mavlast Posted July 17, 2011 Posted July 17, 2011 I met "Lacie" online over a year ago. She lives in another state, about 300 miles from me. We met each other on our university's prospective freshman Facebook page, and from there we hit it off. We chatted on Skype (webcam and text) and became very good friends. There was a semi-romantic undercurrent in the way that we talked to each other -- we passed each other a lot of hints -- but we never became official. About a month after we met she told me that she was going on a date with another guy. Although I realized that she had every right to do this, I was hurt because this date had apparently been planned for a while -- I felt that, by talking to me in an amorous way while really considering several people, she was leading me on. We got into an argument, and that was the end of our friendship. We had one other argument after that, on another issue, started by me. I realize now that I overreacted. Lacie was just exploring other people at the same time as she was exploring me, and I shouldn't have taken it personally as I did. However, the damage to our relationship is permanent: Lacie thinks that I'm a controlling jerk and no longer wants anything to do with me. I've contacted her several times and she seems uninterested in restoring things. However, I never actually come right out and admitted that I was wrong. I realize that I need to just forget about her and move on, but it's hard. She was an incredibly beautiful, intelligent girl with a sweet personality, and I feel a sense of loss at having blown an opportunity with her in such a stupid way. Worse, I'm single, and any time I have a romantic or sexual fantasy, I default to her. But I don't think that continuing to dwell on her will lead to much good, and I haven't succeeded in finding someone to replace her yet. What are your thoughts?
manders_01 Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 Tell her the truth, including actually saying you were in the wrong, and ask to be friends again. But only if you could handle only being her friend. Time has past and she may not have a romantic interest in you anymore, she may be with someone else, etc. If things work out, the renewed friendship could lead to more. Good luck!
Author mavlast Posted July 18, 2011 Author Posted July 18, 2011 I think that she has a boyfriend, although I haven't been to her Facebook/other pages in a while. It just makes me moody to look at them, so I've learned to resist the temptation. One thing of concern is that I don't want to come off as obnoxious, obsessed, unable to take a hint, unable to get a life/girlfriend, etc. After all, I have contacted her several times out of the blue. Would it truly be a good idea to try again if, as you said, I admit that I was wrong this time, and ask just to be friends with her? I haven't done either of those things in my past attempts to contact her. Also, I don't know if I can truthfully agree to just be content with being friends. I would love to have a good platonic relationship with her again, and for sure I would not try to interfere with any of her current romances. However, I wouldn't want to completely shut out a future romance from consideration: after all, the whole reason that I'm thinking about her is that I do have strong feelings for her. Or might it just be better to forget it?
manders_01 Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 If you decide to contact her, it should be your last contact. Let her know that if she decides she can't be friends with you right now that you wish her well with her future. And that is it. That will have to be the last time you contact her. Otherwise, yes, you might get her annoyed with you. If you don't feel like you can be friends, then I would recommend forgetting. However, I couldn't begin to tell you how as I have been in love with someone for over two years and I've tried to forget him several times but have had absolutely no luck in doing so. So good luck with that, and if you figure it out, let me know!
Author mavlast Posted July 18, 2011 Author Posted July 18, 2011 The last time I contacted her was two months ago, and it was purely by computer/text. I don't remember what I said, but it was something along the lines of "we used to be good friends ... I hope we can mend things, but if you've already burned the bridges ... I miss you." So not quite an admission that I was wrong or a direct form of asking to be friends again, more of beating around the bush. I think that if I do contact her this time, it would be better to call her, and then get directly to the point. However, it might just sound like the same old song and end up irritating her. On the other hand, nothing lost, right? Anyone else have some words of wisdom? (I'm not rejecting your advice, manders -- I just like to hear from more than one person!)
manders_01 Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 Anyone else have some words of wisdom? (I'm not rejecting your advice, manders -- I just like to hear from more than one person!) Totally understand, and I agree. It's all good.
Author mavlast Posted July 18, 2011 Author Posted July 18, 2011 I'm also terrible with this kind of thing on the phone. I don't want to be a stumbling idiot. And it will be about a month before I could meet her in person, and that only if she agrees.
Author mavlast Posted July 18, 2011 Author Posted July 18, 2011 Aaaaah, I'm falling into Page twwwwooooooooo ...
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