Ms. Joolie Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 I don't know if ES is (consciously) being a b*tch, I can't establish that from here, but she is creating unnecessary stress in the relationship. Exactly! "Well BF's gone right now and I'm bored so let me check out my male companionship options." That's pretty low, ES. I also don't know how conscious you are of your behavior. You know, I'm thinking the payoff of creating all this stress and drama week after week is that she gets a dramatic confirmation from her BF that Yes Indeed He Wants To Be In A Relationship With Her. I think she actually wants to hear this reaffirmation loudly again and again. She craves the statements of loyalty. Something gets her insecurities ticking, she reacts, a whole drama is created and her boyfriend then plays the hero, professing his commitment and love. She gets to hear what she wants to hear. He gets to play the romantic hero. They both love it! Awesome!
Art_Critic Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 Doesn't the BF know she posts on LS..I thought I remember her mentioning that he does but she said he would not come to a site like this.
Nexus One Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 (edited) Doesn't the BF know she posts on LS..I thought I remember her mentioning that he does but she said he would not come to a site like this. Perhaps they're both in on it and are laughing their @sses off at our comments. While they're making up the wildest sh*t and are trolling us for the fun of it, in reality they might be happy and carefree. I can totally picture them simultaneously reading LS threads on a screen in front of them while ES is taking it from behind doggy style. If that's indeed the case ES, then well played. Just kidding ES, just kidding! Edited July 18, 2011 by Nexus One
Hot Chick Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 Eh...it's not like they're engaged or even living together.
Sanman Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 Eh...it's not like they're engaged or even living together. It is an attitude like that that makes me hot for you! :laugh::laugh:
Nexus One Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 (Haha yeah, I can imagiWHAT What I was trying to say was that in the doggy style position both of them can watch the same screen.
Hot Chick Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 Since she has doubts about her boyfriend in Europe, it doesn't sound like the romance of the century. She doesn't feel enough security and love from the guy to even be sure if he would cheat on her or not. If the love was strong on both ends (which I don't think it is on either of their sides), then she wouldn't be posting. I think both of them know deep in their mind that the whole package of sparks, love, and emotional connection aren't there, and she shouldn't turn her back on someone where it COULD be there. Why should she cheat herself out of that?
chuckles11 Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 The funny thing to me ES, is that I think you have a legitimate beef with your BF. I certainly wouldn't be happy if my GF went to Europe for a month and went almost a week with without calling me. However, rather than talk to him about your concerns to get him to alter his behavior, you act out in a manipulative manner to get him to change by making him think you are going to cheat on him.
Cracker Jack Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 (edited) Because she's still in the relationship. She's not ready to end it. Now if she ended the relationship, pursuing the man wouldn't be a big deal. Kinda wrong to be doing that while supposedly being committed to someone. She wouldn't like it if he did the same to her, so it's only right for her to adhere to those same standards. She said she changed her mind about it, anyway. Not that it really matters, tho, since this relationship is going nowhere. Edited July 18, 2011 by Cracker Jack
Ms. Joolie Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 Since she has doubts about her boyfriend in Europe, it doesn't sound like the romance of the century. She doesn't feel enough security and love from the guy to even be sure if he would cheat on her or not. If the love was strong on both ends (which I don't think it is on either of their sides), then she wouldn't be posting. I think both of them know deep in their mind that the whole package of sparks, love, and emotional connection aren't there, and she shouldn't turn her back on someone where it COULD be there. Why should she cheat herself out of that? This is an excellent point raised because a woman's insecurity can be quite valid based on the reasoning stated above. HOWEVER... The part in ES's female brain that is suppose to reassure her that she is in a safe and secure relationship is not only damaged but seems to be missing. Anyone on this board who follows her threads (and I guess I have pretty much, this alias and this boyfriend only) knows her boyfriend plays the hero and ES has repetitive and intense feelings/thoughts of insecurity. Her boyfriend has done everything right in terms of reassuring her of their relationship. They have been dating for 5 months now, I believe. This isn't about an insecurity in regard to their relationship at this time of their dating. This is about her personal feelings of insecurity. Seems especially to be about her insecurity over her man and other women.
LexiB Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 (edited) Since she has doubts about her boyfriend in Europe, it doesn't sound like the romance of the century. She doesn't feel enough security and love from the guy to even be sure if he would cheat on her or not. If the love was strong on both ends (which I don't think it is on either of their sides), then she wouldn't be posting. I think both of them know deep in their mind that the whole package of sparks, love, and emotional connection aren't there, and she shouldn't turn her back on someone where it COULD be there. Why should she cheat herself out of that? Because she's the type of person who would brutalize her bf for even conceiving of such a thing. That, and you know, the fact that she still in a relationship...? It'd be a heapin load of hypocrisy and infidelity rolled into one. Disgusting. Glad she decided not to go through with it...for now. Edited July 18, 2011 by LexiB
zengirl Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 The funny thing to me ES, is that I think you have a legitimate beef with your BF. I certainly wouldn't be happy if my GF went to Europe for a month and went almost a week with without calling me. However, rather than talk to him about your concerns to get him to alter his behavior, you act out in a manipulative manner to get him to change by making him think you are going to cheat on him. Eh, it may be a legitimate beef, maybe not. It is difficult to call while traveling. A check in via email or FB would be expected every few days, but I certainly wouldn't expect a guy to Skype me all the time with time differences and the like. And honestly, a month isn't that long in a LTR, and he had the trip planned pretty much before they got together. However, any long gaps in communication should be addressed beforehand -- i.e. write an email and say, "We're traveling to such-and-such, not sure when I can write again" (depending on what he's traveling with/how often he can get access/etc) or so on. But if I were seeing Europe, I certainly wouldn't Skype someone back home every day! And I wouldn't expect a BF to waste precious Europe time that way either. Because she's still in the relationship. She's not ready to end it. Now if she ended the relationship, pursuing the man wouldn't be a big deal. Kinda wrong to be doing that while supposedly being committed to someone. She wouldn't like it if he did the same to her, so it's only right for her to adhere to those same standards. She said she changed her mind about it, anyway. Not that it really matters, tho, since this relationship is going nowhere. That's the thing. And ES has a history of not officially ending relationships. Her style is to just never call the guy again and go out with somebody else. She's done this before and threatened it with this guy as well, during rough patches.
anne1707 Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 I certainly wouldn't be happy if my GF went to Europe for a month and went almost a week with without calling me. The trip was planned before they met. And I might have missed it but where does it state that he went almost a week without calling her? Apart from that, what about ES calling him? Why should it all be down to him to initiate contact?
torn_curtain Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 Hmm. I just read a few of your past threads on this relationship, and it is hard for to make heads or tails of where your insecurities end and his actual indiscretions begin. I will tell you one thing. I would not feel secure in the relationship after your discovery about him hedging his bets at the two month mark and telling his buddies he wasn't that into you. It's not so much the lukewarmness of his feelings but that there was a huge disconnect between what he told you when he cried and begged and what he was actually thinking. It shows a lack of integrity and a tendency to manipulate in times of desperation. That deceptiveness would corrode my trust and also diminish my respect for him. I have no idea how he's acted since or whether he's been neglecting you while he's been in Europe. If he really didn't communicate with you for a full week while he was there, that's another red flag. Somebody said that above but I couldn't find where you had actually written that he was out of communication for a week, so maybe it was less time. Anyway you have two options basically. The healthiest option in my opinion is to end the relationship because you don't trust him and because your feelings for him seem really weak. Another option is to charge ahead but clean the slate and somehow force yourself to trust him. This in between thing isn't working. You can't see these other guys. That's just not an option. You should live with integrity even when you feel that others may be screwing you other.
chuckles11 Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 The trip was planned before they met. And I might have missed it but where does it state that he went almost a week without calling her? Apart from that, what about ES calling him? Why should it all be down to him to initiate contact? She made a thread on July 12th saying he left for Europe, and wrote this in her OP on the 17th: It doesn't help that the boyfriend hasn't been too communicative since he left. Few texts here and there but yeah, we are still in a relationship. I interpreted that as him not calling her in 5 days. Maybe that's a misinterpretation. As for your other point, I just feel that the person who is traveling is the one who should initiate phone calls. The traveler knows his schedule and also generally knows the schedule of the other person who is back at home.
anne1707 Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 I interpreted that as him not calling her in 5 days. Maybe that's a misinterpretation. As for your other point, I just feel that the person who is traveling is the one who should initiate phone calls. The traveler knows his schedule and also generally knows the schedule of the other person who is back at home. I agree it is open to interpretation which is typical of the OP. In past threads, she has complained when her bf has not responded to her texts within an hour or two or maybe has not called her when she would expect yet she did not initiate contact herself. ES expects a lot but tends not to reciprocate. Anyway seeing as the OP has now started another thread about this relationship, I really do not expect her to return to this thread. Something about head and sand comes to mind.
Mme. Chaucer Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 I think that the best thing that could happen to help you, ES, get real would be for your boyfriend (if he still is your boyfriend as I type this) to read ALL your posts about him and your relationship, including early courtship and the guy who rejected your offer of NSA sex during it, AND all of your posts prior to that under all your different personae. Maybe you'd learn a thing or two about being on the receiving end of what you dish out. Imagine.
DuskCrush Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 Sorry but you guys are totally overreacting. ES isnt married or engaged and she hasnt even been dating this guy for very long. Also she hasnt done anything even close to cheating....Wow...all the men in this thread are getting really triggered by your post and all their woman issues are coming up. Seems to me like your boyfriend was really neglectful and now he is scared of losing you so now he wants to watchman you via skype. Meet up with your friend and also have chocolate with the guy. Tell your boyfriend your meeting people and living your life...you dont need to go into details. Just let him know you are being faithful. See once a guy knows your investing in him totally and only...he will sense it in your vibe an take you for grante but if he sees that you can survive and even be happy without him...he also work hard to make the relationship happy. All the best.
surfrider4284 Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 If he did it to me, I would feel pretty damn hurt. But for all I know - he is doing the same or worse in Europe? I just feel like our relationship will fail anyway and here I am missing a chance.... I thought of asking my boyfriend for permission but that's probably going to piss him off and make him more likely to cheat himself. Another guy that I met on OKC last year (we had 2 dates, I didn't feel attracted, we stayed friends) is back in town for a week and wants to catch up for dinner and see a live band. I am bored so I said yes (my bf has never met him due to distance but he knows that we stayed in touch as friends). So I e-mailed my bf to inform him of this - as I really have zero interest in that guy beyond thinking that he is a cool person. Haven't heard from bf since Perhaps it's just a coincidence... you're an idiot. end of thread.
rafallus Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 Meet up with your friend and also have chocolate with the guy. Tell your boyfriend your meeting people and living your life...you dont need to go into details. Just let him know you are being faithfulExcerpt from OP: But, strangely enough - I was browsing in a bookstore recently and a VERY good looking guy approached me. He is tall, dark and exactly my type. We talked about a book I was looking for (he has already read it). Do you even believe your own words? I wouldn't. he will sense it in your vibe an take you for grante but if he sees that you can survive and even be happy without him...he also work hard to make the relationship happy.A girl tried that on me once. I just assumed she was unavailable and moved on. Using other people to show off, how desired you are, is essentially playing on other's insecurities' (and a show of your own). In a nutshell: Surviving without me =/= dating around.
DuskCrush Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 Raffalus - it's not a trick I was suggesting...it was a state of mind. A trick would be to pretend you have a life just to make your boyfriend jealous and insecure...What I want ES to do is Actually Have a life and don't make her boyfriend the center of her world. As for the first part...just cuz she is attracted to him doesn mean she is going to sleep with him. Explore your emotions ES...have hot chocolate with the guy ...enjoy aome male attention ask yourself if you really want to be in a relationship with your boyfriend. It's best for both of you if you find out these things now.
surfrider4284 Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 Raffalus - it's not a trick I was suggesting...it was a state of mind. A trick would be to pretend you have a life just to make your boyfriend jealous and insecure...What I want ES to do is Actually Have a life and don't make her boyfriend the center of her world. As for the first part...just cuz she is attracted to him doesn mean she is going to sleep with him. Explore your emotions ES...have hot chocolate with the guy ...enjoy aome male attention ask yourself if you really want to be in a relationship with your boyfriend. It's best for both of you if you find out these things now. In the little I've gleaned from backreading this thread...ES sounds like a closet-whore...I'm pretty sure it means she is going to sleep with him. Maybe not right away, but at some point in the not too distant future.
zengirl Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 just cuz she is attracted to him doesn mean she is going to sleep with him. Sorry but you guys are totally overreacting. ES isnt married or engaged and she hasnt even been dating this guy for very long. Also she hasnt done anything even close to cheating....Wow...all the men in this thread are getting really triggered by your post and all their woman issues are coming up. Cheating doesn't just mean sleeping with someone. If you're pursuing any kind of romantic or sexual interest in another person, then it's cheating IMO. If ES just met a cool guy she wanted to be friends with, I'd say "Go have hot chocolate!" but her mindset is all about how cute he was and how her boyfriend is neglecting her and maybe he's doing the same thing and so on. It's the mindset that makes it problematic. Besides ES would be pissed if her BF were hanging out with some girl he found attractive, particularly if it was because he was doubting their relationship.
rafallus Posted July 20, 2011 Posted July 20, 2011 @DuskCrush You should totally read up on her previous threads, and how she reacted to him "running into ex" or "volleyball team". This really puts things into perspective (or gives you entertainment, if you think she's a troll). just cuz she is attracted to him doesn mean she is going to sleep with him. In the same way, just because there is a bull charging at me, and I'm wearing red, doesn't mean that it will hurt me. Maybe not, but what would I be doing there in the first place? As for "not making bf a center of the world" - valid premise, awful conclusion. This thing can be achieved in a million of ways, and dating other guys after agreement to be exclusive isn't exactly one of them. Comparable way would be to yell at him: "**** you, you're not the center of my world!". Basically, either you're all in, or you're all out. No half-assedness.
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