Summer Breeze Posted July 20, 2011 Share Posted July 20, 2011 well, and this is my opinion applied to myself, it didn't take long to be happy after divorcing my wife. and I know I'd never be happy staying with someone and having triggers here and there. so for myself I know happiness will come after getting rid of a cheater, but never if I had kept one. I did love and care for my WS before I found out she was a WS. May I say BINGO! I couldn't have done it. I knew he wasn't a serial cheater and I knew he'd be a good H one day but not to me. As much as I loved him I loved myself more and it was done. My boundaries for infidelity were in place and he crossed it. I don't think I even seriously considered reconcilliation. Sometimes looking back now I wonder but not really. You can only do whats right for you at the time. Link to post Share on other sites
nyrias Posted July 20, 2011 Share Posted July 20, 2011 why get back with someone only to get the triggers that come with it and wonder what the hell you just got yourself BACK into? This website claims that MOST marriages stay intact after infidelity. http://www.zurinstitute.com/blogs/index.php?blogid=3 Quote "[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][sIZE=2]Research has shown that more than 75% of marriages that experience infidelity stay intact" (that is his numbers, not mine, but free feel to dispute it if you have better research). So I guess MOST people will look pass past betrayal. May be other qualities are more desirable than a perfect record of marriage loyalty. The fact that YOU did not stay together with a BS does not mean that most other won't. [/sIZE][/FONT] Link to post Share on other sites
rafallus Posted July 20, 2011 Share Posted July 20, 2011 (edited) http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/intact "Stay intact" or "stay together"? Because if the former, then why the hell this whole section even exists, if it's so easy to stay flawless? That also relies on uplifting adjectives (intact, thriving...) used to describe highly ambiguous and relative concepts. So does "thriving after cheating" is pretty ambiguous and relative - inherently non-scientific thing to say. So one can easily reject any "success stories" on the grounds of "no, that doesn't apply to my criteria of happiness/success/w/e". Of course, if one rejects this, doesn't mean everyone else will. It's just that neither side can be proven objectively right or wrong. Edited July 20, 2011 by rafallus Link to post Share on other sites
nyrias Posted July 20, 2011 Share Posted July 20, 2011 http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/intact "Stay intact" or "stay together"? Because if the former, then why the hell this whole section even exists, if it's so easy to stay flawless? That also relies on uplifting adjectives (intact, thriving...) used to describe highly ambiguous and relative concepts. So does "thriving after cheating" is pretty ambiguous and relative - inherently non-scientific thing to say. So one can easily reject any "success stories" on the grounds of "no, that doesn't apply to my criteria of happiness/success/w/e". Of course, if one rejects this, doesn't mean everyone else will. It's just that neither side can be proven objectively right or wrong. "intact" in this case, is probably defined as "no divorce". No, it proves that most couple will stay together after a betrayal. It of course does not say how happy they are. But at least it said they CHOOSE to stay together. In the principle of revealed preference (in the economics literature), it means that their choice is at least the best option for THEM (not for someone elses). The original post i am responding to is in the issue of why "why get back with someone only to get the triggers that come with it". It does not address happiness. While the statistics do not show WHY, it shows that it is happening in the majority of the cases, and there must be a strong reason for it, which i speculate. Link to post Share on other sites
OldOnTheInside Posted July 20, 2011 Share Posted July 20, 2011 MDD? I read that BP is woefully underdiagnosed and poorly treated. BPs can have long periods of stasis where they function beautifully. Then the scales tip up or down, and it is in the up phases that all the lunacy exists; affairs, gamibling, porn, substance abuse, compulsive spending. The down is depression, which is equally hard on spouses and families. The latest research shows anti-depressents are a poor treatment. Actually, the newest success seems to be with anti-seizure meds. Years ago, only Lithium was prescribed rendering BPs into wallpaper. I read on a site that supports BPs and their families that they can average 9 to 14 sexual partners in the course of a marriage during their hypomania episodes. Needless to say, many are divorced, often, before a diagnosis is made, if ever. MDD= Major depressive disorder. Quite different from BP. And yeah. That's why taking her back is such a huge risk for him. This isn't just a cheating spouse. He's setting himself up for a huge fall. You didn't get all that info from wikipedia did you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Spark1111 Posted July 20, 2011 Author Share Posted July 20, 2011 MDD= Major depressive disorder. Quite different from BP. And yeah. That's why taking her back is such a huge risk for him. This isn't just a cheating spouse. He's setting himself up for a huge fall. You didn't get all that info from wikipedia did you? Haha! No. Avid reader of psyche journals and research. Prevalent in my H's family of origin with a few cases speckled throughout mine. When I became a parent, cognizant that my children had a potentially double genetic whammy, I learned all I could about BP. So far, so good. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts