Possible Contact with EX GF after 6 months NC?

[GaelicSoul]

Possible Contact after 6 months NC?

Hi All,

 

Currently im on strict NC since Feb, since my ex gf of 2.5 years broke up with me in january. I got the old "i love you but im not...anymore". Im 28 she is 25.

 

old posts

 

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Since then there has been no contact from her, and none from me. Im moving on with my life , and feel i have made a lot of positive changes for myself in the last few months. I left a job i was so unhappy with, and im soon to go travelling the world for a year by myself. Im really looking forward to the future, and my friends have noticed a big change in me.

 

I have regained my confidence, made new friends and am happier. I still miss my ex, and have really honestly reflected on the relationship for what it was. I can clearly see all the red flags now.

 

Now moving on, Recently the last few weeks i have been receiving random Private Number calls a few times a week, and a few times day. A few voicemails were also left that were blank. Like anybody else, i thought it could possibly have be the bank, or telmarketers, as i never answer them.

 

When i finally said hello and answered one, it was blank, and hung up after a few seconds. And last friday morning, i received a voicemail from one, when i checked it, it was a girls voice, saying "hello?" in a busy background. The tone of her voice sounded very like my Ex. Now unless she has got wind of me travelling and wants to contact me, or if its pure guilt after all these months of how she dumped me, and wants to make herself feel better or other, i dont know.

 

Now im not getting my hopes up, as im moving abroad soon and thinking about the future, but part of me is wondering if it really is her, and what does she want after all this time. The last time contact came from her side, was her sisters partner ringing me in May asking did i want to go to a concert with him. Hes a music fan like me, and we got on very well over the years. But that was the first time he had spoken to me since Jan. I didnt go as i was busy, Politely thanked him for the offer, wished his family well and didnt mention her or ask how she was.

 

Have anybody else experienced similar situations to this? Any advice?

 

Thanks

[0hpenelope]

I reviewed my phone bills from the past 3 months and I've gotten more Private Number calls than I ever have. One in particular came after I spoke with a former mutual friend about not being bitter towards my ex and that Private Number made a call on a Sunday night. Like most sensible mobile phone users that receive calls from unknown numbers, I missed the call.

 

My advice? You've already done it!

Like anybody else, i thought it could possibly have be the bank, or telmarketers, as i never answer them.

Nothing wrong with this. I've been doing the exact same thing; it's better for my sanity anyway and besides, I have no proof otherwise. I like the telemarketer assumption better.

[wilsonx]

It could be pure guilt =) but does it really matter? You see the red flags, you are happy now, you are about to travel the world, go enjoy your new life =)

[GaelicSoul]

Haha will do, looking forward to it now. Its a new beginning and will really stand to me in life.

 

Got another call yesterday, im sure ill get a few more today. If it really is her, she'll have to try a lot harder after 6 months NC then private calling me to talk to me. Thing is, i never receive private calls.

[BrokenFool]

Gaelic Soul - I thought I would chip in with my $2 worth as I asked a similar question a few weeks back and got shot down

had my mobile number for the last 9 years , never receive private calls and dont give my number out to random people

so similar to yours break up with my ex

a couple of months later i wake up one morning and I already have 7 private number calls , its only 10am

i look at the times the calls were made , 07.56,0823,0824,0913,0914

could it be telemarketeers ??? that early in the morning ? no

work ? no

my ex ? probably

over the next month or so i get another 14 private number calls the last being 5 weeks ago now, 2 private number calls a minute apart no voicemail left

like you I KNOW its her - shes too much of a coward to show her number and ring me for fear i wont answer her call and she will feel crap

just like you i have picked up in the past to silence and then the call ending

just like you a voicemail was left where i could hear someone fidgeting about in a car because the radio was on - most probably her in her company car

 

if your gut instinct says its her then it probably is

maybe scared to talk to you in case you reject her

maybe playing games

maybe wanting to hear your voice

maybe wanting to see if youve got the same number

whatever it is god knows

but stay strong dont contact her if she has something worthwhile to say she will

 

yesterday i got a text from a number i dont recognize saying

hi is this brokenfool ?? i knew in my heart it was her so ignored it

 

hope this helps

[GaelicSoul]

Gaelic Soul - I thought I would chip in with my $2 worth as I asked a similar question a few weeks back and got shot down

had my mobile number for the last 9 years , never receive private calls and dont give my number out to random people

so similar to yours break up with my ex

a couple of months later i wake up one morning and I already have 7 private number calls , its only 10am

i look at the times the calls were made , 07.56,0823,0824,0913,0914

could it be telemarketeers ??? that early in the morning ? no

work ? no

my ex ? probably

over the next month or so i get another 14 private number calls the last being 5 weeks ago now, 2 private number calls a minute apart no voicemail left

like you I KNOW its her - shes too much of a coward to show her number and ring me for fear i wont answer her call and she will feel crap

just like you i have picked up in the past to silence and then the call ending

just like you a voicemail was left where i could hear someone fidgeting about in a car because the radio was on - most probably her in her company car

 

if your gut instinct says its her then it probably is

maybe scared to talk to you in case you reject her

maybe playing games

maybe wanting to hear your voice

maybe wanting to see if youve got the same number

whatever it is god knows

but stay strong dont contact her if she has something worthwhile to say she will

 

yesterday i got a text from a number i dont recognize saying

hi is this brokenfool ?? i knew in my heart it was her so ignored it

 

hope this helps

 

Thanks BrokenFool,

 

Sounds very similar to me, the voicemails being blank, besides last weeks "hello?".

 

I have done everything everyone should do after a breakup. I accepted it, moved on and kept my dignity. No begging, no pleading, no texting, no calls. Nothing.

 

Removed her from Facebook, set my profile to private, rang her Father and thanked him for all his genoristy over the years, and left it be.

 

I was told to my face twice by her in January "i love you but i dont love you anymore". This was possibly the most painful thing i have been through in my life, as i truly loved her, and did everything in my power to be a great boyfriend. She dropped me like a bad habit, and didnt contact me since. No Explanation, nothing. Good luck.

 

Like i said in older posts, she never had a guy in her past, or will in her future treat her as well as i did. Im not perfect, but compared to her other Ex's they cant hold a torch to me.

 

Now obviously something must have been wrong if she left, and i have learned a lot about myself in the last few months. I need to be more assertive, and speak my mind more often. I wont be ever taken for advantage again, or will i put up with red flags from any girlfriends in future. However i have learned not to blame myself for the breakup. She was very good looking, however a very emtionally immature girl, easily led, and who was always used to being spoiled and being the centre of attention. When things didnt go her way she would sulk, and if things got tough, she bailed. We were making a bigger commitment to each other this summer by going away for a year, but now its just me. Her loss.

 

When she met me i was Cocky,Confident, funny and always got attention when i entered a room. I love music and entertaning people and making people laugh, as its natural to me. She liked this at the start, but i can think of so many examples of her being jealous, when people would ask me to perform etc. She would not talk to me, and make me feel bad for who i am and what i like to do.

 

So after 2.5 years It seemed she got the GIGS (i love that abbreviation) and wanted to party with her new single friends and see what else is out there. Now as nearly 6 months have past and she hasnt heard from me, i wouldnt be surprised if its her wondering what im doing, or maybe ringing to apologise for the breakup. Why do dumpers do this?

 

Im not going to obsess over this, but im curious as if its her, what does she want?

Edited July 22, 2011 by GaelicSoul

[BrokenFool]

Gaelic Soul - Are you sure you didnt go out with my ex

I unlike you did everything you shouldnt do post break up - emailed her, texted her, whatsapped her, rang her left voicemails, cried pleaded , said i would be happy as friends, i would be happy with one phone call a month , for her to ignore me like i was scum and shoot me down and tell me she was now with somebody else

Facebook - deleted it then reactivated it then deleted it then changed my profile pics to try get her to miss me then gave up and did nothing and she started , put up pics as her profile pic of her new niece which im sure she wanted me to see, then new pics of her with a new haircut, then deleted it then she reactivated it then changed her profile pic again - i cant be sure but i think this was aimed at getting a reaction out of me

Popped into her friends patissierie wished them well , had a natter and thanked them for their hospitality

and the killer line which i said to her

 

i was better than your ex ill be better than your next - see if she finds someone who will drive 600 miles to see her for 30 minutes or be there for her at all hours or at an hours notice go see her and spend the day looking after her pressing her feet and taking her to the toilet

 

When things didnt go my exes way she would just give me the silent treatment, be off with me when she spoke to me not make effort and blame me for everything - their was no conversation, no accepting a portion of the blame , everything was on my shoulders

 

I feel my ex had 2 problems which led to our demise

still in touch and not over her ex boyfriend which meant i was always 2nd choice

interest from a 21 year oldf across the road (shes 32) and a case of GIGS

 

what does she want ? only she knows

maybe the grass wasnt greener on the other side

a friend of mine who is a psychologist said people like my ex and possibly yours sweep their feelings, emotions and thoughts under the carpet and when you disappear they are initially elated

but after 6-8 months the feelings start coming out, doubt and nostalgia set in and they see their wrongs

sometimes people just dont know how to rectify and fix the mess they left behind

have faith in the love you showed her, she wont find that easy to find again

[wilsonx]

Now as nearly 6 months have past and she hasnt heard from me, i wouldnt be surprised if its her wondering what im doing, or maybe ringing to apologise for the breakup. Why do dumpers do this?

 

Im not going to obsess over this, but im curious as if its her, what does she want?

 

I have a female boss at work that has told me stories of how she use to do this. She did not know what she wanted in life, she would date an amazing guy then some loser would come along, she would be attracted to him and waam instant relationship killer. When she realized the new relationship was not working, she would go party drink do drugs etc to try clear her conscience of what she did wrong. Then she would drop massive amounts of breadcrumbs and if the guy was really good, she would go find him and try to get him back. She said the guy had always moved on by the time she came back and it really hurts. The pain that we go through at the beginning of the breakup comes months later for a "GIRL" that leaves a guy for another guy usually after that ends. She also told me to not ever take her back because nothing would have changed. Shes just going through the guilt right now after her crutch has gone.

 

What you described earlier sounds like my ex. Its best to just move on and ignore it.

[BrokenFool]

Wilson - You are a legend on here and I have followed your posts with great interest so to get your opinion is great

women sometimes tend to think with emotions and not logic or rationale

and according to some of my women friends i have spoken to on here it goes something like this

 

man and woman have argument

woman uses feelings of anger hurt etc and leaves the relationship

because it has come from nowhere man is bewildered

and if the relationship mattered to him does the lets talk, begging, pleading making broken promises, romantic gestures

gets him nowhere

man finally gives up

woman is relieved her phone isnt getting blown up with messages etc

time passes

anger goes away , other men enter the fray woman compares what she had with whats on offer

for SOME of them they realise what they had was better, everybody has arguments, everybody has flaws

will this new guy do all the things my ex used to do for me ,will i feel the same with him ( sometimes they do but this is the excitement of somebody new and the honeymoon phase this wears off after 8-12 weeks)

they then realise they have made a mistake

at this point the woman knows nothing about the man ( if it has been strict NC and n mutual friends or kids involved or dont live close by or work/study together)

woman wonders has the man got another woman, is he over me , would he forgive me , would he give me a chance again

shall i put myself out there ?? what if he rejects me this time that will kill ? what if he tells me he is with somebody else and i have lost him forever that will kill ? what if he does what i did to him ignores my texts and calls that will kill ?

SOME women will think i dont care i want him back hes worth it and just go for it

some will be SCARED to make the first move for fear of the above or passing the power over to the man so the breadcrumbs will start

checking your blog, private calls, blank text messages, facebook pokes etc

if they get a sufficient response they will feel strong enough to initiate conversation

if not they know they have lost the man forever and will go through what the dumpee went through right at the start

 

what do you think ?? anybody else feel free to chip in with your opinion/experience

[betterdeal]

So after 2.5 years It seemed she got the GIGS (i love that abbreviation) and wanted to party with her new single friends and see what else is out there. Now as nearly 6 months have past and she hasnt heard from me, i wouldnt be surprised if its her wondering what im doing, or maybe ringing to apologise for the breakup. Why do dumpers do this?

 

Im not going to obsess over this, but im curious as if its her, what does she want?

 

You could call her and ask her.

[wilsonx]

For learning purposes only and to understand what is going on in your head, you are correct EXCEPT... you need to change woman to GIRL.

 

Now that you know this, you just need to flush that idea out of your head, the faster you get this out of your head, the easier, much easier it is to move on. Learning from this, you do not want to date "GIRLS" anymore, as you can see this is what happens. All similar situations, all same outcomes. Look for a woman thats mature, has personal boundaries, emotionally stable, your type, and then do it right and keep her.

 

=)

[betterdeal]

Change your phone number for peace of mind.

[GaelicSoul]

Change your phone number for peace of mind.

 

 

Hey Better Deal,

 

No way, i wont and i cant contact her, and i certainly wont change my number. Im 85% sure its her, but i will look like an idiot if i call her and say " hey have you been ringing me?" after 6 months nc. I need something more substantial besides private calls.

 

If she really wants to talk to me, or tell me something she will. But im not going to waste energy on this. I heard nothing from her since Feb, nothing for my birthday, nothing for my bro's wedding. Nothing. And thats what she deserves from me. I spent enough time and energy this year thinking over things. She gambled and lost. If its not her trying to call then who cares. All these calls are coming between 9.00am - 6.30pm. I received another voicemail one today, however it was a guys voice saying "hello?" busy background again. I didnt recognize it, and no number was in my call log on my phone. Looking forward to getting out of this country.

[betterdeal]

Okay then, you just have to accept the mystery, and note how you reacted to this i.e. you got some missed calls and thought of her, so there's something residual in you about her. That's good information to have.

 

Enjoy your travels!

[WiseOne1]

Please don't call your ex and say (Did You Call Me?) Unless you got concrete proof....just imagine if it's not her, boy would that be embarrasing and them she would be like "what a loser".

 

I also have been receiving a few calls and odd times, sometimes even I'm the middle of the night, and I just know that it's my ex, because when we broke up at first she would call by private just in case I wouldn't had picked up, she admitted it to me when we stopped doing nc.

 

Anyways if she really cares, she'll build up the nerve to text our call regularly.

[GaelicSoul]

Please don't call your ex and say (Did You Call Me?) Unless you got concrete proof....just imagine if it's not her, boy would that be embarrasing and them she would be like "what a loser".

 

I also have been receiving a few calls and odd times, sometimes even I'm the middle of the night, and I just know that it's my ex, because when we broke up at first she would call by private just in case I wouldn't had picked up, she admitted it to me when we stopped doing nc.

 

Anyways if she really cares, she'll build up the nerve to text our call regularly.

 

 

Exactly! How are you getting on with your Ex now wiseone? Any progress?

Funny thing is, ill be leaving my country in a few weeks, so no more phone anyway.

[MidnightinMadrid]

Hey Better Deal,

 

No way, i wont and i cant contact her, and i certainly wont change my number. Im 85% sure its her, but i will look like an idiot if i call her and say " hey have you been ringing me?" after 6 months nc. I need something more substantial besides private calls.

 

If she really wants to talk to me, or tell me something she will. But im not going to waste energy on this. I heard nothing from her since Feb, nothing for my birthday, nothing for my bro's wedding. Nothing. And thats what she deserves from me. I spent enough time and energy this year thinking over things. She gambled and lost. If its not her trying to call then who cares. All these calls are coming between 9.00am - 6.30pm. I received another voicemail one today, however it was a guys voice saying "hello?" busy background again. I didnt recognize it, and no number was in my call log on my phone. Looking forward to getting out of this country.

 

 

I am 99% sure it is her. look at it this way,at least she is trying to reach you,good for you for not answering. Its like the tables are turned now. By not being available you are a challenge.

However tempting that is,DONT fall for it,listen to the poster who talked about his female boss,(or friend,whichever) throwing massive breadcrumbs at the poor guy she left.

My cell is turned off i wonder if I turn it on will I receive private number calls? It happened before.

[BrokenFool]

MidnightinMadrid - Why do they do this ?? in my ex's case she made it blindingly obvious it was her

i wake up at 10am and have 7 private number calls the first one at 07.56am , no job person or telemarketeer is going to ring at that time and every half hour subsequently

would i have responded in the past ? Yes without a doubt

did i respond this time ? NO because I learnt if i was to contact her and say hey did you ring me she would have said NO

over the following months I have had a few more calls the last 2 being 6 weeks ago

still didnt respond

and yesterday I got a text saying hey is this broken fool from a number i didnt recognise - still didnt respond

 

whatever it is regret, fear, testing the waters - we deserve better than to live with these breadcrumbs, from my experience regret only gets worse to the point where they just break and contact normally but you never know

 

in gaelic souls case its probably a case of through the grapevine she has heard he is leaving the country and MAYBE wanted to make peace before he goes

 

in your case depending on how long it has been since your break up i would say switch your phone back on

[betterdeal]

They sort of want to talk to you but they sort of don't too. Just like you do, I imagine.

 

I mean, there I was, sat on a bench, revelling in winning £15 on a lottery ticket just half an hour ago. I started wondering what I'd do if I won the Euromillions £162 million jackpot and I thought about who I'd help out. Family, of course, and close friends too, and a heap load to the Woodlands Trust to buy more woodland, and then I thought about my significant exes. I even wondered how to broach the subject of giving them a pile of cash. Then I thought, the sound of the wind is nice in the trees, and cycled home, enjoying the sunshine.

 

It's part of being human. Sometimes we think about that person, and sometimes we phone them but are too afraid to talk. Nowadays we send texts and emails to do the same thing: we want to contact the person, but not really. Not the real person, in real time. More the idea of the person, the good bits we had together, but we're afraid of the bits that hurt us, so we text, email, or prank call.

 

You all have the power to stop getting those phone calls - you just change your phone number - but you all choose not to do that. You keep getting breadcrumbs because you choose to get them. And you like getting them, but they upset you at the same time. A bit like licking a 9V battery. It's a curious thing to do, but we all do it.

 

Eventually, you'll realise you're just picking at the scabs on the emotional wounds and not letting yourself get over it. The longer you keep your phone number - and you are keeping it to get those breadcrumbs - the longer it will take to get over it. Perhaps because we have connection thrust upon us as some form of modern marvel by myriad organisations that make a living out of us nattering to one another, we feel convinced that if we're not sparking up an emotional entanglement with someone every 5 minutes of every day, we're somehow missing out. But really, we're not. Humans go for days, weeks without contact with anyone and survive.

 

In fact, your chances of some form of meaningful relationship with him or her (be they an ex friend, lover, boss or whoever) are greatly increased if you do lose contact with them completely. If you do change phone number and move on, get on with life, stop hanging onto that curious taste for breadcrumbs you have. Then, if in the future by happenchance you do connect again, you'll have put the fear and hurt behind you, recovered and not be carrying baggage from that past relationship into the next one, be that with him or her or someone different.

 

Take ownership of your own happiness.

[BrokenFool]

Betterdeal - thank you for your input, your right in a way but i would ask as dumpees who had no say in the breakup just had to go along with it because the other person wanted it , why should we change our mobile numbers

i will be totally honest if it is her ringing me and im 90% certain it is then it makes me feel a LITTLE bit happy inside that she hasnt got of scott free im still on her mind , but ive had my mobile number for 9 odd years, its a very easy catchy number why should i change my number to stop the breadcrumbs i hope the breadcrumbs turn into loafs of bread if im honest

everybodys situation is unique and different

my ex is very stubborn cant ever see her wrongs, i have always been the one to back down and fix things between us

its come to a point where im scared to contact her

she wont make the first move, i wont

so what do we do ???

[betterdeal]

Then you keep your number, but you accept you have made a choice to do so, that you are not a victim but an active, voluntary participant in this. The upside of that is you have made a choice, you are not a victim, you are in control of your happiness, and keeping that channel open is your choice.

 

You think this is the best use of your time and energy. Own it.

[WiseOne1]

We haven't talked in a year, I got tired of the disrespect, everytime I would call her she would start talking about how bad things have been since we broken up. All the jerks she had dated and how none if them were as good as me, to me it was like a big joke, with all if that being said, she still wanted to date other guys. I would call her just to talk, she would talk about other males.

 

I still have been receiving those private calls lately, and when I pick up someone would hang up quickly, thing about it is only about 5 people have that number, so I figure it must be her plus she admitted that she would do it all the time when she was unsure if I would talk to her.

 

She is also stubborn like many of the posters EX, so she won't ever admit that she made a mistake, or her pride will keep her from contacting me. I guess me and her will never talk again in life, because I REFUSE to contact her, I have my pride.

Edited July 25, 2011 by WiseOne1

[betterdeal]

Yeah, beats me why they feel inclined to tell you about whatever Tom, Dick & Harry they've been involved with lately then appear mystified as to why you don't fancy them much. I think it's to get a rise, to make you jealous or, in other words, hurt you. But then you realise, they like being chased, and you don't want to go back to square one and go through the whole tedious routine again, because nothing has changed, certainly where they are concerned.

 

And then you have your epiphany: you let go. You change. You block her number / change yours / do whatever it takes to get your space back, and you spend a few months processing all the bottled up emotions, and then you start to feel yourself again.

 

I spent a year taking part in the push me pull you routine. We didn't get back together, for whatever reason. I then broke the cycle and, lads, I tell you this: it feels so good. It's good to know I won't be an ex who screws up some other guy's chances of having a decent relationship with her. It's good to know I can date anyone with a clean conscience. It's good to be free and single, to be able to take up a job offer that may well take me to a new country - because I don't have that relationship complication to deal with.

 

I wish her the very best of luck, love, peace and happiness. I learnt a lot from her; she me likewise, and we had fun, some really touching moments. Now, five months after properly ending it by changing my phone number and blocking her on social media, that was then and this is now. It's in the past. Let it go. You will be happy when you're ready to.

[lalalandman]

This is exactly why I changed my phone number. Even deleted my email and my FB. She's lost. Too bad she doesn't have the guts to tell you she screwed up.