GaelicSoul Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 Hi, My Ex broke up with me 3 weeks ago. I got the old "i love you but im not in love..." line. We were going out for over 2 1/2 years and i honestly didnt see it coming. She is a girl who has baggage, but i was always loyal, trusting and been there for her. We were planning on travelling this summer together but now that seems like a memory. She is insecure, low self esteem and i think she suffers a little from depression from her past. I deleted her off facebook, and havent called or text her since. When she told me she wanted to breakup i said "i cant change the way you feel" and i asked her to leave. She swore to me another man isnt involved and looked me in the eye, i didnt have a gut feeling another guy was sniffing, and i still dont. The last thing she did was told me she was worried about me and to text her and left crying. This isnt the first time she has broken up with me. I havent heard from her, but i would like some closure on the issue if she wants to meet up in the future. I would just like to know exactly the reasons she wanted out. I havent heard from her since the breakup and im just trying to get on with my life. Anyway thats my story. Thanks
TheThinker Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 Hi GaelicSoul, new here myself as well but i can tell you everything you have done so far seems to be what everyone would suggest. You have held your head up high and been a big person over this by saying you cant change the way she feels. As hard as that is to admit for anyone, you done it to her face and by what you have said, it seems you have done it by being sensible and not throwing everything at her or being hurtful. In terms of wanting closure how would you intend to go back to her to get that ?? Arrange a meet, phone call, text, skype etc ?? I suppose you need to ask youself these questions however it would occur: (a) Is it going to bring back all your feelings and make you feel like you have had a setback in your healing process by meeting her - If yes then its not going to help, its only going to hurt. There is nothing to say that she will even tell you even if you did meet up. (b) Would/Do you want to have her back in your life as a partner again ?? If yes you need to ask yourself how likely is it that she would want you back. Is setting yourself up for any potential further heartbreak or rejection really worth it. The no contact rule exists to help both you and her heal. It has its side effects that it can make them realise what they are missing if thats what you want to happen but its not guaranteed to work Do you have any mutual friends that you could confide in. NOT and i repeat NOT to get them involved heavily but maybe they know or they could help you understand what she was feeling if they are close to you/her/ your situation. If it is the case and they are uncomfortable with what you are asking them, dont lean on them any further because its not fair on them (or you, or her) Anyway - Again welcome to the forums, i hope some of what i have said helped. I am struggling myself at the moment so for all i know it could just be a lot of nonsense. I hope whatever you do you get what you want
Author GaelicSoul Posted January 27, 2011 Author Posted January 27, 2011 Thanks Thinker, Im not sure what i think about her, i still love her. And i often think about her, however it has got easier the last few days. I was very close with her dad, as her mother died some years ago. Immediatley after the breakup i rang him to tell him that she broke up with me, and i thanked him for all his genorosity when ever i called over. He was sorry and shocked obviously, but told me he did think she sounded sad the few weeks leading up to the breakup. I dont know, she goes funny every christmas. I rang him as i didnt want her going home with some BS reason why she broke up with me. I didnt see much of her over christmas as she was working alot. part of me fields that she rushed the decision, however thats not my problem. Im back gyming, lost some weith and getting in touch with me mates again. I just feel so let down, when i was so good to her. She even told me i was a fantastic boyfriend when she was breaking up with me... Anyway, life goes on, who knows what will happen, but ive accepted it. What im wondering is, if she texts some time asking me am i ok, should i reply? or just leave it...Part of me would like to say "yeah doing fine, been busy" and leave it at that..
TheThinker Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 Thanks Thinker, Im not sure what i think about her, i still love her. And i often think about her, however it has got easier the last few days. I was very close with her dad, as her mother died some years ago. Immediatley after the breakup i rang him to tell him that she broke up with me, and i thanked him for all his genorosity when ever i called over. He was sorry and shocked obviously, but told me he did think she sounded sad the few weeks leading up to the breakup. I dont know, she goes funny every christmas. I rang him as i didnt want her going home with some BS reason why she broke up with me. I didnt see much of her over christmas as she was working alot. part of me fields that she rushed the decision, however thats not my problem. Im back gyming, lost some weith and getting in touch with me mates again. I just feel so let down, when i was so good to her. She even told me i was a fantastic boyfriend when she was breaking up with me... Anyway, life goes on, who knows what will happen, but ive accepted it. What im wondering is, if she texts some time asking me am i ok, should i reply? or just leave it...Part of me would like to say "yeah doing fine, been busy" and leave it at that.. Hi Again, Well what can i say - You said yourself its got easier, yes you still love her and the answer probably is "yes" them feelings will no doubt come flooding back if she did text you etc ... But dont let the what ifs control you. A big thing i have learnt from reading everything on here is that you can prepare for whatever situation and things that you think may happen but it doesnt mean that you will neccasarily deal with them like you have invisaged when it actually happens. Often your emotions will be the overiding thing and you need to try and keep everything in tact. In saying that from only 2 posts i can tell you are very level headed and are light years away from many people on here (including me) in terms of how you have dealt with it including speaking to her dad and letting him know. That in its own right for you is a kind of closure. Keep your chin up knowing that you have been a good person in all of this ... I think its natural to think that she has rushed it - I feel the same. I feel like i have so much more to give and i know the things that were wrong can be changed but unless she gives me that opportunity to come back in then i cant change that either. I have a daughter with my partner of almost 5 years, which has made things ever so more complicated as i cant do NC or i dont see her (which i would never want) + the ex resents me and it pushes us further apart. I will not be that person soley for the respect of my daughter. Try not to overanalyse what you will do IF that happens, deal with it if/when it does because you may just be giving yourself anxiety about how you would deal with it, when it may never happen. If it did happen it could say anything, it may not even be on good terms for all anyone knows. You
MissyLove Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 Hi, My Ex broke up with me 3 weeks ago. I got the old "i love you but im not in love..." line. We were going out for over 2 1/2 years and i honestly didnt see it coming. She is a girl who has baggage, but i was always loyal, trusting and been there for her. We were planning on travelling this summer together but now that seems like a memory. She is insecure, low self esteem and i think she suffers a little from depression from her past. I deleted her off facebook, and havent called or text her since. When she told me she wanted to breakup i said "i cant change the way you feel" and i asked her to leave. She swore to me another man isnt involved and looked me in the eye, i didnt have a gut feeling another guy was sniffing, and i still dont. The last thing she did was told me she was worried about me and to text her and left crying. This isnt the first time she has broken up with me. I havent heard from her, but i would like some closure on the issue if she wants to meet up in the future. I would just like to know exactly the reasons she wanted out. I havent heard from her since the breakup and im just trying to get on with my life. Anyway thats my story. Thanks Hey GS, I am very sorry that you are going through this. It's a very sad situation and sounds very similar to mine. I was with my ex for 3 years, so close to commitment and he ended it with 10 million reasons but one included was "I love you but I am not in love with you anymore", he told me as well that this was not about a girl or girls but with MY ex, I do believe it was all about being single and enjoying the single life ie. being with girls, having his freedom and living the single life before committing. Also like your ex, my ex has done this to me before. Good work on the 3 weeks NC, I am now on 2 months and as much as you don't believe it will get easier or better, it does. At the start I wanted to be with him so badly but now I am starting to finally think straight, I DON'T want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me 100%. YOu're doing well and you just need to let her be to sort whatever she feels out. If she realises she made a mistake, she'll come back and it will be your choice to take her back if you want. But if she doesn't, well there is someone else out there for you who will never want to let u go and thats what you truly want isn't it? All the best
Author GaelicSoul Posted February 5, 2011 Author Posted February 5, 2011 (edited) Hi, Well a quick update, its month since we broke up, i decided today to text her and say hi and see how she is, but also i wanted to arrange a meet up with her next week for a coffee for a catchup. So she called me back straight away and we had a nice quick chat about things. We didnt talk about the breakup. I told her id like a get together next week with her for a coffee and she agreed. She sounded liked she missed talking to me, and as we are both as stubborn as eachother we both didnt contact eachother for a month. So My plan is really to keep it simple next week, Dress well, have a nice light hearted chat, dont talk about the breakup at all, if she does, ill just say "look whats in the past is in the past, lets not talk about it today." Just relax around eachother, catch up, have a laugh and let her see that im doing good. I will not bring up "lets get back together" or anything like that, and when the time to finish up just say it was nice talking to you today and goodbye. If she wants to meet up in the future, im sure she will let me know. Im just wondering if she asks me "why did u delete me from facebook, and why didnt you call" All i can really say is that i needed time to heal and get my head straight. Im not expecting anything to happen, and if its not meant to be im cool. But sometimes you have to fight for something if believe in it hard enough. I would appreicate your honest advice and opinions. Thanks Hope everybody is doing well GS Edited February 5, 2011 by GaelicSoul
Author GaelicSoul Posted February 7, 2011 Author Posted February 7, 2011 Bump. Any Advice please? Thanks
Chi townD Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 When guys or girls get the " I love you, but I'm not in love with you" speech. There's usually someone else involved. She can swear to you up and down that there's no one else but it's the same speech as if a wife or husband says, " Our getting a divorce has nothing to do with OM/OW." Now, I'm not saying she's cheating or cheated. But, it wouldn't surprise me if she has her eye on someone else. If you are broken up then it gives her the freedom to see if this other guy is interested without feeling guilty even though she's already cheated in her heart. She could then justify it saying that OM and I hooked up after we broke up. Of course, this is all just speculation; however, if you want the truth, you're gonna have to dig a little.
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