Author Posted July 22, 2011 That is not at all what the book is about. The title is a little misleading. Honestly, everything in this book is representative of what I have experienced in my life. I was married for nearly 6 years, I have been in the dating game for long enough, I have two children, and I have had multiple men shy away from me. Why? neediness, insecurity, a tendency to become wrapped up in "his world" and leave my own desires behind. Sometimes it was very subtle, but still enough to give a man a feeling of uneasiness with me. I am quite sure that other women have experienced it. I have talked to several of my close girl friends who have dealt with similar situations. A man doesn't want a woman who will give herself to him completely in a Hollywood sense. He may think he does, but once he gets it, it loses value because the woman loses her identity. Falling madly, stupidly in love and losing self-control simply does not work. A woman must absolutely love herself first and maintain her separate goals, dreams, private time, and mystery about herself.
Kalinka Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 Thankfully a lot of the women I've come across here seem very assertive-the complete opposite of a doormat or aka the "nice girl." This book is the epitome of how not to be taken for granted for, to not act clingy/needy, and to always make the man known that he is not the center of her world. I really love the on-going term of "self-respect" in this book as that seems what a lot of nice girls lack. Great book. I also have it and it has done me WONDERS. When I looked back on the way I used to act before I came across this...I just cringed
Kalinka Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 That is not at all what the book is about. The title is a little misleading. Honestly, everything in this book is representative of what I have experienced in my life. I was married for nearly 6 years, I have been in the dating game for long enough, I have two children, and I have had multiple men shy away from me. Why? neediness, insecurity, a tendency to become wrapped up in "his world" and leave my own desires behind. Sometimes it was very subtle, but still enough to give a man a feeling of uneasiness with me. I am quite sure that other women have experienced it. I have talked to several of my close girl friends who have dealt with similar situations. A man doesn't want a woman who will give herself to him completely in a Hollywood sense. He may think he does, but once he gets it, it loses value because the woman loses her identity. Falling madly, stupidly in love and losing self-control simply does not work. A woman must absolutely love herself first and maintain her separate goals, dreams, private time, and mystery about herself. Yes, I remember in the beginning of the book when she says that every girl has been in that "nice" position or knows someone who has. Unfortunately, I've been in that position and it's horrible. It still somewhat makes my blood boil when I let those guys get away with it when they shouldn't have. I wonder how many other doormats let them get away with it too?
zengirl Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 (edited) I find that book kind of sad personally. I'm all for being assertive, but I think the author goes to extremes (invite a guy over for dinner and give him burnt popcorn? That's just weird; just don't invite a guy over for dinner then. . . ) and kind of turns it into a game. Being assertive shouldn't be a game to get the other person to respect you and do what you want----it should be the natural product of self-esteem, respect for self and others, and a healthy sense of self. But I can see how it would help someone who was a total doormat start to break the habits, I guess. I think following it 100% is a recipe for disaster though. I always refer to the poem, "The Lady's Reward" where Dorothy Parker basically writes about the way to get a man to love you is by being emotionally unavailable/hiding your love yourself and ends it with, "And if that made you happy, kid/You'd be the first it ever did." Anyway, a book I really like that I think actually helped me is Meeting Your Half Orange. I'm not a fan of most of the dating books which seem a bit cynical and thus not constructive to happiness (which is not to say there's NO good advice in them; they just all deserve caveats). I really feel that dating optimism/the tops from Meeting Your Half Orange led me to meet my current BF who might just be my half orange. ETA: Men have a similar book. Someone from AskMen.com wrote a book called The System. It is hilarious. I consider it to be a la The Rules or Men Love Bitches (women's rule books) for men. None of this stuff really makes anyone happy longrun. Edited July 22, 2011 by zengirl
oaks Posted July 24, 2011 Posted July 24, 2011 Books like this are awful, no matter which gender they are written for. The more people who read these books, the harder dating gets. Isn't it hard enough already? Ahh, but then that just improves the market for selling dating advice (books/seminars etc). And, I wouldn't be surprised if some people in the commercial end of the dating advice / seduction community really think like this.
zengirl Posted July 24, 2011 Posted July 24, 2011 I think the forum differs in that you see people discussing, arguing, offering different POVs. When you read a book (most books), you're getting a pretty singular POV. Also no one here is posing as an expert.
simpsonic Posted July 24, 2011 Posted July 24, 2011 I bought this book yesterday and I've read half of it already. I've learned so far that I'm a "bitch" in the beginning, and I remember every guy I've dated couldn't resist. I always seem to become a doormat when they start pulling away...that was when I would start acting needy and insecure. I thought they were pulling away because they were losing interest, and that was usually when my panicking began. Of course that just drove them away even more. I've learned that a guy pulling away a bit doesn't always mean they're losing interest. Next time around I should try maintaining my "bitch" behavior and see how that goes.
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